I'm Afraid of Americans
Issue #116

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

As is our want,
we start with Lying Nazi Quotes

"How can you liberals trust Bill Clinton?
When somebody lies to me, ...I ....I
...it takes a loooooong time for me to trust them again."

-- Hunk-a, Hunk-a, Burning-Slug, last week

Hey, Tuna!
Who broke your heart?
Was it George Butch with "Read My Lying Lips?"
Or was it one of Reagan's two faces?
How long did it take you to trust Von Reagan again after

"I never sold weapons to terrorists."



(Ha ha.
You just KNOW ditto-monkeys are squirming.
They don't like it when a liberal points out another example
of how full-of-shit Rush is, and then says Hmmmmmmmmmmm?????????
Ha ha.
They fucking HATE that.

One more,


Ha ha

February 12th, the Little Dictator said on his hate show these
three things in a span of less than ninety seconds:

1. Bill Clinton is a radical leftist.
2. His approval rating is 79 percent.
3. America is turning more conservative all the time.

Didn't they teach logic in college, Rush?
Oh, that's right.

Your uneducated, fat ass flunked out.

What's more fun, (besides oral sex)
than Rush getting beaten up by an old woman?

February 12

Caller: Rush, why is it any of OUR business?
Let Bill and Hillary worry about it.
More 50-year olds should be having sex...

Limba: What do you think ...would happen ...if the whole
country engaged in that kind of behavior?

Caller: Well, for one, you'd have a LOT of happy people.

Limba: ...I
...I don't..
...I don't mean...
...you know what...
...you can't tell me...

(Ha ha.)

This Just In...

CNN says Kenneth Starr has a semen-stained dress,
just like Monica.

Friday the 13th was a strange day for me.

First, I read that some old guy in Arkansas was called before
Judge Starr's kangaroos because he donated $1000 to a fund
that was to be used for Susan McDougal's defense.

Susan McDougal is a fucking trooper.
Susie baby, you're the tops.
You got more balls then G. Gordon Liddy.

"Fuck you. PUT me in jail," she told Starr.
That is so much more balls than ol' BartCop has...

But I got to thinking... a thousand?
If I gave a thousand to Susal McDougal's defense fund,
that means I'd be called before Judge Starr's Ox Bow?

Swear to Randy Weaver, I could get a thousand dollars.
(I could get the money... ...get the money...
...but it would be wrong, ha ha)

If a contribution could get me called before Starr's Ox Bow,
I'd consider that a bargain!

Excuse me, ...and forgive me, but I guarantee my first action
before the honorable Judge Starr would be to expose myself
and pierce him with my BartCop-ism verbal mega-lance,
and demand he jail me if he had a problem with it.

But I'd only do it if the jury was watching,
and Kenny Starr can pull a Lewinsky on me till Friday.

RL-LNW magazine has been languishing in obscurity for 2 years.
We started in 2/96, and we STILL operate at a deficit.
If I can spend a thousand and a few nights on jail, I'm ready.
If I told Starr to blow me, I'd be on the cover of Time.

Trust me, NOBODY would handle the press like ol' BartCop.
That would be fun if the press was begging me for an interview.
I'd make Diane Sawyer dance naked.
I'd make Katie Couric put on a woman's wig.
I'd make Cokie Roberts jack her skirt up at least
as high as Susie "Creamcheese" Molinari does.

Then, I'd tell them "no comment."

Ha ha

Great GOFP Quotes

"When I wake up in the morning,
I look in the mirror and I love what I see."
--The Giver of Shade, admiring his fat ass 1/24/97

The Monica Lewinsky "Operation Head Start" collectibles are in.

Catch-all Bibs are just $14
Coffee Mugs only $18
T-Shirts are $22 (specify size, color)
Sweatshirts are $32 (specify size, color)

...and, we still have some "Ruck Fush" bumperstickers.

Rush has been whining about democrats that he claims were caught
lying to congress. He says it's pitiful that the penalties for
lying to congress are so "puny."

He's upset that people can "get away with it and not worry
about the consequences."
Rush said he was "outraged" about the whole idea that
people can lie to congress and not be held responsible.

I missed Ollie Traitor's show this week.

Is Col. Traitor outraged about this, too?

David Sanger and Don Natta of the N.Y. Times, Feb 12, 1998

WASHINGTON--Illegal campaign contributions to the DNC in 1996
originated in bank accounts in "the greater China area," according
to GOFP senators investigating campaign finance abuses.

(I wonder if that area includes boats in Hong Kong harbor,
where Haley Barbour got his $2,000,000 donation?)

Swear to Koresh...

Check your TV Guide.

On Thursday nights, 8 PM Eastern time, 5 PM Pacific,
the Cartoon Channel has a show called "Snoot's New Squat."


Forgive me,

...I know it's my job to keep up with things,
but when did Gingrich get re-married?

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem

Subject: Returned mail: Service unavailable

Your mail is being returned due to one of the following reasons:

1: SMTP 550 .... User Unknown
Your recipient no longer exists on AOL.

(No, I'm sure he's still there.)

2: SMTP 550 .... Mailbox Full
Your recipient's mailbox is full.

(I guess that's possible... but unlikely.)

3: SMTP 550 .... is not accepting mail from this sender
Your recipient has blocked mail from you.

(BINGO! And who's the guy who can't handle the truth?

-- The following address had permanent fatal errors --

(Hmmmmmm ...potent357, eh?
We know we're dealing with a Republican,
since he can't handle the truth.

"potent" must mean he thinks he's some kind of stud muffin
"357" makes him sound like a gun nut

Who could it be?

I know!
It's G. Gordon Liddy!

Gordon, you wimp!
Are you afraid I'm going to beat you up again?
Is your tail sore from your last ass whoopin'?
Gordon, if I made you look stupid, if I made you look limp
in front of your flock, ...I don't apologize.

Regular readers know I have an I.Q just over 60,
and Liddy has one of the sharpest minds in the GOFP.




Check RL-LNW Volumes 76, 77, 78, 80, 81, 83 and 84,
and see what a weak liberal mind can do to a GOFP "genius."

(available on audio tape)

Strange But True

Do you remember that Z.Z. Top song, Pearl Necklace?

I saw Monica's mother's picture in USA Today.
You'd think somebody would've told her.

When Monica's mother testified before Starr's kangaroos,
she wore black suit and a pearl necklace.
...I am NOT making this up.

Was this simply a fashion faux pas?

Or another signal to the White House?

From: Pete

>re: your area 51 "sightings"

>Ever heard of Art Bell? He deals strictly with just such phenomena
>which includes every conspiracy nut theory that comes down the pike
(e.g. TWA 800 was brought down by a Navy missile etc, etc)
>That doesn't make what you say untrue but you just saw lights, right?
>You can do anything with lights.

(Yes, you can even attach them to new jets.)

>Keep your newsletter limited to politics. Call Art Bell
>if you want to talk about secret planes and black holes.

(We're about to go to war. Last time we went to war, the military
unveiled their new toys. I think I got a sneak preview of a new toy.
How does that make me a conspiracy nut?

Repeat: Where do you think they tested the B-2 and the other
secret planes before they were revealed to the public?)

>Don't know.
>Don't care.

(I don't think I'm going to win this one...)

The Smudge Report

If you want to see a nice wool-free web page,
check Al Smudge at www.smudgereport.com

Here's a sample:


No one ever had to pay taxes before the liberal
Democrat Clinton came into power.

There was no crime before the ungodly Clinton came to power.

There was prayer in our schools before the Satan Clinton
got voted into office.

There were absolutely no gun laws in this country until Clinton
and his liberal, socialist rabble stole the election.

There were no feminists in this country until Hillary's puppet
husband got elected.


Check Al's page.
Very well done, and he's got links
to every loon on the web, even Phyllis Schaffly.

Linda Tripp, the Limba weigh-alike
Is she the goddess of beauty?

If she died her hair black, and wore dark sunglasses,
she'd be a dead ringer for Howard Stern.

Next time you see her picture, tell me I'm wrong.
Linda, when you ordered your nose, did you say "Supersize it?"

Great Rush Quotes
Thursday, Feb 12th

Caller: Rush, everytime somebody disagrees with you,
you call them an "idiot," or some other name.
I thought you said name-calling is only for people
who don't have anything legitimate to say.

Rush: That's not true.
I don't call people names, and I never have.

Caller: That last caller, you called him "an idiot."

Rush: Well, he was.
Besides, I wasn't that way until I got to New York.

(Ha ha.
Limba, you lying slug.
If you heard his show, you know that happened.)

Trouble for Clinton

Turns out there WAS a witness to the oral sex "crime."
Go figure - it was Naomi Judd.

Yes, it's true. Naomi Judd has declared to the media that she
KNOWS Bill Clinton is guilty. She didn't explain exactly where
she was hiding when Clinton sexually attacked the poor, confused,
young girl, but she apparently WAS a witness to the event.

Naomi Judd says Clinton should just admit it to everyone
that's he's addicted to kinky sex, apologize, and check himself
into a clinic for the rehibilitation for sexual predators,


...get this...

Naomi is such a good American,
she's such a nice, caring woman,
she's such a devoted patriot,
she's offered to personally pay for Clinton's therapy,
because she knows just how badly he needs it.

She says it would be good for America and good for Clinton
if he just took the necessary steps to get help.

Her declaration poses two questions...

A. Do you think this further validates the theory that the
better looking you are, the less brains you have?


B. Uhmm... Mrs. Judd, you live on a working ranch, right?
I'll bet you have a few cows, and chickens and such.
Do you, by any chance, raise/breed horses on your farm?

(cough, cough,
cough, cough,)

...I think it would be very unfair to remind readers that
Naomi's daughter, another Limba weigh-alike, W-Y-N-O-N-A
was accused of sexual harassment by two of their ranch hands,
...two ranch hands who happened to be female.

Can it be?
Is there a lesbian, sexual predator in the Judd family?
Gosh, that would be awful...
But, it was in the paper, so it MUST be true, right Naomi?

So why would the mother of a lesbian sexual predator
make a public claim that she KNOWS Clinton is guilty,



yet she didn't recognize a sexual predator in her own home?


...you don't think...

Do you think Naomi KNEW W-Y-N-O-N-A was a sexual predator?
Is Naomi Judd a sexual-predator-enabler?
Is that why she's trying to throw some blame Clinton's way?
Is she trying to say "Everybody does it?"
Is that her game?
Is that how they play the game in Nashville?
Is that how they play the game in Hollywood?


(Ashley, you know I'm just kidding.
What's with your Mom, anyway?
She said it, so I'm still in-bounds here,
and your sister was accused of harassing a female "hand,"
but I'm just trying to show how ugly it is when people,
especially someone like our lying, nazi whore,
take wild rumors and talk about it as fact.

Somehow, it seems sick,
to take a day off from the Clinton witchhunt
because it's president's day...

Mail Bag


The ditto-monkey letters you publish are funny, but you should
print more intellectual letters from the Right. It leaves the
impression that ONLY braindead ditts attack you.

(Good idea.
Are there any intelligent conservatives in America?
I don't know if there are, but let's run a little test:
I'll publish the next few e-mails that come in verbatim,
no matter what they say or who they're from.

Look, here's one now...

From: moomau@ricochet.net

Subject: reall?

what a sad excuus for a man you must feel

The MooMau

(Dave, your senseless slaughter of the English language
is shocking. Was it a crime of passion?)

From: mcash@bellsouth.net

Subject: (no subject)

Tell all the niggers whats up

Mary Cash

(Mary, who raised you?
Armey, the Foul-Mouthed Dick?
Why do you hate black people?

By the way, you owe Rush a nickel.
Rush copywrited the word "nigger."
He gets a nickel each time it's used in vain.

Expect some hate-mail, honey.


From: allanradman@ontk.com
Organization: OnTrak Systems

Subject: the hate

I'm sory you have so much hate filled within you


(Damn - so close to a correct sentence...)
Y'all be sure to use OnTrak Systems for all your...
...Oh, all your "OnTrak" needs, I suppose.
Ask for Allan, he's a peach.)


From: Tomomi@worldnet.att.net

Subject: Re: RL-LNW Vol 114

Why don't you just jump ship now you promote canebalistic
socialism idelogy NAZI means national socialist which
are much closer to you ideas than Limbaugs


(Mike, which post office do you work at?)

If there are any sane, intelligent conservatives out there,
please contact RL-LNW immediately. I'll print your letter.

I only print letters from the best and brightest.

As previously stated, we've had to accept commercial advertising
to help defray the massive costs of publishing RL-LNW.
Please forgive the intrusions.
It's the only way we can pay the writing staff.

Here is the ad:

"Would you like a not-too-ugly sex slave for an evening?
I will give you my body, for 3 hours, if you have any rumors,
true or false, doesn't matter, about Bill or Monica.
I have a deadline to meet, so hurry!"

Contact Bettina Gregory, ABC News in New York.
or send e-mail to legsopen@abc.whore.com

According to the New York Times, Monica "sometimes shares"
her apartment with her mother's attorney.

Is it a good idea for Monica's roommate to represent her mom?
Is it a good idea for Monica to date her mom's attorney?

Heck, I'd rather have a Verdon Jordan-recommended attorney
than some guy who's asleep on my couch...

It was the best Limba moment of the week of Feb 9-13th.
Somehow, a non-ditto-monkey caller got through...

Caller: Rush, you've been going on and on and on about
the wedding vows that Bill Clinton broke, but,
between you and Marta, you've got SIX marriages.
Can you explain yourself?

Rush: ...I, ...I
...there's a big difference between...
you can't say...
...there's no basis for....
just because it took six marriages for Marta and
I to finally find each other...
...I... ...I'm late for a commercial break...

(Limba - always the King of Debate.
My sources say Bo Snerdly was tied to a tree and whipped
for letting a call through that made Rush look bad.)

I have another question:

Grab 100 Republicans off the street
(boy, I like the sound of that...)
...and ask them this question:

"Who balanced the budget?"

Fifty Republicans will say,

"Clinton didn't balance the budget - WE did!"

The other fifty Republicans will say,
"Clinton did, but the only way he could do it was
by STEALING that money from Social Security."

How many times has ol' BartCop said,
The Grand Old Fascist Party needs to pick a slur,

...Are you listening, GOFP?

You need to pick a slur and stick with it.

>From CNN's web site, an expose' on Kenneth Starr.
They call it "Investigating the Investigator."
Isn't that cute?

Here's how they open their BIG investigation,
with a quote from Judge Starr's mother:

"When he was in junior high, his hobby was shining shoes,"
says 90-year-old Vannie Starr.
"He shined everybody's shoes. Almost any time you could see
Kenny on his knees in front of some businessman, shining shoes."

Little Kenny spent a lot on time on his knees earning money?
...and he told his mother he was "shining shoes?"

A "source close to Kenneth Starr's office" told RL-LNW that
lil' Kenny often made upwards of $400 a night "shining shoes,"
...pretty good money back in 1960.

But, since we don't play the rumor game here at RL-LNW,
we'll take Kenny's word that it was SHOES he was shining...

Excuse me, I need to say something...

I owe Rush Limbaugh an apology.

Rush, when I'm wrong, I'm man enough to admit it.
How can I expect BartCop-ism to be taken seriously
if I'm unwilling to call 'em as I see 'em?
This time, I was wrong.

Simple concept.

Rush, I'm sorry.

I admit, you got it right this time,
...just this once,
and BartCop got it all wrong,

Last December, you said El Nino was just a trick the liberals
were using to go for another power grab. You said California
wouldn't get any more rain this year than normal years.

Matter of fact, you PROMISED it would be dry this year.
You GUARANTEED that there was no reason to listen to
Al Gore's Chicken-Little, Sky-is-Falling scare-tactics.
You put your reputation on the line, once again
...and it turns out you were right.
So far, ...California is as dry as Lynn Cheney.

So I hereby formally offer my apol...


...this just in...

In northern California, thousands of people were forced to
evacuate their homes and major roadways were shut by flooding
as the region reeled from the fourth major storm in a week.

With driving rain and winds reaching 80 mph, forecasters
likened this system to a low-grade hurricane as it lashed the coast,
uprooting trees and causing hillsides to crumble in torrents of mud.

Highway 101, the main artery between San Francisco and Marin County,
was hit by floodwaters and destroyed, leaving thousands stranded.

"We're not out of it yet," said one meteorologist, sounding like
an extra in "Twister." Pointing to yet another El Nino-driven front
building off the coast, sky boy said "The next one is due tomorrow,
and it's at least as strong as the first four."

The National Weather Service says some California counties have
doubled their YEARLY rainfall totals, and it's still February!!
Gov. Pete Wilson declared a state of emergency in 28 California
counties Wednesday after the first series of storms passed through,
freeing up government funds to help pay for relief efforts.

Oh, sure.
Here we GO!!!

Go running to that federal nanny the GOFP hates so much.
Isn't this a local problem?

Why does California need a federal bureaucrat 3000 miles away
to federalize a strictly "local problem?"
You bastards said government "was the problem," remember?

Why, may I ask, in the middle of a huge fucking mudslide,
would you invite a PROBLEM to come to your DISASTER?


It looks like the GOFP has been lying to us all these years.

When it's convenient for them, when they want something free,
when they decide they can't make it without "Mommy's help,"
they try to suck the teat of the big, big, government!
Oh, suuuuuuuuuuuuuure.




...when it comes time to PAY for the milk they teated,
they say, "This is OUR money, Mister."

Have you ever heard such bullshit?
Sure you have - if you own an AM radio.

Maybe I'm too quick to judge.
Maybe Rush is right about one thing.
Maybe Baby-killer Pete Wilson is making a power grab!
There's no emergency on the west coast.

Ha ha.

They almost fooled ol' BartCop.
Besides, RUSH GAVE HIS WORD that these rains wouldn't come.
He put his reputation on the line,
the same way he did with Vince Foster's "murder,"
the same way he did with "Arlington-Gate."


Rich Republicans watch as their homes change zip codes,
"knowing" that Rush has never lied to them.

Ha ha.


Losing their beach homes to mudslides is NOTHING compared to
what they'd lose if Rush was proven to be a lying nazi whore.

Who knows?

Maybe all that "return power to the states" bullshit was just
an effort to prop-up the pro-slavery wing of the GOFP.

...and to think I almost apologized to that fat bastard.

How did Rush and Marta meet?

I know the story, do you?
If you've been listening as long as I have, you'd know.
Years ago, I think it was 1993, Rush told Snerdly to issue
a press release that he was getting married over the weekend.
He told us he met Marta on-line, on Compuserve, using a fake name,
in some chat room. "Sources close to Limba" have told RL-LNW
that they met in the #baboonsex chat room.
He told this story on the air!

Rush was using the name "Cheetah,"
Marta was using "Jane."
It was all very sick, but it's TRUE!
(My source wishes to remain anonymous.
My stories have an 80 percent accuracy rate.)

Then, after staying on his best manners long enough to keep her
interested, he finally dropped the bombshell that he's America's
biggest nazi-puta. Before she could hit the "Quit" button,
he told her he made $25,000,000 per year AND...


...New York is a community-property state.

For those of you without law degrees, that means if
she divorces his ass, she gets $12,000,000 minimum.

I wonder...

Drag $12,000,000 through a #baboonsex chat room
...and there's no telling what you'll find.

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