Vol 159 - Right Click to Own a Botticelli

Rush's Diet

Recently on the political newsgroups someone asked if anyone
knew the type of diet the Pigboy went on to lose so much weight.

I politely referred the gentleman to the truth, straight from our Nazi whore,
of exactly how he lost all that weight.

Do you have your speakers hooked up yet?
If not, you're missing a lot.
Anyway, the question is,
"What did Rush eat everyday to lose all that weight?"

The answer is here.

C'mon, you GOTTA get speakers.

Rag Mail

From: jhughett@bellsouth.net

What happened to the humor?
You once had an occasional funny line but lately you seem to think
that crude and unimaginative name calling is a form of humor.

Perhaps it is to some people but I got to tell you that for thoughtful people
name calling is not very funny.  Anyone can do it and it requires no effort.

David Pittman


Name calling?

I think calling Linda Tripp a "pig" showed restraint.
If you're talking about the recent Dr. Laura piece, I'm trying to get her to sue me.
(She's such a whore.)

As far as the lack of jokes, you're right.
I shall fire my comedy writers immediately and hire new ones,
and I'll get your refund in the mail immediately.

By the way, please send me the URL of your humor page
so I can learn how to be truly funny.


That show after The Simpsons, Futurama, had a good one.
On the left is the Washington Monument.
On the right is the Clinton Monument.

Mrs BartCop and I just got back from Dallas.
I was doing some important research on Gov. Runny Nose.

I'd tell you about it, but Mexican food and fine tequila were involved,
and nobody wants to hear about that...,   but when we checked into our hotel,
the clerk said they were having a "devil of a time" getting credit card authorizations
to clear because shopping was at an "absolute frenzy."

Thank you, Bill Clinton

The Fudge Report

Matt Fudge, roving, gay reporter, filed this report:
As Pigboy's sham marriage to Marta comes to an end,
their pre-nuptial agreement has been filed with the court clerk.

Marta's Pre-Nup Agreement Revealed

She gets:

 the kids
 the luxury apartment in New York
 the mansion in Coral Gables
 both Limos
 the stocks
 the bonds
 the annuities
 the trust fund
 the checking account
 the savings account

 He gets:

 the hate
 the denial
 the gerbils
 the self-pity
 the bigotry
 the homophobia
 the Hillary jokes
 the martyr complex
 the defeatist attitude
 the Vince Foster jokes
 the Jesse Jackson jokes
 the endless ego workouts
 the delusions of godhood
 the cases of cherry KY jelly
 the urine-colored microphone
 the Chelsea Clinton dog jokes
 the Martin Luther King Jr. jokes
 the "More Guns, Less Education" bumper stickers
 the "How to Divide American And Make Millions," book

 ...and Juan, the pool boy

Can two words be funny?

Lotsa Mail


>When is Bush going to speak out strongly in favor of Clinton recovering his legal fees from
>the failed Ken Starr investigations?  Tort reform is one of Bush's favorite subjects so
> he should seize this high-profile opportunity to make the Republicans to pay for their abuse.



Plus, isn't there a law that says the government re-imburses if you're not indicted?
I'll bet one of the smart people know.
Maybe they'll write in and clarify that for us.


>From: John Ross

>Well Bartman, looks like Linda Tripp is feeling like Susan McDougal,
>but without the heart, and without the GUTS.
>Even (jerk) Liddy took a hit and went to jail, but Linda wants to screw her friends,
>make money and... oh yes, ... be a Republican!!

>MAYBE rush will pay her legal bills.
>He has the dough right?

>john ross


Get his wallet out?
ha ha

What do you think he is?
Committed to the cause?

Like the preachers on TV, he exists only to generate millions of dollars.
He wouldn't pee on Linda Tripp if she was on fire.
Besides, Tripp may be the biggest liability the GOP has,
next to racism, homophobia, and the train loads of ignorance.

If I was running the Democratic campaign, I'd have every GOP candidate's
face morph into Linda Tripp then ask, "How many more years do you want?"
But no, they won't do that, because they won't think of it.

Clinton is the only Democrat in recent memory who knows how to fight,
and the idiots at the DNC just want him put out to pasture, so to speak.

Besides, Rush wants Gore to win.

If the Gore loses, and Blow Monkey wins, Rush will have no choice but to
become the premier apologist for every government screw-up that happens.

He'll have to quit.

Can a Dribbler be President?

You know, the more I see of Bill Bradley, the less I like him.
The Dribbler thinks the Clinton/Gore team has been really bad for America.
After the voters reject him, what will he do for a living?
Write "Shame on Everyone" books like Bill (Still Smoking) Bennett?

Hey, Bradley, ic Clinton and Gore ruined America
why don't you join Fox News and tell us all about it?

Dr. Laura, how could you?
Don't you ever get tired of showing your Bush?

Did you know that Linda Tripp was the source of the rumor
that President Bush was screwing a staffer named "Jennifer?"

Mail Bag

From:  ML@MediaOne.com

Subject: Piggy

Please remove the pig picture you are using to represent Linda Tripp.
This is cruel, spiteful, and hateful.
That piggy is WAY too cute to be der Tripster.

Best if you can find a picture of a pig that has just rolled in  its own shit.
And is heading to the slaughterhouse.


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Great Runny Nose Quotes

"We must provide other options besides failure."

   -- Governor Blow Monkey unveiling his plans to reform education.

Yoots Mail

>Bartcop -

>I'm 18, and this is my first national election.
>I agree that McCain isn't a ditto monkey or, not as much as the others.
>Gore is a loser and Bradley's definitely going to win the election 'cos
>nobody knows what Gore's position is on anything but the environment
>and creation of the Internet.

  ha ha

>Wouldn't the best course be to register Republican for this election,
>vote for McCain with all of Bartcop newsletter's 2 million readers' might,
>and thus beat the Republicans at their own game in the primary, and
>oust Shrub Jr. from the running?



 I'm much too greedy.
 McCain would be better for the country, but a Blow Monkey victory
 would get Mrs. BartCop that fancy, wood-interior Jaguar she wants.

 She must be made happy.

VCR Alert

Governor Blow Monkey on Larry (Eight-Wives) King tonight.
I'm going to call and ask how many grams are in an ounce.

ha ha

TIME magazine's Top Phonies and Frauds of the Century



 1     J.R. Bob Dobbs                      42742
 2     Geraldo Rivera                       33020
 3     Rush Limbaugh                       21200
 4     O.J. Simpson                           21159
 5     Linda Tripp                             12534
 6     Kenneth Starr                           9997
 7     Laura Schlessinger                   7521
 8     Howard Stern                            6795
 9     Oliver North                              4800
10    Joseph R. McCarthy                4520

Look at that list.

An unknown, a liberal, Howard Stern and seven Republicans, one of which is a Nazi whore,
another is a murderer, another is a back-stabber, another is a witchhunting sex pervert,
another is a lying slut-whore, another is a traitor who refused to protect to his president,
and the second-biggest witchhunter in American history, behind Starr.

...and look!

O.J. Simpson has more credibility than the Pigboy.

You Republicans should be ashamed...

Weird Science

Maybe it's a sign of old age, but I've been watching a lot of the History Channel.
Between segments, they have celebrities do lil' known historical facts.
A few nights ago, Sam Waterston from Law & Order talked about eating utensils.

He said cavemen were cutting meat with bone-knives thousands of years ago.
He said spoons were almost as old as knives, but that forks were much younger.
He said the fork wasn't invented until the 1400's, and it was immediately banned
by the Catholic Church as, "a tool of the devil."

Science and religion just can't get along...

I have an idea...

I think right now would be the perfect time for House Speaker Dick Gephardt
to draw up impeachment papers against President Blow Monkey,
on the one chance in a thousand that he actually gets in.

Let's do what they did.

Let's get the impeachment ball rolling, and we'll find a "crime" as time goes by
and whoever gets elected VP will take over as president. Then, I want to hear them say,
"This is not a coup," when we do it.. .

Linda Pigg  (ver 1.2)

I just read Linda Pigg's very tearful letter, begging for money.


"When I am feeling helpless, I find myself clinging to this truth. It is almost as if
 those intuitive framers foresaw the eventuality of a Clintonesqe presidency
 looming on the national horizon.  I'm eternally grateful that they did."

Did Paul Harvey enter the room?
I just wondered, because I smell


What a self-serving whore!

Linda Tripp, the most hated woman in America.
Most hated woman in America...  what's that like?
(I guess we could call Tonya Harding and multiply her answer by a thousand.)

Linda Tripp, begging for money, now that her big gamble failed.
Everybody needs to remember her motives, here.
She wanted to get rich writing a book with Luci the Bat.


The Pigg and the Bat hate Clinton, and they tried to take him down.
You know that phrase,
"If you attack the king, you'd better kill him."

You know why that's a saying?
Because payback is a bitch, just like Linda the Bat.

She continues to say this was all defensive, like she was trying to
protect herself from the big, bad government that was out to get her.

I have a question or three that I wish the Tripp-lickers would answer:

1. Why couldn't she just keep her goddamn mouth shut?
2. What made her run out and buy a going-to-prison tape recorder?
3. Why couldn't she, "Just Say No," to Luci the book-agent Bat.
4. Why made her ignore her attorney's advice to NOT tape Monica?

...and the biggest question of all,

Why didn't she forget her get-rich scheme and just answer the
goddamn questions truthfully when she was called before the Grand Jury?

E-Mail BartCop with your opinion.

Since the Tripp lovers won't answer that, I will:

You can't make any money by quietly telling the truth.
You can't get on the cover of TIME Magazine by quietly telling the truth.
Linda wanted to play in the big leagues.
Linda was tired of seeing the others getting big-ass checks from the Scarfe-Monster.

Bitch, you got what was coming to you.

Unlike Susan McDougal,
Unlike Julie Hiatt Steele,
YOU controlled your own fate here.
Nobody pulled you into anything.

You BEGGED to get into this poker game.
The ante in this game is your ass.
You BEGGED to get into this game, and Clinton out-fucking-played you,
so now we're supposed to feel sorry for your clumsy-ass and give you money?

Remember how much FUN it was to give those tapes to Newsweek?
Remember how much FUN it was stabbing Monica in the back?
Remember how much FUN it was embarrassing the President?
Remember how much FUN you and Rush and the others got out of this?
Remember how much FUN it was seeing Luci the Bat on Larry King each night?
Remember how much FUN it was making Matt Drudge a "big star" at Fox News?

I only see one way out of this for you, Ms. Pigg.

Think how much FUN the other prisoners will have with you, Linda.
You deserve every bit of whatever you get.

But, wait...this is Christmas, and we should show compassion to our enemies,
if anything, BartCop-ism is built on a foundation of compassion, so let's do this:

Linda, when you get settled in your prison cell, write to me, and I'll send you
a case of Hi&Dry paper towels and a sixty-pack of Cherry Chap-Stick.

Then call me in 36 months and I'll pray for you.

One other thing about this Linda Tripp mess:

ABC, home of Backdoor Bettina Gregory and Judas Maximus George Stephanopolous,
hired Jonathan Turley as their in-house legal expert to explain all the details to us.

Jonathan Turley?
What, Brent Bozell was too busy?

Turley hates Bill Clinton more and more with every breath he takes.
Why in the hell would ABC hire a Clinton-hater to explain the deal?

Between now and the election, we need to drag this entire Monica shit back out into the light
for a good look at it while the Republican's hardon has temporarily deflated and let them
explain why they put this country through 20 months of Clinton's cock,
just because he whipped them in the voting booth - twice..

These GOP bastards need to explain to the American voter, maybe a few weeks before the
next election, just exactly what was on their minds when they shut down the government
for 20 goddamn months so they could reach into Clinton's zipper and root around for
his cock until the Supreme Court came to their senses?

One other thing:

Linda Pigg is suing the White House and the Pentagon.
She's suing them for "invasion of privacy!"

Invasion of privacy?
Linda the Pigg?

That makes about as much sense as the LAPD suing Rodney King
for "wear and tear" on their goddamn nightsticks.

You know what the very best thing was to come out of all this?
The Republicans hate Linda Tripp, too.

Linda Tripp IS the Republican Party,

In the coming months, we'll re-visit the impeachment bullshit the GOP fabricated.
Will history forgive the fascist dogs who claimed  "The Rule of Law" against Bill Clinton?

How will history remember their nomination of a drunken playboy with a cocaine problem?

A Funny Rush Cartoon

Vent Magazine

Remember Rush pushing Vent Magazine?

He said his wife was on the "cutting edge of journalism."
Rush said her rag would be the "biggest, best magazine in cyberspace,"
but when has Rush ever been right about anything?
Here's a review of Marta Limba's defunct magazine.


Since we've been publishing RL-LNW, and then  bartcop.com
Rush's sainted wife's sainted magazine has come and gone.

Funny, with all Rush's tens of millions,
he couldn't keep his wife's magazine going?

It was so bad, they refused to spend twenty dollars a month to keep
the archived issues available for newer ditto-monkeys to read.

The Tenth Amendment

How many times have we heard the wacky right complain that the big, bad federal
government should back off and let the states exercise their sovereign rights?

This week, a federal Judge said Maryland was not bound by a letter from Po' Kenny
promising publicity-seeking Linda the Pigg immunity from all prosecution.

Judge Leasure ruled that the massive centralized federal bureaucracy in Washington D.C.
can't bargain away a state's right to prosecute a woman who maliciously betrayes a trust,
by violating the state's wiretapping laws and ordered the bitch to stand trial.

That sound we hear is the far right celebrating, right?

Sheep - give them exactly what they ask for and they don't like it.

From Volume 137

Remember last issue (Vol 136) I said that President Bill Clinton is
a big old boy and he can take care of himself just fine?

As long as they don't put a goddamn bullet in his brain,
he's going to be just fine, no matter what happens.

The same cannot be said for Julie Hiatt Steele.
She's the innocent, defenseless, single-mother who was asked
to support Kathleen Willey's lies so Willey could extort
money from the President of the United States.

She refused.

Wait a minute:

Look at EVERYONE involved in this whole fucked-up mess.
Everyone involved is a "player" except Steele.

She didn't tape her best friend.
She doesn't have an agenda.
She isn't a whore.
She's not looking for a book deal.
I don't even know if she's a democrat or a knuckledragger.

But that disgusting bastard Ken Starr has indicted her.
She was indicted for several "crimes" such as:

1. Saying Kathleen Willey asked her to lie.
2. Swear to Koresh,
    and you new subscribers should know when I swear to Koresh
    it's always 100 percent true and accurate,

    ...she was charged with "making false statements on Larry King."

This is not a BartCop gag.

Making false statements to Larry fucking King is a crime?

Ken Starr is such a despicable slut-whore.
Steele is the lady whose adopted son was a target for Starr.
Starr's goons asked Steele's neighbors,

"Where did Julie get the money to adopt her child?"
"Was it a legal adoption?"
"Does she really love her son?"
"How did Julie get to Romania to adopt this child?"

...and so on.

Welcome to the conservative's America.
Let's ALL narc on each other, for Ken Starr.

Starr wants to take her son because she wouldn't
help Kathleen Willey extort money from Bill Clinton.


Even Linda Tripp said Willey "was smiling from ear to ear"
when she left the Oval Office that day.
So, Linda Tripp should be indicted too, right?
After all, she didn't agree with Willey's version of events.

But noooooooooooooooooooo.

Linda's in on the fix.
She's not going to be indicted.

Linda the Pig taped and betrayed a friend to ruin Clinton.
Lucianne Frankenstein was looking for a juicy book deal.
Monica was blowing a married man and telling all her friends.
Clinton was cheating on his wife and trying to hide it.
Starr is a white-power tobacco whore who hates free elections.

The list goes on and on...

But Julie Steele is guilty of knowing a whore named Willey.

THAT'S her crime?

And Starr's Gestapo has come to take her boy?

Trust me, if you came to take BartCop's son from me,
don't bring a revolver, because "the Baby" holds 14.

I know I'll catch shit for this, but if they end up removing Clinton from office,
we'll just have to admit he was guilty of cheating and trying to hide it,
but Julie Steele hasn't done anything wrong but answer her goddamn phone.

Is this America?

Oh, by the way, Michael Isakhov can eat me, too.

He's the lying prick from Newsweek who SWORE the interview
with Steele was "off the record," then he screwed her.

He just might've screwed her out of her freedom and her son.

Back to the Present

Remember, she didn't ask for ANY of this.

She never ran into the national spotlight screaming,
"Everybody look at me, me, me, me, me,"
like Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Linda the Pigg, Lucianne the Bat and the others.

Julie Steele is $1,000,000 in debt and is about to lose her home.
If you have a couple of extra dollars, think about Ms. Steele.


Don't let that prick Starr take her home from her.

Great GOP Quotes

"My son George and I have the same values.
 My values are certainly George's values."
  -- Barbara Butch

Hey, Barbara,  how many grams are in an ounce?

Bad Cops

Former policeman Justin Volpe was sentenced to 30 years for forcing a
broken broom handle up the rectum of the innocent Abner Louima in 1977.
Louima needed three operations to repair his bladder, colon and intestines.

I was as outraged as anyone by the attack, but 30 years?

Every day in America, men are sentenced to 6 or 8 years for murder.
To me, 30 years seems a little extreme, but then again, it wasn't my ass.

Chris Rock says for the holidays, New York cops have agreed to stop shoving
broken broom sticks up innocent people's rectums, and will use candy canes, instead.

Great GOP Quotes

"Yes, it's true I pursed my lips together and said in a tiny, little feeble voice,
"Please don't kill me," while I was mocking the soon-to-be-executed Christian
Carla Faye Tucker, but that reporter took my words out of context."
    -- Governor Blow Monkey


That young Cuban boy who's causing the press to wet their pants?
The kid catches on real damn quick.
He's only been in this country a couple of weeks.

The young man has just one strong opinion.
They asked him what he wanted to say to the television cameras.
His answer?

"I would tell them all to go away."

In a few more years, he will learn brevity and change that to,
"Fuck the Press."

Oh, What a Feeling

After the third debate, feeling like he did a great job,
Fredo dropped his pants and did an improptu "Victory Dance."


Let's all vote for Governor Blow Monkey.
We need to bring dignity back to the White House.

Maryland Judge Deals Blow to Linda the Pigg

ELLICOTT CITY, Md. (Reuters) - A Maryland judge on Tuesday ruled that key
evidence can be used to prosecute Linda the Pigg for violating state wiretap laws
by secretly recording tapes of Monica being a scared little girl.

In a decision seen as a blow to the Pigg's defense, Judge Leasure said Maryland
was not bound by a letter from Po' Kenny promising Tripp immunity from prosecution.

I think it's time to get out the Chinaco and do a shot.

 Marc Perkel Live on eyada.com Tonight  (Dec 14)

 Marc Perkel, author of the Men's Guide to Escort Services,
 will be interviewed LIVE on an internet talk show on  eYada.com.
 The interview will be on Tuesday, December 14th, 1999 at 9:00pm EST.
 Bob Berkowitz will be the host.
 Archives will be online so you don't have to be there live to hear it.
 All you'll need is real audio or windows media player to hear it.


 Remember Perkel's legal problems, and the suspension of the Fourth
 Amendment for people living in eight states? Perkel helped an escort service
 get out of a legal jam so the cops set him up for a phony bust.

 The cops in Springfield, MO are very busy dudes, but not too busy to
 harrass the people of Springfield who want to share a little consensual sex.

 They say Marc is pretty sharp in live interviews.
 I'm looking forward to this.

Trenchcoat Mafia Tapes

Well, well...
The Trenchcoat Mafia boys left videotapes explaining their motives.

They hated "niggers."
They hated Jews.
They hated Asians.
They hated women and they even hated white people.

Any bets on who their favorite AM radio hero was?

Ali - Athlete of the Century

This is one of my favorite pictures of all time.
I can identify with Ali.
No, I don't think I'm in his league by any measure, but in this photo,
he's screaming something to the "invincible" Sonny Liston.

Do you know what he's screaming?

He's screaming, "Get up and fight!"

I know what it's like when your opponent refuses to fight.
I run into that all the time.

Ditto-Monkeys are yellow by nature.

Third Debate

McCain had the balls to say, "I'm against ethanol subsidies," in ethanol-heavy Iowa,
even tho the whore thing to do was to do what the other five did:

"We loooooooooooooove socialized commodities."
"We loooooooooooooove Iowa farmers."

It reminds me of those drugged-out rock stars:
We know you people in ... (where are we?)  Knuckledrag
REALLY know how to rock and roll!!!

McCain also was the only one to attack Clinton.
That's a smart move, and it was the third time he did it.
McCain is slapping Fredo with his manhood, looking past
the Blow Monkey and giving the Repubs a look into the future.

Also, did you notice it was "Screw Governor Whitman" night?
That Gary Bauer woman said, "I was raising money for the pro-lifers
when Steve the Goof was raising money for Christine Todd Whitman."

She was attacked on THREE separate occasions tonight by the
"I'm more of a right-wing nut than YOU are," boys.

Forbes is Johnny One-Note with M1 and the Fed.
Bauer is Johnny One-Note with abortion.
B'Orrin Hatch brought up the goddamn chicken coup again.
Keyes can't get off that, "We're losing all our rights" crap.
By the way, Rush pissed off the pro-lifers today, calling them Keestersas in Keyes-sters,
and Fredo still thinks his cocky smirk will win this election.

If North Korea or China starts some shit with us,
I'd much rather have President McCain in charge instead of some alcohol/cocaineboy.

More Stroke Evidence

Poor Pigboy.
It's just a matter of time before the doctors come to take him away.
Did you hear his last hour Monday?

"The EIB Network, and the next call up is from Winslow, Arizona.
  The Eagles wrote a town about your song, did you know that?"

Caller: I don't know, Rush, I'm from Winslow, Arkansas.

Pigboy:  "Oh..."

Poor Pigboy.
Switching the nouns is a classic example of stroke symptoms.
I know what you're saying.
"Oh, C'mon, BartCop.
 Anybody can have a little slip of the tongue...""

True, but Pigboy can't make it thru a complete paragraph anymore.

"The Eagles wrote a town about your song?"
The 1998 version of Rush didn't make mistakes like that,
again and again, over and over.

Marta needs to get him back to those doctors.

It's Time to be Mean to Dr. Laura

The stupid, greedy whore went too far, and I have it on tape.
This has to be THE quote of 1999.
If anybody has a better quote than this one, I'll buy you a car.

The greedy, stupid whore was on "The O'Reilly Factor" a few days ago.
Did you see her?

Doesn't matter, I taped the whole thing and grabbed this killer quote.
It doesn't get any better than this - trust me.

Recently I mentioned that only a tiny minority of you are listening
to the sound files, but then someone pointed out that Web TV doesn't get sound,
and maybe some of you can't afford speakers yet, so I understand.
But having an internet connection without speakers is almost as nutty as having
a television without speakers, but let's get to THE QUOTE OF THE YEAR!!!

This quote is so goddamn stupid.
If there was a God, if there was any justice in the world, this quote would
be on the front page of every newspaper and every magazine in the country,
but it's got nothing to do with Clinton's cock,  so it's not newsworthy.

Well, we can still snicker, can't we?

Ready for this?

Tell you what, just to get started, just to get you in the mood,
why don't we have Dr. Laura explain what her radio show is all about?

BartCop: Dr. Laura, if people tune into your perverted hate show,
                 what kinds of topics will you be discussing?

Take it away, Dr. Laura:

(To the speaker-impaired, Dr. Laura just explained, in her own words, that on her
 perverted hate show, she talks about things like "butt plugs, vibrators and dildos.")

Hold on, it gets waaaaaay better than that.
That was just a warm up.


That prick O'Reilly asked Dr. Laura what kind of student she was in college.

Here's her answer,

the Best Quote of 1999!

Can you believe that?
Can you believe that?

Have you ever heard a more clumsy lie in your entire life?

For those of you who are speaker-impaired, Dr. Laura answered the question of
"How did those nasty-ass pictures come about if you were so boring in college?"

Her answer was:

"I had a boyfriend (She had a husband at the time, too) and we took
 some pictures and I don't know what to say about other pictures,
 so I'm curious, too, as to where they came from."

Lying slut.
Lying slut of a whore.

You spread you legs for a camera, and now you claim the old, "No memory" defense?
You spread your legs thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis far apart for a camera, and now you don't remember?
What happened to taking personal responsibility?
What happened to honesty and modesty, slut?

Stop and think for a second:

If Clinton had said, "That may be my semen on Monica's dress, but I have no memory of how it got there."
If he had said that, I would've voted to impeach his lying ass my own goddamn self.

Stupid, lying, slut-whore Dr Laura wants us to buy her clumsy lie???????
You know, those brain-dead ditto-monkeys will buy ANY goddamn thing,
but are they really going to buy this, too?

I don't remember?

"Your honor, that may have been the Bank of America's money hidden in my bedroon,
  but I have no memory of robbing any banks, no Sir!"

"Officer, that bag of dope might have my fingerprints on it, but I can assure you,
 I have no memory of buying any marijuana at all."

"Honey, I admit that photo looks like me getting oral sex from that bachelor party hooker,
 but I can assure you I have no memory of doing anything like that."

Stupid, lying, slut-whore!

This is the woman who wrote a book on the Ten Commandments?
Let us turn to that Good Book, to see how God handles lying slut-whores.

"What is the fate of liars?
 The whoremongers and liars, shall have their lake burneth with fire and brimstone:
 which is the second death" (Rev. 21:78).    One who practices lying is committing a
 serious offence in the sight of God. It is among the abominations that God hates.

These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that
deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren (Prov. 6:1619).

Those who refuse to give up the practice of lying will face certain punishment.
"A false witness shall not be unpunished, and she that speaketh lies shall perish" (Prov. 19:9).

Dr. Laura, I rebuke thee!

Thou art a lying, slut-whore.
God will not let a lying, slut-whore into His Kingdom of Heaven.

...and this bitch thinks she's going to lecture me on morality?
Who does she think she is, Bill Bennett?

But, as always, it gets worse for the lying, slut-whore.
Just seconds ago, you heard her say in her own voice that she didn't remember posing
like some two-bit lap-dancer on Howard Stern's show, but in this next clip
she's so proud of her "lovely" naked ass, ...well, ....just listen...

Take it away, rebuked, slut-whore.

Here's what she said:

"Coming out of the shower, standing there, brushing my hair, is almost a Botticelli,
 except I was much thinner Since I took this 'lovely' picture 25 years ago,
 that I'm somehow a bad person and a hypocrite."

Nobody called you a bad person or a hypocrite.
I called you a stupid, lying, clumsy slut-whore.
After all, words mean things.


OK, let's compare Dr. Laura's picture, like she suggested, to Botticelli's pictures.

Here is the photo she just mentioned:
Let's look at one of Botticielli's greatest works, too.
Did you hear her brag about how thin she was           
when she posed for this picture?
She bragged she was thinner than a Botticelli.
Is that a fair comparison?
Let's look at them side-by-side.

  Cheap slut .....................................Madonna of the Pomegranate.

Darn it, now I can't remember which is which.
I think that's Dr. Laura's picture on the right, ...but ....I can't be sure.
No, that might be Dr. Laura on the left...

I can't tell, because they look so much alike!!!

Hey, Doc!

It looks like all those women have their damn pants on!!!
What kind of ego problems do you have that you'd compare your naked ass
to three clothed women of the Bible who had good morals and decent values?

"Standing there, brushing my hair, is almost a Botticelli, except I was much thinner?"

Good God, woman.

How does your nasty-ass ego fit in the tiny State of California?
Why don't you put some panties on and then brag about your superior morals?

You give people advice on morals and honesty?
And then you stand there and lie about not remembering being a pervert?

Brushing your hair, like a Botticelli...?

Religious whores make me sick.

By the way, Little Miss Dignity, Miss Manners, Miss Always Proper,
Miss Better-Than-Everyone Else with the faulty memory,
who are you going to vote for?

This political parody was produced by BartCop, satirist, K. Cunningham, artist and Dr. Laura Schlessinger, whore.

If you think it's a bad, bad thing to expose rich, religio-frauds, let me hear your reasons.

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