If my prayers can help you,
doesn't that mean curses can hurt you?
Rush and his chauffeur were driving in the country
one fine day when, suddenly, his limo hit and killed
a pig that ran in front of them.
Limba made his chauffeur drive to the ranch house and
apologize to the farmer. The chauffeur knocked on the
front door and was let in. He was inside for two hours.
When he came out, Limba asked what took so long.
"Well, the farmer shook my hand and offered me a beer.
His wife brought me some cookies, and his beautiful
teenage daughter showered me with kisses," he explained.
"What in the hell did you say?" Limba asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush
Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
Elizabeth reminded me of that last night."
Bob Dole 7-2-96
One hopes Bob Dole was joking when he told Katie Couric
of the Today show that she might be violating Federal
regulations "by always, you know, sticking up for the
Democrats and advertising their line on your show."
Is Bob Dole too stupid to be President?
So, the stock market lost 110 points when Clinton
lowered unemployment to 5.3%, damn him.
Maybe the incontinent, I mean incompetent
Bob Dole is what the market needs right now?
At a fund-raising event Tuesday, Dole appealed to
California moderates, calling himself a conservative
but hastening to add, "I also know there are people
that (he means who) are going to need help."
Yes, I'm a Republican,
but I also have a heart.
"Screw the goddamn niggers.
They belong in ovens, anyway."
Rush Limba, July 9, 1996
No, Rush didn't really say that.
Let me tell you what he DID say.
He attributed some nearly-as-bad quote to our President.
Then, as his audience got the shock-value from the "quote,"
he admitted: "Clinton didn't actually say that,
but clearly, that's what his tone implied."
So that's how we play the game here at RL-LNW.
We use LNW tactics, to make our point.
January 8, 2016
I just closed a succesful business deal that made my company
a lot of money. A few of us went to the local pub for drinks.
I threw back a few shots of Crown, and we had some laughs.
I saw a man in his late 60's fall off his barstool.
I picked him up and asked him if I could help.
He turned and looked at me.
It hit me like a thunderbolt.
Immediately, I knew.
It was Rush Limba, shock-jock insult-king of the 1990's.
Is that you, Rush?
Rush: Who are you?
Whadda you want?
It IS you.
My God, I thought you were dead.
Rush: No, asshole.
Get away from me!
Man: But Rush, I was your biggest fan.
What happened to your show?
Rush: Are you a(hiccup)nother reporter?
Man: No, I'm just an old fan of yours.
My name's Vinnie.
What happened to you?
Rush: Buy me a drink.
Bartender! This man needs a refill.
Bartender: OK. One Pink Pussycat coming up.
Man: Pink Pussycat?
Rush: Fuck you.
You want to hear the story or not?
Man: Yes, please.
Rush: It all started after Clinton won re-election.
Man: Which time?
In 1996, 2000 or 2004?
Rush: I'm talking about 1996, smart ass!!!
Man: I remember.
That was back when you were accusing the Clintons
of a different crime every day.
Man: Rush, you OK?
That's twice you fell off your barstool.
You're one drunken bastard.
How long have you been drinking?
Rush: I've been drinking every waking hour since 1997.
Man: Well, what happened?
How did you lose everything?
Rush: Just between me and you?
Man: Yeah, promise!
Rush: It was all Marta, the bitch.
I was on Compuserve, sending some harmless art
pictures of naked boys to a friend and somehow
I accidentally sent Marta a copy. I'd been talking
to her for a few weeks and thought she was nice.
Boy, was I wrong!
When she saw the pictures, she blackmailed me.
Man: Wow, really?
(Is Rush gay?)
Rush: It was terrible.
First, she insisted we get married.
She knew my gay-pedo secret, and she wanted money.
She made me sign a pre-nup giving her half of
everything if we divorced for any reason.
She was a shrewd, manipulative, scheming bitch.
Man: That's what you used to say about Hillary Clinton.
Rush: I know.
Poor Hillary. She didn't deserve that.
I was a heartless piece-of-shit with her.
You see, I was in a bind. I ran out of things to say
so I took my daily torment from Marta, the bitch and
assigned Hillary's name to it. What else could I do?
Marta was on my ass, day-after-day-after-day.
More money, more money....
Man: So, the Hillary stuff was all made up?
Marta was the evil bitch?
Rush: Bartender, a TRIPLE Pink Pussycat!!
Man: So, how'd you lose EIB?
What happened there?
Rush: ...like you don't remember
Man: I went to Japan in 1997.
You weren't on the radio when I got back!
Rush: Are you sure you're not a reporter?
Man: I promise.
I'm not a reporter.
What happened to EIB?
Rush: What was your name again?
Man: They call me Vinnie.
Rush: Well... Vinnie... Marta got greedy.
Christ, she was putting a fucking million a month
in her private bank account by blackmailing me.
That wasn't enough!!
Can you believe some people are so fucking greedy,
that they make over a million dollars a month and
they still want more?
Can you believe that?
Well, one day she caught me and Bob Dornan.
It was B-1's birthday and we were celebrating in D.C.
I got the Honeymoon Suite at the Washington Marriot
using my alias, "Redd Ruffensore." (Giggles)
B-1 had a case of Mogen David and a half-dozen hampsters.
We were getting down to business when Marta showed up
with a camera and caught me and B-1 makin' bacon.
I didn't know you were gay!
Rush: Get off my back!
You sound like that bitch, Marta.
Man: So how'd it all end?
Rush: Promise not to tell?
Man: You drunk, old bastard.
You fell off your barstool again!
Rush muffukr mmm ... wha... huh?
Man: Rush, you're going to pass out.
You're drunker'n John Tower.
Quick, tell me what happened to EIB?
It's always Marta...
Marta threatened me with tabloid pictures, so me
and B-1 figured we'd scare her into running away.
We beat her up and locked her in her car trunk.
Man: Jesus! You did that?
Did you get away with it?
Bitch had a cell phone.
We were arrested in minutes.
I pleaded to felony assault and did 14 months.
Man: How was prison?
Man: You clumsy bastard.
You're a walking car wreck.
Rush: I need another drink.
Man: What happened to Bob Dornan?
Rush: B-1 refused to bargain.
He went to trial and got 22 years, poor bastard.
Man: Where did this assault take place?
Rush: Me and B-1 took her out to Ft. Marcy park.
Every heard of it?
That's where Vince... ummmmm ... Vince....
Hey.... Your name is Vince, right?
Rush: What's your last name, Vince?
I've been looking for you, Limba.
I've been looking for you for 20 years.
It's payback time, Fatboy.
Washington, DC's ABC affiliate:
We interrupt regular programming for this Special Bulletin:
Popular 1990's hate-radio host Rush Limbaugh was found
dead today in Ft. Marcy Park. Park Police found a
antique .38 revolver nearby, an apparent suicide.
Twenty years ago, at his peak, Limba was considered a power
in the Republican Party, before a gay sex-scandal ruined him.
Rush Limba was born in 1949 in Missouri............
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