Dole Calls Dr. Laura
Issue #27

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

If someone paid me $2500, I'd say Bill Clinton
is a stupid crook and a disaster for America.
Rush gets paid that amount multiplied by 10,000.

No wonder he says the craziest shit.

Rush's show, May 21

Caller: Rush, I'm no fan of yours but I wouldn't mind
if my kids read your books.

Rush: I promised I won't argue with you, but could you
give me an example of an issue we disagree on?

Caller: No, I'd rather not. That's not why I called.

Rush: Please? Please? I'll be nice. I promise
I won't argue with you. Just give me one example.

Caller: OK, I'll give you two.
You can be really arrogant and you talk down to women.

Rush: You lying whore. I do not.

Mark Helprin, the newest guy to tell Dole what to say
says they met when Dole caught him stealing M&M's
from a trendy Washington restaurant.

Republicans say women who need partial-birth abortions
should just go ahead and die.

...and the mystery of the GOP gender gap DEEPENS.....

Phil Gramm has no respect for Bob Dole.
Gramm told a group in Ft Worth he was late for his
speech because he had a "Bob Dole watch."

The audience exchanged puzzled glances until Gramm
explained "One of the hands doesn't work very well."

Phil Gramm is no friend of Bob Dole.

>From Meet the Press, May 19

Tim Russert ran some film of Dole from 1976,
when he was running for VP with Gerald Ford.

Jack Germond: Are you going to resign your
Senate seat to run for Vice President?

Dole: Do I look that stupid?

Rush's show May 22

"I have a cast-iron gut. I will keep you people
informed of my diarrhea and gastro-intestinal disorders."

Please, Rush. Your show's on during lunch.

>From the new Time Magazine:

Page 22: Dole was "weeping like a woman" after
Senator Mack of Florida said goodbye to Dole.

Page 23: Elizabitch Dole conforted a crying Bob Dole
after he admitted he had to leave the Senate because
"Tom Daschle keeps tying tin cans to my tail."

Page 26: Dole "wept uncontrollably" while addressing
twenty members of his staff.Page 27: Dole cried on front of an
audience of 500
while repeating his "what I did for love" speech.

Page 28: Dole "crying aloud" after reading the latest
NY Times/CNN poll numbers.

(This will work better if
you know who Dr. Laura is.)

"I'm Dr. Laura and up next is....Bob. Hi, Bob!"

Bob: Hi, Dr. Laura

DL: So, what's up?

Bob: Well, I'm at a crossroads in my life and I need help
with a big decision. I'm looking at a new job that
will mean more time away from my family than my
current job. You see, my first wife...

DL: Hold on. You voice is very familiar.
Have you called this show before?
Bob: No.

DL: How old are you?

Bob: 73

DL: How old is your wife?

Bob: 55

DL: Any kids?

Bob: One daughter

DL: How old is she?

Bob: I'm not sure 38... maybe 40....

DL: You don't know how old your daughter is?
You sound like a great dad.
Bob: Thank You

DL: I was being sarcastic.
How did your first marriage break up?
Bob: You know how it is.

DL: I don't read minds. I DON'T know how it is.

Bob: This little lady came along and caught my eye
... it was those short skirts she used to wear,
you know the ones with the slit up the side...

DL: You found a younger woman, you mean.
You sound like a real winner.
Bob: Thank you.

DL: I was being sarcastic, again.
So you dumped your wife and kid?

Bob: Well, I feel that my view is that....

DL: Whoa, slow down. We speak English on this show.
Jeez, you sound like a politician.

Bob: She dumped me when she found out about Liddy,
I..I..I mean the girl with the slit skirts

DL: You sound like a professional man.
What do you do for a living, Bob?

Bob: Uh.. Uh.... I have a law degree.

DL: Oh, perfect! So you're going to law school while your
wife works to pay bills. She gives you a daughter
and you dump her like yesterday's trash?

Bob: Stop lying about my record!

DL: I admire your first wife. At least your daughter
had ONE role model to look up to.
You have a wife and daughter and you're out screwing
every girl with her legs in the air?
Perfect! I see your problem.
It's called being a "Me-monkey."
So then what. You shacked up with her?

Bob: I MARRIED her.

DL: Do you cheat on her, too?

Bob: Am I under oath?

DL: Nevermind. So how did your daughter turn out?

Bob: Why? She was 20 or so when I got thrown out.

DL: So, adultery is OK if your kids are grown?

Bob: Her mother says she turned out OK.

DL: You mean you don't know?

Bob: Look, I have a tough, time-consuming job.

DL: Men ALWAYS think their job is so important.
I'll bet President Clinton knows how old
HIS daughter is. Is your job more important
than the president's?
Bob: Grrrr

DL: NOTHING is more important than your family.
What's wrong with you?
Bob: I... I...

DL: So what's your question for me?

Bob: Well, I just quit my job to get ready for
the new job I want. You see I...

DL: You quit your job before the new job was offered?
You're not very bright, are you?

Bob: It's OK, my pension plan puts me on easy street.

DL: How generous is it?

Bob: ...nosy bitch...

DL: What was that?

Bob: I said "I'm quite rich."

DL: So how can I help you?

Bob: It looks like I won't be getting that new job.
I want my old job back.

DL: So, go ask your boss.

Bob: It's not that easy.
When I left, I made a big deal about how it was
the right thing to do, and I'll look really
stupid if I go back and ask for it now.

DL: Stupid is right. You burned a bridge?
So how can I help you?

Bob: I just don't know what to do....

DL: Have you always had trouble making decisions?

Bob: Some people think so..

DL: I didn't ask what some people think.
I asked YOU the question!

Bob: What's the question?

DL: Are you paying attention to me?
Put the phone by your ear and LISTEN!
Have you always had this much trouble when
it comes to making a decision?

Bob: I don't know how to answer that.

DL: Well, there's not much I can do for you.
But I will say if you continue to place your ego
and self-gratification above the welfare
of your family, you can't be trusted to
make decisions that affect other people.

DL: Now, go take on the day.

Other Issues: [Index] - [Prev] - [Next] - [First] - [Last] - [Discussion Area]

Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!

Rush Limbaugh Sucks Web Ring
Prev5 * Prev * Next * Next5 * Random * List

Privacy Policy
. .