Will Snoot Gingrich run for President in 2000?
Gingrich: "If you make a list of twenty names, I'm on the list."
So, we made a list of twenty names:
McVeigh, Helms, Eichmann, Sirhan, Goerring,
Hitler, Nichols, Nickles, Limba, Dornan,
Mussolini, Duke, Connerly, Ray, Cunanan
Stymie, Dahmer, Oswald, Hussein, Gingrich...
YEP! There's his name.
A Fox News poll has found that most Americans think Santa Claus,
fearless proponent of institutionalized giveaway, would register
Democratic, if he could, while the Gingrich Who Stole Christmas
would obviously register as a Republican.
"Santa Claus CAN'T be a Republican? Too many people like him?
"Oh, hell... I should just give up and do a sports talk show."
--Rush Limba, hate radio, December 16, 1997
(Dittoes, Rush)
Worldwide LNW
From: mail.global.co.za@mail.global.co.za
Subject: Hallo
Hallo my Friend,
How can I find the Home Page of the Klu Klax Clan?
Sincerely,
Right Wing Fred
South Africa
Fred, glad to help.
Just point your browser to:
http://www.rnc.org
RL-LNW Survey
Dear Reader,
While we enjoy monkey-mail, once a year we try to get some
feedback from those who walk erect. It's that time again.
As you know, we don't secretly scan your hard disk while you
read RL-LNW. We stopped doing that in 96, so we need your help.
In this survey you'll find questions about you, your habits,
how you read RL-LNW, and what you think about RL-LNW.
This information will not be sold or given to anyone.
(Unless a mighty hefty fee is paid.)
This should take no more than five minutes to complete.
(Ditto-monkeys, 30 minutes, max)
Your answers will help us make RL-LNW better.
If you prefer not to answer a question, screw it and go on.
Thanks for your time.
BartCop
Ediotr, RL-LNW
Please tell us something about yourself.
1. Total household income
____ welfare democrat
____ democrat just getting by
____ well-off democrat
____ rich/evil conservative corporate raider
2. What is your sex?
____ man with a brain
____ handicapped with a uterus
(Rush's terms)
3. Education
____ pointy-headed liberal
____ college graduate
____ high school graduate
____ i am a ditto-monkey
4. Age
____ Gen X
____ Boomer
____ Fat, balding Republican geezer
5. Marital status
____ single
____ married/domestic partner
____ married with children
____ Bitch-threw-me-out Republican
____ Kinky Republican with a boyfriend in the closet
6. Which category best describes your current occupation?
____ owner/partner/chairman/CEO Republican
____ Upper management middle-roader
____ working stiff democrat
____ work in credit, insurance, prostitution or fast food
7. Do you read your newspaper's opinion/editorial page?
____ yes
____ no
____ if it supports my side
8. Which of the following do you currently own?
____ stocks, bonds, mutual funds
____ Treasury notes, CD's
____ none - working democrat with children
9. What types of products have you purchased lately?
____ airline tickets, automobiles
____ computer hardware, software, vacation packages
____ none of your goddamn business
10. RL-LNW Usage Patterns
Please rate RL-LNW on a scale of 1 to 10,
1 = the stupiest thing I've ever read
5 = some jokes are OK, but most of them blow
10 = very satisfied
I'd rate RL-LNW a ______.
11. When did you start reading RL-LNW?
____ recently
____ a while back
____ since the beginning
____ pot smoker, can't remember
12. How did you discover RL-LNW?
(This is the one that counts.)
____ Heard about it from a friend
____ Ran across it completely by accident (liar)
____ Heard Rush mention it on "Be-Honest Fridays"
____ Put "Limba" in a search engine
Which search engine? _____________________
Other_________
Describe_____________________________________
13. On average, how many times do you say "Oh, what crap,"
while reading RL-LNW?
____ fewer than 5
____ 6-20
____ I am a ditto-monkey
14. How long does it take you to read RL-LNW?
____ 0-8 min.
____ 8-16 min.
____ I am a ditto-monkey
15. I think RL-LNW is written at a:
____ fourth-grade level
____ tenth-grade level
____ please stop using them big words
16. How do you read RL-LNW?
____ Lurk-read the magazine at www.ctyme.com/bartcop
____ Receive direct subscription
____ catch excerpts in local newspaper
____ hear discussion of RL-LNW on C-Span
17. RL-LNW Benefit Statements
Rate each benefit where 1 means you strongly disagree
and 5 means you strongly agree.
RL-LNW educates me about the week's news, politics, and culture.
____ 1 ____ 2 ____ 3 ____ 4 ____ 5
RL-LNW makes me re-think my belief in ghosts.
____ 1 ____ 2 ____ 3 ____ 4 ____ 5
RL-LNW makes me re-think my conservative "thinking."
____ 1 ____ 2 ____ 3 ____ 4 ____ 5
Other benefits of RL-LNW that are not captured
in the above statements, please describe here:
_______________________________________________
18. RL-LNW Subscription Intentions
If RL-LNW began charging an small fee for a subscription:
____ I will subscribe
____ depends on the price
____ your best joke ever
Please cut-and-paste and return to RL-LNW.
I won't print your name without your permission,
...unless you're running for Mayor of Simian City.
========
Deja Vu Monkey mail
From: "James M. Baker"
Subject: You are a BART cop?
as in San Francisco that figures you are in Liberal cock-suck
James M. Baker
PS. How can you say Republicans are "racist?"
(Jim,
December 15, it snowed in Mexico.
El Nino is a liberal myth.
Politically Incorrect
"Clinton should be admired because no man in history,
From: CCCP1917@aol.com
Subject: Your GOP Quotes
Hey Mister smartmouth,
You're always doing "Great GOP Quotes."
CCCP1917
Dear USSR 1917,
I have a Jimmy Carter quote here...somewhere...
"I refuse to negotiate with terrorists."
and one more quote, for comparison...
"How many planeloads of Stingers do they want?"
From: badger@fia.net
Subject: Y
ou have no clue about rushthat is the truth you
kenneth iverson
Dazed and Confused
The Supreme Court ruled against a woman's work-bias suit
Electro-Term, an electrical motor company in Springfield,
I can't believe he did this.
In another case, a rape conviction of a Plano, Texas man was
Thomas wrote in the majority decision that technically,
George Butch,
BartCop,
I have a question.
Dear Fan,
The GOP had the sense not to mention him, David Duke,
Remember Jeff Jacoby?
He's the senior editor for the Boston Globe who wrote 80
He listed 40 reasons, then 40 more why Clinton shouldn't be
It's so funny - last weekend, after 43 accepted issues,
He had to have read it to know how to unsubscribe,
Great GOP Quotes
"If Whites become outnumbered in America, as will certainly
(You Republicans better re-discover sex.)
President Kennedy's Gravesite Disturbed
WASHINGTON - President John F. Kennedy's gravesite was disturbed
"Someone attempted to remove stones that ring the site,"
(So, ditto-monkeys want Kennedy dug up, too?
Great Liddy Quotes
"No matter what state and local gun laws might say,
(Remember when the GOP was the party of law and order?)
"...and SCREW Sarah Brady!"
(Remember when a gentleman had manners?)
GOP Thinking
Item:
Republicans say the IRS needs to be completely overhauled.
"The system we have now is so unfair,
Yet...
Yet...
Yet...
When the Democrats say we need campaign finance reform:
The GOP says "Oh, sure. If you can't follow the PRESENT LAWS,
A system either promotes certain behavior or it doesn't.
It's called being a whore.
Item:
There's a new report out by Nancy Kassebaum, the new wife of
Republicans hailed this as "common sense."
Yet...
Yet...
Yet...
Republicans won't allow high schools access to condoms.
High school kids with their God-given hormones surging through
Yet...
Yet...
Yet...
The heavily-trained men and women who make up the fighting forces
The Bullshit-o-meter is barking like a chihuahua on Kahlua.
Somebody show me some conservative-religio-insanity
There's a reward.
From: JLifto@aol.com
Subject: Rush
Horrah for a person who is anti liberal we tax payers are sick
(The development of conversational skills was...
...and I can't WAIT for that "reconing" thing you mentioned.)
From: jsego@mindspring.com
Subject: Ofence under US code Title 47, Sec 227(b) (1) (C)
I have recently recieved UNSOLICITED and UNWANTED junk e-mail
By US Code Title 47, Sec.227(a)(2)(B), a computer/modem/printer
Please ensure this is stopped NOW.
If you confirm to me promptly that effective action has been
If you do not provide me with such confirmation in a timely manner,
(Ha ha - Ditto monkeys are stupid)
"Congressmen are not bribed anymore. They have friends who
-- Newt Gingrich, candidate for Congress, 1974
Cheeta Mail
From: jbeckley@gonzaga.edu
BartCop99.9% of the republicans are not racist i find you a
Jeremy Beckley
PS. You are such a typicale liberal what are you going to
I have an announcement:
I'm thinking about turning ditto-monkey.
Rush's logic.
Word-for-word, from the tape of Limba's show:
"Clinton said some advances in technology really bother him.
Uh,... Excuse me, Mr. President...
...but instructions on how to make a bomb have been out there
(There you have it.
1. Al Gore wrote a book.
therefore...
3. Al Gore is a bomber.
Great GOP Quotes
"In every country the Communists have taken over,
- John Monks, Oklahoma state representative
I saw Jerry Falwell on Larry King recently.
He said there were married couples "lined up around the block"
Wouldn't it be nice if Falwell was telling the truth?
The adoption agency people on the show said there are twelve
Wouldn't it be nice if Falwell was telling the truth?
Paul Harvey is at it again.
"Bill Gates of Microsoft is having legal troubles
Mr. Harvey, I have several comments to make.
First, since you're a victim of cranial sphincter inversion,
Second, if that's how things work, should we assume that the
And, I suggest you keep your lying cakehole closed until you
From: modular@earthlink.net
Subject: You area nazi
DICK HEAD
(Dear Dick Head,
How did you choose than nick?)
Dr. Laura Mengele
I can't believe she did it again:
This Wednesday, on Dr. Mengele's radio show,
Caller: Dr. Laura, I was studying for a degree in Women's
Dr. Laura: Why? What happened?
Caller: I refused to go to the liberal parties where the women
(This is word-for-word, folks.)
Dr. Laura: Folks, this is NOT an exaggeration.
wow
This is the second time Dr. Laura has made this claim.
Is this some well-known "fact" that everyone has heard but me?
I've never heard anyone besides Ms. Mengele made this claim.
(sigh)
Why does the Right-wing do this?
Another "IF" question
"IF" questions are questions that force ditto-monkeys to
Did you see the two scouts on Larry King?
Two boys were thrown out of the Boy Scouts of 'Merica for
Good for them.
Public American organizations shouldn't require people who
They say "What's WRONG with forcing religion on people?
I'll tell you who's complaining:
Here comes the "IF" question, so all ditto-monkeys better
Ready?
What "IF" the Boy Scouts were run by Jews?
This is the point in the debate when the conservatives say,
The reason they don't want to answer is because if they did,
If the Jews ran the Boy Scouts of America,
Repeat:
If Jews ran the Boy Scouts of America,
Ha ha,
Are you Christians ready to swear that Jesus isn't God?
What?
You don't like the sound of that?
Why are you trying to rock the boat?
You didn't have any trouble asking the OTHER guy to sacrifice
Think about it for a second...
If you can't joint the Boy Scounts without pledging your faith
You can't buy a home until you swear Christ is King?
You pro-prayer folks need to see where your road leads.
The real one?
Not only that, but we have that idiot judge in Alabama who's
If you're happy with your faith, fine.
BUT...
If your beliefs are different from the Boy Scouts,
...you're just Un-American. We don't need your kind, here.
The message is conform, conform, conform.
Those Boy Scouts that sued to get back in?
They know more about honesty and honor than the bigots
...and if you Christians still think I'm wrong, send me e-mail
...and maybe I'll believe you.
Merry Christmas,
Other Issues: [Index]
- [Prev]
- [Next]
- [First]
- [Last]
- [Discussion Area]
Email the Author:
Bartcop He's laughing at you!
turf gay bath houses. Willie Brown's big nigger mouth
blasfeming America family valus. Burn in hell all of you
burn in fucking hell where the flames are never quench
burn, die, burn, suffer, suffer, suffer
So far, you're the funniest thing in Volume 109.)
Meanwhile, it was in the 60's in Michigan.
Once again, Rush is right.
with nuclear weapons, has taken this much crap so gracefully."
-- Bill Maher, December 19
Why don't you do some great quotes from Jimmy Carter?
CCCP1917@aol.com
Dammit...it was right here...
Oh, here it is...
Load it up, boys:
-- Jimmy Carter, 1980
-- Red-Ink Reagan, 1980-1988
have no clue about rush and you comments is false
which was originally filed in Springfield, Massachusetts.
The Catholic woman, Ruth Kolodziej, claimed she was fired
from her "Christian company" for failing to attend a
religious seminar recommended by her boss.
didn't deny the allegation, but the Court, led by our own
Clarence "Slappy" Thomas, ruled that the woman failed to
show that she was punished because of a requirement that
conflicted with her religious views. "This country needs
more religion anyway," said Justice Stymie, the smartest
black man currently on the big bench.
I can't believe Clarence Thomas did this.
And... it wasn't even the worst ruling he made this week.
heard by the court. The confessed rapist, Moe Sega, had his
conviction overturned, with Slappy's vote tipping the balance
to free him. Sega and two friends were found guilty in the
"pool table" rape of a thirty-one year old waitress in
"Willy's," a Plano bar and grill.
the men couldn't be guilty since they made sure to keep at
least one foot on the floor at all times during the attack.
you see what you've done?
Where was Rush at the GOP convention, '96?
A fan
Limba was hiding.
Nixon, Agnew, Liddy, Ollie Traitor, Jesse Helms,
and the other members of the GOP Hall of Shame.
"really cute" reasons to vote for Dole, and against Clinton.
(See RL-LNW Volumes 61 and 65.)
re-elected in 1996. (He spelled re-election wrong, too.)
I gave him a LNW subscription back then.
he sent me e-mail with "Nancy Reagan" in the subject line.
HA!
and after almost a year of RL-LNW, Mr. Senior Editor finally
decides he can't handle the truth?
happen if nothing is done, the Republican Party is doomed."
--GOP Spokesman David Duke
Reuters, December 21, 1997
overnight by someone who tried, but failed, to dig up some of
its granite paving stones, officials reported Saturday.
said Officer Allan Griffith of the U.S. Park Police, which is
responsible for law enforcement at the cemetery.
Why, because he was a liberal?
Thanks, Limba.)
the Second Amendment gives you the right to carry firearms."
Ask them why, and they'll tell you:
so burdensome, so intrusive, so strangling,
that it turns good American citizens into criminals.
We MUST reform the tax system."
"Because the present system is so unfair, so burdensome,
so corrupt and so strangling that it turns every candidate
into a money-grubbing prostitute,"
what makes you think they'll follow the NEW laws?"
The GOP wants it both ways.
They want to say "Just follow the rules" on campaign funding,
but they also want to say "How can people be expected to follow
rules that are this crazy and unfair" when it suits them?
Reagan's former Choco-Chief-o-Staff Howard Baker, suggesting
the armed forces separate the men and women in their training.
Dr. Laura Mengele says "It's actually a pretty simple concept.
Put a penis and a vagina together and you produce children."
On the surface, that seems logical, maybe...
their bodies at warp speed are told to "Just Say No" to sex,
of the world's last remaining superpower have to be be separated
because "they can't be expected to control their urges?"
that makes even the slightest bit of sense.
and tired of the welfare give me generation. I have worked for
what I have and I had the morals to not have illegidimate babies
that I are a total abomination. I am tired of the bleeding heart
liberals destroying the basic fabric of this country, and some
day there will be a reconing !!!!
I suppose... a low priority in your family?
Joe Sego
from an individual who appears to be using your site. A copy of
that mail is attached herewith. Junk Mail is now regarded as the
same as unwanted and unsolicited junk faxes and telemarketing
calls - all of which are now ILLEGAL under US federal law:
meets the definition of a telephone fax machine. By Sec.227(b)
(1)(C), it is unlawful to send any unsolicited advertisement to
such equipment, punishable by action to recover actual monetary
loss, or $500, whichever is greater, for EACH violation.
You have been put on notice.
taken against those persons responsible, I will not take the
matter further on this occasion.
or if ANY further UNSOLICITED or UNWANTED junk mail should be
received from your site, I will instruct my attorney to issue a
writ WITHOUT FURTHER NOTICE, and the matter will then be pursued
under federal law. I will separately notify your upstream providers
as they may also be liable for violations originating from your site.
are willing to help them out whenever they find it necessary."
Subject: open your eyes
racist you can change your blind byased point of view your
brain is so clogged with bong residence you cant support your
moronic acusations with solid profe and its' Rush LIMBAUGH not
Limba all I'm asking is for you to defend your accustory crap
filled page with some substantial evidence wait thats
impossible
proud republican
criticise me for My spelling and pucntution ?
Yes, it's true, I'm considering it.
BartCop turning conservative on everyone.
You know why?
It's inescapable.
I taped his show Friday, December 19.
At a business awards program, he said he was especially
bothered by some of the material that children and teenagers
see on the Internet, like instructions on how to make a bomb.
in books for many moons now. In fact the Una-Bomber, Ted Kuzinsky
read a book by YOUR Vice President, Earth in the Balance."
That is what creation-scientists call "steel trap" logic.
What more proof do you liberals need?
Follow this, it's simple:
2. A famous bomber may have read that book.
4. and Clinton is a lying hypocrite.
the first thing they outlaw is cockfighting."
to adopt crack-addicted, HIV-positive babies and children.
problem children for every couple willing to adopt,
but Falwell insists there's a shortage of crack babies.
Here's a recent lie from Dances-With-Horses.
because he didn't buy enough White House coffee."
you might as well check your prostate while you're up there.
only reason that George Herbert Traitor Butch ordered that FBI
sniper to put a bullet into the brain of Randy Weaver's wife
is because Butch was angry that Randy Weaver didn't contribute
enough money to the Republican National Committee?
We're using YOUR reasoning here, you 90-year old pussy.
You've got Limba's disease - you lie too much.
hear the next horse in the barn whinney that he's ready for you.
One question:
She did it again.
I heard this myself, so let's not argue about whether or not
she said it. I heard it - she said it.
(on Christmas Eve, for Christ's sake) this happened:
Studies but I couldn't take it, so I quit.
rubbed their menstrual blood on each other for fun.
I KNOW FOR A FACT THIS IS TRUE!!!!!!!!!
I listen to hate radio seven hours a day, and if this was
true, or partly true, or REMOTELY true, G. Gordon Liddy and
Ollie Traitor and The Whore be harping on it every day, right?
Any ideas?
But, it's too much to expect them to change, I guess...
wait until Rush speaks before they know what their opinion is.
refusing to say the phrase "to honor God" in the Boy Scout pledge,
so they're suing to get back in.
join their club to fit into their narrow, religious mold.
What ever happened to rugged individualism, anyway?
After all, it's the RIGHT religion, so who's complaining?"
-educated people
-the liberals
-people with "wrong" religion
-the ACLU
-Thomas Jefferson and the Founding Fathers
-and I can PROVE it.
pick up their phones and prepare to call Rush.
Here it comes,
watch out,
be very careful...
"Oh, BartCop, there you go with your wild hypotheticals again.
That's such a dumb question, it doesn't DESERVE an answer.
That question is SO wild, I won't dignify it with an answer."
they'd be caught in the dreaded BartCop Snare!
you'd have to pledge that Jesus wasn't God to get in.
you'd have to pledge that Jesus wasn't God to get it.
You're stuck, aren't you?
Oh?
Why not?
That's not the REAL truth?
Jesus IS God, you say?
Are you sure?
The Jews don't think so, and it's their club.
To make things smoother, why don't you just tell your kids
to go ahead and pledge that Jesus isn't God, to get along?
Why not?
Are you un-America?
Are you a godless liberal, trying to destroy the "real" America?
what HE believes on, but you're not willing to do the same?
to some non-existant, invisible, magical being, what's next?
You can't buy a Nissan or a Toyota unless you admit
that Buddism is the one true faith?
You must believe in Purgatory and Limbo to stay at Holiday Inn?
You can't eat at this restaurant unless you think like we do?
The STATE will decide which religion is real?
The federal government picks the prayer?
The ATF will be enforcing the religious laws?
Who's religious faith will the ATF enforce?
going to find you GUILTY if your book differs from his.
This is American justice?
You want to handle snakes or eat peyote or believe in miracles?
Non-believers have no problem with that.
If your beliefs are different from the Catholics,
If your beliefs are different from the Baptists,
If your beliefs are different from the Santarias,
If your beliefs are different from the Coathanger Coalition,
Believe what we tell you - and give us your money.
Those kids are heroes.
who threw them out for having a different set of values.
that says "I'm a Christian and Jesus isn't God,"
even to the people who have trouble telling the truth.
Prev5 *
Prev *
Next *
Next5 *
Random *
List