The Raiders
   from Larry-by-the-sea

 The coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The only thing that was missing
 was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't
 find the perfect quarterback who could ensure a Conference Championship and a trip to the Super Bowl.

 Then one night, while watching CNN, the coach saw a war scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the
 background, he spotted a young Afghani soldier with a truly incredible arm. The young man threw a hand
 grenade straight into a third-story window 300 yards away. KA-BOOM!. He threw another grenade into
 a group of enemy soldiers 100 yards away. KA-BLOOEY! Then a car passed going 90 miles per hour
 -- BULL'S EYE! "I've got to get this guy," the coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm."

 So he brings the kid to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Raiders go on
 to win the Conference Championship. The young Afghani is hailed as the great new hero of football,
 but when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Conference Championship, and I'm going to the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son."

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. I am on the verge of playing in the
 greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here celebrating among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.
 The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two older brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives
 last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight." The old woman paused, and then
 tearfully says, "I'll never forgive you for making us move to Oakland."

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