Vol 147 - Saturday In The Pork

Shirley by now you've heard Rush sing, "I'm a Nazi."
Usually, I'm laughing so hard I can't catch all the words.
I didn't know they mentioned his cyst until I read the lyrics.

Click here for the transcript of the Nazi Polka.

Thanks to Bill at the Boot Noot web site.

VCR Alert

"Homicide" was the best damn show on television.

Tonight, Court TV is running the best two hours that television has ever produced.
I've thought this for two years, so don't think when I say
"the best two hours television has ever produced" that I'm just excited at the moment.

For an entire year, they were trying to bring down the Luther Mahoney drug cartel.
Tonight is the superbly written, acted, and directed climax of that story arc.

There is a cancer in the Homicide squad room.
Tonight, "Gee" asks Pembleton to find that cancer and cut it out.

Whoever is involved, whatever the cost, Pembleton is charged with fixing it.
When the truth finally hits, it's television at it's finest.
When Meldrick says, "I can't do that, Mikey," your heart will be very heavy.

After the dust settles, the show's most popular cast member is gone.
Without "Mr. Electricity," the show was cancelled the next year.

Television isn't supposed to be this good.
Most television is just mortar between the important moments of your life.
Most television is Veronica's Closet or the Brook Shield's show
Television isn't supposed to be this good, but these two shows break the bank.

In my opinion, there aren't even a dozen movies this good.

These are the best two episodes of the best show television has produced.
It's damn well worth two hours of your time.
If you're busy tonight, tape it.

I know Monroe will be watching.....

When I saw this, it made my mouth water.


Great, True Quotes

"A lot of people have invested an awful lot in George W.,
 If his campaign were to crash, it could be an even more spectacular crash
 than we've ever seen before, because it has been so propped up."
         -- Bill Kristol,  who was once Dan Quayle's Chief of Staffe.

ha ha

He said, "...if..."

I have something to say about the state of Kansas making science illegal
when it comes to teaching evolution in the Kansas school system.

As an ADD liberal, I didn't pay too much attention when I was in school,
but I do have two eyes that I use to notice things.

Have you ever noticed that almost every creature on this planet is similar?

Almost every animal has a head with two eyes, and a nose below that,
and a mouth below that, an ear on each side of the head, two upper limbs, two lower limbs
and reproductive organs where the legs separate etc etc etc.

This goes for rainbow trout, grizzly bears, gila monsters, catholics, chihuahuas, Asians,
eagles, turtles, republicans, hooded rats, the Sudanese, whales, Siamese cats, fire ants etc.

Now, how is it possible, ...what are the odds that all of those species
are built relatively the same if they have no common ancestry?

Science tells us life began with single-celled organisms that began to evolve.
The religio-wackos in Kansas don't want their kids to know science.

They want those kids left in the dark so they'll grow up and vote Republican.
and pass that same, religio-wacko ignorance on to their kids.
The Republican Party is built on a lack of education.
That's why every ditto-monkey, sell-out whore  speaking in Iowa last week
declared they want the Department of Education dismantled.

How many times have I said this?

You can believe that the number 6 is evil, and the number 8 is good.
You can worship the sun or the moon or the letter "G" if you want.
America gives you the freedom to worship David Koresh.
America gives you the freedom to handle snakes.
America gives you the freedom to worship Rush Limba.
America gives you the freedom to eat Christ's body, to drink Christ's blood.


Believe the world is flat, I don't fucking care.

But keep it away from the schools and the courthouse!

When my stupid-ass Mindspring Mail goes down,
I have an emergency backup at  bartcop@yahoo.com

Some bodybuilder dude named Brian threatened to kick my ass.
Trust me, he could do it.

He showed up at my desk at work demanding $50 he felt he'd been slighted on.
I told him he was talking to the wrong guy.

He asked for the right guy, the owner.
"Not here," was my truthful reply.

So Brian demands his $50 from me.
I told him he was talking to the wrong guy.

He started getty huffy, bowing up his back and everything.
I keep a Smith & Wesson .357 Mag in my desk.
(It looks like a real gun.
 My Glocks look like toys.
 If I want to scare somebody, I use the .357.
 If somebody needs dying, I use a Glock.
 It fires three bullets per second.
 That's why the NRA posterboys like them so much.)

But I showed restraint.
Instead of killing him, I reached for the phone and called Knuckledrag 911.

Bastards took about 50 rings to answer.
So a lady coppette showed up 15 minutes later.
She asked for a description and I told her.
Five foot eight, 250 pounds of muscle.
The way his knuckles almost touched the ground, I figured him for a Republican.
I told her what happened and did what any smart person would do:

I played defense.

I told her I'd been in this high-risk business for 20 years,
and I get threatened all the time, but this one felt different.
I insisted she make a report of the incident, in case Brian returned and needed dying.
I'd have it on the record that muscleboy was stalking me.

Fifteen minutes later, Brian called and asked if I gave the cops his name.


Then he got unfriendly, said he was going to "get me and get me good."

So, for the next few days, I'm carrying The Baby.
I hope this doesn't turn out prophetic, but if muscleboy returns,
I'm going to insert some Black Talons into his ass.

Could I win a jury trial?

This caveman's arms are bigger than my thighs.
My attorney will show a photo of his muscled-up corpse to the jury.
Nobody on that jury could whip Brian without a gun.

Plus, I played defense with the police report.
There's a record of the "stalker's" multiple (two) threats.
Defense wins.
Clinton proved that.

That's twice this week I've had police contact.

One last thing about Mrs. BartCop's stolen Cadillac.
If they'd stolen my Aurora instead, I would've made a quick $15,000 profit,
and I wouldn't have to worry about how to launder the money.

Maybe God is punishing me...

Sometimes things aren't funny.

The mail is so screwed up.
Mindspring sent me a message that I had 1400 e-mails clogging their system.
As I delete mail, other mail from the past shows up.

Just this week I was thinking about writing a story about the earthquake in Turkey.
Someone was buried several stories down, and they used a cell phone to call the cops.
The cops knew they were getting a call from a dead man.
There was no way they could get to him before he would die.

I didn't write that story because it's not funny.
It was just a little creepy, I thought.

It's 6PM Friday, and I'm deleting mail and this showed up.
It's a little too creepy for me.

From: "Steve Kangas" <kangaroo@resurgent.com>
To: "BartCop" <bartcop@mindspring.com>

Subject: Re: RL-LNW  Vol 131

Date: Wed, 2 Dec 1998

Hi Bartcop:

I'm wondering if you could help me. I'm seeking a test audience of several liberals
for a new essay of mine, entitled "Liberal Reasons Not to Celebrate Christmas."

The public's reaction to this essay might be unpredictable and volatile,
so I would like to gather some test opinions before releasing this essay to the public.

The essay is located at the following location, which I hope you will keep secret:

If you've ever wanted to try your role as a critic, here's your chance!


Steve Kangas

I don't mind revealing I got a chill reading that.
Does anyone know if he ever published that essay?

I found out the next dat he did. get that published.

This is the Christmas column Steve wrote about.
Haven't read it yet, but I'll bet it's good.

I wish I'd gotten it last December.
Fucking Mindspring...

Did anybody catch Elizabeth Dole's disaster on Meet the Catholic Sunday?
By the way, you can go to http://www.smudgereport.com for EZ links to everything.
That's where I get what few transcripts are available.

Dole says "I say what I mean, and I mean what I say."
Here's some snippets from E. Doli's disaster.

RUSSERT: Sixty percent of illegal drugs come here from Mexico.
                  Specifically, what would President Dole do to Mexico if
                  they did not stop funneling drugs to the U.S.?

DOLE: Well, Tim, you look at all of the options that are within
            your arsenal, and this could involve any number of things.
            I donít want to specify now, but, of course,
            you have a number of tools that you can use....

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?

RUSSERT: Whatís your view on gays in the Boy Scouts?

DOLE: Well, my view is thatóobviously, Iím a strong supporter of
            the Boy Scout organization, and I think that this will end up
            in the Supreme Court and letís see what they say about it.

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?

RUSSERT: The economy: You have said you support the $792 billion tax cut.
                  You also said we should increase defense spending.
                  Specifically, what programs should be eliminated in
                  order to pay for increased defense spending?

DOLE: Well, Tim, you know, like any family who has to balance
          their checkbook, the government has to balance its checkbook
          as well, and the balanced budget is very important.
          We have to make choices and set priorities.

You didn't name any, stupid.

She answers questions like her husband, Senator Straddle.
And where the hell was "Nail-'em-down" Tim the Catholic?
If that'd been a question about Clinton's Cock,
he would've pressed again and again and again and again.

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?

RUSSERT: Big discussion this week about evolution. Many school districts are
                   saying that evolution cannot be taught as science in the classroom.
                  Would you support that as president?

DOLE: Iím a person of strong faith, Tim.
           Weíve got to restore discipline to our schools and weíve got to return
           control to the states, to the local school districts and to the parents.

Jesus Heche Christ!
Take a stand on something, lady.

You want to be president?
Show us some leadership.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Butchie has shown more decisiveness than you and he's never said a goddamn thing.

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?

RUSSERT: So it would not bother you that evolution could not be taught in public schools?

DOLE: Iím a person of strong faith and, you know,
            I think itís a state matter.

So, the kids in NY, CA, IL etc are taught the truth.
Kids in LA, MS, AL, TX, OK, etc are taught religious fairy tales?

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?

RUSSERT: What happens now in the campaign?
                   How do you overtake George W. Butch?

DOLE: Elizabeth Dole stays focussed.
            She has a wonderful team of people all across this country.

Did you see any kind of "straight-talking answer" there?
This lady is an idiot and a disaster.

If North Korea invaded South Korea, this dumbass would
leave it up to the states on how to handle the problem

Last week, a short wire service report out by Associated Press
noted that clandestine grave sites had been discovered at a military
base in Honduras. These few paragraphs provided proof that US
government officials had been complicit in torture and brutality in
Central America. A reasonable person might think that would cause a
stir. Talk in the media. Calls for an inquiry. Not these days.

This is a silly news story.

The fact that America was involved in political torture isn't news.
You see, it's got nothing to do with Clinton's Cock,
so it's not going to be news in today's America.

To be concerned with torture and mass murder, one would need a conscience.

If you have a conscience, read the full story.


Hackers brutalize godhatesfags.com


"No, my dear, it's not all that drastic," she told CNN Interactive.
"It's just another fag ploy to try to bury the truth of God and the Earth.
It's a temporary inconvenience."

Let's hear it for the hate-free hackers!

There's another new cartoon from Kevin Cunningham under "More Stuff."
If he keeps this up, we might have to move Cartoons back on the Front Page.

Lot's going on over at Butch Watch

...and, Koresh forgive me,
the most shocking picture ever published of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's kootie.
Look under "Pictures," then "Doc Meng."

It's picture fourteen, and may Koresh forgive me.

I remember years ago somebody asked me to say something nice about Herr Pigboy.
One of the things I said was that he seemed to have good taste in music.

That's gone.

I'm so goddamn sick of the Fine Young Cannibals and Men at Work,
two bands that were terrible 15 years ago back when Butch was smoking crack,
that I'm almost ready to ask Chrissie Hynde to give her song back to Rush.

Oh, get this!

Tony Snow is whining that the press is going after Butchie for his crack-smoking,
"but they've always given Bill Clinton a free ride."

A goddamn free ride?
That's what Tony Snow calls the 18 months of the Clinton Cock Hunt?

A free ride?

Oh well, the sheep'll buy it.
They always buy it.

And yes, I checked:

"Sheep'll" is a word.

With Pigboy on vacation, and Tony Snow putting everyone to sleep,
not much to do but pick on Dr. Laura...

Saw Titanic on HBO again.

Boy, Dr. Laura really hates that movie

Hates it,
hates it,
harp, harp, harp!!!

Rose didn't have a ring.
Rose didn't have a date.
She didn't have a lasting, long-term commitment.

Hey Doc!
Have a heart, you crusty, old witch.
Jack's going to be Walt Disney in 6 hours.

Let him have his one-and-only piece of ass, huh?

Dr. Laura has been on a non-stop mission to trash our military.

She says our military is being run by "hard-left feminists."
She says most people are leaving the military NOT to capitalize on the hundreds of
thousands of high-paying technology jobs that Clinton has created, no.

They're leaving because BC has "feminized" the military.
She says men refuse to take orders from women, even if that woman outranks them.

Sounds like treason to me.

This is typical Dr. Laura bullshit.
I guess Scarfe sent her another check?

If our soldiers can't take orders from a superior officer, they need to be spanked right
out of the military while we look for men that will follow the duty they've sworn to uphold.

She's really big on this missle silo "problem."
One, single, solitary Catholic dude said it was against his faith
to share a missle-launching bunker with a woman for 24 hours.

Wait a minute!

Is there anyone in our entire military better-trained than
the men and women who launch the damn nuclear missles?

This guy is afraid to work closely with a woman?
This guy doesn't have the self-control to say, "No?"
This guy doesn't have the discipline to keep his pants up?
And we let him launch the goddamn missles?

Using that logic, women shouldn't ever be allowed in the workplace
because what if some poor, oversexed pig of a man gets distracted by her?

Sounds to me like Catholic boy has a zipper problem.
Dr. Laura sticks up for the guy with the zipper problem, sure.
As long as he's not Bill Clinton.

This is just example #453 of Dr. Whora lying.

One other thing:

If our men in uniform are so anti-woman they can't work together,
if Bill Clinton is guilty of "feminizing" our military,
why is Liddy Dole kidding herself about being president?

According to the lying, slut-whore Schlessinger,
our fighting men won't take orders from a woman,
so America will never have a Vagina-in-Chief?


ha ha

Good one, Marc

Just about three years ago, Susie Molinari was on Letterman's show.

Right after Dole named her spokes-token at their Failure Convention,
she was flirting with Dave, kicking her legs in the air and begging bad, bad Dave to
pleeeeeeeease stop doing all those jokes about all the drugs she'd confessed to doing.

I remember that night.

Oh, Susie...
You wore black stockings, Suzie...

And you kept kicking your legs up, in a sweet, cute nervous gesture,
but I found it particularly spellbinding.

Susie, ...the black stockings, Susie...

I remember wandering if you might be wearing
the old-style stockings, you know, ...the ones with the seam up the back of each leg.
That's truly a voyage of the damned.
That's a journey Ol' BartCop really wanted to take,

...but now?

Did you see Susie Molinari on Novak Sunday?
She was on that "All-Nazi All-the-Time" satellite channel.
It's called "Ameriserve," I think, where they serve up the
Fourth-Reich "for those without cable."

Poor Susie, she looked 60 years old.
Maybe she was up all night snorting coke with Butchie, but she looked awful.
She needs to start using this recent file photo and phone in her reports.

Koresh, Susie...

Somebody sent a picture of Suzie "Creamcheese" Molinari kicking her legs for Dave in '96.

Ohhhh, Suzie....
Your skirt is so short, Suzie...


Dr. Slutsenwhore For-Sale has done it again!
Friday, she said,

"I'm re-thinking my position on gun control.
 I think more guns is better."

Pro-family Dr. Laura now wants a gun in every damn house.

"After Atlanta and Los Angeles, I think more guns are needed.
I was in Israel last year, and everybody carries guns there,
and nobody gets shot, nobody waves their weapons around."

She said that gave her a "new understanding" of the problem.

Did she get a fax from Richard Mellon Scarfe?
Did she get a check, too?
Hey, Laura, when Scarfe sends a check, does he overnight it?
Or does that cheap bastard send it with a 33 cent stamp?

Someone told her she was on the wrong side of gun control,
and if she wanted to keep this Niagara of cash coming,
she'd better get it right, and get it right NOW!

That's what gets me about her.
I don't care that she used to have sex.

It's her continuing whoreness that bothers me.

Her "new understanding of the problem," is just her spreading her legs AGAIN!

Because it suits her fucking pocketbook.
If more children shoot more children, well,

...fuck 'em.

Dr Laura needs a fourth home.

Pointless Link

There's a "Doc Meng" who has a monkey named, "Ditto."

Sorry, it seemed too good to pass up.

All Points Bulletin...

Be on the lookout for a black, 1998 4-door Cadillac Sedan De Ville, registered
to a safe but very angry Mrs. BartCop, stolen moments ago from the parking lot
of the Albertson's at 31st and Garnett in Knuckledrag, Oklahoma.

Also be on the lookout for a 1999 silver Aurora being driven by a madman
carrying two loaded Glock pistols, last seen chasing the stolen Cadillac.

Some fun dirt on Doc Harpy, from a recent, former employee.


Thanks to Ron K for sending that in.

Proof that Family Values Snoot Gingrich is a Scumbag

His wife says Snoot was not the perfect husband.

You know, Clinton's harshest critics are always the most guilty.

Between Pigboy, Burton, Hyde, and that squirrely bastard, Tom Delay,
you have nine wives, 6 broken families, eight girlfriends, a congressman from Califormia,
a Supreme Court Just-Us and three missing, (and presumed dead) gerbils.

...and now comes Snoot Gingrich, Professer Emeritme of Family Values?

Alllllllllllllllllllll the time he was going after Clinton,
Snoot has been drilling some staffer for the last five years.
At least that's what his wife is charging in her court papers.

All those months of bullshit-pretend moralizing on his too-high horse,
and Snoot was busy breaking up his marriage with soon-to-be wife Number Three.

What that shit I keep hearing about,
"If we can't trust Clinton to keep his marriage vows,  how can we trust him to be president?"

Most of Congress has cheated on their wives.

Why do you think Hastert is speaker?

That squirrely bastard Delay had the power to just grab the office,
but he's got that pesky sex litigation with the vaccum hose of a Ford F-150.

The whole point is, since Snoot KNEW he was a scumbag,
why did HE lead the charge against Mr. Immorality?

Christ, that's so stupid!

Do you like Rudy?


ha ha

Sorry, but I really, really like this one.
Thanks to Kevin Cunningham.

>Anonymous Letter

>A response to your recent comments on the issue. As Susan B. Anthony once said
>about Abraham Lincoln, "he needs to learn the ABC's of women's rights."

>This is how far the theocrats have moved the debate: Bartcop himself admonishing
>pro-choicers about "life that could have been, doesn't it make you at least wistful/etc."
>Then admonishing  "pro-lifers" about the pain of bearing rapist's babies.

>Sharkbabe 2,

 Thank you for responding, but you must explain yourself.

 I'm not your enemy,
 but you have failed to explain yourself.

 Theocrats can't move my position on abortion.
 They don't have the skill.
 But when it comes to abortion, the fetus either lives or it doesn't.
 I see an aborted fetus as a net loss.
 How can you considered it anything else?

 Science can't be swayed by emotion.
 I assume you're pro-choice, like I am,,
 but are you really that secure in your position?

 All things considered, how pro-choice can you be?
 How far left is left-enough?

 If I was King, I'd grant the abortion,
 I just want the woman to be very sure.
 How does that make me the bad guy?

 How does your position differ from mine?


I assume you've heard of a "disclaimer?"

Well, let me introduce you to a "claimer."

Every damn word I've ever written is true.
Every word on every page on  bartcop.com  is 100 percent true.

None of it is opinion,
it's all fact.

Anybody who disagrees can meet me in a court of law.

I don't care - make it an IDAHO jury.
I don't care - make it an ALABAMA jury.
I don't care - make it Trent Lott's MISSISSIPPI!

I can convince any jury.

Rush Limba IS a lying, nazi whore.
He FAILED his army physical because of the giant CYST on his ass.
Dr Laura DOES spread her legs for cash money.
Paul Harvey DOES molest male horses, every chance he gets.
Nancy Reagan WAS hired by Jack Warner to blow his 'B" movie star.
Reagan-Butch DID sell Stingers to Iran, then lied about it.

The list goes on and on,
and I'll add to this tomorrow,
but every goddamn word is true!

There's NO DISCLAIMER here.

It's all CLAIMER!!!!

If it wasn't all true....

...why won't they sue me???????????

Either I'm the best lawyer in the history of America,
and they'd be FOOLS to challenge me in court,


I'm telling the truth,
and they know it,
and they can't stop me,
because it's the truth,
and they're just fucked.

Please, ...please,

I need a right-wing, nazi whore to sue me to make my life complete.

I reserve the right to film the trial,
and I reserve the right to laugh into enternity.


How CAN they allow me to say this stuff if it's not true?

Saturday in the Pork

I watched and taped almost all of the Iowa Circus.
The theme of the day was "More Spending."
Everybody was pissed about how Bill Clinton cut back funding for this,
and Bill Clinton refused to spend money on that....

That damn Clinton and his stingy pursestrings - it makes me so mad.
Clinton kicked their asses yesterday and he didn't even show up.

Some observations:

Were concealed handguns allowed in the Hilton Coloseum?


They weren't?

This party is BUILT on the Most Sacred Second Amendment,
and those sacred tools of death weren't allowed in?
How can that be?

Every wild-eyed, pistol-waving city-goat in Iowa owns a firearm,
and the GOP says they can't be trusted to carry them safely?

Could somebody explain this to me?

It was a fun afternoon, watching these cavemen tell us
how terrible America has become under. "that monster Clinton."

Most of the GOPers took a few side shots, too.
Several of them made a point to portray Buchanan as a Nazi,
which is funny because they only admit it every four years.

Who went first?
Must've been Alan one-percent Keyes.
I missed it.

Quayle was second, poor bastard.
I was really pulling for him.
Got his ass kicked by that Gary Bauer woman, Liddy Dole, and even Lame Lamar.
Even one-percent Keyes beat our favorite Republican.

Quayle's only highlight was that he beat B'Orrin Hatch, who was dead fucking last.
Hatch even told the story about living in a goddamn chicken coup in college.
Yeah, B'Orrin - Mrs. Hatch is really glad she landed you for a husband.

Wasn't Hatch's speech the worst thing you ever heard?
He never said a single sentence without screwing up a few words.

I'll bet Salt Lake is more fluid than B'Orrin Hatch.

Bag O' Hairspray Liddy Dole was shaken but not hurt after an incident backstage.
One of the NRA Bagmen had his no-filter Camel a little too close
to the back of Bag O's head, and there was flash.

An alert staffer wrestled her hair to the ground,
secretly handing her a baseball cap to cover her bald head.
She went on to speak, but it was a full four minutes later before
staffers could get a note to her that her cap was on backwards.
She looked like Tupac's mom.

Dole said American education was so bad under Clinton,
that 1/4 of all high school seniors can't read.

Hey, Liddy!
Those are the ditto-monkeys.
They can't read, and they goddamn sure can't spelle.

Dole also whined about how awful centralized organization is.
"Why should Washington decide what kids learn in Louisiana?" she asked.

Hey, Bag O,

Why do you think Wal-Mart has just one home office?
Why do you think McDonald's has just one home office?
Why do you think Holiday Inn has just one home office?
Why do you think Pizza Hut has just one home office?
Why do you think Coca-Cola has just one home office?
Why do you think Microsoft has just one home office?
Why do you think UPS has just one home office?
Why do you think The Republican Party has just one home office?
Why do you think the Liddy Dole for President Campaign has just one home office?

It's called efficiency!

You're an IDIOT, Mrs. Dole.

Did you know that?
Has anyone ever told you that?

She raised the insanity level even higher with this rant:

- we need to spend more on drug enforement
- we need to spend more on border reinforcement
- we need to spend more on defense
- we need to spend more on our retired military pensions
- and we'll also get a big tax cut!!

She learned that bullshit from Viagra Bob, her insane husband!
Liddy, tell us about this no-cost military build up you're going to have.
We'd all love to see the plan!

Poor Lame Lamar.
His great claim to experience was that he was once Secretary of Education.
Then Buchanan got up next and said the Department of Education was such shit,
"we should just fumigate the entire building and put the I.R.S. in there."

ha ha

Lamar, how important can you be if your former job is worth less than zero?

Lamar had a bunch of great lines,
but I can't find a goddamn transcript ANYWHERE on the net.
Piss me off - he had more straight lines than an architect's floor plan,
and I can't find a goddamn transcript anywhere.

Pat Buchanan had the best line of the night.
"Ladies and Gentleman, ny name is Pat Buchanan, and I've never done cocaine."

ha ha

The place went Dornan-style berzerk!

Go, Pat, Go!

Then Georgie Butch himself took the podium.
He explained what the term, "compassionate conservative" means to him.
"It means I'm not as big a prick as Armey, Delay or Gramm."

This next part is Swear to Koresh,
and you newer readers should know, when I Swear to Koresh,
it's always 100 percent exactly accurate and 100 percent true.
As the coverage was going to a commercial, they showed some
half-ass local cover band playing the old ZZ Top song Tush, with new words.

Trying to honor The Shrub, they sang,
"Oh, Lord, take me downtown,
 I'm just looking for some Bush."

 ...which I understand was ZZ Top's original lyric,
 but the record company made them change it to Tush.

Afterwards, Butchie said he won this straw poll "the Iowa way - neighbor to neighbor."
Oh, gag me with that condescending crap.
Did Butchie go door-to-door, alone,
in the bad parts of Iowa,
and meet with the little folk and get the feel of the streets?
No, he flew in with his $40,000,000 and spend $100,000 per vote.
For $100,000, he should get their vote and oral sex.

Neighbor-to-neighbor my ass!

...and the ditto-monkeys bought it.

Butch buys himself a straw poll,
and then used the straw for something else, later

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