Vol 48 - Dole's Runaway Party

GOP posterboy Billy Dale, former White House embezzler,
announced he will now be embezzling from the Dole Campaign.

RL-LNW wishes him the best of luck.

Exxxxxxxxcuuuuuuuuse me?

Rush, on his TV show July 30, 1996 accused Clinton
of having a "love fest" with terrorists!!!
What the hell is he talking about?
Did I miss something?

Did Clinton sell Stinger missles to Iran?

How can the idiot-right accept this?
With open checkbooks?

From Little Rock....

The jury from the second Get-Clinton trial is back.
The results?

Innocent 43%
Guilty 32%
Perot 19%

Despite evidence to the contrary, aides say
Bob Dole really wants to win this election.

Y'know, if Gingrich and Schaffly and Ralph Reed
own the Republican Party, why don't they get their
names on a ballot so Americans can vote on them?

Limba squeels how Hillary is not accountable.
To whom is Ralph Reed accountable?
The Republican Guard?
I thought we defeated them in Desert Storm.
Why is Ralph Reed giving Bob Dole orders?
I thought Dole was the candidate.

Dole tried to get sane on assault weapons, but Snooty stopped him.

Remember a few weeks ago on the subject of tolerance,
Dole said "I'm the candidate, my decision is final!"
But Dole forgot to clear it with Ralph Reed.

August 8, a Dole spokesman said "Dole is the candidate.
He'll pick his VP, and his decision will be final?"
Oh, really?
As final as Dole's abortion plank?

Dole's not content to lose by 24 points.
He feels it's his destiny to lose by 30.

The worst part for Dole won't be losing this election.
It's knowing he wasn't able to run his campaign, himself.

Poor Bob. After 35 years of distinguished service,
he's become Ralph Reed's puppet.

If Bob Dole publically told Ralph Reed to. "Hike off,"
he'd rise 10 points in the polls overnight.

This just in....

Bob Dole announces Wes Cooley (R-Bonehead)
will help Billy Dale embezzle from the campaign.

Wes Cooley, (R-Bombthrower) who had to check his records to
see if he was married, was recently given the Bob Dole Award
for most screw-ups in a single 90-day period.

Wes recently resigned from Congress to attempt to
challenge fraud, theft and conspiracy charges back home.

RL-LNW wishes Wes Cooley luck, and our condolences to
Rack Jite for losing a great source of material.

Clinton picked up two endorsements,
both of them humiliating for Bob Dole.

Bob Hope in the August 10 TV Guide, says:
"I go for Clinton - I like him. He's going to win."

Then, (can it get any worse?) the founder of modern-day Republicanism,
Barry Goldwater says he's pro-Clinton. But, Goldwater is chairman of
Arizonans for Dole, so he may've been kidding....

Swear to Koresh, if things get any worse for old Bob,
RL-LNW may endorse him just for kicks.

From Dole's Monday speech in Chicago....

"Reagan tried to balanced the budget in the 80's, but
the Democrats, as usual, refused to cut spending."

Hey, Bob.
Since the GOP took control of Congress, they've said
again and again and again "These are NOT cuts."

After waiting 40 years to get power, why are the
Republicans INCREASING government spending?


Bob Dole made a vow to Phillis Dole.
"Till Death Do Us Part," he swore.

Yet, she's still alive.

Snoot Gingrich took a vow, too.
"Till Death Do Us Part," he swore.

He divorced her from her hospital bed.

Rush Limba made THREE vows, the lying whore.
"Till Death Do Us Part," he swore three times.

Yet, amazingly, they're all still alive.

Ronald Reagan made a vow to Jane Wyman.
"Till Death Do Us Part," he swore.
But Warner Brothers studio sent him a gift named Nancy.

Yet, Jane Wyman is still alive, probably.

Bill Clinton made a vow to Hillary Rodham.
"Till Death Do We Part," he swore.

And he kept his word.
He's a Democrat.

Great Rush Quotes

"Healthy people are going to Dr. Kervorkian...
..for the macabreness of it!''

How does Rush stay in business?

Will Bob Dole be allowed to speak at the convention?
Why won't they let him talk?
What are they afraid of?

The Coathanger Coalition says he can submit a video,
but he can't speak without Ralph Reed's hand up his butt.

There was a time when Dole was NOBODY's cabana boy.

More Stupid Rush Quotes

"Retrying the cops who beat Rodney King was a just a
grandstanding power-play by the people in power at the time."

Hey, Fatboy!
You know who was "in power at the time."
President BUTCH asked for that second trial.

The Turnpike of Truth?

On, no.
Say it isn't true!

Bob Dole just called for taggants in milk!

Federal Judge Jackson Kiser threw out the Violence
Against Women Act of 1994, a Clinton bill.

"Congress is not invested with the authority to cure
all the ills of mankind" he ruled.

Clinton put some teeth in the law to protect women,
and some idiot judge says "Congress isn't here to
cure our ills." I wonder who appointed this asshole?

Oh, it says Reagan did.

Great Dole Quotes

"You want me to be Ronald Reagan? I'll be Ronald Reagan."

But Bob, what if we want you to be Shirley Temple?
Will you sing "The Good Ship Lollipop" for us?

Maybe you could be Marilyn Monroe, Bob.
Then you could sing "That Old Black Magic"
when you explain your economic plan to us.

Incredibly, Bob Dole has ANOTHER birthday coming up.
He'll be 74 years old on October 16, and he'll turn 75
on January 16, just before Clinton's 2nd inauguration.


"The Selling of Bob Dole's Soul."

Poor Bob Dole - another interview, another disaster.
Didn't they say they were going to muzzle him?

From USA Today, August 6, 1996
All from page 12A.



-Dole mostly opposes abortion rights,
but would permit them on Tuesdays and Fridays.

-"Abortion is murder" says Dole, but reserves the right
to have a pro-murder vice president.

-Dole wants his platform to say "Murder is acceptable,"
but Ralph Reed and Snooty said "No."


- Dole has seen two recent movies, True Lies and Independence Day,
  both of which featured the female star stripping.

 Vivica Fox was an unwed mother/stripper in ID4 and
 Jamie Lee Curtis was forced to strip for her blackmailer.
 Family movies, Bob?


- "Making English the Official Language of America is
  the single most important issue facing our kids.
  That, and gay marriages."

- Dole supports voluntary school prayer.

 DANGER: RL-LNW also would allow voluntary prayer.
 (Since it's impossible to prevent.)

 Watch out, Bob.
 If Ralph Reed finds out RL-LNW agrees with you,
 he may cancel your nomination.


- Originally voted against Medicare
  "Can't afford it," said Dole.

- Supports GOP plan to make Medicare a state OPTION!
  (You supply-siders out there - help me prove a point.
  Send me your next paycheck - I have the OPTION
  of sending it back to you.)


- Voted AGAINST Family Leave Act.
 "How often is that needed?" Dole asked.
 (Gee, Bob. Ever have a birth in your family?
 Ever had an illness or death in the family, Bob?)


- Condemns discrimination against gays, but Ralph Reed
  and Snooty won't allow him to say so.


- Agrees with assault weapon ban,
  but Ralph Reed and Snooty won't allow him to say so.


"Please don't ask me that question."

Then, the dreaded question-and-answer interview.

USA TODAY: People tell pollsters you would provide
stronger moral leadership, yet you trail Clinton.
Why is that?

BOB DOLE: "I see the disconnect in all the surveys.
So we've got to connect. It's got to be our message.
We've got to make the point why it's important,
why the family's important.
It doesn't take a village, it takes a family.
And whatever."

(It takes a whatever, Bob?
 It takes a whatever???
 This man could be President?
 Reminder: Clinton's family is still intact.)

USA TODAY: Will you try to convince voters Clinton isn't
morally fit to be President?

BOB DOLE: "Our polls show if you criticize too much,
you lose women voters."

(Gee, Bob. You mean there's a way you could lose
more women voters?)

USA TODAY: What do you think about Clinton's values?

BOB DOLE: "Obviously, he has values."

USA TODAY: Is Clinton morally fit to lead the country?

BOB DOLE: "I don't want to comment on Whitewater, or
the Filegate, or Travelgate, or the personal stuff,
or Paula Jones, or Billy Dale...too negative."

USA TODAY: So a President's values are important?

BOB DOLE: (With a straight face) "If I give my word,
I won't waffle. You can't change your mind.
(This, from Senator Straddle?)

USA TODAY: What's the most important value?

BOB DOLE: "I think what people think is a value is trust."


Rush - "Clinton never tells the truth.
He's never had an honest moment."

Female Voter: "Hi. Isn't my baby cute?"

Candidate Bill: "That's the cutest baby I ever saw."

Female Voter: "Hi. Isn't my baby cute?"

Candidate Bob: "Little bastard looks like Churchill."

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