You think I only make $9,000,000 a year doing this?
Who told you I only make $9,000,000 doing this?
Ha ha ha.
-- Limba, laughing at his ditto-monkeys, Dec 10, 1997
This last Friday the 12th, in the last hour, Rush bragged
about how he could bring women to orgasm over the airwaves.
If you heard the show, you know it happened.
Sure enough, a lady called in to confirm that Rush had,
indeed, given her many orgasms over the airwaves.
"After all, what woman could resist you?" she swooned.
Next, swear to Koresh, this guy calls in praising Fat Bastard:
-for always taking the high road,
-for being a man of good taste,
-for never being crude or borish,
-then the caller says "Rush, you're SUCH a class act."
Rush said "Gosh, I hate it when Snerdly puts praise calls through.
What, Mr. Snerdly? That's all we're getting?
Thanks, caller. You're so perceptive."
I lost my lunch.
Unusual GOP Quotes
"I came with my vacuum cleaner."
-- Marta Limba, Rush's show December 11, 1997
proving GOP women have them, too
You can't beat those Janet Reno hearings for drama.
Not nearly as good as Harold Ickes, but still great TV.
My favorite part was when Janet showed her cajones.
Rep. Bob Barr suggested she was afraid of Bill Clinton.
Reno got a crazed look in her eye and whipped out a cigarette
lighter and held it under her hand.
"Do I look scared to you, asshole?" she asked, as the smell
of burning flesh sickened those crammed into the chamber.
Koresh was right.
You don't want no part of Janet Reno.
The Song Remains the Same
In the January issue of INSIGHT Magazine, a report
by award-winning Paul Rodriguez, claims a cow,
once owned by a corporation owned, in part,
by former Clinton Cabinet Member Hazel O'Leary,
apparently started the great Chicago Fire of 1889.
Rep. Dan "Watermelon" Burton wants hearings and we've got
another entry into the endless string of "gotcha" attempts.
Rush, Liddy and Semper Fi have specials on this tomorrow.
...and Tennessee Tuxedo wants perjury charges against the cow.
Just got back from Texas...
Boy, they love their Governor down there.
His name is George Herbert Traitor Butch Junior.
He gave an interview to the The Dallas Morning News.
They said when he announced his intention to try to win another
term as the Governor of Texas, he held his press conference
at Sam Houston Elementary School in Midland, trying to
give the Texas electorate the impression that he's not
"the elitist, Ivy-League pussy" his daddy was.*
(*Copyright - The Dallas Morning News)
They asked him if he was going to run for president.
Junior told them "No."
They asked if there was any chance he'd change his mind.
Junior said "Read... My... Lips!"
They asked him to describe his political style and Junior said
he liked to consider himself a "compassionate Republican."
That means he's quite a bit different from all the hate-filled
sons-a-bitches that have turned the once-great Party of Lincoln
into a goddamn decades-long, non-stop Jerry Springer show.
Well, there's a new Butch in town.
Before Junior left, he wanted one thing made clear:
"I'm not ashamed of my father's name, but I am NOT a Junior.
My father's name is George Herbert Traitor Butch.
My name is George Herbert Butch," he told them.
"The name 'Traitor' is not on my birth certificate."
Date: 25 Nov 1997
From: Domenic Fusco
Subject: unsubscribe meyou hate filed newsletter
(Now, Dominic, you know the rules.
You must put "Nancy Reagan" in the subject line to unsubscribe)
Date: 27 Nov 1997
From: Domenic Fusco
Subject: please pease take me off you list
(Rules are rules.
You must put "Nancy Reagan' in the subject line.)
Date: 28 Nov 1997
From: Domenic Fusco
Subject: nancy reagan
(OK, I will remove your name from the RL-LNW list.
This is proof that a ditto-monkey CAN learn, if people
just make the effort to spend some time with them.)
Tulsa, Oklahoma is a small town.
The seven Ford dealerships announced they are going to merge
and become one giant, super-store with seven locations.
On top of that, they will be exclusively "no-dicker."
I realize "no-dicker" makes you think of Rush Limba,
but in this case it means the conglomerate puts a price
on the Ford, and you can pay it or you can drive 100 miles
to Oklahoma City and deal with the "no-dickers" there.
Many Tulsans wrote Letter's to the Tulsa World Editor:
-"This is a monopoly."
-"If all Ford stores are owned by the same group,
and every car and truck has a set price, why,
...that's not free enterprise."
-"It's un-American to stifle competition."
-"We'll never buy a Ford from the conglomerate."
Then, this letter to the editor appeared in the Tulsa World.
"Hey, you ditto-monkees!
Use that head you CLAIM God gave you.
You voted for the Jesus Twins, Largent and Coburn.
They promised you LESS government.
They promised to get government's boot OFF freedom's throat.
They promised to let free entrepreneurism thrive.
This is capitalism at work.
You got your wish, so shut the hell up."
This message brought to you by the Ford Motor Company.
Ford - Where Competition is Job Two.
Great Media Quotes
"Looking forward to the next presidential election,
one reason George Butch Junior looks so good to the GOP
is that his competition looks so weak.
Mr. Forbes is stiff,
Mr. Alexander is bland,
Mr. Quayle is a joke and
Mr. Kemp is on the politically disabled list."
wearing her skirts a little higher these days
I haven't heard Ollie Traitor's show in a few weeks.
Anybody know Ollie's position on the Republican charges that
Clinton's friends are lying to Congress and taking the fifth?
Ollie, you slimy slug.
NOW, it's a crime, right?
Some problems are easy to solve.
The President of the United States is taking a lot of flak
for having a "monolog" instead of a "dialog" on race.
"He's preaching to the choir when he talks to liberals
and blacks on this subject," the critics bark.
So, why doesn't he just invite David Duke and Jesse Helms
and Clarence Thomas and some other bigots to speak?
That would quiet the critics, right?
Hell, maybe we could introduce Orrin Hatch to a black man.
Yep, we started in back in 1996 with only a few subscribers.
Little by little, our subscription list grew. As time went by,
we've heard from democrats, republicans, doctors, judges,
congressmen and senators, but this is a first for us:
From: James M. Baker III
Subject: website visit
Your a waste of human life shithed Rush is God
and you toil in cyber-anonimety
James M. Baker III
Former Secretary of State
Quayle Says He'll Run, But When?
WASHINGTON (AP) - Dan Quayle says he will run for president
but he's not sure when.
"I will run for president, but I'm not sure when,"
Quayle said on "Fox News Sunday."
Now and then I mess with a ditto-monkey just for kicks.
This bonehead tried to get ugly, so I sent this to him:
]] To: SELECTAUTO@prodigy.net
]] From: firstname.lastname@example.org
]] Subject: Your Subscription to Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore
]] Thank you for subscribing to Rush Limba, Lying, Nazi Whore.
]] Your first, free on-line issue should arrive in a few days.
]] Subsequent issues are only $4.95 per week.
]] We will bill you later for your convenience.
]] The Staff at RL-LNW
> There was no request, tasit or otherwise for a subscription to
> you hate e-zine. Delivary of your pulbication will be refused,
> and any attempt to bill me for this unsalicited subscripton
> will result in a complaint to your server, the Attorney
> General of Iowa and the better business bureu.
> I will have my personal attorney contact you.
> I AMNOT KIDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ditto-monkeys always make me laugh.)
To RL-LNW Subscribers and Web Page Lurkers:
We are trying to keep costs down at RL-LNW humor magazine.
We do not want to charge our loyal subscribers a monthly
subscription fee, so we have reluctantly agreed to an
experimental advertising program. Surprisingly, over the
last year or so we started getting offers from right-wing
organizations to place their ads in RL-LNW.
I don't know why.
I suspect they are up to something.
So we will try this and see how it works.
If it doesn't work, we'll look at other options.
We will allow a maximum of three GOP ads per issue.
To get the amount of money I need to keep paying the bills
and writers, I had to agree to give them editorial control.
Thanks for understanding, and I promise we will
work as hard as we've ever worked for anything
to keep RL-LNW Humor Magazine free of charge.,
(This Ad paid for by Phillips Affordable Insurance)
From: "PHILLIPS AFFORDABLE INSURANCE"
motherfucker you and all the other sick commie liberals
need to move to china we support the KLAN and we have no
use for the NOW BUNCH you liberals need to leave this land
you stupid son of a bich
PS. See me for ALL your personal insurance needs.
(This ad paid for by Phillips Affordable Insurance.)
On Meet the Press, James Carville suggested America needs
a 24-hour all-hate, anti-Clinton cable channel.
This is an EXCELLENT idea.
The Oswalds, the McVeigh's, the Ray's and the Sirhan's
NEED a place to vent their outrage, don't you think?
Isn't that why Marta Limba started "Vent" Magazine?
We'd have far fewer dead Americans if the wacko-right
had a place to release their pent-up, excess hatred.
Good idea, James.
I, for one, would watch constantly.
What's more entertaining than a religio-crook or an excited
ditto-monkey attack the best president in decades?
Great Rush Quotes
"We don't really have time to be fair to another caller,
but I'll bet ...I have time for a quick personal slur.
Larry King is a poor, pathetic has-been...
...and we have to go."
-- The Republican Party's class act,
Rush Limba, December 2, 1996
from his little throne of courage.
Abortions are at a 22 year low.
Thank you, Bill Clinton.
The Republican National Committee, the National Right To Life
Campaign and the Coathanger Coalition have announced that they
will donate a total of $100 million over the next ten years
to assist indigent single mothers.
No... wait a minute.
That's NOT what they did.
They don't give a damn about that mother and her newborn.
Hell, that's only a few thousand votes, max.
You know how many people want a tax cut?
...so the Christian money goes there, instead.
When that baby was a fetus, the right-to-life wackos
were willing to lay down in the streets and...
excuse me, that's incorrect...
The pro-lifers had their their small children lay down in the
streets to block cars driving near a women's clinic.
But, the minute that fetus becomes a baby, the religio-nuts
get really unconcerned and find they lean towards
"rugged individualism" and capitalism for all.
Maybe a half-sheep could explain it to me?
>Saw an piece on CNN about the El Nino enhanced-storm
>that hit Southern California this weekend.
>How can this be?
>Didn't "Tubby" tell the flock "Don't worry, be happy?"
>Hope they don't drift my way....!
I intend to pound on Here, Piggy, Piggy on that point
in every issue of RL-LNW until El Nino goes away.
Imagine the gall of King Lumpy, telling his ditto-monkeys
it's stupid to prepare for a disaster that's coming their way.
Most meteorologists say El Nino is in the very early stages of
it's effect on Southern California. To explain this, Rush says the
meteorologists are "in on Clinton's conspiracy" against America.
And the ditto-monkey's are buying it in Valdez quantities.
Already, we've seen railroad service interrupted between San Diego
and Los Angeles, we've seen four-feet of water on some streets,
and three to five inches of water in downtown Los Angeles.
Over two days, Santa Barbara received NINE inches.
In Orange County, south of Los Angeles -- more than seven inches
of rain fell in 24 hours, according to the National Weather Service.
"This is only rain.
It's the rainy season in California.
Gore was just grandstanding when he warned the people of
California to prepare for the downpours."
Rush, is that true?
Seven inches in one day is just "the rainy season" in Los Angeles?
Fun Quayle Quotes
"I think many Republicans feel I'm presidential timber."
They think you're dumber than rotted wood.)
The GOP got a collective hardon when they heard that no record
could be found of former Ambassador Lawrence being wounded.
Remember how this started?
Ollie, Liddy and Snoop Hoggy Hog said Clinton sold those plots
by the dozens, to any contributor with enough cash.
You know Rush - he LOVES playing with cadavers.
Rush loves playing with cadavers more than he likes food.
Rush loves playing with cadavers more than he likes food.
(GOP, no need to read this part.)
One died-in-office ambassador was granted a waiver by the
Arlington director, I forget his name, but it was NOT
granted by the best president of the 20th Century.
The GOP wants to ride this all-too-important issue
into the White House in 2000?
...something of substance the GOP can believe in.
Friday, December 12th, it snowed in Brownsville, Texas.
Once again, Rush is right.
El Nino is a liberal myth.
Fun Quayle Quotes
"As soon as I start winning primaries,
the whole issue of me being stupid goes away.
I'm not worried about that at all.
When I get compared to the other Republicans
running for president, I do really well."
(Wouldn't a Quayle/Butch fight for the nomination be fun?
What mud could they sling at each other?
"Your daddy is a dirty, rotten traitor," says Quayle.
"He sold arms to terrorists. I knew nothing about it."
"You're dumber than my wife's cooking," says Junior.
"I'm more outside Washington than you are," says Quayle.
"No, I'm more outside Washington than you," snaps Junior.
"Am not!" says Quayle.
"Am too!" says Junior.
I can't wait.
Subject: Was Reagan a republican or a democrat?
>I found your site somehow and read it. Your US politicians
>are unfamiliar to me - I live in the UK where we have our own
>set of money-lusting, power-hungry leaders.
>Help me out and prepare me for a 3 week sojourn to California
>next week, could you tell me which party the big names are
>aligned with and what position this Rush Limba fellow holds?
Matt, I'd be happy to:
Nixon, Reagan and Bush were Republican presidents.
Rush is a radio personality who seems to be running the
Republican Party, also known as the GOP (Grand Old Party)
Try to listen to Rush's show when you're in California.
Rush says the craziest things, but 20 percent of the country
think he's right. Rush appeals to the uneducated people.
Rush whines about how terrible white men are treated.
He speaks for the GOP, and they only get about 5% of the black
vote in America. I'm a white man, but I realize white men
have all the advantages, and I wonder why Rush always
complains that white men have it sooooo hard.
Rush says America needs more guns, more God and less education.
If Rush was in England, he'd ridicule the "idiots" from Oxford,
Cambridge and Rhodes. Rush makes $25,000,000 a year,
but he constantly whines about having to pay taxes.
I hope I helped...
>well it's a funny thing but when I got to California, I asked
>my host "Have you heard of Rush Limbaugh?" and she said,
>"Yes, he's brilliant. I've got two books by him, look."
>"Why, what have you heard about him?"
I said "I heard he was a lying, nazi whore..."
but, I had a great time anyway.
Thanks for the subscription,
Fun GOP Quotes
"Dan Quayle is the smartest candidate in the bunch,
and the most experienced."
-- John Sununu, Quayle's New Hampshire handler
(John, what does that say about your side?)
I caught Crossfire the day Janet Reno announced she wouldn't
appoint a special prosecutor to find out which phones
Clinton used to kick Bob Dole's ass.
To open the show, John Sununu asked the democrat this question,
THIS is the first thing out of his mouth:
"Are you happy that Janet Reno agreed with the democrats'
decision to go around the law on raising campaign money?"
Sununu, you're one lucky bastard, you know that?
It's a good thing you didn't ask me that question on live TV.
You see, it's that kind of question that begs to be answered
with a quick "Eat me." That's the only reply that's called for.
It would certainly discourage other such bullshit questions.
Buchanan, Kristol and Novak fight fair.
They're crazy, but polite.
Sununu is a pompous asshole, similar to the Giver of Orgasms.
It's a good thing I'll never get the chance to debate Sununu,
because I'd kick his lying ass quicker than Jack Kemp did
during the Desert Storm "debate" in the Oval Office.
"Take a look at the reality of life for African-Americans living
in this country," retired General Colin Powell said on CNN.
"Don't tell me we are on a level playing field."
Why are you in the party of intolerants?
What is it about the democrats that you can't support?
You're not Clarence Thomas,
You're not against the black race,
You're for affirmative action,
You're for a woman's right-to-choose...
You can't be against Clinton for economic reasons,
since he saved America from Red-Ink Reagan's nightmare.
General, with the right Chief-o-Staff,
you could possibly become president of this country.
I am available, Sir.
Big, Fat Nazi Quotes
"Bill Clinton is such a poor imitation of JFK. Just look at
the women they each bedded for confirmation of that."
(Gee, I dunno...
If Marilyn Monroe and Sharon Stone were both on the menu,
I think I'd order the Sharon Stone.
At least she'd stay awake.
Of course, it could be a generational thing...)
Y'know, it's not often ol' BartCop has to eat crow,
but, I feel like I need to right a wrong.
Recently, I've said some things that weren't very flattering
about Ward Connerly, Oklahoma Rep. J.C. Watts and Supreme Court
Judge Clarence Thomas, three prominent black men who some
liberals accuse of abandoning/screwing their own people to
get ahead in white-dominated America.
The truth is, it took courage for them to do what they've done.
It's not easy to tell your parents and brothers and sisters and
cousins and aunts and uncles and high-school buddies and folks
from the old neighborhood that they're just "too lazy."
It takes a special kind of man to do that.
Let's go back about 150 years.
Think of the courage it must've taken for one of the slaves to
agree to ride herd on the others - someone who had the courage
to help "Massa" break the others, to keep them in their place.
Clarence "Kunta" Thomas, particularly should be applauded.
He's a self-starter who stopped his incessant whining about
"gimme, gimme, gimme" and made something of himself.
When Kunta votes against Affirmative Action, he's helping "Massa"
cut the foot off a black man who might try to get out like he did.
He's my hero.
You just have to be willing to screw your race.
It's that easy.
If you're willing to sacrifice your family and friends,
Republicans will "accept" you, and maybe even make you a star.
Black people who join up get their picture in the brochure
as "proof" that fascism isn't as bad as we thought.
You won't be very popular at family reunions,
but the Republicans pay well.
From: Christopher Edwin Walls
Organization: North Carolina State University
Subject: Re: Rush
I don't believe that I have ever read anything as insluting
as is your internert humor magazine how about writeng
something mildly intellectuel getyour head out of your
as and listen to Rushs show IS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Chris, how much do you pay for crack in North Carolina?)
Great GOP Quotes
"One problem my committee had is we weren't able to find
a "John Dean" amongst the democrats."
-- Senator Tennesse Tuxedo
(That's right, Senator.
The "John Dean Democrats" became Republicans in 1994.
>From RL-LNW Volume 22
May 6, 1996
>It's been 22 months.
>They've called 155 witnesses.
>They've spent $22,000,000.00 so far.
>Does anyone see anything that remotely connects
>Bill or Hillary to even a misdemeanor?
>Why don't the Republicans know that's the big reason
>the public has no faith in them?
>Let me guess: All they need is another 22 months, another 155
>witnesses and another $22,000,000.00 and D'Amato will nail them?
Another twenty months later,
another 176 witnesses later,
another 18,400,000 dollars later
...what proof has the GOP shown us?
In August of 1999,
I'll ask again.
Great GOP Quotes
"I don't hate Bill Clinton."
-- His Baconess, during a 9-hour, non-stop hate rant
Trying to keep costs down,
trying to keep RL-LNW a free publication,
...here is the second conservative ad:
i don't understand how the white man can gofrom owning
the fucking niggers to letting themrun for president what
the hell is this worldcoming to letting porchmonkeys that
used to pickfuking cotton for a living becuase they we're
toostupid to do anything else gain power!
I mean think about it how stupidare niggers?
they run around with their 40's, a blunt, a bucket of KFC a
AK-47 and a 2-Pac CD and they think THEIR powerful I'll tell
ya what brown is beautiful, black isgrand but white is the
power of the BIG BOSS MAN and that's the way it will always
be so niggers give it fucking rest and go back to africa
cuz we dont want your fucking kind here.
(This ad paid for by The Republican National Committee.)
Just to be sure,
Shouldn't the Democrats check into the 53 Arlington waivers
granted during Reagan's error and the 33 waivers granted
during the administration of George Herbert Traitor Butch?
You know there are people who contributed in there.
Great GOP Quotes
"What is conservatism? Is it not adherence to the old
and the tried, against the new and untried?"
-- Abraham Lincoln, February 27, 1860
There's some wild talk going around about re-naming the
airport in Washington DC after former President Reagan.
I think that's going a bit too far.
Was Ronald Reagan good for America?
Sure, he gave shallow ditto-monkeys hope,
he told the gays and the poor to "knock it off,"
but was he anything more than a magician?
Think about it:
He built up our military forces,
and bankrupted the Russians,
and he did it all without spending any taxpayer money.
You see, presidents don't have the authority to spend money.
That's the Reagan magic.
He spent the money,
but he didn't spend the money.
Ditto-monkeys BUY this.
Do we name airports after magicians?
I don't think so.
Reagan's best trick was making $4.5 trillion disappear.
That's 4.5 TRILLION dollars, as in four thousand BILLION.
If it's important we put Red-Ink Reagan's name on something,
maybe we could name the national debt after him.
The RONALD REAGAN FEDERAL NATIONAL DEBT.
I like the sound of that.
Other Issues: [Index]
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Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!