Issue #75

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

If we're so afraid of Asian influences in Washington,
why do we let the Moonies own the Washington Times?

H m m m m m m m m m m?????

"We had more problems in New England than anywhere else."
--Snoot Gingrich

Hey, Snooty!
Maybe you could start a drive to get more rednecks and
militia members to move to New England, therefore dropping
the collective IQ of the area, giving your cavemen a chance.

Thank me later...

Admitted baby-beater Ralph Reed was caught lying...


In those "impartial" voter guides, he changed the words.
He asked Democrats how they felt about "assault weapons."
Democrats said "Outlaw the sons-o-bitches."

But... but... but when the easily-led sheep read the guide,
the question asked what should be done about "firearms?"

When the idiot sheep read "Outlaw them," they got just
the wrong impression the baby-beater hoped for.

Why is "God's hand-picked messenger" lying to his sheep?

OJ was a top fundraiser for the NRA in the early 90's.

I hear they're angry he used a knife instead of a gun.

David Brinkley's career was summed up this way:
11 presidents, 4 major wars, 22 political conventions,
1 moon landing, 3 assassinations, 2,000 weeks of news,
and three personal slurs against a sitting president.

Ain't that a bitch?
After 50 years of journalism, Brinkley goes out with
a schoolboy gaffe and an apology for bad manners.

Clinton was very forgiving.
Jesus, he handled the whole thing perfectly!
When Brinkley apologized, Clinton said "I, myself have
sometimes misspoken after a long, tiring day," cleansing
himself for his Houston remark "I raised taxes too much."

I must say, Clinton scares ME!
I've never seen anybody this good!
We need to watch this guy, he's sharp!

Did you hear his remark about how "Colin Powell and I"
were on the losing side of Prop 209 in California?
Clinton & Powell against David Duke, The KKK and the GOP.

We can't be too surprised about Brinkley, though.
He's a Republican.
Republicans are grouchy old bastards by nature.

Sad news...

Paul Harvey's wife of 46 years has filed for divorce.
Mrs. Harvey said it was due to "irreconcilable differences."
(She's got some goofy name like "Sunshine" or "Pippy.")

It seems they were no longer compatible in the bedroom.
In court papers filed in Chicago, Mrs. Harvey said Paul Harvey
wanted her "to whinney during the marriage act."

The Slurmaster is trying to make the case that the Army
should ignore the multiple rapes until Paula Jones is heard.
He says they are "too similar to not look at together."

Let's compare Paula Jones to the Army rape victims.

1. The victims aren't called "liars" by their own witnesses.
2. The victims families haven't reported "smelling" money.
3. The Coathanger Coalition hasn't backed them up.
    (Nothing to gain politically from an Army rape victim.)
4. The Army victims haven't demanded for $400.000.
5. The Army victims aren't signing lucrative contracts.
6. The dozens of victims coming forward make
     the rapist's denials less credible.
8. The Army victims haven't posed for Penthouse.
9. The Army victims have no history of indecent exposure.

Yep, he's right again!!
In his zeal to slur America's President,
Limba was "forced" to use rape victims as pawns.

Remember, Rush is a role model for YOUR kids, sheep...

The Clever Wit of Bob Dornan

"When I was young, my penis would get so hard,
   the cat couldn't scratch it."


Bob Dornan, currently going steady with Rush Limba AND
Clarence "Slappy" Thomas, has been defeated in the House!
This is bad news for comedians everywhere.

So who's the biggest asshole in Congress now?
I nominate the prick's prick - Rep. Jim Inhofe.

Have you ever walked into a public restroom, say,
in a park or a convention center, and noticed a little
nugget in the toilet bowl before you use it?
That's Jim Inhofe.

Have you heard the latest dumbass quote of his?
"I don't know why we're sending troops to Zaire with food.
I can't imagine ANY good that could come from that."

Inhofe can't imagine what the starving would do with food?

Oh, Jesus! I'm embarrassed for Oklahoma,
not that I voted for that incestuous throwback,
but why does the GOP think this way?

Remember when Clinton's Crime Bill was on the floor?
They all said "More cops and more prisons and
fewer guns will not prevent a single crime!"
And now, "Tons of food won't help the starving?"

Let me guess: If we feed them today, they'll
just be hungry again tommorow, right Jim?
It's like that money you take from the Cancer Lobby, Jim.
If you take it today, you'll just need more tomorrow, right?

And can't we all agree that Cancer bribes in Jim Inhofe's
pocket are more important than feeding "dark people?"

Maybe a half-sheep could explain it to me.

Great Republican Quotes

"I'm going to try to be less of an asshole
  and less of a prick this term."
--Snoot Gingrich

Right-wing talk radio is the logical dumping ground for
defeated Republicans and no-class losers.

Speaking of no-class losers, "Gingrich ought to step down."
This from the man who EXHALES soft money, Steve Largeant.
As previously reported in RL-LNW, Largeant is often at odds
with the about-to-be-jailed Gingrich, Squeaker of the House.

(By the way, the November 18th TIME magazine, on page 37,
calls Snoot "Squeaker of the House." I WROTE that!
Well, it shows RL-LNW is growing bigger every day.)

Steve Largeant is one of those really dangerous dudes.
He seems to be a decent man, but... but... but he "knows"
he's got the "real" God on his side, and that makes him insane.

Not only will he drag his children into the dark,
he wants to drag America there, too.

He's closer to Hezbollah than to mainstream America!
His political ads say "He's not a professional politician."
Yet... yet... yet... he receives money for repeatedly running
for a seat in Congress. If anyone knows a better definition
of a professional politician, please forward it to RL-LNW.

Perhaps he likes the sound of "Squeaker Largeant?"
Koresh help us
if Hezbollah ever gains that much power in America.

(((UPDATE: Before we published, Largeant said that mean
Tony Snow TRICKED him and made him say bad things!!!
What a fucking coward!

Largeant, you sold out!!!
You're LYING, Mr, Super-Christian!!!!!!!!!!!

Right after I called you a decent man, too!
Every time I throw the right a bone, I get screwed.)))

Great Caveman Quotes

"Most of those military "rapes" are just women
  trying to sleep their way up the ladder."
    --The Methane Factory


From: "Tom Rice" 

Subject: KKK web page

Mr. BartCop,

I read your web page on the KKK.
It had many errors and was slanted to lead a person to
think that the KKK was supported by the Republican party.
Not so!
More often the democrats are more racist.

I am Republican myself, I am more sympathetic to equal rights
than most democrats. I have found that liberals are
more racist and bigoted than republicans.

You should get out into the real world before
you write such garbage as you do.

Tom Rice

Ed- Even the goddamn KKK is polite when they slam me.
How can I get some hate mail?

Am I over-the-top too polite?
Why can't I get more hate mail?
I said Inhofe was a turd in the zoo toilet,
and that doesn't make some dumbass sheep mad?


From: Thomas Ward 

Subject: Issue #6

(Editor's Note - Volume Six was the Tulsa KKK Rally Issue.)

While I agree that a person might belong to a specific race
or not is superior,

(What the hell does that mean?)

I will have to disagree with you concerning
the "political" slant of your article.

Simply put, not every republican is a "white supremicist."
However, I enjoyed the subtle pokes at the ignorant few
who choose to propagate hate. I only hope to see the same
"objective" view for all racists and not only the rednecks
that spew bullshit. That includes the FOI my friend,

(I'm lost... the FOI?...)

be idealistic but keep the feet on the ground.

Peace Brother,
Thomas Ward

What does THIS mean?
The KKK has accepted me?
Am I officially a lying, nazi whore?

What weapons did they use to seduce me?

Cocaine? Babes?

How did I get "inside" the KKK?

Well, he did it again.
You'd think the lying slug would learn, but noooooooo.

Last Friday:

"Many people say Clinton's fortunes changed after the OKC bombing.
People saw him as 'presidential' after that," the windbag said.

"I wonder..," Rush said.


Feedbag, you should be taught a lesson.
Pay attention - this will hurt you more than it does me.
What you said was very ugly.

Do you know what ugly looks like in a mirror?
Of course you do, you rat-bastard!!!

But I'm going to use Rush tactics back at you.
Tell me how it looks.

Rush, What if you knew you'd passed on your HIV-infection to
Bob Dornan before he was intimate with Clarence "Slappy" Thomas?
..And you did nothing to stop it?

What will Norm McDonald of SNL do now that
Bob Dole's at the glue factory?

One subscriber to RL-LNW is a real, wacko religio-nut.
He has a newsletter full of stale, RNC drivel and half-baked
Ralph Reed instructions on how best to beat your babies.

I told him his newsletter needed humor, so he wrote this joke.
(I fixed the spelling and syntax errors, but it's his joke.)

This from http://www.lemuria.com/papax7
-girls, wear something on your head

drum roll, please...

There were these two brothers called Slick and BartCop.
Most members of their congregation thought Slick and BartCop
were fine men - upstanding pillars of their church.
On the outside, they seemed like good, decent Christians.
But inside, their lives were ethically challenged.
(sound familiar?)

They had everybody fooled but their Pastor, Dudley Dewright.
He saw through their deceit and immorality.

Slick and BartCop helped organize the fundraising for
the new church roof, no doubt to skim or launder money.
Then, suddenly, Slick died.

BartCop went to Pastor Dudley Dewright, and offered a deal:
He'd pay for the new roof if Pastor Dewright would refer
to Slick in the eulogy as "an angel."

Dudley agreed and took the money.
But BartCop was in for a great surprise.
During the eulogy, Pastor Dudley laid out the list of
crimes committed by Slick and BartCop over the years.
Theft, drugs, kidnapping, rape, misuse of stamps etc.
BartCop could only hang his head in shame.

BartCop figured Dudley went back on his word.
But after the blistering attack, Pastor Dudley closed with
"but compared to BartCop, Slick was a saint."

ED. The joke has ended.

You know why you can't get the Macarena out of your head?
It's "Whole Lotta Love" with different words.

Hum a few bars, tell me I'm wrong...

"You're a draft-dodging, yellow-bellied liar!
  You're a disgrace to the office of the presidency!
  You're a disgrace to your gender!
  You're a disgrace to America!"
   --Valerie Parker, beach jogger and Republican,
       to the President of the United States
       proving that GOP hate is just a myth.

"They used to tease Jimmy Carter about having an
  embarrassment for a brother. Now they tease me."
   --Candace Gingrich

Is confessed baby-beater Ralph Reed a committed religious
conservative who found politics?

Or is he a political strategist who realized that boneheaded,
idiot sheep will follow anyone claiming God's ear?

Bonehead Rush Quotes

"It's OK for me to comment on President Clinton.
  I have a right, and even a DUTY to influence elections."

  Rush, dittos on your fine job in 1992 and 1996.

DAN QUAYLE - Stand Up Comedian

I wanted to hunt some bear.
I took my .22 rifle and headed to the woods.
As I came to the top of a hill I saw my first bear.
I aimed and fired, but I missed.
The bear ran after me and grabbed me by the throat.
"You're caught! You have two choices:
  Blow me or I'll tear you apart with my claws."

I couldn't believe it, the bear talked!
What could I do? I didn't want to die so I got on my knees
and gave that bear the best goddamn blowjob he ever had.
The bear said "Smart choice" and walked away.

I was so angry and stunned. I couldn't tell anyone.
They wouldn't believe me, and they'd probably call be names.
So, I decided I had to to kill the bear.

I went to town and bought a double-barreled shotgun.
Then, I went back to the woods and found the bear.
I aimed and fired but missed.
The bear ran up to me and grabbed my throat.
"You have two choices: Blow me or I'll tear you in half."

God help me, I didn't want to die, so I blew the bear again.
When he was done, he said "Smart choice" and walked away.

By now, I was insane with rage.
I went back to town and bought two AK-47's with double clips.
I went back and found that bear one more time.
I emptied both clips at the bear.
The sound was deafening.
Leaves and branches were flying around like a Bruce Willis movie.
When I ran out of bullets, I couldn't see anything but dust.
All of a sudden, the bear grabbed me by the throat and said

"You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"


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