BartCop Confesses
Issue #31

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Dole Explains His Position on Abortion

After months of waffling, Bob Dole finally explained
his position on abortion this week.

"Our convention must reflect not only our strong pro-life
convictions, but a decent regard for the opinions of
those who disagree," the Republican nominee said.

"This is not a compromise, this is a straddle."

Then, Dole confused everybody, even his staffers:
"The Governors of New York, California, New Jersey and
Massachusetts believe in puncturing the baby's skull,
then sucking out the brain and we welcome them."

Dole tried to clarify the straddle by issuing a press
release, but it, too, seemed unclear:

"The Republican Party needs to be more tolerant of those
who believe in killing defenseless babies."

When Pat Buchanan heard, he said
"That fucking idiot. He doesn't have any goddamn idea
what the hell he's...... Is that microphone on?"

USA Today reported on a front page story Friday that:
"This was Dole's most definitive statement on the issue."

RL-LNW will report all new straddles as they develope.

D'Amato Caught

Senator Al D'Amato of New York, who chairs the banking
committee, got a sweetheart deal from a firm the SEC was
investigating. He asked them to bend the rules and let
him in on a deal that made him $37,000 in one day.

Since we know D'Amato is more crooked than Rush's tail,
there's no story here.

Poor Bob Dole. He was in Los Angeles Wednesday and he
heard a reporter call him "Senator Straddle."
He got angry and shot back "That's EX-Senator Straddle."

Lady Di was in Chicago this week to beg for money.
The newspaper said she told a man wearing shorts
"You've got great calves. You SHOULD show them off in shorts."

Why didn't the religious right go nuts?

Oh, yeah.
She's not a democrat.

Let's talk about Rape and Bob Dole.

No, he didn't rape anybody. He can't.
You see, fifty years ago in Italy.....
Well, that's for a later issue.

Bob Dole has some strange ideas about rape.
In 1980, Dole voted against the first legislation to
provide support for emergency shelters for women who
were victims of domestic violence.
"We don't have the money for that" he said.

In 1994, Dole led the fight against Clinton's Crime
Bill, which included the Violence Against Women Act,
and it's tough provisions on rape.

In 1995, Dole's proposed budget would have cut funding
for the Violence Against Women Act in half.
"We don't have the money for that," Dole said.

In 1996, trailing Clinton by 20 points, he's claiming
credit for fully funding the program and attacks the
President as "soft on rape" because he's getting advice
from Dick Morris, the man who got Trent Lott elected
two years ago.

"The same PR consultant who's helping Clinton (Morris)
is helping an accused rapist beat the rap," said Dole.
(Does this mean Trent Lott should step down?)

If Dole's so concerned about rape victims, why does he
push legislation that would force a woman who was raped
by Willy Horton to have his baby?

Yep, the mystery of the 20-point gender gap DEEPENS.

You even notice when Rush says "Clinton passed the largest
tax increase in American history," he never mentions that
98.5 percent of all Americans never felt a thing?

I guess if Rush told the truth, he'd be a democrat.

Dole on the drug problem, word for word:

"Let's face it," he told baffled high-schoolers at a
drug rally in Cincinnatti last Friday. "The world is
going to go on, and you're going to be a part of it."

Media Research Center Chairman Brent Bozell issued a
press release saying his organization plans to spend
$2,800,000 to whine about how unfair the leftist media is.

Hey, Brent!

Why not raise enough money to buy a magazine?
Or TV station?
Or newspaper?

That way, we wouldn't have to listen to your fucking
whining and crying and bitching and moaning about how
the reporters in America are on Clinton's payroll.

Dole's Daughter is a Baby Killer!!

Yes, it's true. Bob Dole's only daughter is pro-choice.
Why couldn't Bob Dole instill any values in his daughter?
Was it because he was never around?

Robin Dole did an interview with USA Today. Her monster
Dad had a man from his campaign there to censor her,
and he WAS needed. Robin has a degree in psychology.
She works at a women's shelter near DC.
She told the reporter "I help girls make better choices."

When asked if that meant the choice between abstinence
and condoms, Nelson Warfield, GOP Goon in charge of Image
cut her off and said "SHE'S NOT THE CANDIDATE!"

How disgusting. Bob Dole thinks women over 40 aren't
old enough to have opinions?

That gender gap mystery gets deeper every day.

Then, the BIG bombs were dropped:

1. She's not married. The reporter wasn't allowed to ask
if she might be a lesbian. What are they hiding?

2. She said she might want to adopt a child.
When Hillary said that, she was accused of using
a cynical, tacky trick to manipulate voters.
Hey, GOP conservatives - eat me.

True Quote of the Day:

Dole was asked what he thinks is the most important
thing people need to know about him.

"Beats me," quipped the sharp-witted Dole.

The American Medical Association says accidental
overdoses among children have dropped 45% since
federal regulations required child-proof caps on
prescription drugs.

We've got the heavy-handed big government jack-booted
thugs stomping out our rugged individualism with their
senseless and unneeded pointy-headed liberal ideas.

Once again, Rush is right.

I have a confession to make:
I am a socialist.
I'm ashamed of it, but it's true.
For years, I didn't think I was, but I am.

Somehow, socialism has crept into my life and
I don't know what to do about it.

For example, I was awakened this morning by an alarm
clock that was powered by socialized electricity.
Yes, it's true. It's "the people's" electric company.
I'd like to shop around for some "rugged individualism"
electricity but the state won't allow it.
They won't even consider allowing non-socialized
electricity. It MUST be provided by the state.
This isn't America.

Then, for breakfast, my bacon and eggs were cooked
with socialized gas. I'm so ashamed. The state won't
allow me to get my own natural gas. They insist I
only get natural gas from the state-run gas company.
It gets worse.

I drink socialized water, too. Oh, sure, sometimes I
drink the capitalist bottled water, but I use the
socialized water for most other things.
My TV gets socialized cable. Someday, I'll get that
fancy capitalist satellite dish, but for now
it's socialized cable or nothing.
The state, once again, provides this socialist cable
on the premise that 50 or 100 different, competing
cable companies would require too much cable.
Those lying, socialist bastards!

My last vacation? You guessed it.
I flew out of a socialized airport.

There's no end to socialism in my state.
If I get hurt, I'd like to surf the phone book for
the very best deal I can get on an ambulance ride,
but the state won't allow it.
This isn't America.

My kids ride to school in socialist busses.
Christ, the American school system is socialism in
it's purest form. Oh, Jesus, Oh, Lord!
Save our kids from socialism!!

Then, the final insult:
Granny gets social security!!
Oh, the humanity!
Can the country survive?
Is this the United States or North Korea?

Please, join with me to stamp out this blight.
We can't be havin' no marxist socialism creeping
into our capitalistic America.
There's no room for it, goddammit!!

And we DAMN sure don't want socialized medicine.
Once again, Rush is right.

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