This new computer is a Pentium 4,  2.6 gig whatever ...and it's soooooo slooooow.
 It's the slowest computer I've ever known, right out of the box.

 For years and years, when I've written BFEE, I then swipe it with the mouse then
 turn it into bold, and then I apply the periods between the letters to mollyify the nuns, right?.

 Trouble is, the swiping works OK,
 the bolding works OK,
 but when I go back to enter the periods between the BFEE letters?

 Over the years, (I'm a very old man) my hands have done what my eyes did.

 Sidebar:
 I was just about the best pool shooter you've ever meet.
 I was so good at nine-ball, I didn't even aim the cue ball.
 I just walked up to it and hit it - it was automatic.

 In 1993, while owning and operating the Train Station Bar and Grill,

 God sent me a message that I could no longer see without glasses, and my pool playing talents
 took a nosedive because I was forced to aim.  I reached such a level - I was above aiming,
 so when aiming came into play, my poll shooting talents dropped to a level so low that Rude Rich
 almost won a game when we spend some time at a pool hall in DC at our first-ever fest.

 The point is,  (the crowd is chanting, "Get to the point!"  "Get to the point!")

 The point is...

 With this 2004, superfast, Pentium 77 200 Gig chip in my new computer,
 (For you geeks and nerds, I'll mention I paid an extra $120 to upgrade to a f-ing gig of memory...)

 ...and still,

 ...when I write BFEE, and then try to put periods between the letters?

 Sidebar within a sidebar within a sidebar:
 I played drums as a child.
 I might one day again play drums, but drumming is like typing.
 For years, my brain sent a signal to my hands to make them type stuff.
 As a drummer, I assigned the periods after the BFEE letters in a certain order.

 It has a kind of hippity hop, hippity hop order.
 Like in my pool shooting days, my brain tells my fingers to insert the periods
 but the newest Pentium chips is so incredibly slow, it comes out as B....FEE.
 Then I have to go back and correct the computer.

 As you know, I'm a busy man.
 I don't have time to wait for the Pentium 4 to catch up with me.
 Swear to Koresh, back in 1994, my old 386 never had a problem kheeping up.

 My brand-new Pentium 4, 2.6 or 2.7 gig processor whore is slower than the whore it replaced.
 With the new computer, I have to slow down to let the 2.6 gig Pentium 4 catch up.

 When I try to change BFEE to B.F.E.E. it takes about ten seconds.

 I don't have 10 seconds.
 I'm a busy man.

 You know how when you get to a page that says,
 If your page doesn't show up in five seconds, Click  Here?
 I always Click  Here right away because I don't have five seconds to spare.

 Shouldn't the computer be smarter than Ol' Bart?
 Shouldn't the computer be faster than Ol' Bart?
 Am I asking too much?

 As time goes by, we're moving backwards.
 Why can't I buy a computer that's as fast as the one I had in 1994?
 Why can't I buy a computer that's as dependable as the one I had in 1994?

 Send me your opinion bartcop@bartcop.com but not if your advice is to "Get a Mac, asshole."
 The way you Mac addicts talk, it'll cure my asthsma, too.

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