Did you see this Letter to the Editor in the July 9 USA Today?
"I am hearing more and more criticism of prosecutor Ken Starr.
Those who criticize him are wasting their time.
Starr is an instrument in the hands of a holy and just God.
The Lord has given prosecutor Starr the evidence to bring
Hillary and Bill Clinton down.
Just as God delivered the Jews from Pharoah, he is going to deliver
America from the Clintons."
Max W. Lynch, pastor
New Covenant Church
Terre Haute, Ind.
(Pastor, I have a few questions:
Where is this evidence the Lord has?
When will He deliver it to His instrument, Ken Starr?
Is God sharper than, say, Al D'Amato?
Is Rush Limba an instrument, too?
Or is he just a tool?
And this "deliverance" thing:
Will God wait 40 years, as he did with Israel?
Let's see, in 40 years, Clinton will be 90,
so you just might be onto something, dude.)
What does GOPAC stand for?
Give Our Party A Chance
Susie "Creamcheese" Molinari told Newsday the REAL reason she
got out of politics. "I still have some friends in Congress,
but let's face it - the Republican Party has become the party
of assholes and I wanted no more of it," she explained.
"I mean, C'mon! It got to the point where I couldn't even get
in the House elevator without getting a "titty-twister" from
Tom Delay or Dick, the Foul-Mouth Texan. I put up with them
for years, but now I'm nursing and my kid comes first."
Delay and the Foul-Mouth Texan did not return calls to RL-LNW.
"IF" can be a very scary word.
It scares the hell out of Republicans.
You know why?
Because it forced them to make decisions.
It causes them to define the parameters of their bigotry.
I have no trouble answering a question with "IF" in it.
Let me give you an example:
"Hey, BartCop. 'IF' Jesus Christ appeared and lifted your
house and asked you to build a hospital in His name,
would you do it? Would you believe in God then?
You bet your ass I would.
See how easy that was?
It was easy because it's NOT going to happen.
And, if it does, I'd really, really believe in Him.
So, I have an "IF" question for the Republicans,
the religiously insane and the Coathanger Coalition.
"IF" science proves homosexuality is genetic,
would you Republicans and the others stop hating gays?
Or would you just change the reason they hate them?
That's a TOUGH question, because science might find that gene
tomorrow, and THEN what would the RR and the GOP and the CC
use as glue to hold their hate-filled group of bigots together?
It's all Holyfield's fault.
At their weigh-in, Tyson told the crowd he was the greatest,
most feared boxer in the world, and promised to knock out
Evander Holyfield in the first three rounds.
Holyfield said "Bite me."
You know how you can tell the end of the world is near?
The Democrats are now the party of fiscal sanity.
Donald Smaltz, assistant to Kenneth Starr, has spent $9,000,000
so far trying to find out if Don Tyson gave Mike Espy tickets to
a football game, plus transportation to the game, and $1200 to
his girlfriend for college tuition.
That's $9,000,000 of OUR money, chasing $1200 and Cowboy tickets.
So far, they got dick.
You know, if ol' BartCop had $9,000,000 and unlimited resources,
I could convict Barbara Butch of Abe Lincoln's murder.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Dunno - they're still in the dark.
Have you heard about the U.S. Navy's newest aircraft carrier?
It's the USS Reagan.... but they forgot where they put it.
This just in...
Paula Jones has amended her petition against President Clinton
to add the allegation that he bit her ear in 1991.
White House attorneys couldn't stop laughing.
Let's go to the phones...
Next up is Marc in Springfield, Missouri.
Welcome, Marc!
Hi, BartCop. I can't believe I got through...
The Supreme Court upheld laws giving states the right to
ban doctor-assisted suicides. what a stupid decision!
The justices fail to face the fact that everybody dies.
The Court feels it's up to Uncle Sam to choose the method of
how ones life will end.
When we have an old sick pet that is suffering we have compassion
on the poor beast, and we put it out of it's misery because it is
the humane thing to do We don't want our beloved pet to suffer a
torturous and hideous death. How do we as a society deny people the
same dignity and compassion that we give to our animals?
It's time we tell the government that our personal decisions are
none of their business. Even if choosing doctor-assisted suicide is
the wrong decision, it's my life and it's my wrong decision to make!
marc@ctyme.com
(Marc, I couldn't agree more.
Of course, I've ALWAYS been a less-government guy.
I only wish I could get some Republicans to agree.
I own guns, and if I get in the same shape Brian Keith was...
Let me put it this way:
If I don't like a movie, I get up and leave.
And if I'm unable to reach for my Glock, I hope there's a
Dr. Jack who will help me. But then again, I could probably
mention Mrs. BartCop's cooking and get a bullet, too.)
Flashback
Volume 31
The American Medical Association says accidental overdoses
among children have dropped 45% since federal regulations
required child-proof caps on prescription drugs.
Once again, we've got heavy-handed big government,
thugs stomping out our rugged individualism with their
senseless and unneeded, pointy-headed liberal ideas.
As always, Rush is right.
Tyson's a bad guy, right?
He did a bad thing.
What Mike Tyson did was bad for boxing.
But how bad, how heinous was it?
Worse than Rodman kicking a cameraman in the balls?
I'd say.... yes,
Worse than Roberto Alomar spitting in the umpire's face?
I'd say.... yes,
But, how would Tyson's biting stack up next to arming terrorists?
Reagan and Butch could TEACH Tyson about shame...
Gennifer Flowers has ANOTHER book out about Clinton,
as though she has the brains to write a book by herself.
She was on Liddy's radio show, whoring for sales.
Among the highlights of the interview:
1. Liddy and Gennifer spent ten minutes telling each other
how incredibly sexy they each were.
2. Gennifer says Clinton has no "distinguishing characteristics."
Liddy even pressed the issue, saying "Since you claim to have
slept with Mr. Clinton for 12 years, you'd know, right?"
3. She claims SHE broke up with HIM.
Funny, she's spent every minute since "the break-up" clinging
onto his coattails, whoring for money, yet SHE was the one
who wanted to get away? I guess that makes sense -
if you buy your Woolite by the case.
4. She called the media a "bunch of whores."
It's that precious?
She must've learned that trick from Limba.
5. The title of the book is "Passion and Betrayal."
The original, working title for her book was
"Fuck Me, Oh, Fuck Me HARDER, Mr. President,"
but Kennneth Starr thought they'd lose money in the
Christian bookstores with such a provocative title.
Great GOP Quotes
"Bill Clinton has 15,000 lawyers attacking Paula Jones."
--Rush, never one to exaggerate.
How does an idiot order breakfast?
Dan Quayle goes into a restaurant, and when the pretty waitress
asks for his order, says, "I want a quickie."
She slaps his face and asks, "What's your order, smart-ass?"
Again, he says, "I want a quickie."
She slaps him again and says, "I'll give you one last chance.
If you want to eat here, you'd better order something."
Someone from the next table leaned over and says to Dan,
"It's pronounced QUICHE."
Great Tater Quotes
"May our nation continue to be a BEAKON of hope to the world."
-- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card.
God, thank you for sending us Dan Quayle.
Flashback
Volume 24
"I dated a member of the NOW gang, years ago when I worked for
the Royals in Kansas City. I did evything she wanted.
I even bought her a book about rape, and THAT did no good.
Nothing made her happy."
--Captain Crunch, May 13, 1996
(Yep, Rush, them womens is a mystery...)
Did you hear Rush's unintentional slap at Reagan?
When he was talking about Jimmy Stewart's career, he said
"Jimmy Stewart was a WAR HERO. Oh, sure, he could've stayed
in Hollywood and made war films, but he didn't."
Hmmmmmm....
I wonder who Rush might've been thinking of when comparing the
bravery of Jimmy Stewart to the cowards who stayed home?
Could it be....REAGAN????????????????
To be fair, we have to give Ronald Reagan credit.
Not one, single Japanese zero got past Santa Monica.
So, global warming is a myth, eh?
Last week it was so hot in New York,
Rush paid a hooker $50 for a "fan job."
Fatty Feedbag's Incredible "Trooths"
"The current stock-market boom is a Reagan boom, no doubt.
And if it's NOT a Reagan boom, it's a 1994 Congress boom."
--Radio Show, July 10
(Oh, sure, Fat Bastard.
Give credit to EVERYONE except the guy driving the bus.)
Great GOP Quotes
"Nobody is trying to bring down President Clinton."
--Illinios Rep. Thomas Ewing, (R-Bonehead)
Directly from the whore's mouth...
"This next piece is from The Economist magazine - it says if
current economic conditions continue, the United States will
have a BUDGET SURPLUS in fiscal 1998."
-- direct from the Lying, Nazi Whore, July 9, 1997
(Thank You, Bill Clinton, for correcting the Reagan Error.)
Back to the phones...
Jeff, from Stubenville, Ohio, Welcome to RL-LNW!
BartCop, I found your site while searching for info on the
Hindenburg. I am a republican and resent your implication
that the GOP is even remotely similar to the german Nazi party.
The nazi party was based on hatred and prejudice.
(So, what's the difference in the two?)
Most Republicans I know believe in equality for each individual.
(Is that why there's only one black Republican in Congress?)
I suggest you do something positive instead of bashing the GOP.
I would like to continue, however my time is limited.
You see, I work a full time job.
Jeff
harting@comsource.net
(Jeff, you have a job?
You're a lucky son-of-a-bitch.
Me?
I'm on the dole.)
Did you see the Nightline about the Hubble telescope?
They pointed it at the darkest corner of the universe
they could find, and they saw 1500 galaxies!
That's 1500 Milky Ways in the DARKEST corner.
How arrogant to assume out of the billions of galaxies,
only one planet in one galaxy could support life.
What will organized religion say when we find new life?
A man goes to the doctor, and says,
"Before you start your examination, there's something
you should know. I have five penises.
"Five penises!" the doctor replies. "How do your pants fit?"
"Like a glove, Doc."
FeedBag Follies
"Sorry, I seem to have diarrhea of the mouth today."
-- Rush Limba, June 27, 1997
Today?
TODAY?????????????????
I've promised that Volume 100 would be something special.
I'd better get to work and think of something...
WANT ADS
Needed: Comedy writers.
Must be available immediately,
Must have killer, funny story ready.
Contact RL-LNW at once
Great TRUE Moments in GOP History
Larry King had an hour dedicated to Crossfire.
All the Crossfire gang was on, and so was Dan Quayle.
Larry: And now, via satellite from Phoenix, is Dan Quayle.
Mister Vice President, do you have a favorite memory
from being on Crossfire you'd like to share?
Danny: Well... I was never on Crossfire, Larry.
Larry: But Dan, we just watched a clip of you on Crossfire...
Danny: Oh, that's right.
Rush the Wise Man
Caller: Rush, why do the Democrats keep whipping us on these
PR things, like with the flood-relief bill?
Rush: I don't have a clue. I wish I knew.
A young ventriloquist is touring the Midwest and stops to
entertain in a bar in Indiana. He's going through his usual
redneck jokes, when Dan Quayle stands up and says,
"I've heard enough of your hillbilly jokes;
we ain't all stupid just because we're in Indiana."
The ventriloquist felt bad and began to apologize, when Dan said
"Not you, Mister, I'm talking to that little fella on your knee!"
This Just in...
CNN says Snoot Gingrich is changing his name!
They say he's changing it to "Toad."
His new e-mail address is toad@pondscum.gov
No explanation was given.
Back to the phones...
Ray from Dallas, you're on RL-LNW!
Hi BartCop,
I just red your web page and it remined me why liberals are no
thret to America. It is rife with erors and unfunded assertions.
For instince, Rush's last name is spelled "Limbaugh", not Limba.
Secondly, Rush is well aware of Chrissie Hyndes PETA connections
and support of other liberal causes.
That's what makes his selection of "My City Was Gone" significunt:
Rush is open-mined enuogh to overlook a artists political beleifs.
Ray
defrese@pdq.net
(Ray, I agree.
Rush's open-mindedness, his willingness to be fair is legendary.
If Rush wasn't such an open-minded person, people might refer
to him as a lying, nazi whore.)
Great GOP Quotes
"My kids, they're going to be scared of me."
--Mike Tyson, after the fight
Gee, Mike.
Would that be because you're a convicted rapist and a cannibal?
Rush Logic
"Jews have been historically persecuted, but they MADE it.
If the Jews can make it, why can't the blacks?"
--Slurs-R-Us Radio, June 23, 1997
Hey, Feedbag.
Jews and gays can hide their "disability."
But, a Republican can hate a black man from a quarter mile away.
You know what it's called when you pre-judge someone?
It's called prejudice, moron.
Great GOP Quotes
"The Civil War was a REAL war, fought by REAL people."
--Snoot Gingrich, Squeeker/Historian.
So, if I understand the Squeeker, and I do, World War II
and Vietnam were "fake wars," fought by "fake people?"
This asshole needs a muzzle worse than Tyson.
Great GOP Quotes
"Some people say cigarettes are bad for you.
Some people say cookies are bad for you, too."
--Bob Dole, just a man
Ed Hall, 67, recently passed away. Mr. Hall is the third
former Marlboro Man to die of lung cancer since 1992.
Yet, Limba and the GOP remain adamantly pro-tobacco,
accepting millions of dollars of cancer money.
..and those Keebler elves are STILL alive!
Back to the phones...
Gary in Atlanta, you're on RL-LNW.
BartCop, man was I wrong. Now I submit to the ivory tower liberal
intelligentsia. I know that liberal is derived from the word
"liberty," and I thought liberty meant freedom from government.
Now I know it means what the government says is right.
Liberal government builds schools, museums, libraries, parks,
stadia, theaters, nature preserves, the list goes on and on.
And those founding fathers, p-huh!,
They were either stupid or cold-hearted. Would you agree?
By no measure were they comparable to today's liberals.
What more can I do to serve the greater good?
trilith@sprynet.com
(Hey, Trigger, breathe into a paper bag.
You'll feel better.)
Before I forget,
Volume 100 will only work if you have a CD
of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.
The staff has put a lot of work into Volume 100, so be sure
you have your CD. You have a week or three, as the staff is
fine-tuning this sure-to-be-a-classic issue of RL-LNW.
The staff of RL-LNW has voted on our next field trip.
We're going to see U2 in St Louis in November.
I e-mailed Don Fowler over at the DNC for some "special funding."
I get this lame reply that he's gone, and some new guy named
Marvin Rosen is in charge of distributing "special funding."
So Rosen sends me this really lame e-mail about how broke the
Democrats are. Can you believe this shit?
He says they're $15,000,000 in debt, and the most he can afford
to send me is about $1,000. He even suggested I DRIVE the staff
to St Louis in the BartCopmobile to save money.
The nerve.
So, on a whim, I asked my publisher at ctyme.com to create
a dummy webpage called "Bill Clinton - Lying, Nazi Whore."
Then I contacted the Republican National Committee and said
the staff of BC-LNW needed some money to see U2 in St Louis.
I'll be goddamned if it didn't work!!!
I got a call from that Andreas guy at Archer Daniels Midland.
He says the GOP told him to "make me happy," so he's sending a
fucking Gulfstream 5 from Wichita to fly us all to St Louis!!
They got us a string of suites at fabulous Union Station
hotel downtown next to the stadium, PLUS $3,000 spending cash.
I might have to re-examine my entire political mindset.
Yeah...yeah, I can see it more clearly now!
I'm starting to realize that blacks are just lazy and
the poor people just don't WANT to have any money,
and gay people are just an abomination against almighty God.
WOW!
Being a lying whore pays really well...
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!
