Vol 138 -Taliban Rapes Monica

Or: Rat Attack

If Ronald Reagan was the Teflon president, what is Bill Clinton made of?

Listen to RL-LNW with your Willowtalk.exe


Great Quotes

"The pendulum seems to have swung ALL the way in the president's favor."

-- Ted Koppel, less whore than some

Maybe there IS a God  Department

The Rosetta Stone has returned.

Dan the Man has thrown his hate into the ring.

(get it?)

Danny Quayle  had a "political announcement" on CNN's
"Eight Wives Live" show Thursday night.

Direct from the transcript, swear to Koresh:

"I want to be president," Quayle told Eight Wives.
"I am uniquely positioned and prepared to be president.
I can assure you ...I am serious!!

...I've been committed," Quayle told King's audience.

ha ha

"I've been committed?"

ha ha

Which hospital, Danny?

ha ha

NOW do you see why RL-LNW issues are going to $9.95 each?

ha ha

Danny, I've never wanted to kiss a man on the lips before,
but never say never, right?

Volume 160 of RL-LNW might be sent from my yatch.

ha ha

"I've been committed?"

ha ha

Danny, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEZe let Bill Bennett be your VP.

RL-LNW issues will then be $16.95 each.

ha ha

Stupid Deep-Fried Quotes

"The Democrat's primary motivation on this impeachment matter has always been to
deny victory to conservative Republicans. It was true a year ago and it's true today."

-- General Oink, a dozen times last week

Isn't that the dumbest non-Quayle thing you ever heard?

Pigboy, ...I have a question for you.

If Willie Horton is drunk on your front lawn, and he's
screaming about how he's going to rape you and your wife,

...is your primary motivation to deny him victory?

Pigboy, could you BE any more stupid?

Remember this from Volume 134?

>This "dignified" process has all the credibility of Prosecutor
>Cliff Barnes indicting J.R. Ewing for murder without a body,

On the second day of Clinton's defense, Greg Craig USED that line.

ha ha

ha ha

BartCop for the defense.

ha ha

The White House can't acknowledge they read RL-LNW,
I understand that completely.
...and sure, it could be just a coincidence,
but the White House gets every issue of RL-LNW fresh like you do.

BartCop, defending President Clinton and the Constitution
against the North Carolina Cro-Mags.

ha ha

Jeff Greenfield, senior political whore at CNN said:

"The biggest difference between Kenneth Starr and Larry Flynt is Kenneth Starr was just
trying to investigate high crimes, but Larry Flynt only wants to embarrass his political enemies."

Jeff, you whore.
Did you really say that?

Do you like Domino's Pizza?

Domino's has a nazi spokesman, one Rush Limba.

Just in case you'd like to express your opinion about
a major US company who would employ a nazi spokesman,
here's their address.


(See Vol 139 before you contact Dominos)

Great Duchess of Scumbaggia Quotes

"You're not really an adult until you reach the age of 30.
That's when you really know right from wrong."

-- Spread-'em-and-Home-Wreck-'em Doc Meng,

Let's do a little math...

Doktor Laura spread her legs for the camera 23 years ago.
She's 52 now, so she must've been 29 when she displayed
her genitalia for every teenage boy in the universe.

So, if she posed for these X-rated pictures when she was just 29,
she wasn't a fully-developed adult yet, so it's OK!

...Lady Scumbag, we forgive you.

Remember this line, also from Volume 134?

>For decades to come,
>if the majority CLAIMS a president has lied, ...he's gone.

Craig used that, too.

Maybe before this is over, I'll get to add the ditto-monkey
Congress to my "defeated in court" list.

Great Scumbag Quotes

"I'd rather lose my House seat than sell out."
-- Henry Hyde, (R-Homewrecker)

Henry, that's no gamble.
You've already lost your House seat.

Old Business

In Volume 133, we explained how painful it was for Bob Dole to insert the Viagra pill
into his penis just prior to having sex with his chirping Bag-o-Hairspray.

Viagra now comes in a nasal spray.

Bob Dole says thanks.
Bob Dole appreciates that.

Linda the Pigg says her legal bills are $300,000.

Maybe that's God's way of telling you to MYOB, bitch.

Now the Taliban wants to call Monica?

What if she says "I can't testify, because no matter what I say,
Kenneth Starr will charge me with perjury."

So, the Senate gives her immunity.

Then she says,

"None of this ever happened.
Ken Starr promised my parents would die in prison just like
Jim McDougal unless I read the script he gave me.
It's all a big, nazi lie."

ha ha

Only a group of idiots would want her on the stand.
Monica is about as stable as Reagan's head in a helicopter.

>From Bmaher@abc.com

BartCop, got one for you:

Clinton's chances of getting off are so good, the GOFP has
taken men OFF the witch-hunt and put them back on hating gays.


Koresh, it's so embarrassing to live in Oklahoma.
It's Saturday and I'm watching the Senate trial.

Don Nickles passed this question to Renquist:

"Don't the states have a God-given right to legal cock-fighting?"

I just want to hide.
Oklahoma is still in the eighteen century - but it got worse.

Oklahoma's other mistake, Senator Pissquick, just asked
if it was OK to urinate in the Senate spitoons.

Oh, Jesus!

...at least they didn't mention snake-handling.


The number of days Clinton must wait for oral sex.

Great Homewrecker Quotes:

Nobody EVER says,
"I want you to lie.
I want you to commit perjury."

-- Dr. Henry Jekyl (R-Scumbag)

But Henry...

...if nobody ever says that, like you say, why the fuck are you trying to build a conspiracy charge around something you admit nobody would ever say?

From: sarge@cyberportal.net

Last issue you asked, "What is the female version of scumbag?"

I think I know this one:
The female version of scumbag is "Linda Tripp."

Great Religio-Wacko Quotes

"It's the third quarter and the score is 50 to nothing."
-- Pat Robertson,  Five Star General in the Ditto-Monkey Army

ha ha

Pat Robertson,  helping Clinton when it counts,

From: JennyQ1@aol.com

Subject: Julie Hiatt Steele Defense Fund

Dear Bartcop:

I believe what you said about Julie Hiatt Steele.
I also agree that it's an outrage that she and her child
are being hunted by that tobacco-bastard Ken Starr

I would like to contribute to her defense.
I want to send her a donation.
Do you have an address for her defense fund?


Dear JQ1,

I sent my check to:

Julie Hiatt Steele Legal Defense Fund
c/o L. Michael Gracik
PO Box 32066
Richmond, VA 23294

Make checks to "Julie Hiatt Steele Defense Fund"

Don't mention LNW or JennyQ1, but put "KSMF" on the check.

They'll understand.

Tim Russert, the prick!

Playing Clinton's "I did not have sex with that woman," tape AGAIN!

Hey, Tim!

It's been a fucking year, you whore.
No, it's been MORE than a year.
We've all seen that tape 10,000 times, on your show alone.
Get the fuck OFF of that old tape.

What's WRONG with you?
What are you, Catholic?

Did you learn that repeat-until-they-puke trick from Limba?
I'll bet even Senator Pissquick is tired of seeing it.
Don't you have anything to add to the CURRENT discussion?

If you want a historical perspective, why not play the tape of
Reagan saying "There were NO WEAPONS on those planes to Iran,"
and ask your guests, "Which was the greater lie?"

But noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

You can't get any historical perspective on Meet the Whore.
You can't get the facts on Meet the Whore.
You can't get any fair play on Meet the Whore.
All you get is bullshit and wall-to-wall prostitution.

Tim Russert, the only guy I know who's a pussy AND a prick.

Senator Bumpers said he and Clinton survived a plane crash, ten or fifteen years ago.
I remember something about Bumpers being in a plane wreck, before we knew who Clinton was.
If I'm ever in a plane wreck, I want Clinton with me.

Back in issue 57, I said if I was ever stuck in a foxhole,
I'd want Clinton with me there, too.

That Clinton is a lucky bastard.

Mail Bag

The greatest threat to the future of the GOP is not Bill Clinton.
It's the congressman from the 22nd district of Texas, Tom Delay.

His unhealthy fixation on Clinton's cock has poisoned the Republican agenda and promises
to cost his party House seats in 2000.  Delay's uncompromising nature and relentless pursuit may have served him well in the pest-extermination business, but such traits are liabilities to his party.

Wendall Katts,
Sugarland, Texas

The press whores are in a major panic.
It looks like the trial is about to end.

They're screaming for witnesses.
You see, when this bullshit trial finally ends,
the whores will have to go back to work.

They'll have to take down their 'lil "White House in Crisis" signs
and go back to work like productive human beings.

No more regurgitating Starr's daily leaks,
no more printing every Matt Drudge claim,
the lazy bastards will have to go back to work.

How many cable talk shows will fold when it's over?

Saturday, the press got their best collective hardon in months,
when Monica walked thru Washington Airport.

Joe DiMaggio is right:

Fuck the press.

There's a little old lady in Knuckledrag, OK.

Her name is RC.
She's the most Republican woman I know.
My boss warned me not to talk politics with her, because she's a major conservative-type,
but I can talk politics with anybody,  so I said:

BC: Isn't it awful what they're doing to our president?
(expecting an "Oh, no. He deserves it."

RC: Yes, it's terrible.
I dislike Clinton intensely.
I think he's a joke.
I can't look at the man without laughing,
but I can't look at the Republicans without crying.
They shouldn't be putting the country through this.

Taliban, when this lady turns on you, you're screwing up.

Great Quotes from the Duchess of Scumbaggia

"The fact that I'm not a doctor isn't relative to morals and values,
but call me DOCTOR Laura, anyway."
-- Hate radio, January 20th

I understand it only takes 16 tugboats to dock her ego.

Bill Bradley has a new book out, "The Values of Basketball."
It's currently #158 on the New York Times Best Seller list.

Bill, unless you have a picture of Clinton's cock on the cover,
you're not going to sell any books in today's America.

Great Quotes

"The conservative Republicans and the Bill Bennetts of this world,
 look at Clinton's poll numbers and their interpretation, their only possible
 interpretation that they can make of this is that there's something
 fundamentally wrong with a majority of the American people.

-- Al Franken, on Politically Incorrect

Isn't that true as hell?

The race-mongers and ditto-monkeys can't fathom the obvious,
that America likes Bill Clinton and his programs, so 76 percent of America is flawed?

...must be that creation logic again,

From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

Subject: The Bad Language issue of RL-LNW

Did you catch the middle age KEN and BARBIE response
the GOP gave after Clinton's SOTU speech?

"Hi, I'm Soccer Mom Barbie and I am just like you."
"Hi, I'm Football Legend Ken, I believe that women
have no rights and should submit to their husbands."

Soccer Mom Jennifer and Taliban Steve.
Today's GOP is not just another pretty face.


ha ha

Taliban Steve?

I see a franchise there...

Friday, the House Mismanagers pulled a Rush.

Greg: The charges of perjury are so vague, they're not even listed.
           How can we defend against unspecified allegations?

GOFP: Every school kid with a TV or radio or Internet access
             knows what the charges are, so we see no need to list them.

January 21, 1998

Bill Clinton's popularity was 55 percent.
He was facing Whitewater, Filegate, Travelgate etc. etc. etc.
Linda Pigg betrays the woman who came to her for advice.
Kenneth Starr flies into action at warp speed.
The media smelled a story.
The most important story in recorded history.

The Story of Clinton's cock.

OJ Simpson is a media footnote now.
The "Trial of the Century" lost it's title after just 3 years.
The Taliban thought SURE they had him this time.

Then, gosh darn it, their luck turned bad.

January 21, 1999

Starr came up with nothing.
Doc Meng confessed to nasty pictures on the Internet.
Henry Hyde confessed to being a scumbag.
Dan Burton confessed to being a scumbag.
Snoot Gingrich was sent to his room forever.
Helen Chenoweth, they say, "fucked her brains out."
Uncle O.J. Watts had to re-confess to a secret, hidden daughter.
Bob Livingstone confessed to being a scumbag.
Bob Barr confessed to serial-scumbagism and murder.

...and Bill Clinton's popularity went up 20 points.

This is a problem the Taliban should fix.

We could've avoided this WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE Monica thing
if they were just willing to fight about tax cuts or
Social security and the environment and stuff.

But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

The GOP refuses to talk about the issues.
Look at that list above and explain to me what the Taliban
got for that list of needless destruction?

I think it's called "playing with matches."

I have a trick for you to play on your ditto-monkey pals.

This is your chance to get even.
This is fool-proof.
It works every time.
If you run into someone who doesn't fall for it,
contact RL-LNW and we'll print your letter.

If some ditto-monkey has been riding you for the last year,
here's your chance to make him eat everything.
Your only concern is how hard to twist the knife,
and trust me, this can be a Crocodile Dundee knife.

Here's what you ask him, and you have to use -these words-

"Is Michael Jordan the greatest player in NBA history?"

They will feign comtemplation, then they'll say "yes."

You tell them "Wrong!"

ha ha,
this is so cool

They'll say something like, "I am NOT wrong, he's better
than Magic Johnson, he's better than Larry Byrd, he's ...

(Let him ramble on as long as you want,
depending on how hard you want to twist the knife.)

Then you say,

Michael Jordan isn't even IN the NBA.
He RETIRED, didn't you hear about it?
Michael Jordon WAS the greatest player in NBA history,
but that's no longer true.

You see,

...it all depends on what the definition of "is" is.

They are fucked.

Long, deep, wide and repeatedly,
they are fucked.

They have no choice but to admit every  yes-or-no question
hinges on what the definition of "is" is.

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