Does Rush need air-bags in his car?
Is Bill Clinton the luckiest man in America?
Saddam called the White House and asked if Bill Clinton
might be free to squeeze in a severe Iraqi ass-kicking
during his busy re-election campaign.
Poll-watcher that he is, Clinton found the time.
Don't you hate a politician who wants to get re-elected?
Clinton is already twenty points ahead of Dole,
(Polls show he's UP 2 points after Dick Morris)
and now Saddam is begging for an ass-kicking?)
I hereby change my mind.
If I'm in a foxhole under fire, I want Bill Clinton
with me, over Bob Dole, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North,
George Patton, Audie Murphy or Dan Quayle.
With Clinton's luck, the enemy would run out of bullets.
Then, Bill and I would kick ass, like Al Gore on whiskey.
THIS JUST IN!!
According to CNN, Dole picked up the support
of a black woman in Georgia.
Repeat, a black woman supports Dole!
This is not a test of our equipment - this has happened.
Her name is Camilla Moore.
Political analysts were too stunned to comment.
And just when you think you've heard it all..
In a CNN Exclusive, the black woman spoke to
Frank Sesno and ....let's just go to the tape...
Frank Sesno: Camilla Moore, is it true you support Bob Dole?
Ms. Moore: Yes, I certainly do.
Frank Sesno: I...I...
Can you tell me why?
Ms. Moore: I like his economic policies.
Frank Sesno: I...I...
If you've just tuned in, Bob Dole has received
an endorsement from a black woman.
For the very latest on this story, stay tuned...
When the DNC files their contributor list,
will they list Bob Dole & Saddam?
Did you know Al Gore is 78 years old?
Another RL-LNW exclusive.
How much does the GOP hate Clinton?
Half of them, including Rush sub Roger Hedgehog,
are attacking Clinton for "having no right to
attack another country over internal politics."
The other half, including Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Bonehead)
and Bob Dole, say "Clinton didn't go far enough."
Somebody forgot to read the RNC fax that
tells them what to think and say that day.
Michael Medved agrees with Hedgehog.
So who's more wrong?
The Rush subs or Bob Dole?
Dole says Clinton is a bad man for cutting the
drug enforcement budget. Ain't that a hoot?
I thought they'd accused him of everything, but no.
The GOP says Clinton hasn't thrown enough
taxpayer money at worthless social programs.
Watching Star Trek the other day,
I was struck by how much the Klingons
have in common with right-wing Republicans.
Both are crude, arrogant, well-armed and warlike.
Both are fiercely nationalistic and willing to use
force to supress liberals, unions and minorities.
That's Webster's definition of a fascist.
Monday morning, I couldn't stop laughing.
Saddam was threatening America ...in black and white.
Hey, Saddam, if you want to be taken seriously,
send a lackey to Radio Shack for a color camera, ok?
Wacky GOP Quotes
"Saddam attacked the Kurds to help Clinton win
because he knows Dole's too tough for him."
-Mona Charen, Capital Gang Sunday
Sunday, Bob Dole said drug use went down
under Presidents Reagan and Butch.
If this happened, I missed it.
Great Dole Quotes:
"The President talks about a bridge.
I'll tell you what we need.
We need a bridge from Washington DC to Little Rock.
I feel that it's my view the bridge should be one way."
You Republicans are worried, right?
Don't be worried later..
NOW is the time to be worried.
I'll tell you who the real nut is.
He was whining about how bad the ratings are
for his "Family Channel" on cable.
He blames "anti-religious liberals."
Hey, Pat, did you ever think maybe America doesn't want to
watch endless repeats of Little House on The Prairie?
Then, as if to answer RL-LNW's question, Robertson said:
"Since we started running the Three Stooges at 11 PM,
our ratings are up 75 percent that hour."
It's called free enterprise, Dumbass!
If you show gratuitous violence, kids will watch!
TV shows that don't make money go off the air.
Like Limba's show.
In ANOTHER confusing exchange with reporters,
(There have been so many...) Bob Dole asked if
they could refer to him as "The Muscle from Russell."
There were some titters on the crowded press bus
but nobody agreed to the change.
Great GOP Quotes
"It's Labor Day.
That's when we throw away the poll numbers
and start the race for the White House."
Throw away the poll numbers?
Check out the big brain on Dole!!
Bob, we understand why you WISH your 20-point deficit
doesn't matter, but it does.
You're suggestion that it doesn't matter is just
one more reason why you're un-electable.
Some NRA Bonehead wrote this letter to the paper in the
town where RL-LNW Home Offices are located, Tulsa OK:
"When will the liberals understand that guns are just
one way to kill? Why not pass laws against knives,
baseball bats, bottles, chains, rocks, fists, feet,
pipes, and ALL the dangerous weapons in our country?"
You can't walk into a Wal-Mart with a chain or a pipe
and murder 50 people before anyone can react.
Do you have another brother named Darryl?
If you've got a chain or bat in your hand and attack
a few people, others will overpower you, dumbshit!
If you've got a Tec-90, or whatever they're called,
you can sweep the store and kill dozens in seconds!!
If a guy goes "scooters" on us, he might kill some
people if he's got a knife or even a revolver.
But if he has a Dole/Gingrich Uzi, we could have
30 dead before the first guy hits the ground.
Are we talking "creation math" here?
Do the religio-wacko-gun-nuts think God will
intervene if the shooting's not justified?
Protect us from your fan club.
You gotta love the Star tabloid.
That whore who stabbed Dick Morris in the back?
The Star changed her age from 42 to 37
"to make it a better story."
They ran a half-page of "we're telling the truth"
but admitted to real news organizations that she's
five years older, and they changed it to add
"a little sparkle" to the story.
Meanwhile, the Democrats are pushing a bill to raise
the minimum wage for whores to $200 per hour.
Limba says "that's not necessary."
So, big government is bad?
When something like the Ebola virus breaks out,
who would you rather control the situation?
The Center for Disease Control or Doc Finley?
If YOUR daughter was kidnapped,
who would you rather look into it?
The Federal Bureau of Investigation or
Andy Taylor and Barney Fife?
When your husband steals your kids, and moves to
another state, wouldn't it be nice to have a
government to get your kids back for you?
What if the state he flees to has "better"
rights than the one where you were married?
When there's a major hurricane, tornado or flood,
will you still champion states' rights?
Republicans are like teenage boys.
They can't make it without Mom and Dad,
but they bitch when told to be home by midnight.
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!