Ediotr's note: We may have to change the name of the newsletter
to "Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi, Lazy Whore" if that fat bastard
doesn't get back to work soon.
Heard on the Street
A reporter asked Bob Dole if he wore boxers or briefs.
Bob's answer? "Depends."
In a move that REALLY pisses me off, the NRA is holding
their annual slurfest in Dallas this year, ON APRIL 19TH!!!!
If you're not sure why that date angers me, it's the
anniversary of Koresh and the Oklahoma City Bombing.
Does anyone think it's a coincidence that the
convention is being held that day?
Y'know, even the IRA calls the building they're about
to bomb, to minimize casualties. If only the NRA and the
McVeigh wing of the GOP felt the same.
Maybe the NRA elders aren't full-blown Nazi's,
but they're thisclose.
They say OJ would be in jail right now if Chris Darden
spent more time trying to nail him instead of Marcia.
In February, the Mayor of Kobe, Japan bought some kerosene
on the way home from his office. He doused himself with it
and set himself aflame. He left a note saying he needed to
do this, as a matter of honor, due to the shame he brought
on himself for not responding sufficiently to the relief
efforts in the devastating quake last year.
Wouldn't it be nice if Rush had a sense of honor?
According to USA Today, when Dole was a kid in the depression,
his family was very poor.
How poor were they?
So poor he used to shave the family dog and sell the fir.
As The Rotund Fuhrer would say, "I'm NOT making this up."
His word is no good.
The GOP says Clinton's word is no good.
They say he flip-flops too much.
They say you can't depend on him to follow through.
Whenever the GOP levels a charge against Clinton this year,
do me a favor and ask one question: Compared to whom?
Clinton's word is no good?
The guy you can't depend on to follow through?
Let's compare Clinton to ....Nixon.
Richard Nixon promised in 1968 to end the Vietnam War.
The war ended in 1973. Do you know how many tens of thousands
of American boys died waiting for Nixon to keep his word?
Oh, yeah. One other little thing.
Nixon also promised to be the "law and order" president.
Let's compare Clinton to Ford.
Gerald Ford was asked at his confirmation hearing if he
would pardon Richard Nixon for his felonies.
Ford said "America wouldn't stand for that."
I saw it, you saw it. We all know it's true.
Let's compare Clinton to Reagan.
Ronald Reagan promised "smaller government."
The Reagan Administration spent more money than every
President from Washington thru Carter, COMBINED!
Oh, yeah. One other little thing.
Reagan promised there were no weapons on those two planes he
sent to Hezbollah, the guys that murdered 240 Marines in one day.
(Think of the shit Clinton would get if HIS bungling
caused the deaths of 240 Marines in one day.)
Remember that day? Remember when Reagan got on TV and
warned Hesbollah "You can run, but you can't hide."
Well, there was no reason for Hezbollah to hide.
Ollie North had their home address.
So far, Clinton looks like Gibralter next to the "law and order"
Nixon administration, Ford's Pardon, and Ronald Reagan's
"smaller government/no weapons to terrorists" years.
In more recent years, we heard Bush's "Read My Lips,"
the biggest non-Watergate blunder in presidential history.
Can we trust George Bush's word?
Oh, yeah. One other little thing.
Bush promised to "uphold and defend" the constitution.
At that fateful Iran-Contra cabinet meeting, when Caspar
and Schultz stood up, banged their fists on the table and
said "Dammit, Mr. President, THIS IS ILLEGAL!!"
Why did Bush remain silent?
Why did Bush testify he wasn't "in the loop?"
Why did Bush have to pardon Reagan's cabinet?
To prevent their testimony against him?
And I won't even mention his secret Paris meeting with Hezbollah
that kept the American hostages in Tehran an extra 3 months.
That son of a bitch.
I love it when the GOP says Clinton is corrupt.
This, from the party of Nixon, Ford, Reagan and Bush.
Eisenhower was the last GOP President to leave without
giving or getting a pardon, .....and Clinton is corrupt?
Looking at today's statesmen we have what, Dole and Perot?
Perot says he's in the race, then he's out of the race,
now he's back in, and he only got out because the GOP was
ready to release faked lesbian pictures of his daughter?
This is a man who's finger we want on the button?
And old Bob Dole.
What can we say about old Bob Dole?
Pat Buchanan says this, and we all know it's true.
Nobody knows what old Bob Dole stands for.
I have a Meet The Press videotape from Feb 1995, where
Dole answered "that depends" or "we're looking at that"
or "we're about to release those findings" or "we're
looking into that right now" and my personal favorite
from that show "some say it's a plus, some say it's a minus."
THIS is the guy they'll put against the best campaigner
of America's 20th Century?
So we look back at
"I'll have a law and order presidency."
"I won't pardon Nixon because the nation wouldn't stand for it."
"I promise less spending."
"Read My Lips."
....and Clinton is a guy we can't trust?
The following joke is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
Seriously, it's bad. It's very bad.
Please, don't read this unless you have absolutely no taste.
The only reason I'm printing it is because it's true.
Rush and Clarence Thomas have been homosexual partners since 1990.
Recently, They were in bed together, cuddled up like spoons.
Rush: Clarence, would you scratch my butt?
Clarence: Sure, old buddy. Here?
Rush: No, more towards the middle.
Rush: No, down a little further.
Rush: No, a little bit farther down.
Rush: No, it's deeper, kinda inside.
So Clarence gets to rooting around in his lovers love box
when he touches something.
Clarence: What the hell?....????
Clarence pulls out a Rolex watch.
Clarence: Jesus Christ, Rush. There's a Rolex in your ass!!
Rush: I know. Happy Birthday, buddy.
Jesus said "Love thy neighbor"
Elvis said "Don't be Cruel
Jesus is the Lord's shepherd
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd
Jesus was a part of a trinity
Elvis's first band was a trio
Jesus walked on water (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
Jesus' entourage, the apostles, had 12 members
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members
Jesus was resurrected
Elvis had a famous 1968 "comeback"
Jesus said "If any man thirst let him come unto me and drink."
Elvis said "Drinks are on me."
Jesus was a capricorn (Dec 25)
Elvis was a capricorn (Jan 8)
Matthew was a Jesus biographer (The Gospel according to Matthew)
Neil Matthews was an Elvis biographers (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)
Jesus's countenance was like lightening, his raiment white as snow
Elvis wore a snow white jumpsuit with lightening bolts
(Las Vegas, 1968)
Jesus lived in a state of grace in a near eastern land
Elvis lived in graceland in a nearly eastern state (Tennessee)
Jesus was recorded as first and foremost the son of God
Elvis first recorded with Sun records
Jesus was the lamb of God
Elvis wore mutton chop sideburns
Jesus's father is everywhere
Elvis's father was a drifter and moved around quite a bit
Jesus was a carpenter
Elvis's favorite high school class was wood shop
Jesus wore a crown of thorns
Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler
Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters
Elvis Presley has 12 letters
No one knows what the "H" stands for
No one is really sure if Elvis's middle name was Aron of Aaron
Jesus said "No man will live by bread alone"
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanutbutter and bananas
RONALD REAGAN ELEMENTARY
THE RONALD REAGAN ELEMENTARY Fundamental Christian Alliance
is proud to announce they have reached a compromise with
the evil ACLU regarding their threatened lawsuit over
mandatory state-controlled prayers in school.
The compromise calls for the printing of a schedule of prayers
at least 2 weeks in advance. In compliance with the agreement,
here is the schedule for the next two weeks.
Mon- Billy Adams, the snake-handler, will bring in
"Sparky" and "Lulu" for the children to fondle.
Tues- Sheldon Bromstein will explain that Jesus is not God.
Wed- The Buchanan boy will explain how the Jews killed Christ.
Thurs- Shaba Al-Moulouf will condemn the Great Satan, America,
and list the American crimes against the real God, Khomenie.
(Girls must cover themselves)
Fri- Louis Chevalier will put the kids in a voodoo trance.
(Parents should pick kids up that day)
Mon- Juan Espino will slit the throat of a goat.
Tues- John Paul, the Catholic, brings a quart of "Christ's Blood."
(Parents must send permission for blood drinking)
Wed- The Morman girl is bringing her three mothers in.
Thurs- The BartCop kid will lobby for science and logic.
Fri- Now that we're past the "gutter" religions, the God backed
by the Ronald Reagan Fundamentalist Christian Alliance,
the true God, can finally be worshipped.
note: Monday's lunch will be "Goat Pie," not Roast Beef.
Remember Rush's $1,000,000 bet?
When Clinton took office, Rush offered a phony bet.
"I will bet one million dollars that by January 1, 1995
at least three of these five economic/approval factors
will be WORSE, compared to February of 1993, if Clinton
gets his first five proposals through Congress."
Here's the criteria:
1. Unemployment percentage
2. 30-year bond rate
3. Deficit reduction
4. REAL economic growth
5. Clinton approval above 45%
The Lying, Nazi Whore lost on all five.
PS. Remember when Dick Armey said "If Clinton gets his budget,
America won't produce a single new job during his term?"
Can you say EIGHT MILLION new jobs?
Gotta Love Him.....
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy. But that could change."
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.
It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that
is an island that is right here."
--Dan Quayle in Hawaii - 1989
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind.
How true that is."
--Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund
I miss Dan Quayle.
I miss him a lote.
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