Suicide Watch
Issue #127

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Let me apologize up-front.
Unlike Clinton, this will be my ONLY apology.
This is the sloppiest issue I've ever done.
Spelling and cohesion might be the most obvious casualties,
but I just don't care right now.
This truly was written on a one-time drunken writing spree.
The language is perhaps more colorful, too.

I couldn't write anything until Starr's report was filed,
so I got caught up in the McGwire-Sosa Home Run chase.
We have to start at the beginning for you to understand.

I had the happiest childhood imaginable.
I grew up in St. Louis in the sixties.

My earliest memories are of three things:
My extremely happy family life,
my faith in the Catholic Church
and Cardinal baseball.

I went to baseball games with an expert since I was in diapers.
Every summer weekend was cooking on the outdoor grill, listening
to Stan Musial, Lou Brock and Bob Gibson on the radio.

But by the age of 16, I was out on my own.
My faith ran aground on the rocks of common sense,
but baseball was always a constant.

I bought a satellite dish just to follow the big chase.
Tuesday, when McGwire hit Number 62, I was ten years old again.
Even without the big chase, it was so nice to be DISTRACTED
by something so positive. At one point, I didn't hear a word
about Clinton's cock for almost 40 hours.
It was great.

When you get lost in a baseball game, you can just float.
In baseball, there are no Monica's.
There are no back-stabbing sluts with tape recorders.
There are no zealous tobacco puppets trying to ruin the game.
In baseball, there are no nazi whores to contend with,
unless you count that smug bastard George Will.

So, that's why I must apologize.
This issue was written Saturday, the 12th.
Usually I have time to edit and re-edit each issue, but STILL
those pesky spelling and syntax mistakes slip by me.

This time, with all that's happening, I just don't care.

RL-LNW Volume 127 Suicide Watch

Yep, there's a suicide watch all right.
It's at Po' Kenny's House!!!

Five years, and $50,000,000 and Herr Starr halfway-proves
that Bill Clinton got a little tongue on the side?
$50,000,000 to tell us that?

You could've asked ol' BartCop that back in January.
Blowjobs are "High Crimes?"

"High Crimes and Misdemeanors" is what they wrote in the Constitution.
The Founding Fathers never messed with their interns, no.

When they wanted sex, they just raped their slaves.

You notice Snoot Gingrich isn't too vocal about how "horrible"
and "impeachment-worthy" a friendly little blow job is.
He doesn't think BJ's are cheating, do ya, Snoot?
Snoot has the brains to keep quiet because he knows his
scumbag past is one phone call from being tomorrow's headline.

So what does Po' Kenny have to show for the five years of
"your Momma will die in prison" and $50,000,000?

Remember when Rush used to ask:
Who's money IS that?

That's OUR tax money, Mr. Starr.

All these years to discover that powerful men enjoy sex?
Is THAT what we paid $50 goddamn million for?


Po' Kenny could've watched ONE Howard Stern show
to figure out what drives the ego of the American male.

Think how stuck everybody is:

The GOFP is stuck with saying how "terrible" and "horrible"
and "awful" and "serious" these blow jobs were, because they
have 5 years and $50,000,000 riding on this "crime."

Po' Kenny has that problem multiplied by twenty.

The press is stuck with how "historic" and how "gigantic" and how
"gargantuan" and how "huge" and how "constitutionally-shattering" these
BJ's were, because they've spent 8 months telling us it was that big.

Congress is stuck with being dumb-struck, because so many of them
are guilty of the same thing. Statistically, 1/3 of married Americans
have cheated on their spouses. That number is higher for powerful men.
SO, there may be another 200 scumbags still to have their stories told.

Don't forget, boys: Clinton has seen your FBI files, ha ha

The men of America are stuck with condemning this "outrage,"
because nobody is secure enough in their marriage,
except for maybe good ol' BartCop,
to say "It's just a blow job."

Most men can't say that because their wives would say,
"Oh, really? It's nothing to get a hummer on the side?
You can sleep on the couch till the end of the year."

Amazingly, the women of America are free to say what they think,
and they like the job Clinton's doing, so they forgive him.

I think we ought to have all 535 members of congress raise their
right hand and swear, under oath, that they've never cheated.
If they get caught lying, they resign and go right to fucking jail.

What could BE more fair?

Isn't it time for Ken Starr to let go of Clinton's cock?

"If Bill Clinton was willing to lie to us about sex,
what ELSE would he be willing to lie about?"

-- average ditto-monkey


"If Reagan/Butch lied about selling anti-aircraft missiles
to Islamic Jihad, then tried to cover it up, then perjured
themselves, then pardoned the little guys so they wouldn't
rat out the BIG guys, what ELSE are they capable of?"

-- BartCop

Holy Mother of Koresh, you sheep.

Where is your sense of perspective?

The latest fax from GOFP HQ reads:

"We're in trouble. We've spent $50,000,000 trying to uncover
the big crimes we think Clinton has committed, but despite our
best efforts, all we have is a couple of BJ's to show for it.

We bet our reputations on this witchhunt, and now we're fucked.
Our best bet is to flood the call-in shows with feigned outrage,
and hope the voters are as stupid as we think they are."

Did Clinton lie?

THIS is the question he was axed:

Po' Kenny: Did you have sexual relations with Monica lewinsky?

Clinton: How do you define your terms?

(Word-for-word, cut-and-pasted from the Starr report.)

For the purposes of this deposition, a person engages in
"sexual relations" when the person knowingly engages in or
causes with the genitalia, anus, groin, breast,
inner thigh, or buttocks of any person with an intent to arouse
or gratify the sexual desire of any person...

Clinton thought to himself, giggled, and answered "No."

I didn't see "penis" or "tongue" in that question, did you?

Starr says: The President's linguistic parsing is unreasonable.

Hey, Kenny. There's a catchy phrase I once heard.

"Words MEAN things," you moron.

If I go to Seattle, and you ask if I went to Tacoma, my goddamn
answer to you is "No," and I don't owe you anything other than
an honest answer to your got-a-hardon question, so eat me.
Figuratively, of course.

Bill Clinton - Honesty in Government!

"Why do I think the press are dirty whores?
Back in 1961, I attended a charity event in Ohio.
I was the last person to leave the dais.
I signed autographs for every person who wanted one.

The dirty whores said I refused autographs and left early.
That's why I hate the whores of the press."

-- Roger Maris, 1961

Monkey Mail


>Subject: buffune

>dont you feel like one now


>Mark and Cathy Scheitlin

Ha ha

The Shitlins introduce themselves with a personal slur.
That's precious.

Good thing I'm above returning personal slurs.

It's nice when a couple of ditto-monkeys sit down at their computer,
perhaps fondling each other as they run through the latest issue
of Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore.

What color wine goes with LNW?

Hey, you Shitlins, when you read Po' Kenny's report,
(you two Shitlins DO read, right?)
if you find any "crimes," get back to me, OK?

Ha ha,

Shitlin ditto-monkeys...

Great Rush Fascisms

Rush said the McGwire-Sosa Home Run race was
"just another nigger chasing a white guy."

Well, maybe he didn't use those words exactly,
but with his history of race-baiting and personal slurs,
it's obvious that that's what he meant.

(I learned that little trick from Pigboy.)

Rush is the champ at running his mouth for 10 minutes,
streaming together a hundred falsehoods or more, then,
after he drills home the non-facts to his flock,
he'll mumble something under his breath like
"at least that's the way I see it."

So, in Rush Limba's America, you can say ANY goddamn THING,
as long as that teeny, tiny, half-ass disclaimer gets in.
It's harder to do in print, but easy as hell on the radio.

then w h i s p e r s HIS disclaimer.

Rush Limba is a convicted rapist and child-molester,
if you ask my opinion...

New poll:

If the election were held today,
Clinton would STILL beat Dole by 12 percent.

Saturday morning, 2 vans with 37 boxes of documents arrived at
stately BartCop manor. Inside the boxes were thousands of documents
accusing Ken Starr of being a sex-starved, partisan prick.

I guess that's proof, eh?

Let's all chip in and buy Po' Kenny a Republican crack-whore.
Kenny needs a non-Clinton sexual release REAL bad.

Great Comic Quotes

"Clinton is blacker than Colin Powell and Clarence Thomas combined."
-- Chris Rock, 8/21/98

sent by Mark B.

What if the Supreme Court ruled EARLIER that the Secret Service
could be forced to testify against their president?

We might learn where Butch was during the 1980 campaign when he
was missing for three days - three days that Garry Sick (sp?)
says Butch was in Paris arranging for his good friends in Hezbollah,
(the bastards who murdered 240 Marines one day)
to hold the American hostages until AFTER the election.

But noooooooooooooooooo.
That's not serious enough for forced Secret Service testimony.

We only suspend the Constitution if it's about Clinton's penis.

Who do we even hold elections anymore?

Why don't we just ask Richard Mellon Scarfe who he wants
to be president and save the time, money and bullets?

Great, Stupid Legal Quotes

"...and that's exactly why Nixon was impeached."

--Judge Robert Bork, Larry King Live 9/09/98

Nixon wasn't impeached, you old nut.
How stupid are you?

Your "mind" is so clouded with hate, you've lost your
ability to think, assuming you were once capable.
We haven't impeached a president since the Civil War.

Every first year law student knows that.
Don't you have any brains, Mr. Bork?

I'm glad you're not on the Supreme Court with a
lifetime appointment, like that moron Slappy Thomas.

Still Smoking...

Meet the Whore, with Tim Russert

Russert: Bill Bennett, some people say Reagan lied about selling
Stingers to terrorist Iran, and that's a lot more
serious than lying about just sex.

Bennett: But, ...did Reagan KNOW it was a lie?

Oh, puhhhhLEEEZ.

That reminds me of the time I went to McDonald's in the 70's.
I asked the dweeb at the counter if they really put worms in their
hamburger meat to save money. The little dweeb sent Ronald McDonald
to my table and he explained that the McDonald's corporation used
100 percent Grade A ground beef in their burgers "and that was ALL."

To check them, I cut my hamburger in half and, to my horror,
it crawled away in two different directions.

Enraged that I almost ate worms, I demanded to speak to the manager.
I asked him why they sent a moronic clown out to lie to me, and the
manager said "the clown didn't really know it was a lie."

Great Fascisms

"...but, this is private!!"

The Scumbag from Indiana, after he got caught



Hey there. I've heard that you are currently living in the plain states.
Such a wonderful place, isn't it? I love areas with lots of guns and
very few minorities. However, chit-chat about the wonderful plains area
of the nation isn't what I'm writing to you about today. Today, I'd like
to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime. With the failure of Bob Dole
to truly represent the views of the majority of Republicans like you and I,
I have decided it would be in the best interest of the nation for me to run
for president in this next election. I am asking you, Mr Bartcop, to be my
campaign manager for the plains state region. Now, I know this is a lot
of work, but I think you can handle it. For your information, I will
highlight a few details of the new party platform here.

* We will repeal all gun control laws. In fact, every American will be
legally required to carry a firearm at all times.

* We will outlaw all minorities, in particular Asians and Blacks,
and will enforce this law with the death penalty.

* Mark Furhman will be placed in charge of restructuring the American
police force to serve the nation in a more appropriate manner.

Furthur information about our platform will be made available to you
should you decide to accept the position as my campaign manager.
I look forward to your response.

More Great Fascisms

"Fourteen years ago, when I was a private citizen and a single
woman, I was involved in a relationship that I came to regret,
that I'm not proud of. I've asked for God's forgiveness, and
I've received it, ...but, this is private!!"

-- Rep. Helen Chenoweth (R - Bitch)

That's strange. I talked to God last night,
and He told me you were a lying, adulterous whore.

Either God or Helen Chenoweth must be lying.


>Subject: Character Matters....

>Hello Bartcop,

>Remember way back on Prodigy when I told you that character matters?
>You and the rest of the Clinton loyalists stuck to the party line
>and extolled the virtues of the economy, etc?

I'm sorry.
Is there a question there?

>Looks like your boy is going down in a blaze of shame, doesn't it?
>Aren't you glad I'm not one to say "I told you so"?
>Even though I did.

I have no doubt it looks to you like he's going down,
but testimony indicates only Monica went down, not Bill.

>In my opinion, he should be tried for perjury as well.


Let me give you a short lesson in perjury, Sparky.
Remember who Mark Furman is?
He's the Republican who was caught lying BIG TIME in the
O.J. Simpson trial. His guilt was established beyond any doubt.
They played a tape where he called HIMSELF a liar.

Now - was Furman ever charged with perjury?

No, he wasn't.
Do ewe know why?
he was never charged because his lie was "immaterial."
Perjury must be material to the case at hand.

Sane Americans understand that a lying racist who might've
planted evidence against a black man is TONS more important
than "Did you do the intern, Mr. President?"

Add to that, the OJ trial was a MURDER trial.
Clinton lied about his sex life in a trial designed to give
Paula Jones enough money to get her trunk fixed.

I realize Republicans are anti-education, but don't you feel
a little better now that you know a little something about that
which you feel so strongly?

>BTW, since Clinton took credit for the great enonomy,
>he can take the blame for the instability now.
>To quote your famous BartCop-ism, "you can't have it both ways."

When Starr announced he was delivering his report, the DOW lost
300 points because it looked like Bill "cut-spending" Clinton
might be on shaky ground.

Once the report was released, and Wall Street saw that there wasn't
anything remotely resembling a "smoking gun," the market shot up
almost 200 points. Wall Street might be run by racist Republicans,
but they know bullshit is bullshit, and money is money.

Thanks for writing, and don't be a stranger.

Great Paula Jones Quotes

"I just said I wanted a normal nose to match my face," Mrs. Jones said.

"Now people can see the whole me..."

Paula, we've seen the "hole you" in Penthouse.

I gotta ask:

Why would you touch your elbows to the ground and ask some guy
to get behind you and take a picture of your big, fat ass?

Where'd you go to charm school?

Dick Armey's house?

What if the Supreme Court had ruled EARLIER that it was legal
to force the accused's attorney to testify against him?

Ollie North would be in prison right now, wouldn't he?

But nooooooooo.
Selling weapons to Iran isn't serious enough to destroy the
sacred bond between attorney and his client.

We only suspend the constitution if it involves Clinton's cock.

CNN reports that reporter John Holliman was killed in a car wreck.
Holliman was that rarest kind of reporter.

He was not a whore.

I never heard a single lie from John Holliman. He never once
smirked and giggled at a story about the President's penis.

I liked and respected John Holliman. He was the one who held the
microphone out of the window during the bombing of Baghdad,
while that punk Bernard Shaw was wetting himself under a table.

It wasn't "Backdoor Bettina" Gregory who was in the fatal crash.
It wasn't "Cocksure Chris" Matthews who was killed.

It was the only honest reporter at CNN.

Life is not fair.

You know who Rush stole this from?

"Talent on loan from God."

"Who says I am not under the special protection of God?"
-- Adolf Hitler, May 5, 1939

The polls show the truth:

Clinton honest and trustworthy?

Yes: 34 percent

Gore honest and trustworthy?

Yes: 66 percent

...that's a total of 100 percent honesty on a ticket.

Mail Bag


>I've missed a lot of Dr. Laura, because of my work.
>Could you fill me in on this "Dallas" incident
>and why she broke down and cried on the air the next day?



Yes, I can.
It's too long to print here, but trust me, go to

This is a MUST read if you think Limba-with-a-vagina is always so
polite and proper. After you read the article, read the follow-up
about Doc Meng's reaction to the article written about her visit:

It's certainly the best part of this issue...

Plus, almost 100 Doc meng shows are archived on
Check her out at:

Piggly Wiggly is AFRAID to archive his personal slurs, because he
knows people like me will use them to smack his nazi ass.

I tape Pigboy each day, in case I need to quote him verbatim,
but having daily transcripts or archived shows would allow me
to at LEAST triple my output.

Sometimes, Rush tells over a dozen lies per minute, so it's
not practical to even call him on 5 percent of his scumbag lies.
But if his shows were in transcript form,
I could number his lies as I read them.

One last thing:

You've GOT to check out the Rush funny-audio site.
Wear your Depends, because you're going to wet yourself.

It's funnier than President Burton.

Have you been watching the newly-restored digital prints
of the Star Trek episodes on the Sci-Fi channel?

Captain Kirk got laid in 4 of the first 10 episodes.
Po' Kenny could REALLY build a case against Captain Kirk.

In the episode where the transporter split him into two people,
a good Kirk and an evil Kirk, the first thing the evil Kirk did
was to grab some liquor and go visit Yeoman Rand.

Spock says "We have a rare opportunity to see that perhaps it's man's
darker side that gives him his ability to be an effective leader."

Sounds like a Carter vs. Clinton comparison.

When a ditto-monkey says Clinton isn't fit to be President,
ask him/her/it if they want Jimmy Carter back.

That pesky character issue will suddenly shrink faster than
Limba's courage at his local draft board.

You want to talk about a REAL scandal?
Which is the bigger scandal:

Seduced by a President?
Molested by a Priest?

The Catholic church in Dallas recently had to pay out
MILLIONS to a dozen former altarboys because the Catholics
hid the fact that they merely relocated their child-molesting
priests, instead of facing the problem head on.

A priest gets caught molesting boys in Detroit, so they ship him
to Albuquerque where nobody knows he's a sexual predator.
After he gets caught in Albuquerque, they ship him to Portland,
where he strikes again.

This is a serious problem, but it's NOT a scandal,
because Bill Clinton's dick isn't involved.

Richard Mellon Scarfe won't finance a Catholic scandal.

Old Business:

Judas Maximus, (a.k.a George Stephie) still pisses me off...

I'm going to Washington D.C in October.
Odds are I won't bump into Judas, but if I do,
it's going to make the news wires, I promise.
Nothing too violent, of course, but it'll make the papers.
I'll make it outside a bar, adding the Judas-drunk factor.

I'll be seen as the innocent tourist, and Stephie-traitor will be
drowning himself in vodka, using his martini olive as a life preserver.
I'm not going to hurt him badly, probably an uppercut that will
make him replace some of those crowns his daddy bought.

Judas, nobody likes a traitor.

More Old Business

...the Dunkin Donut prank call to Rush.

THIS is why we need a recap of "Old business."
If you have RealPlayer, (if you own a modem, you need RealPlayer)
check out:

This is the call where Rush's screener let one get through.
If I had a live radio show, and this prankster got to me,
I'd ask him to stay for the rest of the show.
When you get taken, you'd better laugh, too.

If you don't, you come off as a pompous, nazi prick.
Limba wouldn't know humor if it lanced his cyst.



While at check the "Bonus Celeb Footage."

It's Fatty Feedbag lying to his rock n roll listeners in the 80's.
Pigboy says "The award-winning Jeff Christy Show, and if you're
wondering what award I ever won, it's the Marconi Award for
Excellence In Broadcasting," which PROVES beyond all doubt
that Pigboy is inserting his cigar into his audience's ass.

What are the odds that a SINCERE Feedbag would claim that

"excellence in broadcasting"


"award-winning program"


"The Marconi Award" are anything other than his imagination?

He just took his AM radio bull-shit and cloaked it
in his "truth detector" political hate-rhetoric.

The man is a phoney sphincter, and this blows the lid off.

You ditto-monkeys CAN NOT listen to this long-haired,
dope-smoking, maggot-infested human-being-wannabe and
seriously consider him as a real person ever again.

They even have his picture, if you have the courage to look.
He was a polyestered, long-haired freak with a mustache.

GO to this URL and listen to our lying, nazi whore.
He was kidding then - he's kidding now.
He didn't give a flying fuck about politics until he saw
that ditto-monkeys were STARVING for some cultist to get
on the radio and say what they were non-thinking.

Remember - Rush NEVER voted for Reagan, because
"I didn't want to stand in line to register."

THAT'S how passionate Fat Bastard is about politics.

Do yourself, and 'Merica a favor.
Visit the prank call web site.
Hear for yourself what a phoney tnuc sounds like.

You'll hear the REAL Rush Limba.

"I was unmarried and single.
I deny every accusation, but I was a carefree lad."

-- Gov. George W. Butch, son of a liar

Bidding Climbs for Lewinsky Book

The Associated Press, August 30, 1998

NEW YORK (AP)--Bidding for the Monica Lewinsky story could turn
her saga into the highest-priced sex story in history, according
to the New Yorker magazine.

The magazine says in its Sept. 7 issue that the Star tabloid
sent Lewinsky an offer promising "tons and tons of french fries"
if Monica would tell all in a really hot book.

That was topped by HarperCollins, who offered "free pizza for a week"
for a book, the magazine said, citing a source familiar with the offer.

Star editor-in-chief Phil Bunton said the price is being pushed
up because the market for sex stories is getting crowded.

"When the Gennifer Flowers story first broke, the mainstream
press dumped all over us," Bunton said. "These days, they're
every bit as aggressive as we are in chasing the sex details."

"Now, we're all whores," said Mr. Bunton.

Great Judas Quotes

Ex-sidekick George Stephanopoulos laments,
"It may be impossible for people to ever trust him again."

Judas, make that TWO uppercuts coming your way.

Alyssa Milano said on NBC's Dateline that she won't do
any more nudity in her films because of the faked pictures
of her that were put on the Internet by teenage boys.

But Alyssa, you're too young to retire...

I'm gonna hurl if I hear ONE MORE analysis about how they
walked to Chopper One after Bill spilled the beans.

"Everything they do is scripted" says "Howie" Kurtz.

Hey, Howie, want to buy a first name?

They know the whores are stalking them, so yes,
thought is given as to how to handle the media.
If they came out holding hands, the press would HOWL
at the hippo-cracy, and maybe rightly so.

If they came out separately, the headlines would scream
"A family divided!"

No matter HOW they walk that 60 yards to the chopper,
the dirty, slimy headline-hounds would ridicule the "charade."

So, for Koresh's sake...

Let Clinton walk to his goddamn helicopter, OK??

Great Fascisms

"I've lost so much weight,
the liberals can't call me names anymore."

I dunno, Rush.

Right off the top of my head, I can think of
three adjectives that describe you perfectly.

Even if you die of starvation,
you'll always be the lying, nazi whore.

From: Tim

Subject: comuneist

you are a complete moron uou know absolutely nothing about
anything your arguments are weak not based on fact and if nothing
else a divershunfrom the real issues facing our nation . I think
your time and your web page would be better used if you made a
educated assessmint of the issues facing this country you
should refrain from the mindless insults and educate youself

Flagstaff AZ

(You were "Tim" when you started,
but you were "Emily" when you finished.
Did you cut something off?)

Great Judas Maximus Quotes

"Bill Clinton kept the promises he INTENDED to keep."

-- George Stephie, earning his THIRD uppercut

The End is Near

Time to get serious...

I know this will shock some people...
I realize I'm known as a "Clinton apologist" by the McVeigh-wing
of the GOFP, but the truth matters. The truth is important.

I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I can support Clinton any more.
I stayed with him through the years, but how much is enough?

The Starr report says that Clinton admitted that he tried
to find a job for Monica Lewinsky, a woman he'd "been with."

This is NOT what we hired Bill Clinton to do.
I'm sorry, but loyalty only goes so far.

Creating jobs?
THAT's why we elected Bill Clinton?

Shortly after Monica's situation became public,
14.6 million Americans made the same claim.
They Allllllllllll said Clinton got them jobs.

I'm appalled.

You people know me - honest, straight-forward, Catholic.
plus, I'm as Democratic as a guy can be...
but if Bill Clinton is arranging jobs for people,

...I'm sorry...

...I can't have anything more to do with him.


for PEOPLE?????????????

America, I gotta ask a tough question.
In this time of moral indecision,
you must make a choice about your country's future.

Is that why we elected Bill Clinton?
To create jobs?

I'm going to curse, this one time.
Please don't hold it against me,


...Bill Clinton ain't here to create fucking jobs.

He's here to provide the press with an excuse to print
unfounded, salacious innuendo and super-false-drudge-
fucking-rumors about his big presidential unit,
so Linda Tripp can afford lipo-suction on her giant ass.

This is America.
The country we love.

Scarfe has money, goddammit,
and he's tired of waiting,
so it's time America stood up STRAIGHT!

What's wrong with America that we can't see that?


We're TIRED of peace.
We're TIRED of prosperity, goddamit.

Fuck progress.
Fuck our future.
Fuck ourselves.

Bring back Ronald Reagan.

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