The Clinton Campaign announced they are enforcing
the "No-Fly Zone" on Dole's approval rating.
Great Dole Quotes
"I'm in great shape," the 73-year-old candidate said.
"My chlestrl is lower than his, my weight's lower."
(What about your IQ, Bob? Is it lower, too?)
"My blood pessure's lower, too, but I'm not going
to make health an issue in this campaign.''
"Why won't Clinton release his medical records?"
Mr. Presnet, Mr. Presnet (that's how he speaks now)
Release your medcal records, Mr. Presnet."
I've released all my medcal records, Mr. Presnet."
**That's not true, Bob.**
There's a medical proceedure called an encephalogram,
that can determine if the patient's brain is working.
It's used mostly on stroke victims and Davidians.
Dole's doctors have run these tests on him,
but Dole has refused to authorized their release.
(If I was making this up, I wouldn't have taken time
to look up the correct spelling of "encephalogram?")
Is Dole too stupid to be President?
Fred Barnes, always good for a quote:
"Dole will win, and I'll tell you why.
Clinton's poll numbers are always flying up and down
anywhere from 45 to 55 points," Barnes said.
"Bob Dole's hovering at a solid 35 percent."
When Reagan trounced Mondale in 1984,
he was ahead by seven going into the final weeks.
USA Today/CNN says Dole is behind by 17.
Where Bob Dole can get some Kryptonite?
your wife-cheating liar
your favorite witch is going to jail
You haven't studied much economics, have you?
Liberals want empty-headed presidents
Might be over your head, bed wetter
Over your head, I guess
Let me know if anything else confuses you
Bernard Nussbaum is a jailbird as we speak
if you could only reason
you bed wetter
I'll make it easier to comprehend
Where did you go to school, anyway?
(the nuns did this to me)
what you don't understand is
Obviously you don't have health care
when you wet the bed
Let me explain it to you
I'll make it simple
I won't get into it, too complicated for you
Just get a job, earn some money
quit wetting the bed!!
You're confused, you bed wetter
you dumbass bedwetter
Liberalism is dead, my bedwetting friend
Dems don't know anything
You can't keep up, bedwetter
You are an incompetent bedwetter
You need an education
When has Rush ever said anything hateful?
You guys just can't handle his intellectual superiority.
Face it, pal.
The war is over, and you lost.
When he turned 21, Dan Quayle went into a bar.
He saw a girl ask for a BL.
"Bud Light, coming up," the bartender said.
He saw a guy ask for a CL.
"Coors Light, yes sir," the bartender said.
So Dan Quayle ordered a 15.
"I thought I knew all the drinks," he said,
"but I'm not familiar with a 15."
The former VP said "It's a 7 and 7."
In his biography, "It Takes a Russell," Bob Dole's Aunt Peggy told reporters
she was there
when Baby Bob spoke his first words. She says his very first words were:
"Bob Dole says.. Ma..Ma.."
Who's coaching the Republicans?
Somebody needs to make the decision to talk issues
instead of what a dirty bastard they think Clinton is.
Can't they see their tactics aren't working?
Clinton's approval ratings were at 34% a year ago.
Then the GOP went medieval on his ass.
Now's he's at 55%.
Any detectives in the house?
If I was a door-to-door salesman, and my sales pitch is
"Your life is shit, so buy the vacuum cleaner, bitch!"
and I never sell one, I'd try a different approach.
On the RL-LNW web page, www.ctyme.com/bartcop/
if you put "slappy" in the search box,
and don't laugh out loud in the next 10 minutes,
we'll send you discount tickets to Six Flags.
Uh-Oh, he did it again.
Dole's handlers keep telling him NOT to take questions.
Just stick to the script, they tell him.
Whenever Dole deviates from his prepared speech,
he says something stupid and Clinton goes up two points.
This time, it was in Wisconsin:
"Early this morning, I was sickened.
Bill Bentt is right. Dan Quayle is right.
Merica is sinking into a spiritual morass.
It's Dick Morrs ........Bill Cinton...
It's about trust. ....charcter."
The veins in his neck stood out.
"This morning, I opened the local paper in my hotel room
and I see an ad from Mervyn's Departnt Store saying
they're having a BABY SALE," he says, fuming.
"Bob Dole won't allow Baby sales when he's Pressnet."
Dole's handlers scrambled for a pen and paper.
"Bob Dole won't permit that when he's Pressnit.
What has Presint Clinton done to Merica?
The values the Presint has failed to..."
It's the children, it's about children...
....the little ones..
This won't happen in Bob Dole's Merica..."
His staffers passed him the note.
Dole read it.
Well, then, why don't they CALL IT a clothing sale?"
Bob Dole told Barbara Walters:
My mother speaks to me from above.
She still says "Don't touch my Social Security."
If you saw her special, you know that happened.
I wonder if that Jacoby hate-dude from Boston
would consider that "channeling" with the dead?
One of Jacoby's 40 reasons NOT to vote for Clinton is
because "Hillary channeled." What are we to think
when Bob Dole says his deceased mother ordered him to:
"Keep your hands of my Social Security?"
And why would Dole TELL a stupid story like that?
The RL-LNW staff is taking some time off
to do some government research in cooperation
with the ATF and the DEA.
You mailbox is safe until at least September 29th.
Make him stop, please.
USA Today asked Dole what his key attack points were.
Bob Dole said "We're on crime and we're on drugs."
I love Bob Dole.
Poor Bob Dole.
He can't just be Bob Dole, because nobody wants
to vote for the craggy, old codger, so he re-invents himself for every speech.
Poor Bob, all in one day:
"You want me to be Nancy Reagan?
I can be Nancy Reagan.
I'm going to cut teen drug use by 50% RIGHT NOW.
Just Don't Do It.
I'm Nancy Reagan."
"You want me to be Yogi Berra on vodka?
I can be Yogi Berra on vodka.
The Dodgers are still in Brooklyn!"
(Hey, Bob. They moved to LA 46 years ago.
Where is your brain, Bob?)
You want me to be Gerald Ford?
I can be Gerald Ford."
Then Bob Dole threw himself into the mosh pit.
We, the staff at RL-LNW, pride ourselves on our honesty.
We call 'em like we see 'em.
If a Democrat screws up, we admit it.
If a Republican does good, we admit that, too.
RL-LNW Internet Humor Magazine hereby declares
that the best criminal attorney of the 20th Century
was the late Rush Limba Sr.
I have proof.
When Rush said he only "lasted" a semester in college,
he might've, perhaps...maybe, left out a fact, or two.
We at RL-LNW have unearthed the true story.
When Limba got busted in 1971,
he called his Daddy to get him out of it.
Rush's dad was a smart attorney.
He used the law like a tool.
He was so smart, so cunning, he became a judge.
Rush's daddy was a powerful man in southeast Missouri.
Rush's daddy, Judge Rush Limbaugh, was the best.
How great was he?
When Rush got busted for sodomy,
his daddy got the District Attorney to accept
a plea-bargain for "following too close."
THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a great attorney.
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