The Trouble With Women
Issue #118

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Michael Corleone put it best:

"If history teaches us anything,
it's that any man can be killed."

Jim McDougal paid the ultimate price for his betrayal.
The Clinton hit squad took him out.

Memo to Jim Guy Tucker:

We got McDougal inside a federal penitentiary.
Where the fuck do you think YOU'RE going to hide?

Now, Jim Guy Tucker, you have a decision to make.
Well, you feel lucky, punk?

Let all men beware:
Cross this president and you take a dirt nap.

Keep your mouth shut, Jimmy, or you're Jim Dead Mother-Tucker

Great GOFP Quotes

"The left would rather Saddam be president of America
than anyone from the Republican party."

--V.D. Hitlaugh, never one to exaggerate

This week, fearing his approval ratings were getting too high,
Snoot Gingrich jumped into bed with Kenneth Starr.

"Kenneth Starr is the American Ideal, what every parent wants
their child to become," said the once-sane Gingrich.
Snoot's staff tried to tell him this was political suicide,
but Gingrich was adamant to display his affection for Starr.

"The smear campaign that's being waged against him sickens me.
I am Kenneth Starr's best friend, and I love him."

The Speaker's approval dropped to 9 percent,
an all-time low, and two points below that of E-Coli.

How do you get Dan Quayle off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

BartCop-ism is about religious freedom.
We have mentioned this again and again.
The odds that my insane beliefs are yours as well are more remote
than Rush Limba's chances of fathering a child.

This is testimony to my strong belief that religious freedom
should be nearly-almost equal to freedom of speech

That being said....

(Important: The child in this story is OK.)

Last Wednesday, a five year-old kid was hit in the head by a
foul ball at a Pirates spring training game in Florida.

Hawken Ballard, 5, had reconstructive surgery on his head
early Thursday. Surgeons used titanitum plates to recontruct
"the integrity of his skull."

Had the ball hit a little higher, doctors say the boy
would've surely suffered brain damage. Had the ball hit
a little lower, he probably would've lost an eye.

Now, remember, I am FOR religious freedom,
but here is what the father said about the foul ball
that caved-in the upper-left part of his son's skull:

"If God can direct the rock that David threw to hit Goliath,
then he can take care of the baseball going towards my son."

For the third time... I am FOR religious freedom,

But if God directed the rock at Goliath,
then He directed the baseball towards Hawken Ballard.

I mean... do the laws of physics change depending on
which book you regularly read for spiritual guidance?

You can't give God credit for having the ball miss vital parts
without acknowledging He aimed the ball in the first place.

We're all glad that the little guy is going to be OK,
but let's not forget who guides the flying things.

Since Rush is pushing Forbes in the 2000 election,
I was surprised to see this in Forbes magazine:

Rush Limba is worth about $116,000,000.00 un-earned dollars.

So, ...can we assume that lessons on
"How to be a Decent Human Being"
cost what, ...$117,000,000?

I was reminded in a Reagan bio the other day that the
FIRST woman he swore to love "until death do we part"
was Hollywood actress Jane Wyman.

If I'm not mistaken, Jane Wyman is also the mother
of Mr. Spock on the original Star Trek.

So, Ronald Reagan is Mr. Spock's step-daddy?

Stupid Rush Quotes

"Freedom doesn't come from government.
Freedom comes from God."

King Tuna, Hate Radio March 11, 1998

(But Rush, if that's true,

...why has God chosen to enslave the people of North Korea?
...why has God chosen to enslave the people of Cuba?
...why has God chosen to enslave the people of Iraq?
...why has God chosen to enslave the people of Iran?
...why has God chosen to enslave the people of Libya?
...and on and on.

You see?

This is lie number 1,280 Rush has been caught in, yet his
ditto-monkeys always say, "NAME ONE LIE! JUST ONE!!

"All you can do is insult Rush, our Shepherd," they say,
"but you can never give an example of a lie."

So, it takes 1,281 examples to prove Rush is lying?

Interships Available

Must be 21 and willing to learn.
Prefer wives of Promise Keepers with low self-esteem.

Will train, ...and that's a promise.

BartCop, got a joke you can use:

Last month, South Korea voted in a Catholic president.
Starting in 1999, more dog on Fridays.

Here's an idea...

Since I'm always whining about my lack of feedback, and
since you've been meaning to write to RL-LNW for months now,
why not take this chance to write to ol' BartCop,
and tell him which comedy bit is sooooo lame,
that you don't care to see it again.

To not reply, would lead me to believe that RL-LNW is perfect,
and that's about as likely as Rush giving a black man a break.
So right now, before you forget, hit "Reply" and point out
which overworked cliche has you on your last nerve.

This should be extra inviting to the ditto-monkeys who are
tired of seeing their hero pummeled so badly every issue.
C'mon, ...hit that "Reply" button.

Tell me what I'm doing wrong...

We have no idea, no clue...

We think we know how smart/slick Bill Clinton is,
but I heard a report that, if is true, is astounding!

Swear to Vern, they say one of Monica's jobs was...

...are you ready for this???????


Her job was training the other interns, ...and Bill Clinton
has got to be the smartest man in American History.

I don't mean to get off on a rant here, but here comes
Bill Clinton - who wasn't supposed to win in '92,
because war-hero Butch was riding a 91% approval rating, comes the dope-smoking, skirt-chasing, draft-dodging
KGB agent and he whips not one, ...but TWO war heroes.

Then, he fixed the Reagan Error and gave us peace and prosperity.
So he's got immunity from this petty, partisan squabbling,
and most of the sane Americans love him.


Bill Clinton's in the White House,

Savior of our economy,
Savior of the family,
Savior of the Constitution,
Savior of America,

...and he's got a young girl to help him take the edge off.

When he was sending our troops into Haiti and Bosnia,
young Monica was there to see to it he was carefree and relaxed.
She did not blow her assignment.


...what IS the bad news?

There they go again...

The GOFP needs voters.

The GOFP held a big rally in some casinos in Mississippi,
trying to get "everyday" Americans to join their party.

Didn't work.

Then, in an attempt to increase their almost non-existent
standing with women and minorities, they held a "social event"
at Beauvoir, home of Jefferson Davis.

Didn't work.

If anyone has a clue why blacks didn't want to walk past
a statue of the president of the Confederacy to join a
party of bigots and cavemen, please contact Rep. J.C. Watts.

Oh, suuuuuuuuure.

The GOFP didn't mind that David Brock was gay when he made up
all those sex stories about Clinton. It was David Brock who
wrote the article about "a whore named Paula," that caused
Paula Jones to run into the national spotlight yelling,

"THAT'S ME, ...and I want my good name back!!"

...but, now that Brock has apologized for making that shit up,
Rush and Col. Traitor and Liddy can't mention his name without
reminding the red-meat crowd that he's "one of THEM."

David Brock created this "let's get Clinton" gravy train,
but now he admits it was all a bunch of lies.

Well, David, you brought this on your own goddamn self.
You're hated by the right now, and you don't get any
sympathy from our side, either.

We don't mind that you're gay,
it's just that you're a lying son-of-a-bitch,

...and we hate liars.

Great GOFP Quotes

"It's not easy being right all the time.
In fact, it's a burden.
But... it's a burden I'm blessed with."

-- V. D. Hitlaugh, hate radio, last week

The OMB says inflation is at a 32-year low.

Thank yew, Bill Clinton

Great GOFP Quotes

"If you're innocent, you don't NEED a lawyer."
--King of Personal Slurs, Hate radio

Ollie Traitor had a lawyer.
Ronald Reagan had a team of lawyers.
George Butch had a team of lawyers.
Cap Weinburger had a lawyer, so did George Schultz.
We know Dick Nixon and his team had lawyers, because over
ONE HUNDRED Nixon White House workers, staffers and cabinet
members went to prison, or pled guilty top felonies.

G. Gordon Liddy had a lawyer, but he wasn't very good.

Looks like I caught Rush in lie number 1281.

Meet the Press, Sunday the 8th

I am deeply troubled.

Bill Bennett, (Better-Than-You), was on Meet the Press whining
about the lack of morality in the White House. It's hard to
believe anything the man says about morality and virtue.

I have a question:

If a man was arrested during his college years,
and accused of aggravated rape, and finally got out of it
because his wealthy family offered $75,000 to the young coed
to drop all charges and recant her testimony,
should the rapist then be allowed to go on TV and accuse the
best president we've ever had of being immoral?

I'm deeply troubled.

...and now, the Whore Street Journal report:

"Stocks on Wall Street are DOWN to 8537."

...stocks are DOWN 8537?

Something tells me we have a Democrat in the White House.

Caller: But Rush, if we can't convice our own party that
partial birth abortions are bad, how can we expect
to convince democrats and middle-roaders?

Limba: ....that's a problem...
...I just ...I just ...
I just think this is ...a winning issue for us.
We shouldn't focus on ...on ...on our own,
We should focus on the democrats...

Great answer from the "King of Debate."

(Did Snerdly get another tree-whipping?)

I found a "Songs of the Civil War" web site.

The site says:

If you want to understand the emotions of the men who faced
their brothers across a battlefield, look to the poems and
songs written during and after the war.


Then I thought about how the GOFP wants to kill all funding
to the arts, kill funding to ANYTHING that might have a spark
of life, a piece of history, a record of our culture...

Maybe if we understood the feelings of those involved in
the Civil War, me might learn something. But the GOFP is sure
to killanything involved with preserving our culture, so...

I said "screw it," had another drink and put some
porno on the big-screen to honor a great American.

...after all, today is Clarence Thomas's birthday!!!!!


GOFP Rookie: "Mr Helms, are you going to the dirty joke contest?"

JH: Why, those amateurs don't know dick about a good race joke.

GOFP Rookie: "That's right - you're the KING of race jokes...

JH: I'm not too shabby...

GOFP Rookie: Why aren't you in the contest this year?

JH: I don't just doesn't feel right, anymore.

GOFP Rookie: What do you mean, "doesn't feel right?"

JH: I've been thinking maybe we should accept blacks as equals...

GOFP Rookie: ...I...

JH: ...

Both: (Laughs)

GOFP Rookie: You almost had me goin' there, Mr. Helms.

GOFP Rookie: "Tell me just one good race joke, please?
David Duke says you RULE on race jokes..."

JH: Well, I don't have anything prepared...

GOFP Rookie: "Pleeeeease..."

JH: Sorry, son...

GOFP Rookie: "C'Mon, Mr. Big-Shot, Racist Legend...

JH: Not today, my friend...

GOFP Rookie: "Oh, suuuuuuuuuuure.
You CLAIM you're the best, but I don't see it.
'The King of Race Jokes' is going to pussy out on me?"
Maybe your legend is exxaggerated.

JH: OK, smartguy, here's one for you:
Why did the African lion lick his ass?

GOFP Rookie: ...I don't know, why?

JH: To chase away the taste of nigger...

"...I ...I...," said the freshman.
"The legend ...(choke) TRUE!
Long live Jesse Helms!"

The lazy whores of the press have been wetting themselves
about the "eerie parallels" between Clinton and Nixon.

We did some research and found the most damning ones.
So here's the Top Ten Ways Bill Clinton's presidency
has an eerie parallel to Dick Nixon's presidency.

Here we go...

Number 10 - Both had a small intestine and a large intestine.

Number 9 - Both once owned a Ford.

Number 8 - Both were governors of states that had the letters
"A, R, and N," in them
(Christ, I'm getting creeped out.)

Number 7 - Both had vice presidents with a "G" in their name.

Number 6 - Both shook JFK's hand BEFORE he was killed....
(Should we call the police?)

Number 5 - Both were accused of crimes by their enemies.

Number 4 - Both had an "I" in their first name,
and an "O" in their last name.

Number 3 - Both have visited Razorback Stadium in Arkansas.

Number 2 - Both were on their knees in the White House.
(No, wait - that was Nixon and Monica.)

...and the Number One parallel between the Dick the Dick
and the best president we've ever had is....

...Both had political trouble with their dogs.
(Checkers and Paula Jones)

Monkey Mail


Subject: You suport baby killers, baby killers, baby killers


Zachary Moring
Stewart & Stevenson

(Zach, you're one brave son-of-a-bitch to include your phone
number in a post that's sure to incite those who disagree.
But then again...
OUR SIDE doesn't bomb people,
so you're life is probably safe.

Speaking of our side, can I mention our side includes:
Nancy Reagan,
Barbara Butch,
Elizabeth Dole,
Gov. Whitman of New Jersey,
Gov. Wilson of California,
Gov. Pataki of New York,
Mayor Giuliani of New York,
Bob Dole's Keynote Speaker,
Bob Dole's campaign manager,

(Gee, ...there's a lot of baby killers in the GOFP!)

the Supreme Court of the United States,
most women in America,
most men in America,
most voters in America,
most Catholics,
George Butch,
(until Reagan offered him a spot on the ticket)
the ABA,
the AMA,

...and most educated people.

Sorry we can't include you.

From: Mark J.

Subject: I am a Conservative

Dear Bart Cop,

>Recently I was searching for articles on Rush and found
>your page. I consider myself a thinking conservative, and I
>realize that Rush's program is entertainment, but some of
>his points are worth consideration.

>However, once I read a few issues of RL-LNW, I laughed.
>I'm curious: how much of your stuff is actual fact as opposed
>to funny commentary? For instance, is the boil-butt story true?

(Yes, it is.)

>Can poor personal hygiene get a person out of military service?

(Rush did it, so, ...yes.)

>That, and the two previous marriages I didn't know about,
>can make one view Rush in a slightly different light.

>I'm still a conservative, and, while Clinton's not the
>Satan Rush says he is, he's also not the saint you say he is.

(If I said Clinton was a saint, I was lying.
Either he's too smart to get caught,
or Republicans are too stupid to catch him.)

>I don't like the socialist leanings of the Democrats, but I'll
>allow as how there are Draconian Republicans out there, too.

>Keep up the good work. Your newsletter is sometimes funny.
>This is from a new, albeit right-wing conservative, fan.

>Mark JL

>P.S. I did NOT have a liberal type this for me;
>I told you I was a thinking conservative.

(Isn't that cool?
Not only is he a Republican with a sense of humor,
he has brains enough to write his own letter.
Ha ha

My reply:

Yours is the kind of e-mail I like to get.
Yes, I like Clinton, but this is about the jokes,
the lies and the hypocrisy on both sides.

When Newt was caught plotting his comeback, against House rules,
Rush said Newt's words on the tape weren't important.
The REAL issue was the "illegal taping," he said.




when Linda Tripp illegally taped Monica, he switched sides.
Now, the illegal taping is perfectly OK,
but the words on the tape mean everything.

I fought issues long and hard on BB's for 4 years,
and it never got deeper than "fuck you, liar."
That's why I got into the humor thing.

Thanks for getting the joke.
There are sooooooooo few who do.


Great GOFP Quotes

"I don't think it was wrong.
I thought it was pretty neat."

-- Col. Oliver Traitor, on selling arms to terrorists

The Trouble With Women

The lastest, crazy twist to this nutty, un-ending soap opera has
Kathleen Willey's story changing faster than Limba's excuses.

You know this story, right?

In 1993, Kathleen Willey visited Clinton alone in the Oval Office.
When she came out, a witness says her lipstick was smeared,
her blouse was untucked from her skirt and she appeared
"flustered, smiling and pleased with herself."

Ms. Willey told friends nothing happened between herself and
the best president we've had in our lifetime.

Five years later, after being threatened by Kenneth Starr,
Ms. Willey has changed her story completely.

(I think it's safe to say Ms. Willey is no Susan McDougal.
HANG IN THERE, Susan. It won't be much longer!)

NOW Ms. Willey says Bill Clinton practically raped her, that he
put her hands on "Air Force One" and grabbed her breasts.

Inquisitor Starr is VERY pleased with Ms. Willey's new story.
But, there's a problem:

There's that witness who saw her coming from the Oval Office
looking "flustered, smiling and pleased with herself."

If she was "practically raped" by America's president,
why would she be "pleased with herself?"



unless the witness was LYING!



but... the WITNESS is Rush-Limba weigh-alike Linda Tripp,
the woman who HATES Clinton, and would NEVER lie FOR him.

She's the bitch who ratted out her friend, Monica Lewinsky!


this Paula Jones/Kenny Starr mess is a fucking circus.

Other Issues: [Index] - [Prev] - [Next] - [First] - [Last] - [Discussion Area]

Email the Author: Bartcop He's laughing at you!

Rush Limbaugh Sucks Web Ring
Prev5 * Prev * Next * Next5 * Random * List

Privacy Policy
. .