As is our want,
we start with a Lying Nazi quote:
"As far as I'm concerned, we're not getting
our money's worth out of this president."
-- He Who Creates Shade, Feb 17, 1998
(Rush, as always, you're probably right.
But, since I'm not blinded by creation math,
let's look at our return on Bill Clinton's salary...
He gets paid $200,000 per year,
which is 1/125th of what your lying, nazi ass gets.
(If there was a God, would He let a lying, nazi whore get paid
125 times MORE than the man who saved America's economy?)
Since he took office, we paid Clinton $200,000 dollars x 5,
which comes to about one million dollars.
Since he took office, he dropped the Reagan/Butch deficits
from 300 goddamn billion the first year ---- to zero.
Stand up, recite that for the class:
How much is zero?
Zero, ...as in... "...I ain't got no numbers."
Christ, even if you're Catholic, you have to admit that
zero is less than $300,000,000,000 dollars.
So...
Clinton took our deficit, a million dollars multiplied
300,000 times, and reduced that son-of-a-bitch to zero...
...and you, Rush Limba
...on your porcine throne,
decide for 20 million sheep
...that that's a "net loss?"
Do ditto-monkeys understand math?
Zero is LESS than $300,000,000,000 dollars.
Do you understand, Fat Bastard?
Zero has fewer units than 300,000,000,000 units.
That means our ROI, our "return on investment,"
the ratio of money-saved to money-paid to Clinton,
is somewhere around 28,000,000 percent, you stupi-puta!
The bottom line is...
Bill Clinton is the best bus driver we ever had.
You know it,
I know it...
the 'Merican PEOPLE know it...
...and the GOFP hates it to their rotten corp.
This just in...
CNN says Monica just signed a big contract
to do commercials for Chap Stick.
Chap Stick?
...are there no sane people left?
What's next?
...Listerine?
...don't do it...
...I'm WARNING you...
Don't get me started on Tokyo Rush.
The Fat bastard said on his lil' hate radio show,
"Saddam was AFRAID of getting hit!
THAT's the liberal spin on why we didn't bomb them."
...is how Rush described the no-war.
Yep, Rush, no doubt, those lying liberals did it again.
They PRETENDED that Saddam feared our military might.
Who'd buy that?
Imagine - who would think that America's military might
would scare a blind, unarmed, third-world bully?
The sad part is, ditto-monkeys everywhere will say,
"That's more proof. Rush is right AGAIN!"
Saw it on the internet...
"Democracy is two wolves and a sheep deciding on dinner."
From: eternal@csl7.csl-gmbh.net
Subject:
(E-mail like this reminds me how lucky I am...)
Bullshit Calls
I think it was Wednesday, this guy calls Limba...
Caller: Rush, I'm against 99 percent of what you stand for...
Rush : Ohhh.... (Jimmy Dean gets worried...)
Caller: ...but I MUST say, that Clinton HAS TO GO!
He's guilty and can't be president...
(How interesting...
The caller disagrees with Moby 90 percent...
...but
...he HATES Bill Clinton,
...so he's no ditto-monkey, ...right?
...he's just a non-partisan, Limba-99%-disagreer who
just had to call and say what a good job Rush was doing?
Jeepers!
It's almost like,
...almost like,
...a fake call.
I have a question for you:
Have you ever heard Dr. Laura Mengele's show?
She often gets in her first mangle flogging the caller with
"RADIO OFF, YOU MORON! RADIO OFF!! RADIO OFF!!!"
(Let's say a prayer for Derek.)
I wonder...
If Rush's calls are real,
why...
...in the history of his show,
has he NEVER asked a caller to turn down his lying, nazi radio?
Dr. Mengele takes calls from real people.
She gets feedback and delay.
And how does she handle it?
She orders her nut-cake, Springer-rejects
to turn their lil' nazi radio OFF!
Larry King had a similar problem:
During the OJ thing, especially, Larry got calls every week
that started out legit, but quickly descended into some
Howard Stern fan saying "Ba-Ba-Booey."
Funny, ...Rush has NEVER gotten a prank call like that.
I wonder why?
Why won't Rush take calls from regular Americans?
The King of Debate can't handle himself in a fair fight?
Ha ha.
Pop Quiz:
Name a time in the 1990's when Rush Limba took real calls
from non-screened, everyday-American-taxpaying callers.
You lose,
Because he hasn't,
and he can't,
and he didn't,
and he doesn't,
and he hasn't,
and he wouldn't,
and he couldn't,
and he won't
Sorry, ...got carried away.
So, what have we learned?
1. Callers to Rush's show need not turn their radios down,
(His microphones are INCAPABLE of picking up feedback.)
3. None of Stern's 30 million listeners can "trick"
Bo Snerdly into taking their phoney phone calls?
...that, or
maybe King Tuna "salts the mine a little...?"
Then, a guy calls in and says,
"Rush, you're a lying hippo-crit. You accuse Clinton of packing
the town hall meeting with pre-screened people, yet you've
never taken an unscreened call in your life. Why is that?"
Rush, always the King of Debate, said:
"...I... ...you can't.... just because.....
...I never said this was about the free exchange of ideas.
The point of my show is to make ME look good, you moron,"
...then he hung up on him.
Excuse me...
I'm in some trouble.
It'll be Ok, tho...
You know how, when I'm telling the extra-clean truth,
I always say "Swear To..." that guy?
You remember the guy I'm talking about.
"Vern" is what they called him in Branson...
Anyway, I've written the "K" word so many times,
...and it's my own fault for using His name in vain,
that I've become big on the black-helicopter search engines.
That explains a lot of that pro-GOFP monkey mail!
Jesus, all this time I thought MAINSTREAM Republicans
were absolutely crazy, off-their rocker-nuts-ditto-monkeys.
But maybe it's just the black-powder crowd.
...so...
...because I don't need MORE people mailing me bullets,
I need to avoid using "Swear to..." that guy for a few months.
Hey, we're just trying to have a little fun here, you know?
I mean,...
Fun's fun,
But I only have one ass...
Now it's confession time:
The semen on Monica's dress?
...mine.
Bill called me back in 96 and asked if I wanted to party
with him and a load of cocaine and "some intern babes."
Of course, I said "Yes," because he's my president.
We each did about 5 interns, and ol' BartCop "petered out."
Bill, however, was the party animal!
Bill had a baker's dozen, maybe more.
Bill and me were doing Stoly shooters and getting hammered.
He started giving out ICBM launch codes and then he ordered
some people back in Arkansas murdered for crossing him.
---
(Mr. Starr, surely THIS will get me called to your grand jury!
I WAS THERE!
I saw everything!
I'm willing to testify before your people!
Please, Mr. Starr, please,
...for the good of 'Merica...)
Monkey Mail
(Remember, only from the Best and Brightest)
From: tissieteen@earthlink.net
Subject: hey liberl kiss my ass to clintons
why don't you learn to spell.
Rush's name is Rush Limbaugh.
NOT LIMBA, you moarn
Or are you a sounthern hick.
Tissieteen
(Hey, swizzle-stick - spell much?
How'd you get a name like "tissieteen?"
...and what's a moarn?
Maybe you ditto-monkes dont spel no goode,
but I'll bet you climb trees like a mother-fucker...)
So, ...Tuesday night, I'm watching television:
At 8:45 Central, Larry King was talking to Susan McDougal,
and Robbie Kneivel was getting ready to jump 30 limos.
Vern bless him, the son-of-a-bitch MADE that jump.
My heart was pounding. Minutes before the jump,
they showed footage of his most spectacular smash-ups.
It's gotta hurt doing 90-mph somersaults on concrete.
In this world of Tanya Harding, and WWF Wrestling and
ear-biting boxers and out-of-control federal McCarthyism,
it was SUCH a rush to see a crazy man risk his ass
by flying 250 feet on a motorcycle for cold cash money.
So... I ask you.
Who has more balls?
Susan McDougal, or Robbie Kneivel?
Clinton needs to pardon Susan McDougal.
Susan McDougal is a fucking trooper.
SUSIE, baby, you're the TOPS!
I want to shake your hand when you get out.
Hold a Welcome Home fund-raiser, I'll go $500.
(Did you hear that, Mr. Starr???)
Did you see her on Larry King?
Christ, she's got balls.
"Fuck you. KEEP me in jail," she screamed at Ringo Starr.
That is so much more balls than ol' BartCop has,
...somebody send me Susan McDougal's defense fund address.
I'm going to send her money.
"We're WITH you Susan!
'Merica wants to buy your book!
DID YOU HEAR THAT, JUDGE STARR??????
COME GIT ME!
I want to testify to your grand jury!
I promise to tell nothing but the truth!
(cough)
Meanwhile, California continues to drown.
Yet, no apology from "I-guarantee-it-won't-rain" Limba.
Fun Quotes
"Although Limba has an uncontrollable passion for dishing it out,
spouting his venom on Clinton and the Democratics every single
day without letup, he's a sniveling coward who can't take it himself.
(This was NOT written by your ediotr.)
To avoid all opposition or critical comments, he never has guests
on his show and heavily screens all callers. There's nothing I'd
like more to do--and I hereby issue a challenge to him--than to
engage Limbaugh in a televised debate for a minimum of two hours
on a college campus or elsewhere.
And if I am unable to de-limb Limbaugh,
I promise to turn in my bar card."
-- Vincent Bugliosi, "No Island of Sanity,"
(Thanks to Jkramer8@aol.com)
>From Crossfire Feb 17th
Part One
Press: Col. North, what should we do with Iraq?
Traitor: Clinton is a disaster for American foreign policy.
Press: That's not true, but what's your answer?
Traitor: Clinton just wants to play with the interns.
Press: ...I'm trying to get to YOUR solution.
Traitor: Clinton doesn't know how to run foreign policy.
Press: Col. North, please answer the question.
Traitor: We have a pervert in the White House.
Press: (..sigh) ...anyone else care to try?
Great GOFP Quotes
"There's NO WAY Kenneth Starr is doing anything unethical,
and I can PROVE it. Kenneth Starr hired ethics advisors,
and they'd tell him if he was doing anything wrong."
-- VD Hitlaugh, February 26, Hate radio
(Shit, Rush.
How much more proof could we ASK for?)
From: voltai29@geocities.com
You are one sick puppy.
Jim
(Hmmm...
Your note was coherent...
...good spelling, good punctuation, ...no mistakes,
You had a subject AND a verb.
An object WITH a predicate.
YOU must be a liberal!
You can't trick me.
I can spot 'em a mile away...
I'll bet you're that "Jim" guy who makes ditto-monkeys
eat their own dirt on the newsgroups worldwide!
Is that you?
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Jimmy K!
He's the most feared liberal on the newsgroups.
You think you can sneak in here undetected?
You can't fool me...
...it was your spelling that gave you away.
This just in...
On a hunch, Clinton had Inquisitor Starr checked by a doctor,
and it turns out his suspicions were CORRECT!
Judge Starr's ethics have peyrones disease.
Film at 11...
>From Crossfire Feb 17th
Part Two
Press: Col. North, let's try again. What about Iraq?
Traitor: Clinton is a disaster for American foreign policy.
Press: But don't you have any answers or suggestions?
Traitor: Clinton doesn't know the first thing about wars.
Press: But, what about Iraq?
Traitor: Bill Clinton is a bad, bad man.
Press: But Ollie, can't you change the broken record?
Traitor: Clinton was too yellow to go to Vietnam...
Press: Fuck it. I give up...
Big bruhaha at the home offices of RL-LNW.
It all started innocently, or so I thought.
A staffer wondered when Monica might next have sex.
I thought that was an interesting question, so I suggested
we start an informal office pool, and have a friendly wager.
The staff agreed.
We drew a grid with the numbers of years in each box.
I, as Ediotr, immediately declared that I wanted the years
2018-2020 as my squares.
After all, as Ediotr, don't I have the right of first pick?
There's a little thing called "Executive Privilege."
I, as Ediotr, can claim that, right?
...but the staff didn't see it that way.
They ALL wanted the years 2018-2020.
The way we figure it, Monica won't have any physical affection
until she ages 20 years, changes her name, dies her hair etc.
I mean, who wants to date a woman that's likely to go over
every intimate detail of your relationship with her friends
and her friend's audio tape recorder which is rolling for
Kenneth Starr,
Hard Copy,
The Whore Street Journal,
Barely Legal,
CNN,
Fox News,
Horendo Revolver,
the Ollie Traitor show,
Liddy's show,
the Tokyo Rush radio program and,
lastly,
...and I mean that,
...Bettina Gregory.
Vern forbid they get wind of your name and business.
If that happens, press whores will interview old girlfriends
and classmates for juicy bits of fantasy. Fuck the facts.
(Keep in mind their reward will depend on the absurdity of their
allegation, so expect the truth to be raped and dismembered.)
The press whores will find out if you've ever been arrested.
They'll go through your trash.
They'll go through your mail.
They'll make shit up about "semen-stains" to get a headline.
Bettina Gregory, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
As time goes by, it's clear to me Monica will not wrestle the
title "Most famous cock-sucker in history" from Rush Limba,
but that's little consolation as you lay shaking in your bed,
one more night allllll alone, wishing you had a husband.
Then...
then...
Then suppose she DOES get lucky and find a guy who hasn't seen
a newspaper or magazine or television show in years...
THEN what?
Does she tell him?
Does Newguy forgive her past when her old boyfriend is the most
famous man on the planet where she lives?
How does Newguy forget when OB's picture/voice is ubiquitous?
(Sheep, ubiquitous means "everywhere.")
...meanwhile...
I have a staff in full revolt.
Screw it.
I'll use my diplomatic skills to get me out of this.
I'll let the staff have the picks they want.
They get paid less than Packwood volunteers, whereas I'm getting
that envelope of cash every month from the DNC to help Clinton and
"his ilk" destroy the greatest nation ever known to exist.
Heck, ...it'll be years before I have to pay up.
This just in...
CNN says Clarence "Slappy" Thomas has a semen-stained dress,
...and he has no plans to wash it.
Remember when Jimmy Carter lost to Red-Ink Reagan in 1980?
Paul Harvey, watching Nancy Reagan's moving vans pull up
to the back doors of the White House, said this:
"It's nice to have a real Christian back in the White House."
Ronald Reagan?
More of a Christian than Jimmy Carter?
...sorry, just wanted to remind everyone
what a piece of shit Paul Harvey is.
Don't forget:
Nude pictures of Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers are posted
every Saturday on alt.binaries.pictures.celebrities.
Look for the bonus picture.
From: "Mike Villano"
Subject: Re: RL-LNW Vol 116
My political diaogue is more serious than you updates.
(That's pretty goddamn impressive, Mike.)
I've asked you thee times now to take meoff your list and once
I MENT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike
(Mike, you forgot to put "Nancy Reagan" in the subject line,
This newsletter would blow without your political daiogue.
Still reeling from the mountain of critical scorn
Maybe we can come up with something by then...
Great GOFP Quotes
"Because of the liberals, it's gotten soooooooooo bad,
(Now, ...again,
But,
"Saying HI will get you busted," Rush says.
...and the "Rush is God" crowd sees it as more prufe.
Bob Dole Update
Wednesday, Bob's driver changed the oil in his limo.
From: "Mike Villano"
Subject: Re: VCR Alert
Yo Bart,
Regards,
(What a nut!
...do you work for Governor Wilson in California?
Feb 22, on Meet the Press, the once-respected Tim Russert
Monica's lawyer said:
"Sticking to it?"
What does THAT mean?
"sticking to it..."
...the deposition had semen on it?
Great GOFP Quotes
"I am MORTIFIED, that our president, has done it,
-- Naomi "Eye-Witness" Judd,
From: "Tyler Korfhage"
Subject: Attack.
Nice personal attack on Rush.
(What if I CAN attack him, ...AND he's fat?)
Your just another ignorant,
(true...)
liberal spewing,
(true...)
Carville following,
(to a degree, yes...)
Clinton cock-sucking,
(Why, ...I never!!!!!!)
Rodham roady loser with way much time your hands th
(...are you starting a new language here?)
God Bless,
(Wait.
Does that make any fucking sense?
Tyler, tell me...
What if I was to call God right now, on the Internet
How relevant is a person's personal, sexual "deep business?"
Does it affect his ability to perform his job?
Let's suppose...
...Oh, I don't know...
...pick any old body,
...some we all know,
...Let's suppose...
....there's an aging, folksy, radio announcer who seems
Is it our business what Paul Harvey does to that poor horse?
Should we demand that he resign?
Do you know how many of those horses are now dead?
Natural death?
Sixty-Six dead witnesses?
Does Jerry Falwell know about this?
What if Harvey wants to wait until AFTER the horse testifies?
Oh, Jesus!
...and THEN,
...and then we'd need Dan Burton's committee!
But, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...
We just need to take a deep breath and wait until the facts
Whatever he's done to those poor horses,
Mrs. BartCop - bless her heart.
She told me she sent some money to the "Adopt a Wolf Program,"
She sent the money almost two months ago, but so far,
(cough)
...I tried to explain, she called me a "cynic."
Do you have your Budweiser in your hand?
It's 1963...
"Three and two to Musial...
SMACK!
"There she goes....
...a home run!
Cardinals win!!
...gives me chills to this day.
Yep, we lost ol' Harry Caray.
If you love baseball, and Vern knows if anyone loves baseball,
Did you catch the Lying Whore's tearful tribute to Harry?
I grew up listening to Haray Caray in St Louis in the 60's.
(Wouldn't a nice cold Budweiser taste good right now?)
And like everything The Whore has ever done, his tribute
Do I have an example?
El Grande Puta Chupacabra said "Caray was fired by the
Limba, ...you're such a lying prick.
Everybody knows why Caray was fired.
I lived there. I heard him say it again and again.
I heard this on KMOX radio, so how did Arnold Ziffel miss it?
Can you guess why?
Because it might just prove that decent people have flaws
Caray gleefully admitted being an adulterer, but Rush lets
No.
He's getting paid to slur our best president ever.
Rush is the ultimate hippo-crit.
(Budweiser, the King of Beers. It's Beechwood aged.)
Another thing Rush "forgot" to mention was in USA Today.
Ha ha.
That's how we'll remember Harry Caray here at RL-LNW.
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Email the Author:
Bartcop He's laughing at you!
I write congressmen, senators and contribute to several
editorial sections around the country.
contracted an email address you sent me to get this doan I'm
really not interested in your religiously modern liberal musings
so please take car of this timeModern liberals synonymous with
socialists and comunists won't be happy until they have destroyed
the Constitution and our unigue American heritage of liberty,
feedom and prosperity. You should call Al Frankin and Alex Baldwin.
They might like your humerbut its nothing more than statist
brainwashing and intellectual garbage to me so again see it
that I don't get any more of your updates,
so you'll be getting RL-LNW for at least another year.
You and Jim Baker III make this magazine what it is.
concerning the 100th Issue of RL-LNW, "The Wizard of Ahhs,"
I have ordered the LNW staff to begin work on Issue 200.
than a man can't say "Hi!" to his secretary
without fear of being dragged into court."
--The Lyin' King's radio show, 2/18/98
...you and I know Rush is just joking/lying.
...ditto-monkeys can't separate the jokes from the crap.
Why do you think they're called ditto-monkeys?
"That's how bad things are in KKKLinton's America,"
Bumed I missed Politicaly Corect Bill Marrs show but id
love a run down if you'd remove your modern liberal filter
MV
Five minutes ago you demanded your freedom from LNW,
...now you're begging to suck at the BartCop teat?
asked if Monica was telling the truth in her deposition,
or was she telling the truth on the Tripp tapes?
"Monica is sticking to her deposition."
...in the White House. ...It's tarnished.
I've been losing sleep over this."
Who had Bill (Better than you) Bennett's baby in 1982.
Hey, if you can't attack what he says, call him fat!
Tyler
After "cock-sucker," you "God Bless?"
Ha ha.
Why would a conservative want "God Bless" and "Cock-Sucker"
in the same monkey mail?
Is that some defense mechanism?
and told him what kind of language you used in His name?
How relevant is it if he's on the public's payroll?
Would it be less relevent if he's in the private sector?
to spend an inordinate amount of time with a certain horse.
Should we demand a quick explanation?
Should we get a mean-spirited, pit-bull-inquisitor to look into
every horse that Paul Harvey ever "visited" in his life?
Just how did they die, Mr. Harvey?
Oh, please!
I don't think so...
I don't think "suicide" answers the question, either.
Do a lot of horses commit suicide?
Either way, it smells like money.
What if the mean-spirited, pitbull-inquisitor offers the horse
"transactional" immunity? Then, the horse would HAVE to talk,
After all, the horse hasn't even been interviewed yet,
and we're all talking about Paula Harvey,
a once-respected radio pioneer and communicator.
come out. Harvey says he'll try his best to talk soon.
Paula Harvey was once a good announcer...
some deal the "Defenders of Wildlife" are pushing on TV.
her wolf hasn't written a single letter...
This is what AM radio was like, before Rush.
Spahn, off the stretch...
checks the runner...
...the pitch............,"
Way back....
Might be outa here....
It could be....
....it IS!
Cardinals win!!
Cardinals win!!
...Holy Cow!!!
it's the subscribers of RL-LNW. Take away the recent Vol 112,
(and the derogatory comments about Volume 100,)
and our baseball quiz got the most mail of any issue.
He talked about the day the Cardinals fired him.
My dad was an ediotr at the Sporting News there, so
do you think there's a chance that I might know
the real story behind the firing of Harry Caray?
was full of lies, omissions and distortions.
Cardinals back in 1970, but nobody knows why."
He was fired after he was caught screwing the wife of one
of the top Anheuser-Busch people, may even a Mrs. Busch.
Lying Whore said "There were rumors, but nobody knew for sure."
Of COURSE we knew for sure, you Lyin' Sack.
He thought it was flattering that he got caught with a
young woman since he was ugly and in his 50's at the time.
He bragged about it.
He knows the real reason, but he can't admit it.
and this flaw would remind sheep of Clinton's ALLEDGED hummers.
it slide because he's not getting paid to slur Harry Caray.
He gives the CONFESSED adulterer a pass,
while declaring the ALLEGATIONS against Clinton "true."
They said in 1987, Red-Ink Reagan called Caray while he was
doing a game, and Caray said "Bobby Dernier just bunted for a
single, I gotta go" and HUNG UP on the forgetful president.
The guy who hung up on Red-Ink Reagan.
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