"What I Believe" by the GOP
Issue #9

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Rush's next book should be out any day now:
The title? "It Takes A Reich"


VENGEANCE IS HIS

Some of the more wacko Christian Coalition types say
"AIDS is God's revenge on homosexuals."
The CDC says the riskiest group right now is heterosexuals.
They have the highest infection rate, followed by gay men.
You know who's last?
Lesbians.

If this is God's revenge,
why is His aim so bad?


The day Ron Brown's death was confirmed, Rush said
"When Clinton talked to the Commerce Department employees
about the death of Ron Brown, he was faking the emotion."

Just when you think a lying, nazi whore can't get any worse...


According to Rush, mayors around America are complaining
that the new Federal Communications bill prevents them from
banning satellite dishes. Rush says mayors should NOT be
allowed to ban them.

Some mayors are attempting to overturn that part of the bill.
Rush said the mayors' action was "typical liberalism."

Excuse me?

Rush wants "Big Government" to overrule local governments?

Is this why people call Rush a hippo-crit?


President Dole, President Dole!

North Korea just invaded South Korea with 360,000 troops.
What are you orders, Mr. President?

Dole - "Appoint a bipartisan committee to study it."


Last Saturday, Bob Dole said "The water supply is
very important to the people of Florida."

Maybe Dole is sharper than I thought.


If we could shrink the population of the earth to a village
of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios
remaining the same, it would look like this:

There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 Western
Hemisphere people (North & South Americans), and 8 Africans.
70 persons would be of color, 30 would be white.
70 would be non-Christian, 30 would be Christian.
There would be at least 7 homosexuals.

Fifty percent of the entire world's wealth would be in
the hands of 6 people, all citizens of the United States.
Seventy would be unable to read. Fifty would suffer from
malnutrition, 80 would live in substandard housing,
and only one would have a university education.

When one considers our world from such an incredibly
compressed perspective, the need for both tolerance and
understanding becomes glaringly apparent."

(Editor's note - This is NOT from either of Rush's books.)


For those who intend to vote for the Party of Nixon and Reagan,
here is a list of the beliefs you should have:

1. Abortions should be performed illegally on tables
in third rate hotels by people that couldn't hack med school.

2. There should be no laws restricting gun ownership.
Any alcoholic should have access to an AK 47.

3. Funding of inner city schools, should be minimal.
Since white folks are in the suburbs, we can save money
on schools for the blacks, Hispanics and the urban poor.

4. There should be an amendment to the Constitution mandating
prayer in schools. This should be a Christian prayer, since
the other religions are gutter religions.

5. Poor women who have children should be sterilized.

6. Prison terms for pornography presented in the movies, TV,
or the Net or any place Donald Wildmon decides.

7. Suits brought by individuals against corporations
should be discouraged by limiting judgements imposed.

8. The minimum wage should be abolished. This will create jobs.

9. The GOP is the champion of minorities.

10. Those that don't respect our flag should be jailed.


From The New York Times' Anthony Lewis, April 5, 1996:

When Secretary of Commerce Ronald H. Brown died in the
plane crash near Dubrovnik, he was on what even the meanest
political critic would have to call a mission of public service.

He was trying to involve American businessmen in the rebuilding
of Bosnia after its suffering under genocidal assault.

--Dateline Tulsa, OK April 7, 1996

GOP Senator James Inhofe, (Oklahoma's own to Bob Dornan) said:
"The entire Ron Brown trip was a bad idea. There was no reason
for him to be over there."


EVEN HIS FRIENDS DON'T LIKE HIM
by: Molly Ivins

IT'S HARD to write about Phil Gramm without sounding mean;
The reporters' favorite line is, "Even his friends don't like him."
The most touching story I ever heard about Gramm was from a senator
who told Gramm: "You'll never be president, because you have no
heart."

For some reason, Gramm, who has more than amply demonstrated
his indifference to what his colleagues think of him, took
this guy seriously. For years afterward, whenever he'd done
anything that remotely smacked of compassion, he'd say:
"Whatta ya think, whatta ya think --- am I showing heart yet?"
Well, it is sort of touching.

There are 73 Republican freshmen and one speaker in the House
who consider compromise treachery. And Phil Gramm considered
compromise treachery before compromise-as-treachery was cool.

Phil Gramm does not work or play well with others. Never has.
And I don't think that works well for Texas. "Get along, go along"
is not an inspirational philosophy, and only God knows how much
moral cowardice it has covered up over the years. Serve your time,
collect your chits, and cash 'em in for your home state?
No, I'd say we could ask for more than that from our senators.
But I've never seen Phil Gramm collect or cash a chit for anyone
except Phil Gramm. And that is one in the ribs to a man who's down.
God forgive me.


Rush's Dead Granddaddy

Today, Rush did a 3 hour tribute to his grandfather who died.
It was in stark contrast to the "tributes" he does for democrats.

When Tip O'Neil died, Rush did a 3 hour slurfest on him.
He called Tip O'Neil every name in the book, on the day he died.

Remember when Jackie Kennedy died, Rush did another 3 hour
slurfest, including the remark "I wonder if her grave is any
colder than the bed she shared with JFK?"


Clinton's poll numbers are over 50%.
Dole is about 39%

There are over 250 million Americans with access to AM radio.
Rush has almost 4 million listeners per day.
So Rush's numbers come in at less than 2%.

Bob Dornan is envious of Rush's poll numbers.


Speaking of polls, Clinton leads Dole by MORE THAN 20 points
in California, New York and Pennsylvania.

Looks like Rush's job as America's spineless weenie
is secure for another 4 years.


Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 again and again.

If you are co-dependent, get someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8.

If you are a sadist, hang up and call again.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are.
We traced this call.
We're on our way.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter.
No one will answer.

If you are Republican, press "N" then "O"

If you voted for Perot, unzip your pants.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline


OJ Simpson told Greta Susteren of CNN that he recently
got a nice letter from former President Reagan.
"The President was very nice," the disgraced football
star said. "He told me when things settled down and
I felt like getting out again, that he and Nancy
would like to have a quiet dinner with me and Nicole."


Before we go, a few words of wisdom from Dan Quayle:

"The holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's
history...this century's history...We all lived
in this century. I didn't live in this century."
--The New Yorker, Oct 10 1988,

"Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit
about farm policy. I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.
Deficiency payments, which are the key -- that is what gets
the money into the farmers hands. We got loan, uh, rates,
we got target, uh, prices, I have worked very closely with
my senior colleague (Indiana Sen) Richard Lugar making sure
that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of."

--Quayle on being asked to define the term "target prices".
Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
conference after 2 minutes, 30 seconds.


Remember, friends don't let friends vote Republican.


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