Buchanan wins New Hampshire, Clorox up 12 points
Pulling to the McVeigh right
Guns at the GOP Convention?
RUCK FUSH bumper stickers
Dole slept with
-a former Secretary of Labor
-at least one member of the Reagan cabinet
-at least one member of the Bush cabinet
"the water supply is important to the people of Florida."
"you never know where your campaign money comes from."
Clinton down 5 + Whitewater Hearings = Clinton up 20
Gingrich approval higher than Saddam
Most anti-gun President in history
(unless you count presidents shot.)
Dole's hold on GOP base
shakier than Rush's dinner chairs
"Bedtime for Bonzo"
"The Love Boat"
"The Beverly Hillbillies"
"Die Hard II"
the stupid half of Sonny and Cher
"I told you! NO TOY GUNS!"
"If I had to lie, I couldn't do it."
Doing "the wave" at Schindler's List
Woodward's book on Nixon
"lies and distortions"
Woodward's book on Reagan
"lies and distortions"
Woodward's book on Clinton
"the most goddamn accurate book EVER!"
"I'm Haley Barbour, Chairman of the RNC"
"Don't come to ME with your goddamn problems."
"I even bought her a book about rape, and THAT did no good.
Nothing made her happy."
"Clinton and Newt are saying the exact same things,
but CLINTON IS LYING!!"
Gennifer Flowers in "Oh! Calcutta."
Paula Jones in "Penthouse."
-nude GOP attack doggettes
"I can be Ronald Reagan."
"Give me the White House or give me Watergate"
"The GOP has to avoid over-confidence."
"the anti-Rush newsletter on the Internet."
women who need "Intact D&E's" should just go ahead and die.
"I have a cast-iron gut"
Dole doesn't know the meaning of the word "failure"
(Dole got an education)
..the other is a dirigible.
"I make the decisions, my wife makes the bed."
"Let's face it, the world is going to go on,
and you're going to be a part of it."
the most important thing?
"Rush, could I get your swastica?"
"cookies worse than smoking?"
Keebler Elves alive,
Marlboro Man dead
"I was once backwards, sexist and anal about women."
"I can be Moses"
He talked about abortion and parted the GOP.
"We promised a vote on term limits,
we never promised a yes vote."
"some people say milk is bad, too."
GOP "haunted" knowing their file might've been read
The lemur then urinated on the Speaker.
the 40 Arkansas murders,
the Mena Airport,
the Tyson cash,
on the draft-dodging,
on Paula Jones,
on Vince Foster,
Mrs. Dole pro-choice?
"We've never talked about it"
RL: Democrats facing "Armageddon."
"Those protesters were young thugs disguised as old people."
"She'll do what Nancy Reagan did."
What would that be? Get drunk and screw Frank Sinatra?
sex with Bob Dornan?
sex with Clarence Thomas?
resent the question
sex with Trent Lott?
"Dole produced nothing but buyer's remorse"
"My heart lies at his level, at the Dole level."
"I've got Olympic fever
I'm going for the silver"
"I'd rather my kids die under Dole than let Clinton save them."
Quayle: Well, Clinton raised ....something, and then...
some bad stuff happened, ....and then.... then....
Hell, I don't know much about politics,
but it's pretty obvious that when Bob Dole speaks,
he uses his tongue prettier than a Muncie whore.
"I'm not comfortable attacking Hillary, but I'll do it"
"stop all sex education"
..it's quite possible the First Lady had or may have had the
opportunity to perhaps, through some action or inaction
vis-a-vis the missing documents related to, but not
limited to, the suggestion that, as it pertains to the
questions we have pertaining to the missing billing
records from the Rose Law Firm files, up to and
including the alleged moving of or possibly even the
destruction of potential evidence that could have shone
light on the obvious appearance of plausibility as it
pertains to the feasibility of the First Lady....
"We're campaigning with one hand tied behind our back."
Dr. Laura: Men ALWAYS think their job is so important.
I'll bet President Clinton knows how old
HIS daughter is. Is your job more important
than the president's?
Bob Dole: Grrrrrrrr
the sincerity of a billy goat
the appeal of a fence post.
"The Governors of New York, California, New Jersey and
Massachusetts believe in puncturing the baby's skull,
then sucking out the brain and the GOP welcomes them."
"Healthy people are going to Dr. Kervorkian...
..for the macabreness of it!"
"Stop lying about my record!!"
"Sex with the dead"
"taggants in milk!"
Hillary's fingerprints on her files
COME AND GET ME!!
"You want me to be Ronald Reagan?"
"It doesn't take a village, it takes a family.
I drink socialized water, too.
"In the Republican Party, abortion is a 50/50 issue,
with most people against it."
Dole in San Diego with the giant "CC" ring in his nose
He's been peeing in the refrigerator again."
"The Democrats are so nervous, they're in abject panic."
- documented right all the time....
He wouldn't BE ahead by 24 points
if Bob Dole was still alive.
"Bob Dole - FIVE major tax increases in five years."
"Jack Kemp - too many games without a helmet."
"I am not making this up."
"Bill Clinton will say anything to get elected."
The doctor has a choice:
The mother's life or prison.
"When Republicans run on the issues, they win."
The GOP is SO tolerant we don't need the word in our platform,
Pregnant woman with a sign - "DOLE's THE ONE!"
The Dole Library burned, destroying both coloring books -
Clinton was "shocked" to hear Dole picked Kemp
Dole, himself, fainted when Ralph Reed told him
A tax-cut AND a balanced budget
the chocolate sundae diet
choosing Kemp means Dole will lose by single digits
"No bureaucrat could invent beach volleyball"
the GOP convention is over,
reset your clocks to 1996.
"The root cause of crime is ......CRIMINALS!"
I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up.
The little bastard said "a supply-side whore."
"We might not get every vote"
those selfish women - "electing" to stay alive
"All you need is Presidential Will"
When Jim Kirk launches the Enterprize in 2375,
our descendants will still be paying for the Reagan Error.
Nancy was pregnant when she married Ronnie
Robertson's wife was pregnant when she married Pat
Harold Ickes - Shitza Brik
George Stephie - Katya Cherkenov
Susan Thomasses - Freiza Nutzov
Donna Shalala - Putcha Fingarin
Margaret Williams - Pulya Puddov
Robert Reich - Soyuz Pizzinasinc
Dick Morris - Sukya Towze
Mike McCurry - Shatya Waddov
Mickey Cantor - I.L. Kutchakokov
Leon Panetta - Uril E. Pizmeov
Louis Freeh - Benden Spredyachiks
Bernard Nessbaum - R.U. Hungenov
Warren Christopher - Kanya Shovitin
Paul Begala - Ida Bittertitov
James Carville - Getcha Shortzov
Snoot's no Colin Powell,
Hell, he's not even a semi-colin.
Paul Harvey, eat me.
"Phyllis Dole, what did Bob say when he walked out?"
"Mrs. Gingrich, what reason did Snoot give for
refusing to send child support?"
"Mrs. Limba, knowing Rush had a history of dumping
wives, were you surprised when he dumped you?"
"Stop telling the truth about my record!!"
Paula Jones wants one last ride on "Air Force One."
Bob Dole - had more women than Howard Stern.
Rush - the government's apologist.
Clinton 20 points ahead,
Dole shaking like a Mexican carburetor.
"I never heard a Republican attack Hillary - NOT EVEN ONCE!!!"
Besides, she invited those attacks when she jumped into the fray."
"It's not the same old Republican Party.
Why, we Republicans have changed so much,
many of us don't hate ni..."
Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Rush Limba
Who is America's whore?
Clinton freed time to squeeze in an Iraqi ass-kicking
Dole picked up the support of a black woman in Georgia.
"It's Labor Day, that's when we throw away the poll numbers"
Quayle: "Sen. Kerry in a tough race
Perhaps with Mrs. Heinz's fortune, he'll ketchup."
Gusto, then disaster, then depression.
"Carolina's EASTERN coast hit hard by Hurricane Fran."
Someone yelled "tax cut" at a crowded Dole rally
16 Republicans dead
RL-LNW: Is it true you were once a lazy-ass leech sucking the
government teat in the form of unemployment benefits?
Rush: I was without income once when I was married.
My wife made me go file for unemployment.
It was the most gut-wrenching thing I ever did.
(Radio show 5/10/95)
(The most mail we've ever received.)
When I think that Clinton's 1996 budget would have a
goddamn SURPLUS if not for the Reagan/Butch debt,
I bawl like Bob Dole at Nixon's funeral.
"Jack and I are looking voters in the eye and saying:
'I'm Bob Dole.'"
Tupak was shot again.
He almost became Nopak.
(Stolen days later by Limba.)
Bob Dole needs a 'Miracle from God'
The Enterprise has joined the battle in the gulf.
Saddam, that's your ass.
"Mervyn's Departnt Store is having a BABY SALE
Bob Dole won't allow Baby sales when he's Pessnit"
My mother still says "Don't touch my Social Security."
"We're on crime and we're on drugs."
"You want me to be Nancy Reagan?
Just Don't Do It.
There, I'm Nancy Reagan."
Busted for sodomy,
he pled down to "following too close."
"People who vote for Clinton don't realize how unhappy they are."
The Empire State Building or Bob Dole's birth certificate?
A bank robbed in Illinois
"Bob Dole says put the money in the bag."
"I am not lying."
"Abortion should be outside of politics."
"I will not make any personal attacks like my slimy,
two-headed monster of an opponent does."
GOP more splintered than a stuck door at Chuck Norris's house.
If Dole wins, will he pardon Tim McVeigh?
"Come KEEN, Mister Pessnit, come KEEN,
for Merica, for Merica, for Merica"
"If the First Amendment will protect a scumbag like me,
it's a good document that will protect us all."
Susan Rook shot back!
"Did Bob Dole keep his word to Phyllis when he
promised to love her UNTIL DEATH DO THEY PART?"
"..there were so many cars behind us,
..it looked like the funeral of a prominent citizen."
Is it any of OUR BUSINESS if John Kasich is gay?
"the GOP is celebrating kicking democratic butt this year."
"Would I ask for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Women who vote for Bill Clinton don't deserve better
"After Snoot, I'm the Republican's biggest fundraiser.
Jesus Christ, boy, I EXHALE soft money!"
Paul Harvey: THOSE STALLIONS ARE GODDAMNED LIARS!!!!!!!!!!!
Two years ago the GOP called him "The Party Wrecker."
I'll be goddamned if the Republicans weren't right!!
"Where's the outrage?"
The outrage is at the RNC.
Guess who they're mad at, Bob?
trips more often than Rob Petrie.
one "Slappy's Candy Keeper" per family.
Dental records needed to identify GOP
"Rush Limbaugh Lying Nazi Whore" search in Alta Vista
enough mud to drown Bangladesh.
--George Butch, JR
Weekend at Bob's
"Watch me, I'm another Harry Truman."
Truman's dead, Bob.
"I spanked my two-year old SIX TIMES one night
he was scared of the dark
I had to spank him again and again"
"In America, having AIDS is a bonus."
--The Coathanger Coalition.
Bob Dole in a cemetary, talking about estate taxes.
If white men only were allowed to vote
"Let's dig up Vince Foster and put him on trial."
--some black-hearted bastard asshole caveman piece-of-shit
"Come KEEN, Mister Pessnit! Come KEEN!
It's a game, it's a game, it's a game!!
Wake Up, Merica! Wake Up!"
"IT'S A SIN TO VOTE FOR BILL CLINTON."
you think that you are funny because
you are a cocksucking liberal faggot.
"I want to run for Pessnit in the worst way."
the best quote of the 1996 campaign:
>From our very own Lying, Nazi Whore,
without whom our outrage would not exist.
"This is perfect.
Jack Kemp is Ronald Reagan's heir.
This brings back the 'supply-side success of the 1980's.'
In effect, the 1996 Presidential election will be
a referendum between Bill Clinton & Ronald Reagan.
This is going to be fun to watch, folks."
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!