A guy buys a new "voice activated" radio for his BMW.
It works great.
He said "Classical" and it suddenly played Mozart.
He said "Country" and it changed to Garth Brooks.
He said ""Grunge" and hear some STP.
Then, a truck cut him off in traffic and he yelled
"Asshole!" and the radio turned to Rush Limbaugh.
Rush says the going wage in Honduras for children
working on Kathy Lee Gifford's clothing line get
paid 31 cents per hour.
When old Bob Dole heard about this, he immediately
called for the wage to be lowered to 27 cents,
"to create jobs."
That whole "less is more" economic theory is
shakier than Reagan's head in a helicopter.
The NRA says "Bill Clinton is the most
anti-gun President in US history."
That may be true unless you count
the presidents that were shot.
Does anyone know any details about
how old Bob Dole got his war wound?
Was he the only survivor in his unit?
Were they all wiped out but old Bob Dole?
Did he hold off The Germans "single-handedly"
and save his entire platoon?
Or did he just screw up?
Maybe his commander told him to keep his
head down, and old Bob Dole pulled a Quayle
and got himself shot for being an idiot?
I'm just asking.
Anyone know the facts?
I thought of something.....
The GOP will, collectively, spend over
$100,000,000 this year trying to get their
people to Washington so they can bitch
about what an evil place it is.
????
Friday, Kansas became the 11th state to sue
the tobacco killers for hundreds of millions.
THIS IS WHY THE GOP WANTS TORT REFORM.
The only way the cancer industry can stay alive
is if the GOP gives them a "pass" on liability
for the 400,000 deaths they cause each year.
So the Republicans invent this "smokescreen"
that "trial lawyers own the White House."
It's like the Ford recall deal.
If YOUR wife and kids die in a Ford fire, the GOP
says "take your $3500 and shut the hell up."
My wife's worth more than $3500.
How about yours?
Bottom line, if you have tobacco stock, sell.
Clinton will be re-elected, the states will win
tremendous awards and big tobacco will hack their
way through a looooong, slooooow lingering death.
Great Quotes:
"Oh, Yuck!" -Wendy Lee's first impression
meeting Phil Gramm, her future husband.
I can't wait for the GOP convention.
San Diego is going to have everything!
Drama, tension, conflict, passion....
The Democratic convention will be a bore.
Tim McVeigh hasn't hijacked it.
Al D'Amato. Al D'Amato?
Did the entire state of New York get drunk
and elect this crooked asshole as a goof?
He's a waste of an apostrophe, for Christ's sake.
Allowing D'Amato to chair an ethics committee
is like asking Bernard Goetz to host Soul Train.
Strom Thurman? Jesus, Strom Thurman's birthday
cake has more candles than a Sting video.
He so damn old, he used to babysit Bob Dole!
Newt Gingrich? He's so cold, when he opens
his mouth a goddamn light goes on.
Ba-Boom.
Gingrich is farther to the right
than the part in Sam Donaldson's hair!!
The Washington Post reports in Saturday's edition
that several top GOP leaders are sending their
kids to "Kamp Koresh" for the summer.
We'll stay on this story....
Looks like Clinton is the Kevlar president.
All the vicious attacks,
but nothing can get through to him.
The Editor of RL-LNW writes with an uncommon sense of
common sense. His humor softens his razor wit,
resulting in an entertaining read. I find his use of
logic refreshing. Too often, arguments are based on
one's personal version of "What God Wants". This
country was founded by pilgrims who came here to
escape a "national religion."
I applaud this newsletter, even though I don't
always agree with it. I find his accuracy rate IS
remarkable and the humor alone is worth the read.
In fact, it's probably the best political
commentary currently in print.
With the proper exposure, this could go BIG.
Just think, you could be the next Rush Limba!
Regards,
Jesse
Editor's reply:
That's an awful thing to say.
Have you ever heard Rush claim he's been "documented"
correct 98.2% of the time? Seriously, there are people
that don't know he's kidding.
Give me a break. I know he just trying to gig people
like you when he says that. Can you really support your
claim and find a single person who is fooled by this?
If you're knowledgeable about such dupes being out there,
find one for me! Guess what! You can't.
Editor's reply:
When Rush gets caught lying, he says
"I was kidding. That's what's wrong with liberals,
they have no sense of humor."
You're saying Rush is an entertainer.
You're saying Rush shouldn't be taken at face value.
You're saying Rush is kidding.
You sound mentally stable.
I wish more Republicans were like you.
Thanks. Great stuff,
Keep ripping PUMPKINHEAD an new A-hole
A buddy of mine forward this to me. I love it!
Two questions: how do I get on your mailing list,
and what are your feelings on redistribution?
Any problem if I print this out and put it in public places?
Editor's reply:
Public places?
I chuckle at Bob Dole's assertion that
Bill Clinton might appoint a bad judge.
I don't hear him whining about Clarence the porn king.
Before Clarence entered politics, his ABA rating was
"less than qualified." Butch needed a black. He needed
a black that thought like Pat Buchanan. Those are HARD
to find, so Butch started digging. After 10 days, his
staff told him "We can't find a black that thinks like
Pat Buchanan." Butch told them to dig DEEPER.
Weeks went by, they couldn't find a black that thought
like Buchanan. Butch told them "Dig deeper STILL."
Eventually, underneath the bottom of the barrel, they
found Clarence and he volunteered to sell out his race
so he could be Butch's nominee.
...and the rest is bad history.
Three quick points:
Senator Ralston Purina said when he went to visit
Clarence during the hearings, he found him laying
on the floor of the Senate Men's room,
"crying like a woman."
Makes Crispin Glover seem stable by comparison, eh?
Secondly, Clarence said, upon confirmation:
"There are those that have spent the last 43 years
trying to make my life miserable. I promise to spend
the next 43 years making THEIR lives miserable."
Clarence wasn't kidding.
He's been screwing black people like he was trying
to break Wilt Chamberlain's record.
Lastly, this is swear-to-God true, a prison
in the midwest drew Clarence as an emergency judge
when called on for a sudden legal opinion from
the nation's highest court.
The subject was this, I'm NOT making this up:
"Is it legal for prison employees to cuff a
prisoner to a pole in the center of a room and
beat him with their fists?" Clarence, the pride
of the Butch apppointments, said "sure."
Clarence Thomas's understanding of legal issues
is shakier than the dinner chairs at Rush's home.
Call me soft on crime, call me a knee-jerk liberal,
but what allegation deserves, as punishment, cuffing
the man's hands above his head so prison employees can
beat him with their fists until they CHOOSE to stop?
This isn't America.
This is a fucking GOP nightmare!
Sure, it's OK if "some nigger" gets this treatment,
but what if it was your brother, or your son?
Special thanks to George Herbert Traitor Butch for
appointing an unqualified vengeful idiot to the
Supreme Court for life.
Does anyone else have that feeling that if Bob Dole
were to, somehow, win this election, we'd have to
fight World War II allllll over again?
But if Clinton wins, we can skip all that war stuff
and just get high?
Von Limbaugh spent Friday claiming Hillary was trying
to scare the voters with "her vicious lies" about the GOP.
Rush says "People lie when they have no facts."
Does anyone remember 1993?
Health care is the biggest economic problem in the US.
When BC/HRC tried to fix it, what did the GOP say?
"You're going to lose your family doctor."
"Hillary, the Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist is radically
socializing health care" as if we'd have to wear a
Russian army uniform just to SEE the Commie doctor.
And my very favorite, and yes MykeC, I heard this myself,
G. Gordon Liddy said these exact words:
"If Hillary's plan gets through, unqualified BLACK MEN
will be doing surgery on your kids."
Willie Horton with a scalpel?
Willie Horton with a scalpel coming for YOUR daughter?
I guess Rush wouldn't consider that a scare tactic?
That's scarier than President Dornan.
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!
