Cynic Mail

From:   bpickens@ucla.edu

Subject:  Screw Politics

People don't give a goddamn about politics anymore; that's the way it
should be.  Democrats and Republicans: they're all the same.
They're all full of shit.
If you're going to listen to radio shows, turn off that political crap and
listen to Tom Leykis.  At least he talks about things that actually impact your life,
not ideological bullshit that we pretend really matters.
 

Mr. Pickens, you're probably right.
But have you thought about the cause?

Right now, America has very few problems.
If we had to find our way out of a war or a recession,
politics would be number one on everybody's minds.

Thanks to Bill Clinton's leadership, we have peace and prosperity
that our parents and grandparents could only dream about.

Thanks to the Republican leadership, we've just finished eighteen months
of Ken Starr, Linda Tripp, Monica, Luci Frankenstein and Clinton's cock.
No wonder people are turned off by politics.

Besides, I agree that politics is 90 percent bullshit.
That's why  bartcop.com  is dedicated to the ridiculous irony of it all.

Do me this one favor:
Get some tequila and read a back issue, like Volume 124.

You'll get the joke, I promise.

http://www.bushdrugupdate.com/

Fiesta Ready to Open Doors on Expansion
 

Since the Fiesta hotel-casino opened in 1994, it has been known as a
place for locals to gamble -- not as an entertainment haven of North Las Vegas.

With their $26 million expansion, Fiesta's owners are trying to change that.
Fiesta is adding new machines -- boosting its inventory to nearly 2,000 --
but the big focus of its expansion is restaurant dining.

Among the biggest attractions are the world's largest tequila bar.

The tequila bar, to be called Garduno's Margarita Factory, will replace the
existing Garduno's Mexican restaurant in the Fiesta.   John Johnstone,
president of the Garduno's chain,  said the new restaurant will feature nearly
every tequila approved for import into the United States from Mexico --
a number that varies between 200 and 300 at any given time. According to
Johnstone, the most comprehensive tequila selection now offered by a
specialty bar is 100.

With a selection of 300 margaritas, and some tequilas going for $15 a shot,
the  message is clear -- not all tequila is the hard-to-swallow variety.
"Our goal is to promote the tequila industry," Johnstone said.

"Some tequilas are as fine as cognac."

The restaurant will be designed to look like an old tequila refinery in Mexico,
with distillery pipes running throughout. It will regularly feature Latin music
performers, with a Latin-themed dance club operating nearby.
 

...sigh

Fate is so cruel.
I've been experiencing Vegas Fever for several weeks.
When I quit my job, I told Mrs. BartCop we should do a Vegas trip.
I called Enrique, our pilot, and he said the jet was free.
But Mrs. BartCop balked, wanting to go somewhere else this time.

Later, God intervened and we got a letter from Mandalay Bay asking forgiveness
They offered us a special, "We're Sorry" rate of $300 for three nights.
I called Enrique back, but someone else had the jet.

Damn.

Oh, well, we'll get to that biggest tequila bar in the world, trust me.

Let's Make Fun of Dr. Laura
 

Have you ever noticed how Dr. Laura always takes the totally
opposite point of view to whatever her caller is asking about?
She's built her little kingdom on confrontation, and, with her
hand on the volume button, she always wins the argument.

A while back, she got a call from a woman who said a neighbor
wanted to take all the kids on the block to a baseball game
and the caller asked Dr. Laura if she thought that was OK.

As always, Dr. Laura reaches her hand into Bill Clinton's
zipper and starts fishing around for his cock, saying

"Because of the current occupant of the White House and the sky-is-falling
liberal mentality, the entire country now assumes that every man
who talks to a kid must be a child molester. That's what happens
when we elect leaders that don't have strong core values."

Then she spends the next five minutes beating up the caller
for falling for the "liberal trap" when it comes to her kids.

The next hour, she gets a call from a lady who drove
her kid to soccer practice but didn't stay to watch.

So the bitch launches 180 degrees different than before, but she still
manages to reach into Clinton's pants so she can feel around for his cock.

"Maybe you've been living in a cave for the last two years, woman,
but we live in a world where even the president is molesting children,
so how could you let your kids out of your site?
Humans are the only species of animal that don't protect their young,
and I'll never understand why that is."

You see?

No matter what the call is about,  it all gets back to Clinton's cock,
because nothing else pulls the big money in.

Nothing sells like Clinton's cock.

I'll say it plain and simple - Dr. Laura doesn't give a goddamn
about the people who call or their kids.
It's all a pretend-sham to keep the niagra of cash flowing.

Dr. Laura, you are a shameless whore.
 

By the way,

Do you all know Monica Lewinsky has a degree in psychology?
Did you know Doc Meng doesn't?

ha ha

Monica is more qualified to help people than Home-Wreck-'em.

ha ha

(Note to Dr. Laura: Hey bitch, sue me.
 I'll subpoena the tapes of those calls and prove to a jury
 that you're exactly the lying whore I say you are.)

There goes Dr. Laura again
 

"The whole country wanted Linda Tripp in jail?
 How is that possible?"
 

That's right, Doc Meng.
The whole country's not getting paid to lie.
The whole country isn't a paid-for whore.
That's why the country was upset with Linda Tripp and you're not.

"It wasn't really a secret, anyway. Monica told her friends."

Not really a secret?
I don't care if Monica told a thousand people.
The Pigg gave these tapes to Newsweek.
When you tell a friend a secret, you don't expect it to be
on the front page of the New York Fucking Times.

I remember when Bill Ballance went public with your nudie pics,
you threw a hissy-fit and ran to a judge screaming "It's not fair!"

The Pigg caused Monica's oral-sex deposition to be played on TV.
That's a little more than betraying a friend's secret.

"The man betrayed his wife, he can't be trusted!"

Oh, really?

Are you talking about Dan Burton's secret family?
Are you talking about the family that Henry Hyde broke up?
Are you talking about Bob Barr's abortions?
Are you talking about Newt charging hookers to his Amex card?
Are you talking about scumbaggette Helen Chenoweth?"
Are you talking about your own naked pubes being photographed
while you were married to another man?

No, you're not talking about those cases, because you're a whore
who's getting paid to rag on and on and on about Clinton,
the one president in my lifetime who's helped American families
more than the last six presidents combined.

God, I hate a paid-for, opinion-for-rent whore.

...and isn't it time she let go of Clinton's cock?

True Monkey Mail

Dear Friend,

I am in my office at our campaign headquarters this morning working with our
accounting staff to wrap up our campaign.

In reviewing the lists of those who made our effort possible, your name stands
out as one who helped so much in taking our campaign from just an idea in
March to a solid number 2 standing in the polls in a short seven months.

Lady. if "BartCop" stands out as "one name who helped a lot,"
you clearly don't even have the brains to be a Butch foreign policy advisor.

I hope you stay in touch with me and allow me to stay in touch with you.

You know how to reach me, Bag O'.

As we prepare to close the books there are remaining bills owed of just
$120,000. I am asking close friends to help with this remaining amount.
If each friend would give just $25 by credit card now (today or tomorrow)

Hey, get a job, lady, and pay your own damn bills.
Thanks to the amazing Bill Clinton, there are LOTS of jobs available.

Thanks so much for your support and all you have contributed to the cause.
And, thanks for considering this final appeal for assistance.

ha ha

With my warmest best wishes,
Elizabeth Dole

Did you hear Rush Tuesday?

Over and over, again and again, he kept asking,

"Mr. President, you claim this economy is your doing.
 Please tell us specifically what you, personally did
 to give us this wonderful economy, please, Mr. President."

Over and over and fucking over.

"Mr. President, you claim this economy is your doing.
 Please tell us specifically what you, personally did
 to give us this wonderful economy, please, Mr. President."
 

Ok, Pigboy, you want an answer to that?
I got your answer right here, asshole.

I admit, I don't know Bush about economics,
but I remember what you said a few years ago.

In 1994 and 1995, you were screaming at Clinton for re-financing
huge amounts of America's debt for shorter-than-usual terms.
Hundreds of billions of dollars were short-termed because Clinton
was waiting for interest rates to come down farther.

Your endless, bitching whining at the time went like this:

"When those interest rates go up, and they will - soon, we're screwed
 because Clinton doesn't know what he's doing."

Yes, Pigboy, I remember it like it was fucking yesterday.
For weeks and weeks and weeks you repeated again and again
that this "bungling amateur" was "gambling with America" by "stupidly"
financing the debt on the short-term instead of locking into a longer term.

Asshole, it's called BETTING ON AMERICA!
Clinton knew what he was doing all the time.
He knew the American people would produce for him,
even though they refused to produce for Reagan and Butch.

Pigboy, like always, Clinton was right and you were wrong.

The uneducated drop-out lost to the Rhodes Scholar.
Again!

Pigboy, if you were a man, you'd admit that true.
But since you're a lying, Nazi whore-pussy,
when you  pretend you don't remember, we're not at all surprised.

...lying, cheap-shot bastard.
 

Bill Clinton gave us the longest sustained peace and prosperity, in all history,
and how was he repaid for his genius and his 18-hour days of hard work?

The fucking Supreme Court told Helms and Faircloth to pick a wildly partisan prick
to unzip Bill Clinton's pants, reach inside, and fish around for the presidential cock.

Oh, Jesus, save us from those ignorant mother-effers on the Supreme Court!!

It took Starr $40,000,000 and five years, and he never really found Clinton's cock,
but it WAS embarrassing to have that fascist hob-knobber rooting around in the
president's pants with a smile on his face for 4 goddamn years, don't you think?

I think that's totally disgusting, don't you?

Disagree?

I don't think you have the balls to disagree.
If you do, e-mail BartCop.
 

I'll straighten you right out.

Today's Headlines

If you get Yahoo, look at Big News item #1 for Monday night.

"Russian Soldiers Pour Into Chechnya"

If you're candidate Blow Monkey,
it doesn't matter who's in charge in Chechnya.

It doesn't matter if your top two foreign policy advisors
don't have a goddamn clue about who's in charge over there.
The idea that a nuclear-powered Russia is attacking nuclear-powered Chechnya,
why the hell should candidate Blow Money be concerned about it?

The America people want a man with "vision," not a man who knows
who to contact during a crisis between two hostile nuclear countries,
at least that's what the Republicans have said all week...

When contacted for a comment, Butchie released this statement:

Latino's are known for provocative behavior.
That's how Latino's are!
I know the Latino people.
I speak their language.
The Latino people will listen to me.
 

You see?

It's OK if we let the alcoholic, cocaine-addict handle this stressful situation.
After all, his rich Daddy bought him the Texas Rangers, and he has the lead
in ditto-monkey campaign contributions, so what's the problem?

What is there to worry about?

George Shrubya Butch ain't stoopid,
...no, not like they all said....

Shrubya KNOWS his foreign policy.

...when a reporter told Butch there were no Latino's in Chechnya,
Butch cackled a cocky laugh and said, "Like I'm gonna trust you guys..."

The O'Reilly Whore
November 8, 1999
 

Did you see The O'Reilly Factor Monday night?
Barbara Olson, right-wing, Scaife-funded, hatchet-bitch-whore
wrote a book on Hillary Clinton that's "fair and honest."

Who is Barbara Olson?

Barbara Olson was a spokesperson for Kenneth Starr.
(Do we need to say more?)

She served as lead counsel to a Congressional Committee probing
perhaps the biggest crime of the late twentieth century,  "Travelgate".

She is married to Ted Olson who was the Attorney for David Hale
while Hale was taking Scarfe-bribes to testify in "Whitewater" probes.
Her husband is one of Starr's law partners.
Both Barb and Ted are close friends of Kenneth Starr.

Another dear friend of Barbara's is Mrs. Silberman, wife of Lawrence Silberman,
one of the 3 federal judges on the panel that appointed Kenneth Starr...

Shit, it all fits like a pair of Bruno Maglia shoes.

Yeah,

...I think this will be a unbiased look at Hillary, don't you?

Barbara Olson is Ann Coulter without the bulimia.
And do you know what this truthful book is called?

A Look At The Real Hillary
Hell to Pay: The Unfolding Story of Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Damn, it's about time we got an honest look at the REAL Hillary.
What could be more "fair and honest" than a Fox Whore Network Reporter
asking another Fox Whore Network Reporter, "Is Hillary an honest person?"

Holy Cheeses!

You can get less bias from a homeless boxing judge working for Don King.
Let me ask:

Can you make any money selling books to ditto-monkeys that say,
"Hillary is a smart, capable woman trying to make her country a better place?"

ha ha

O'Reilly wants to be Rush Limba so bad, when Pigboy burps, O'Reilly tastes it.
O'Reilly asks the Olson whore,
"Bill and Hillary are in love, right?  They love each other deeply, right?
 Their marriage isn't a power-sham, is it?  We saw them hug each other once..."

Then the Olson whore says, "Those are FAKE HUGS!"

ha ha

I'm very certain O'Reilly and that Olson woman both have sex with horses.
You see, their love for their spouses is, "FAKE LOVE."
They save their REAL love for the horses locked in Paul Harvey's stable.
 

My, my...

The shit that passes for journalism on the Fox Whore Network.

From FizzTwo:

If you haven't been reading The Nation you may have missed an
interesting  pronouncement from the most powerful Republican in
the U.S. House, arch-right  winger Tom Delay, the Majority Whip
whose lackey, a minor congressman from a  rural district in the Midwest,
is the Speaker.   According to the former Texas exterminator,

"Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence."
The causes of youth violence, says Tom Delay, are daycare, the teaching of
evolution  and "working mothers, who take birth control pills."

Tom Delay means what he says, too

This is so wild, I assume it's true.
What kind of people elect Senator Pissquik and the Jesus Twins?

http://www.theonion.com/onion3540/trailer_park.html

Moses Mail

> From: Allyn,

> You had requested an explanation of Charlton Heston's remarks.

 <snip>

> With the increased number of people being incarcerated for non-violent
> drug crimes, there is less and less room in the prison system.

> There where over fifteen thousand violations of firearms on school campuses
> last year, and the Clinton justice department only decided to  prosecute FIFTEEN,
> not fifteen hundred, but  FIFTEEN.
 

 Allyn,
 That's the crazy part I can't believe.
 Politically, Clinton is too slick for that.
 Why would he refuse to press charges?
 That'd be really stupid, and he's no dummy.

 Also, it's Clinton's call to prosecute if a kid takes a gun to school?
 You're saying the school, the city, the county and the state are helpless to file charges?

 Where did you get the 15/15,000 figures?

 I appreciate your effort, but things aren't any clearer than they were before.
 If the Clinton policy is, "Only prosecute one out of every thousand gun violations,"
 the GOP would've cleaned up at the polls in 1992, 1994, 1996 and 1998.

 I think there's more to the story...

> The big problem I have is, that I am a Gun Toting Tree hugger,

 Me, too.

> The GOP and Democrats are just as bad.
> Both are Fascist, just the GOP is also Nationalist.
> While the Democrats appear to be Global Socialists / Fascists.

Perhaps, but the GOP claim they speak for God,
so I'll go with the sane fascists.
 

> I think owning guns right now is a good idea.

 I never leave home without mine.
 

> I like the NRA and the ACLU.
> Freedom to resist, and
> Freedom to talk about it.

 ha ha

 That's good.
 

...but if anyone out there can explain this 15 prosecutions
out of 15,000 arrests,  please do.

Old Business

I finally got my DSL line, and it works great.
I'm always hooked up, so if I need a name or a score or some news,
I can hit a button and I'm there.  No Mindspring busy signals, etc.

Plus, if someone on TV says something stupid, I can write a rant
while I'm still pissed off, ...so maybe that's not such good news...

Hmmm....

We need to work on a few things.
I have this killer video card, and now I have this DSL line.
This connection is about a meg per second during the day, and maybe
2 or 3 meg per second at night. (I'm near the switching station.)

Now, all  I have to figure out what I can do with it.
I saw an ad offering to stream video that was $9995 a month.
I'm all for having a good time, but not that good of a time.
Geez, for $9995 a month, I should get... well, we'll let that one go, too.

Until I can figure out how to broadcast or make QuickTime movies or
RealMedia files or whatever, I'll just have a fast girlie-picture loader.
(cough)

If anybody knows who I can contact to make this work, I'd sure like to
hear your suggestion, even if it's "Go to URL xyz.com"
I'm not asking for charity, just a "hand up."

E-Mail BartCop  with your suggestions.

There are some heavy Warez dudes that want to DL some large programs,
so when they drop by I'll get some tips on the best way to send video.

I'm going to stick with the bartcop@yahoo.com  for now because it works.
Once I get  bartcop@swbell.net  working, I'll post it.

By the way, you should get that brand new (available 11/8) RealPlayer7.
It's free, and they have hundreds of radio stations and dozens of TV stations,
(which I can't verify yet, but the FM sound is really clear.)

Isn't there some way to do a live internet broadcast?

Maybe instead of typing, I could scream into a microphone every night
between 8-9 PM Central and let the computer, ..... nahhhhhhhh.
 

Oh, by the way, I quit my job.

Be sure and check the AmPol Update below.

Poor Governor Blow Monkey
The Dan Quayle comparisons are coming hard and fast for the Governor.

"People are making their choice based upon judgement, based upon vision,
based upon philosophy ... America understands that a guy doesn't know the
name of every single foreign leader,'' Butch said in an ABC interview.

When asked if he could spell philosophy, Butch said, "Why sure."

"...F, ..I, ...L, L, ...O, ...S, ...I, ...FEE"

"Fillosifee," he beamed.

Attention Oregon Steve and all others who asked:

The Rush Limba, "I'm a Nazi" song is back!
Click HERE to hear it, or you can always find it later as Eargasm #1.

Thanks to Bill at the Boot Newt Page for tracking down the new link.

Republican Dittos

From: HDW700@aol.com

BartCop,

My father in law (an ardent ditto head) sent me to your web site.
When I told him how much I liked it, he stopped e-mailing me.
Hmmmm.

I worked on Capitol Hill for five years making propaganda films for
the National Republican Congressional Committee.  The one truth
I can stand by though all of that was "All politicians are liars."

Once they get into office they reach the status of rat-bastards,
and with time, they graduate to evil sons-of-bitches.

Keep up the fight, my lunatic fringe bastard friend.
Chris Chrysler

A while back, I wrote to AmPol and suggested they sell a certain bumper sticker.
They liked the idea and now you can buy it for only $3.00

That says it all, doesn't it?
And that's cheap.
I would charge $5, or three for $25.

They're good folks over at AmPol.

http://www.american-politics.com/bumpers.html#Rush
 

AmPol Update

http://www.american-politics.com/110599dubyuhberry.html

They keep hittin' home runs at AmPol.
Check this letter/drawing from a schoolgirl in Knuckledrag Territory.

The "Dubyurberry" Tales

A letter from a student reader we wanted to share
by The Editors

November 5, 1999--NEW YORK--Yesterday, we received the following
email message from a student reader in Oklahoma, Marla Morris:

To whom it may concern:

As a project in my high school English class, I was asked to write a character
description in the style of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. I've created what I hope
you'll find as a fair approximation of the character of presidential candidate
George W. Bush. I am a regular visitor to your site, and I find it refreshingly
unpolluted by boring neutrality or avoidance of issues. Thank you for your time.

We so enjoyed Marla's creative effort that we are sharing it with our national readership.
Enjoy!