Bumper sticker seen in California:
Newt says he's revolting...
Who am I to argue?
Remember the hotel riddle and the missing dollar?
I got e-mail from a guy in Slidell, LA who said
they don't allow gay-interracial threesomes
to check into hotels there.
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1964?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1965?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1966?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1967?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1968?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1969?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1970?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1971?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1972?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1973?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1974?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1975?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1976?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1977?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1978?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1979?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1980?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1981?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1982?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1983?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1984?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1985?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1986?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1987?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1988?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1989?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1990?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1991?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1992?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1993?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1994?
Did Bob Dole call for a 15% tax cut in 1995?
No, he didn't.
You know why he's never called for a tax cut before?
Because he wasn't a supply-side whore until he
found himself 20-points behind the best campaigner
in history, that's why.
You know your ediotr is a nice person.
You know your ediotr has some respect for Dole.
You know your ediotr respects war heroes.
Bob Dole constantly mentions his bad arm.
He talks about his bad arm more than Howard Stern talks about sex.
That's a lot.
A letter about Dole's arm injury has surfaced.
Bob Dole says HE found the letter while going through
his archives. At the moment, Dole is 21 points
behind in the biggest fight of his life.
What are the oods that, with one arm, Dole personally
went through his archives searching for this letter?
Can you imagine how impossible it would be for him to
rifle through thousands of papers and files with one arm
during the most time-intensive period of his life?
Bob Dole ordered dozens of staff workers to search
the hundreds of boxes of documents to locate the letter
that would bring the most tears.
They say Dole has lost the use of his right arm.
Considering the use he's getting from it now,
that hardly seems accurate.
Swear to Koresh, I am NOT making this up.
CNN, Saturday said these exact words:
"Pat Robertson says Bob Dole needs a 'Miracle from God'
to win this election."
Bad news, Bob.
He's NOT going to intervene.
God's a liberal.
Jesus is a liberal, too.
The Holy Ghost is Libertarian.
From: email@example.com (N.W. Allen)
>I saw your web page, I must say, you are one ignorant,
>Go back to North Korea or Cuba!
Thanks for your e-mail.
I'm sure you'll like Rush Limba-Lying, Nazi Whore.
We're getting bigger every day.
Your first issue should arrive soon.
Thanks for being a fan.
Don't worry, I'll continue to
keep an eye on the Rotund Fuhrer.
PS. What's a totaliatrian?
I wonder if Saddam has ever seen Star Trek?
CNN says The Enterprise has joined the battle in the gulf.
That's your ass.
Poor Bob Dole.
He was on a rant Thursday.
"The Democrats are running attack ads against me.
They have run millions and millions and millions
and millions and millions and millions and millions
of ads against me.
....I...I mean millions of dollars worth of ads."
Does Chastity Bono deserve equal rights?
Was RL-LNW on Rush's show Thursday?
A lady called in and asked this question:
Caller: If Clinton is the worst president in history,
if he's immoral and a killer and all the things you claim,
what does that say about his lead over Dole?
Rush: I don't understand the question.
(lying, rat bastard)
Caller: I'm saying, if Clinton is as bad as you say,
doesn't that make Dole even worse?
Rush: I don't understand what you're tring to say.
(lying, rat bastard)
Caller: If Clinton is really bad and voters prefer him,
what does that say about Dole?
Rush, the King of Debate says: I'll tell you one thing,
if Clinton wins again, I fear for America.
I have to go to a commercial.
DAMN, he's a quick thinker, isn't he?
(Snerdly was tied to a tree and whipped for letting her through.)
Anyway, we at RL-LNW posed that same question,
back in Volume 42.
Here's how we put it:
>Let's assume for a moment that they're right.
>...so, how bad does that make Bob Dole?
>If Clinton is the most evil thing God ever created,
>and Americans prefer him, what does that say?
>Either Dole is 20 points worse than the most evil thing
>God ever created, or...they're just lying and the voters see that.
>Can there be any other possible explanation?
Matter of fact, if I was a lard-laden, choco-nazi-puerca
robber-baron, tightwad-with-delusions-of-godhood bunghole,
I'd claim it as FACT and call all who disagree "jealous."
Yeah, what would that be like, to be a pompous, greedy,
pious-bonehead bragging about his no-talent ass?
You people just don't understand just how great I am!
I'm not bragging, I'm simply offering you people an
I never, ever brag on myself. Never. And when I do,
it's only because if I don't do it, nobody else will.
You people have to get used to the fact that I have
the best, funniest, most-entertaining newsletter and
home page on the entire World Wide Web.
This is the ONLY place you can get the truth!
The ONLY place to get accurate, humorous political
commentary with the sharpest edge in America.
And, you people must know, all the glory isn't mine.
You people deserve a little credit, too.
When the mad devils attack me and say I'm NOT funny,
it's YOU PEOPLE they're attacking.
I've got the best, smartest, handsomest audience ever
assembled in the history of audience assembling.
Now for a new, regular feature:
Dan Quayle - Stand-Up Comedian
"When I turned eighteen back in Muncie, some buddies of
mine bought me a hooker. I'll never forget her.
Her name was Lulu and she was babe-alicious!
It was my first time with a woman, so I asked her how
this was going to work. Lulu said she'd already been paid.
I just had to decide what I wanted her to do.
I asked her to suggest something.
She said we could "sixty-nine."
I figured that sounded interesting, so she showed me.
I didn't last very long.
Lulu said I still had another 57 minutes to go.
What else would I like to do with her?
I couldn't think (insert fav joke here) so I said
maybe we should try that sixty-nine thing again.
I didn't last very long, again.
But at this point, I had to confess.
"Ma'am, I don't think I can do that sixty-seven more of those.".
Thought of the day
"They call us homosexuals promiscuous, but when we try to settle
in a monogamous relationship in a very traditional way,
they try to prevent us."
--The Rev. Nancy Horvath
All the troubles Bob Dole had on his mind, he was
threatened with a lawsuit for using the "Soul Man"
tune for his "Dole Man" song.
Is that Dole's character showing through?
Stealing from the black man?
Speaking of thieves...
Today is the four-year anniversary of Toy-Gate.
The Methane Factory stole hundreds of thousands of dollars
from the orphaned kids who get their only Christmas gifts
from the Marines' Annual Toys-For-Tots Drive.
Talk about the Gingrich that stole Christmas!
What a Snooty thing to do...
In September of 1992, the Butch-vs-Clinton election
was right around the corner. Rush did one of his phoney
call-in polls to see who would be our next president.
(A call-in poll is about as scientific as
Ralph Reed's views on creation.)
Rush's poll had Butch beating Clinton 92% to 7%,
with a few idiot dorks paying to phone in the
"I don't know" vote.
Rush promised to give ninety cents for each call to
the Toys-For-Tot's charity drive.
He also claimed the poll generated "hundreds of thousands"
of calls, meaning hundreds of thousands of dollars
should be heading to the orphans, right?
Did they get any money?
Did you hear about the Tots getting hundreds
of thousands of dollars from Rush?
You didn't, did you?
You know why you didn't hear about it?
Because it never happened, that's why!
The only way possible those kids got a lot of money
would be for Rush to have given them that money and
told them to remain quiet about it.
The biggest toot-my-own-horn, me-monkey sphincter in America
keeping quiet about helping some orphans at Christmas?
You'd have to be a supply-sider to fall for that.
Caller: Rush, polls should be against the law.
If my guy was 21 points behind,
I'd say something that stupid, too.
There they go again!
Half the GOP says "Clinton didn't go far enough with
Saddam because he's a draft-dodger."
The other half says "Clinton broke up the Gulf Allies."
The Gulf allies are angry because we slapped him.
So, the democrats and the American people support their
president in wartime. The GOP can't figure out what
Clinton's did wrong, but whatever Clinton did,
he did it because he's a bad man.
When will the RNC get their fax fixed?
After the election?
Have you heard the best news of all?
According to Clinton's personal-lapdog magazine, TIME,
he couldn't lose this election if he tried.
They say he's ahead in the nineteen biggest states.
In fascist Oklahoma, home of Jim Inhofe (R-Bonehead)
and saved-my-marriage Don Rickles (as Reagan calls him)
Clinton is AHEAD of Dole by eight.
Clinton's ahead in Arizona - the first demo to do that
since Harry Truman 48 years ago.
Here's the clincher of all clinchers:
Print this out and put it on the bulletin board at work.
This will make a dittohead finger his lower lip for a week.
On a national scale, Bob Dole's POSITIVES are smaller
than Bill Clinton's NEGATIVES.
According to TIME, that means "even voters who can't
stand Clinton can't bring themselves to support Dole."
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!