RL-LNW is published by Marc Perkel.
Perkel is running for the US Congress.
He's also suing the House for pushing porno.
If you want to see something funny AND scary,
something produced by the publisher of RL-LNW...
Let's start off with a dirty, nazi lie:
"I've never been anything other than honest and fair on this program,
and you can go back and check my ten-year record."
-- Rush Limba, October 6, 1998
Pigboy, how do we know that?
How can we check your ten-year litany of lies and slurs?
Are your shows available?
Are they archived on the Internet?
Where are they, Rush?
Are they available anywhere?
How can we check your record, Rush?
The closest thing I know of that can be checked is the
Rush Limba - Lying, Nazi Whore Internet magazine,
but sometimes you tell 30 lies a minute, and I can only type so fast.
So, tell us, Rush...
How do we check your "honest and fair" record?
Open Letter to Rush Limba
Have you always been loyal to your three wives?
Since you're "only after the truth,"
since you lead the Cheaters can't be Trusted brigade,
maybe you could clear up this nagging question.
Oh, and you'd do that under oath, right Rush?
Why don't you have Bill "Still Smoking" Bennett
and Clarence Thomas swear with you, OK Rush?
To save the GOFP extra, unnecessary embarrassment, Army and
Gingrich and that prick Delay don't have to swear to anything.
(Based on a joke written by a priest)
A ten-year-old Jewish boy named Fyvush was failing math.
His parents tried everything: tutors, hypnosis, everything.
Fyvush said "I hate math."
Someone suggested they enroll him in a Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy came home with a focused
and very determined expression on his face.
He went straight to his room and closed the door.
He worked on his math studies until bedtime.
This continued for 90 days - constant study.
Finally, his first report card came in.
Fyvush led his class in math with an "A+."
Overjoyed, Mom and Dad rushed to their son's room.
"Was it the nuns that made the difference?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring?
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No," said Fyvush.
"On that first day...when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign,
I knew those Catholics meant business!"
BartCop, got one for you:
Right now, it looks like Clinton will be harder to get off
than a sober Martha Stewart on dirty sheets.
Great Monica Quotes
"The Big Creep didn't even try to call me on V-day,"
-- Monica to Linda Tripp.
She called Clinton "Creep" after he made it clear that they
would never have intercourse, or "sexual relations."
Pigboy often refers to Clinton as "the big creep,"
and he got that name for saying "No" to Monica.
...always causing trouble with his self-restraint.
Rush is whining that the Democrats are trying to block the
House investigation "because Clinton is sooooooooooo guilty."
If they weren't fighting this hard, what would he say?
"They're not fighting because they know he's soooooooooo guilty."
It's hard to defeat Pigboy logic.
ASK MR. BARTCOP
>Dear Mr. BartCop: Is Henry Hyde a Scumbag?
>(related to Al Gore)
It depends, Jerry.
It depends on what the meaning of "is" is.
If you're asking if Henry Hyde _is_ destroying a family, meaning, _is_
Henry Hyde currently wrecking a home, as we speak, my guess would be "probably,"
because with sexual predators,
those urges never go away, according to Doc Meng.
But, we don't know for sure.
Because his privacy, so far, hasn't been invaded, so we don't know.
On the other hand...
If you're asking if Henry Hyde _is_ a Scumbag-home-wrecker, meaning
is Henry Hyde
the kind of low-life, morally-defective, slimeball skunk who'd think nothing of stealing
a family's mother away from them, the answer is yes.
He admitted that, ...after he got caught.
But, I don't want to take sides in this mess.
What do Monica and Lucille Ball have in common?
Both had sex with a Cuban.
Wait a minute...
Look at the timetable.
Linda Tripp talked to Ken Starr AND Paula Jones's attorneys
before Clinton was deposed in January 1998.
Perhaps as much a f-ing year before we ever heard of Monica.
That means they KNEW (they had the tapes) that Monica was
blowing the Presidential Seal.
Yet when they had him under oath, they asked if he stimulated
her breasts, buttocks, anus, vagina, inner thigh etc etc.
If they knew he received oral sex from Monica,
why didn't they ask that question?
If Clinton said "I never got oral sex from Monica,"
then later was forced to admit he did, then he'd be GUILTY of perjury,
because there's no wiggle room there.
He'd be guilty, guilty, guilty of perjury.
But, did they ask the all-important question?
Why didn't they ask the important question?
Why didn't they ask the question that counts?
Clinton has all this maneuvering room because, he knew, like we all
that Paula Jones's lawyers were idiots.
Turns out, they KNEW the facts in advance!
They knew the facts, but didn't ask Clinton under oath.
They're not only idiots.
They're working with Starr to put Gingrich in power.
What does that add up to?
Engineered, manufactured quasi-perjury, that's all.
A Scarfe-financed perjury trap, for perjury's sake.
They didn't ask the black-and-white question.
I'll tell you why:
They wanted a grey area, so Snoot's puppets in Congress
could to step in and "sort out alllllllllllll the grey areas."
Our electoral process is under attack.
Richard Melon Scarfe doesn't LIKE this president, or free elections.
Great Monica Quotes
"I had a good time at the spa.
I did it with the nutrition guy!!"
The "nutrition guy" talked to the Star Tabloid which, these days,
is as reputable as Wolf Blitzer or Backdoor Bettina Gregory.
The nutrition guy says Monica called his desk and asked him to come
to her private room (in the spa complex) and fix something.
When he arrived, Monica was naked from the waist up.
He says she dropped to her knees, fished out his Tom Delay
and starting bobbing up and down on it.
Bill Clinton was trying to behave himself.
But if Monica pulled that on him, he might've succumbed.
Sure, Clinton has a healthy libido, and he was on his best behavior,
but maybe Monica caught him at a weak moment.
...do you get the feeling that,
before this three-year sideshow is over,
Monica will kill herself?
That way, the media whores will feel justified calling it another Clinton-related
even though Tripp and Starr are the ones who stabbed her in the back.
>Mr. BartCop: Is Nixon a crook?
Well, Jeet, it all depends.
It depends on what the meaning of "is," is.
Since King Dick has passed on, the answer is "no,"
but that's only due to the status of his dead ass.
If King Dick was still alive, would he be a crook?
The answer is "yes."
It depends on the definition of "is."
Last Thursday, Rush had a come-apart.
He was using a lot of non-family-friendly words.
(really excited, high-pitched voice)
"Clinton is a damn pain killer!!
Pain killers don't kill pain!!!
They just make you FELL good!!!
WE'RE ALL ON DRUGS NOW!!!!!!!!!!"
At 08:40 AM 9/25/98 -0700, you wrote:
>I just looked at your website. Why do you attack people, who you disagree with?
>Why can't you stick to the issues and leave out the childish comments intended to put
>people down simply because they have different ideas?
You're kidding, right?
Let me guess:
You never, ever heard Rush call anybody a name, right?
Never, ever, right?
Rush has never, ever insulted Bill or Hillary or
Jocelyn Elders or Jesse Jackson or Al Gore, right?
Never, ever, right?
You ditto-monkeys see it sooooooooo differently
when a mirror gets put on your Pigboy.
>I challenge you to take the higher road in your comments and other
>Leave out the profanity. Talk about the issues.
>Let the validity of your ideas be the thing that drives your point home.
>If your ideas have any merit, you won't need to put others down to get your point across.
Challenge denied, and blow me for asking.
I speak the language most Americans use.
As far as the validity of my ideas, check Issues 71-75
and see how well G. Gordon Liddy did on the BartCop Quiz.
I'd debate Rush, if he had the balls to open his phones.
Liddy has the balls to debate, why doesn't Rush?
>Let's set an example of maturity, dignity and courtesy.
Let's have fun, instead.
When Pigboy stops the personals slurs, I will, ten years later.
I've got nothing against you, except maybe your idea that I
started mean-spirited, personal slurs in America, not Rush.
>From the Starr Porno Report
LEWINSKY: What would happen if he wanted to see me on his own?
Wouldn't that be nice?
TRIPP: He owes you an explanation.
He owes you a job, at least.
You should contact Vernon Jordan.
I'll bet he could get you a job.
LEWINSKY: Really? Do you think he could?
TRIPP: The whole thing is is so just fundamentally unfair.
I hate him for it. I think he owes you that truth.
He has a problem, and he knows he has a problem.
You should get a job out of this.
LEWINSKY: I don't know.
TRIPP: Don't (redacted) out on me now, this is your big chance.
You're only going to get one shot, you know.
LEWINSKY: I don't know.
TRIPP: Love can be so cruel...
>Subject: The Briefing Book Incident
>I recall that in the 1980 campaign the Reagan forces "acquired" a copy
of the briefing book
>the Democrats used to prep Carter for the debates. I wish I'd saved a copy of the article.
>You know anything about it?
>If it's true, doesn't that make Reagan guilty of receiving stolen property,
>as well as obstruction of justice for not reporting it?
>Carl H. Inglin
Carl, I agree.
Reagan was guilty as hell, but he didn't have the mental capacity to form intent.
Butch did, tho.
George Herbert Traitor Butch belongs in prison.
All Butch did was sell arms to terrorists.
Since that's got nothing to do with Clinton's cock,
it's not impeachable.
The "truth" about the Clinton Murders can be seen at:
Great Frankenstein Quotes
TRIPP: Do I believe
Clinton harassed Kathleen Willey?
Of course not.
I mean in the true sense of the word, of course, not.
Great Rush Quotes
"The Ten Commandments aren't about religion, anyway.
The Ten Commandments are about right and wrong."
-- Rush Limba, Oct 27, 1998
Pigboy, I have a question:
Who wrote the Ten Commandments?
Commandment One is "Worship Me or Die Like a Davidian."
What's that got to do with right and wrong?
What about the Muslims, Bhuddists and Hindus?
They don't believe in the Ten Commandments,
so that makes them wrong, right Pigboy?
I think this is the third issue in a row where I had to
straighten out some religio-nut's biblical mistakes.
I need to make a point about the way Rush POUNDS and POUNDS
a "ditto-fact" into the mush-minds of easily-led ditto-monkeys.
Back in 1986, President Reagan went on live television and looked America
straight in the eye
and gave his word that there were "No weapons" on the "two small planes" that Ollie North
flew to Iran to swap for the hostages.
In truth, those planes were loaded with thousands of Stinger missiles,
which can pull a passenger jet out of the sky.
So, according to all the accepted facts, Democrats and Republicans are
in full agreement
when they say the undeniable truth that everybody accepts is:
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Maine.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of New Hampshire.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Vermont.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Massachusetts.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Connecticut.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Rhode Island.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of New York.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of New Jersey.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Pennsylvania.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Maryland.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Delaware.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Virginia.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of West Virginia.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of North Carolina.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of South Carolina.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Georgia.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Florida.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Tennessee.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Alabama.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Mississippi.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Louisiana.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Arkansas.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Texas.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Oklahoma.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Kentucky.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Ohio.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Indiana.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Michigan
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Illinois.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Wisconsin.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Minnesota.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Iowa.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Missouri.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Kansas.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Nebraska.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of South Dakota.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of North Dakota.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Montana.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Wyoming.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Colorado.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of New Mexico.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Arizona.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Utah.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Nevada.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Idaho.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of California.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Oregon.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Washington.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Alaska.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of Hawaii.
Ronald Reagan lied to the people of America.
Is Ronald Reagan the biggest liar of all time?
...it sure looks like it, doesn't it?
You know what else pisses me off?
"He's addicted to sex."
Did anybody catch that psychologist's name?
Why is it...
Let me ask a question.
Regular readers know I'm a Cardinals baseball fan.
The Cardinals play 82 games at home each year.
If I went to 10 games a year, I'm a fan, right?
What if I go to 20 games?
Am I a still a fan?
Or do I have a problem?
What if I go to 40 games?
Am I addicted to baseball?
Should I be arrested?
What if I want to see all 82 games?
Somebody call Po' Kenny.
BartCop is a baseball addict.
Oh, no! Po' Kenny's coming after me!
Trick me into saying something, Kenny!
Make me betray a friend, Kenny.
You WANT some of me.
>You have way two much time on your hands.
>Why do you bother making up false accusations about Rush?
>No one listens to you anyhow.
>Rush is Right,
>Loych Daniel J.
Nobody is listening...
Lanny Davis made a good point on 8-Wives Live:
"Even if we stipulate the President's bad behavior,
even if we assume every Starr allegation is true,
we STILL don't have anything approaching impeachment.
the GOFP still wants to go over all the salacious materials, again and
The GOFP will still want to wallow in the details for the benefit of the TV cameras,
then they'll say this "sordid affair" has affected our poor children."
Good point, Lanny
Looks like Larry Flynt reads RL-LNW, too.
September 22, l998
The Honorable Judge Kenneth Starr
Office of Independent Counsel
1001 Pennsylvania Ave N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20004
Dear Judge Starr:
Let me take this opportunity to thank you on behalf of all
the employees at Hustler Magazine for your tireless work
in producing the Starr Report. I have been impressed by the
salacious and voyeuristic materials in your work. The quality
and quantity of material you have assembled in your report
contains more pornographic references than those provided
by Hustler Online services this month.
Given your exemplary work, would you like a job?
No longer the biggest pervert in America
It was a sad day for Merica...
A Missouri Mule held a press conference today in Rolla, Missouri
and charged Senator John Ashcroft (R-Ditto-Monkey) with
fathering a donkey by her/it in the early 1980's.
The "Ashcroft-For-President-Cause-God-Said-So" Committee quickly charged
the Democrats with "unethical speaking and uncontrollable giggling."
Ashcroft, himself issued a statement saying,
"This is a private, ...Eee-awww,
....family affair, ...Eee-awww!!!"
Press reports indicate the locals have knows about Ashcroft's
bestial-offspring for at least a dozen years.
"Johhny is good people," said Bill Harvey, cousin to nationwide-radio
shock-jock Paul Harvey, also known to enjoy nature's "sweetest" gifts.
...yet, Ashcroft is still expected to win in November.
Religious Mail Bag
Subject: A funny to cheer you up
Here is a joke to cheer you up, seeing as the impeachment
of your all time favorite person isn't too far away.
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts died in a plane crash.
They all went to the pearly gates together.
"Oh, this is terrible," said St. Peter. "Your rooms aren't ready.
We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer? St. Pete.
I got these three guys up here, but we're not ready for them.
Could you put them up for a couple of days? I'll owe you."
The Devil agreed.
Two days later...
"Pete, this is Lucifer. You gotta come get these three clowns.
The Pope guy is forgiving everybody, Graham is saving everybody,
and Oral Roberts raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
Can anybody get a message to Senator Byrd?
If you can, tell him this:
"Shut your goddamn mouth, you ignorant slut!
Snoot's attempt to steal the presidency is bad enough without
having too-old-to-think democrats helping him.
Whenever the Lying, Nazi Whore praises you, that means you're fucking UP!"
...end of message.
In His Presence
What a weekend.
Flew the G4 to San Antonio Saturday morning.
Did the Riverwalk, the Alamo, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, and if you're wondering what state the Alamo is in,
it's in the state of relentless humidity.
Isn't the Alamo an example of bad battlefield strategy?
The Israeli Armed Forces has a motto...
"Live to Fight Another Day."
As one who scientifically believes there is no afterlife,
BartCop fully endorses this school of thought.
But it was the birth of Texas.
Someone said El Mercado was the place to eat Mexican food.
They were right.
If you go to San Antonio, check "Mi Tierra" at the Mercado.
Not only do they have KILLER Mexican cuisine, they have a six-foot painting
of America's hero Bill Clinton jogging while wearing a "Mi Tierra" T-shirt.
What a weekend!
Saturday starts with Mexican food you can't GET anywhere else.
After lunch we get back to the hotel in time to see Mark McGwire hit 67 and 68.
(pause for dramatic effect...)
A thrilling ride in the jet, lunch at Mercado's "Mi Tierra," McGwire
making sports history...
another day's just begun, and we were about to be in His Presence.
Jimmy Page, for the fourth time this summer.
No mistake, Jimmy Page is God.
I won't even go into how good THAT was.
Non-believers wouldn't understand,
and those who understand already know...
Good food, great baseball and being in God's Presence.
So, now it's Sunday.
We land at Love Field.
There's a place in Dallas called Ninfa's.
This is the best Mexican food there is.
If you ever get to San Antonio, do "Mi Terra's."
It's almost off-the-scale.
If you ever get to Dallas, do "Ninfa's."
It IS off the scale.
After this Mexican Feast, we get back to the hotel in time
for McGwire to blast 69 and 70 on the last day of the season.
Mark McGwire, thanks again.
You were the highlight of the summer.
(pause for a drink)
...but the day still wasn't over.
We were to be in His Presence once again.
Reunion Arena, packed to the rafters.
Jimmy Page is the best performer in show business.
If I could just take a minute here...
It feels SO GOOD to do a weekend without Monica.
That weekend was a Koresh-send for me.
We got to visit another country, sort of, while still
being under America's Constitution, and that counts.
Having once been thrown into a Mexican jail, you won't find
a bigger fan of the Constitution than Ol' BartCop.
(That's a story. Remind me sometime.)
We're going to Washington, and I want to see the Constitution.
I want to take a few minutes just to stare at it.
Then, right after I witness the Constitution, I'm going to stalk George Stephanopolous,
aka Judas Maximus, and see if I can make the newspapers.
I still need the names of some DC bars where the powerful elite
get drunker 'n shit so I can pop Judas,
---Don't wait, send that bar info now---
So, anyway, the entire weekend consisted of Mexican food,
Sauza tequila, baseball history and English blues.
Monica no mas.
Life beyond Monica is good.
You should all join me here, someday.
The White House will figure this out, if they haven't already.
All they need to say is:
If you want the Monica/Linda Tripp/Ken Starr mini-series to be picked-up
for another 27 long-fucking months, vote Republican in November.
If you're tired of all that, vote Democrat.
Life after Monica - I can't wait.
I guess compared to the GOFP, Clinton IS a sex addict.
You see, some people turn fascist after the change.
...so naturally we didn't catch Reagan or Butch having sex.
Matter of fact, isn't it Bill Clinton's appetite, Clinton's aggression,
his energy, his thrusting that makes him a great president?
Reagan fell asleep talking to the Pope, and George Butch threw up on
Japan's Prime Minister, meanwhile Clinton is banging cocktail waitresses
two at a time,
and the players can't get a goddamn drink!!!
That's from Godfather One.)
Only 832 days until Bill Clinton gets laid again.
Hang on, Bill.
Great "Loon Ranger" Quotes
"President Clinton has a Defective Brain."
-- Ross Perot
Ross Perot called President Clinton "mentally unstable."
He also said Clinton's "mental defects" put him in a league with
Adolph Hitler and Saddam Hussein -- "just to mention a few."
Ross Perot said that?
Ross, could you call BartCop crazy, too?
Vern, that would be fun.
Suddenly, I'd have credibility.
Being called crazy by Perot is like being called "quick-tempered," by O.J. Simpson!
That first night, I went to http://www.perot.org
I voted for Clinton.
It said "Thank you for voting."
I went back the next day and there were NO votes for Clinton.
Not a single, goddamn vote for the 20th Century's best president.
Mr. Billionaire softwareboy can't get his website to work?
...maybe it's programmed not to recognize pro-Clinton votes?
Ross Perot is America's Crazy Aunt from Texas!
Do you want the real truth?
(Print this out and post it at work.)
The biggest reason Clinton is still president is because
normal Americans are afraid of the Clinton alternatives.
Koresh knows what a Gingrich-led Congress, accepting money from
Big Tobacco, Pat Robertson and the NRA, might do to our country.
You Women - you'd better vote Democrat this year.
You Blacks - you'd better vote Democrat.
Minorities - you'd better vote, too.
You Elderly - you'd better vote.
You poor - you'd better vote two or three times.
I'm OK either way.
If Gingrich takes over this November, I'll do OK.
I'm male, not too old, not too poor.
RL-LNW will get bigger than US Steel if they take over.
But, what if Perot becomes the majority choice?
Think how scary that would be.
And, to make it worse, Pigboy agrees with me.
On his Lil' Hate Show last week, Rush said,
"Apparently, America would rather be led by a
sexual predator than ANY conservative Republican!"
Yes, that's true!
Pigboy got one right!
America has three choices:
1. The "sanity" of Ross Perot,
2. Religio-based, anti-education, armor-piercing McVeigh Republicans,
3. A very successful president with "an eye for the ladies."
Give me what's behind Door Number Three.
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