I'm Not a Doctor!
Issue #69

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

We start off with Great Rush Quotes:

"Women that vote for Bill Clinton are probably
abused women who feel they don't deserve better."

Rush, if there wasn't a you,
there wouldn't be a me.

If the subject is nicotine addiction, Dole says
"Hell, I don't know. I'm NOT A DOCTOR."

But if it's women's reproductive rights, Dole says
"I'M THE EXPERT!! I'll make those decisions FOR you."

You Are There!

Former NFL Great Steve Largeant,
former "Top 50 Most Beautiful" pin-up boy,
now in the House of Representatives representing
Oklahoma because he can catch a football,
is so wacko-right-wing, HE VOTES AGAINST SNOOT!!


Largeant is SUCH a wacko-religio-right-wing lugnut,
he often votes AGAINST SNOOT!!!

When asked how a freshman can openly snub his party's
Squeeker of the House, Largeant says
"After Snoot, I'm the Republican's biggest fundraiser.
Jesus Christ, boy, I EXHALE soft money!
If Snoots's not nice to me, I don't help HIM!"

If you have access to Nexus-Lexus, please punch in
"Gingrich/Largeant wars" and e-mail me, would you?

THIS is how far-right Steve Largeant is:

Let's say YOUR pregnant wife is driving home from work:
A car hits her, hurts her, she's rushed to the hospital.
The ER Doctor tells you the fetus is cutting off your
wife's oxygen supply, (insert medical reason here)
and your wife will die without an emergency abortion.

Just then,

Mr. Less-Government...

Mr. Government Get-Of-My-Back...

Mr. Government is the PROBLEM....

Mr. We-Can-Make-It-Without-You...

Mr. Super-Conservative Steve Largeant bursts thru the door
and says "Uncle Sam prohibits ALL abortions for ANY reason,
so NO ABORTION! If she dies, it's God's will."

C'mon, you right-wingers, you'd watch your wife die?

Just to avoid admitting "BartCop was right?"

A Great Rush Quote:

"Dole lost the debates because the audience of
morons asked nothing but stupid questions."

Is it any wonder Rush doesn't run for office?

Paul Harvey drove up to his ranch house and was startled
to find a man waiting for him on his front porch.

Man: Mr. Harvey? I'm Bob from the Humane Society. I'm here
to ask you if you'd speak at our convention in March.

Paul Harvey: I'll consider it. Contact my office in Chicago
and see if the particulars can be worked out.

Bob: Thanks a lot, Mr. Harvey. That's great news.
By the way, Mr. Harvey, I'm a animal psychiatrist.
While I was waiting for you, I hope you don't mind if
I spoke with some of your animals here at the ranch.

Paul Harvey: You spoke to my animals?

Bob: Well, you might say I read their thoughts, yes.

Paul Harvey: You talked to my animals... all of them?

Bob: Well, I met with your dog and he seems happy.
He's very well adjusted. He's a good dog.

Paul Harvey: Did you talk to any other animals?

Bob: Yes, I did. Your sheep seem a little nervous since
your neighbor's been dynamiting tree stumps and...

Paul Harvey: You talked to the dog and the sheep, right?
Did you... get... anywhere near the stables?

Bob: Well, actually, I never...


Only another 10 days to go before we stop hearing:

"We've never had a Bob in the White House.
Don't you think it's time?
We do have a CAT in the White House - Socks -
but we've never had a Bob."

Lately, we had a Dick, a Gip and a Butch.
America can't afford a Bob.

Did Bob Dole even HAVE a daughter prior to 1996?
Did anyone know her name before this election?

Why was she kept hidden?
What are they trying to hide?


Rush rips into Clinton over "Lippo-gate."
Rush says "These are FACTS! These are FACTUAL ALLEGATIONS!"

--What the hell is a factual allegation?

Rush said "Clinton ADMITS knowing John Huang."

--Yeah, so...?

Rush said "John Huang WORKED for Lippo."

--Yeah, so...?

Rush said "Clinton knew Huang BACK IN LITTLE ROCK!"

--OK, that's a crime... but we LIKE President Clinton.

Rush said "Huang was in BANKING!!!!"

--I admit, it's looking really bad...

Rush said "Huang KNEW RON BROWN!!"

--Well, I guess I can't defend the indefensible!

Huang knew Brown? SHIT!!!

--I'll be he knew Mickey Cantor, too.

Rush said "Huang knew Mickey Cantor, too!"

--Am I psychic or what?

-If Huang knew Ron Brown, he knows Mickey Cantor.

-If Huang knows Clinton, he might've met Vince Foster.

-Lippo has an office in Arkansas, so..
Falwell's accusations MUST BE TRUE!!

It's called LOGIC!
You just need the COURAGE to face the facts!

Jesus Christ, people!
How much proof do you need?


From: rhaskins@falcon.dallas.isd.tenet.edu (Rick Haskins)

Do you worship evil cults?
Your kind makes me very scared for my children.

You are living proof that evil is liberalism.
Thanks for confirming why I am a conservative.

Rick Haskins
Evaluation & Testing

No, Rick, evil cults worship ME!
Sure, I'm after your kids.
Me and my liberal ilk grab children off the street,
eat them, and throw their bones out the window.

Yours in Darkness,
Bartcop 666

(Finally. THIS is the mail I've been waiting for.)


"Thanks for calling Bob Dole Campaign Headquarters.

If you have a bribe from ADM, press one.

If you're a gun nut from the NRA, press two.

If you're the first Mrs. Dole, I told you never
call me here. You're supposed to call Scott Reed!!

If you work for the Cancer Lobby,
I use Zurich Banc, Acct# 130280980303.

If you're Dan Quayle, I HAVE a Vice President!

If you're Paula Jones, Liddy doesn't suspect a thing.

If you're George Butch, STOP LYING ABOUT MY RECORD!

If you're Ralph Reed, page me at 1-800-NOC-HANCE.

If you're from Russell, Kansas, I'm out of dog hair.

If you're a nobody schmuck with a vote,
leave your bitch at the beep.


"Yeah, Bob. Dr. Kavorkian, returning your call..."

DAN QUAYLE - Stand Up Comedian

"I see OJ's lawyers are claiming Nicole spent time
with drug dealers and prostitutes," the former VP said.

"Turns out, she knew Ollie North and Rush Limba."

Poor Bob Dole

He says "We see a scandal a day from this White House."

Sorry, Bob. America sees a hundred ALLEGATIONS
leveled against the best president most Americans
have had in their lifetime.

The voters reject your party's smear tactics.

If you have a better explanation how a draft-dodging,
dope-smoking, skirt-chasing KGB agent just whipped his
second war-hero-opponent in the BIG election, tell me.

Hey, GOP!
Give me some dittohead!


Ralph Reed sweet-talked Bob Dole for months.
Ralph Reed led Bob Dole down the primrose path.
Ralph Reed got what he wanted.
Bob Dole dropped his drawers for Ralph Reed.

Ralph Reed GOT his platform.
Ralph Reed cost Bob Dole this election.
You know it, I know it.

Reed's been jerking Dole around like a rag doll.

Now... now... now... that Dole's lost,
Ralph sees other fish to fry.
Now, he's going to "help" in state races.

Hey, GOP! I got a TIP for you!
Ralphie-boy gets you a primary win - period.
The McVeigh wing is VERY well organized,
but they're only 5% of the electorate, stupid!

There's a cancer in the Republican Party.
It's called religious hate.

RL-LNW is read by people across the political spectrum,
but don't we all agree that America would be better off
if Jesse Helms was put to sleep?

If Bob Dole's values are grounded in Russell, Kansas,
why does he dye his eyebrows everyday?

Are there MANY septegenarians stumbling around
Russell, Kansas with dyed eyebrows?


I was in Yahoo, messing with the search engines.
Trust me, put "Rush Limba ethics" in the search box,
and it'll come back with "zero matches."

Ha Ha

Is anyone surprised?

The U.S. Postal Inspection Office tallied the 416,216
scam complaints they received this year and compiled a
list of the Top Five Lies told via the US Mail:

5. You're the guaranteed winner of a big prize.
(You're not.)

4. This chain letter is legal.
(It's not.)

3. Your assistance is needed to move funds from Nigeria
to America. We need your Mastercard number.
(Scam city)

2. You've just won a FABULOUS vacation.
(You haven't)

..and the biggest mail-fraud lie of 1996...

1. Send us some money, quick!
Bob Dole can still win!

If Rush is singing, does that mean it's over?

Here at the RL-LNW Home Office, we received a letter from
Mike Thornbrugh, running for House Dist 75 in Oklahoma.
The letter says:

A. Mike has been an effective legislator for me.

B. He's thankful for the blessings he's received.

C. He feels fortunate to serve me.

D. He wants to express his appreciation for me.

E. He wants MY help in defining "new goals."
(Yeah, Mike. I'm JUST the dude you want to talk to!)

F. He's "for education," but wants the Department of
Education dismantled or turned over to the NRA.

G. He says he's for longer sentences for criminals.

H. he says he's "pro-family."

But, you know what he DIDN'T say?

Did you see anything about a tax cut?
Did you see Dole's name mentioned?
Did you see Snoot's name mentioned?
Did you see Reagan's name mentioned?
Did you even see the word "Republican?"

Can you believe, in dusty Oklahoma, a Republican
would run for office without identifying his party?

When you run against Bill Clinton,
you better NOT tell people you're a Republican.


Two years ago the GOP called him "The Party Wrecker."

I'll be goddamned if the Republicans weren't right!!

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