Vol 161- A Chinaco New Year

Trust me

Go to the very bottom of this page and hit "Click Here"
Then come back and read on until your speakers come alive.


For some, this didn't work for some people.
It worked for me, but I don't know Bush about computers,
so if you give a "F," ask a local cyber geek for help.

Whooooo Pig

To my old Republican buddy in Texas, Johnny Schneider, I can only say, "Whoo Pig."
I hope your home brew dulls the reality of Arkansas football dominance.

No, it's not a tribute to Rush Limba, it's the University of Arkansas, Fayetteville,
where our best president ever once taught political science,
and your ediotr mastered the art of playing pool for money.

When the Razorbacks kicked Texas's ass,
they held the Longhorns to MINUS 27 yards.

(Excuse me, but isn't minus less than zero?)

Texas - Don't feel too bad.
You see, in Arkansas, they KNOW defense.

Just ask Kenny blue-balls Starr.

Koresh as My Witness

Regular readers know that when I swear to Koresh,
I'm 100 percent honest.

My newest obsession is the HBO Series "The Sopranos!"
The priest is cheating on the wife of one mob boss with another!

I had no idea!

ha ha

I didn't write this.
I don't have gravity with HBO.
They didn't write this for my amusement.

ha ha

In a series about the mob,
the priest comes off as the man without principles.

VCR Alert

Sopranos tonight on HBO.
Tonight closes last season, then new episodes the 16th.


Monday, the third, Discovery Channel presents "Inside the Venetian,"
at 8PM eastern and 11PM Las Vegas time.

See if they mention the greatest tequila bar in the United States.

Taqueria Cononita is one of the best places on Earth.
I'd like to be there at the very end, when I have minutes to live.
Fine tequila isn't like other drinks.

It's like what Governor Blow Monkey said about knowing Jesus...
you either understand, or you don't.

The Pissed Off American Poll

Do you think because of actual or contrived Y2K problems,
President Clinton will declare a "National Emergency" around or
about January 1st, 2000?

YES            79%

 NO             21%

This is all Rush's fault.  For 18 months, he's been screaming that
Clinton would do this,  "when the Senate finds him guilty."

Pigboy, there's a difference between being entertaining
and scaring the McVeigh crowd into loading their guns.

By the way, I voted "Yes," just to see them wet their pants.
To vote click  http://www.dave.smith.net/poa/

Serious Econ

From:  rotate172@hotmail.com

Subject: hi bartcop

 I was reading your piece on the Clinton economy, and wanted to share some
 information with you. Of course, some of the predictions for the economy
 have been wrong, however, the methods Clinton used to address the
 economic have also not panned out as some believed and continue to tout.
 Some items regarding Clinton's first term:

 1) Clinton passed a tax increase in 1993. Prior to that passage, mortgage
     rates were about 7.2 %. Clinton's tax increase raised those rates to 9%.

 First off, I admit I don't know Bush about economics.
 But I don't see how a tax increase automatically raises interest rates.
 If I wear a red shirt and it rains that day,
 I can't be certain the red shirt caused the rain.

 2) Clinton's tax increase slowed the growth of the deficit, but only
 temporarily. The deficit is expected to continue to grow, as Clinton's tax
 plan miscalculated the amount of new revenue the government would receive
 by about $10 billion dollars.

 What year did you write this?
 The deficit is expected to continue to grow?
 Do you mean if Bush gets elected?
 If Clinton miscalculated, he underestimated how well things would turn out.

 3) Economic growth in 1995 was 1.4%, and in the fourth quarter of the fiscal
 year was only .9%. This is a rate which just barely skims recession levels.
 By comparison, Bush's term in office saw economic growth three times those
 numbers, despite the recession.

 Two things:
 1. Right now, growth is at 4 percent.
 2. Butch saw growth because of Reagan's deep, deep depression.
     If I made $5 last week, and $10 this week, I can brag all day that my
     income doubled, but I still only have $10.

 4) Real wages haven fallen 4.6% overall since 1979...2.5% of that drop
 occurred during Clinton's first term.

 People voted for Clinton in 92 because they wanted change.
 They voted for Clinton in 96 because they liked that change.
 You're trying to convince me the economy was better under Reagan/Butch.
 You're going to be unsuccessful in that attempt.

 5) A typical family spends nearly 25% of it's annual income on taxes. This
 figure continues to rise each year.

 The GOP promised us smaller government, and when the democrats
 accused them of cuts, they bragged that they've actually increased the size
 of government, but you seem heck-bent on blaming Clinton.

 With regards to hiking taxes on the rich, yes Clinton did indeed do that.
 There were several others who got higher taxes as well. Not only did some
 wealthy individuals file income tax returns of over $200,000 but the
 majority of those filing such returns were small business owners (87%).
 Those small business owners were actually subjected to larger tax rates (up
 to almost 40%)than many large corporations, who typically paid only 35%.

 I admire your detective skills.
 You have found fault with Bill Clinton's economy.
 Most of America has been unable to do what you have done.

 Clinton also increased the taxable portion of Social Security benefits by
 70%. That means seniors in any income bracket, just as long as they were
 collecting Social Security, were taxed at this higher rate.
 Let's not forget the 1996 gasoline tax increase, up 6.8 cents per gallon in.
 Everybody buys gasoline.

 I fail to get your overall point.
 If the economy was any better, Greenspan would increase interest rates,
 and then you might say that was Clinton's fault.
 I read just today that Wall Street is worried that employment is so low,
 wages may rise, and that might cause inflation.
 Is this another example of Clinton mishandling the economy?

 I think that these figures show this economy was made by people's hard work:
 to keep up with Clinton tax policy.

 You're saying the reason the economy is hot is because people
 have had to to "keep up with" Clinton's tax policy?
 So you are giving him credit forThe Midas Era.

Rush may have been wrong about recession, but Clinton did come
quite close at one point (albeit not completely) and interest rates did go up.

As a Clinton-backing Democrat, I fail to understand your complaints.
It's like you're complaining that you have to make so many extra trips to
deposit money in the bank since Clinton has been president,
that you've had to buy new tires for your car.
It's my opinion that the extra trips to the bank are good news,
but you choose to see that increased tire expense as proof
that Clintonomics has been bad for America.

I think America disagrees with you.
To test our differing theories, let's you and I work to suspend
the 22nd amendment and watch Bill Clinton win a third term.

Other than that, I do enjoy the site.
R. Ford

I enjoyed hearing from you.
I hope you don't consider my replies as an attack.

Great Quotes

"I'm not a perfect man.
 I'm not the saint the newspapers and magazines have made me out to be.
 I'm a sinner who makes mistakes."

  -- Billy Graham, Fox News Sunday, 1/2

He didn't bring up Clinton's cock.
He didn't whore for money.
He's not selling a tape of Hillary Clinton's murder victims.
He doesn't hate blacks or gays.

I always liked Billy Graham.

Why can't other religious leaders be like Billy?

TV Stuff

I taped and watched the first ten episodes of The Sopranos.
I'm hooked - big time.

HBO calls it a drama, but it's damn funny.
If you can sit through their dialog and not laugh out loud,
please send me a list of shows that are funnier.

Internet Rumor

They say...

The talk radio station in Philly has dropped Rush and Dr Laura
from their lineup. They cite sagging ratings and the high cost
of the syndication rights as the reason.

ha ha

Britney Spears

Britney has told her young fans that she has not had a boob job.
You decide.

            Before               After


Koresh, I don't think Anna Nicole Smith is that big.

Clintonomics 101


I was talking to a dittohead and I used the phrase "Clinton boom,"
and he said I was spouting BS.

He asked me how the president influenced the economy,
and I really didn't know what to tell him.
Can you help?

First off, the first thing you say is,  "You go straight to hell."
If anything at all had gone wrong with the economy,  if ANY
economic indicators even moved a quarter inch to the south,
assholes like Rush would be screaming,
"That's what you get when you elect a liberal."

Rush always says, "Don't listen to what a liberal says,
watch and see the disasterous results of their policies."
This is a good example.

Today's economy is "another liberal disaster," according to Pigboy.

This crap about Reagan's policies bearing fruit 19 years after he was
elected is horseshit. If the economy really takes nineteen years to change,
that means Carter's problems were caused by Eisenhower's first term?

That's Limba-sized, spoon-fed horse hockey.

Also, by raising taxes on the super rich, Clinton showed Wall Street
he was serious about attacking the out-of-control Reagan deficits,
something Reagan and Butch never had the balls to tackle.

Also, tell him back in 93/94 Rush was screaming at Clinton for
linking government debts to short-term interest rates, because the
interest rate was so goddamn low.  Never-tell-a-lie Rush Limba said,
"when interest rates shoot up, and they will because they always do,"
then Clinton's 'risky' fiscal management will force this country into
the biggest recession  in all of history."

So, according to Rush himself, Clinton had the ability to drive the
boat into the iceberg, but when we miss the iceberg and pull into the
Port of Midas, Pigboy says Clinton never had the controls?

Pigboy - eat me.

Also, you gotta figure what Clinton did NOT do.
He didn't fuck up.

When a football coach retires, his replacement has some spillover, sure
But if the new coach wins seven consecutive Super Bowls after the
old coach left, they can't say he's riding on the old coach's talent!!!

Well, if you're a tightly-screened lying, Nazi whore, you can.

Clinton gets all A's for handling the economy, and that drives them
fucking crazy because the true ditto-monkeys think you can ONLY
acheive prosperity if you give the super-rich a tax cut and fuck the poor.

(This could've been better, but I'm struggling with the morning after NYs. )

Wait, I have one more They're going to say,

"Clinton's not responsible. The average American citizen and hard work
 created this never-seen-before prosperity, not Bill Clinton."

Ask them why the people were unwilling to work for Reagan or Butch.
That always stops them dead in their tracks.

Tragedy in Virginia

My e-mail kicked out some very interesting pictures last night,
then I turned on the TV today and found out the terrible news.

Here's what happened:
Our roving gay reporter, Matt Fudge, said he had a scoop on
some high-ranking Republicans, including high-profilers such as
Clarence "Slappy" Thomas and Bob Barr.

He said Barr had been drinking heavily at a New Year's party
at the secret apartment owned by  the smartest black man on
the high court, Justice Clarence Michael Thomas III.

Previously, Matt had revealed that Rush, Slappy and Bob Dornan
have been having a homosexual three-way for the last several years.
Butt, ...Rush decided to replace Bob Dornan because,
"Unemployed men are a turn-off."

Rush said recruiting new members was Slappy's job.
So last night, while the world was celebrating New Year's Eve,
Slappy got Barr drunker than shit on root beer schnaaps and asked
Barr to model the "F-me" dress that Rush Limba bought for him.
Barr said, "No," and a nasty cat-fight erupted.

"Why I  always gotta to wear the dress?" yelled the booming voice.
Neighbors identified the voice as that of Judge C.M.S. Thomas.
There was more fighting, than an eerie quiet, then, ...after a few moments,
moaning and the creaking of bed springs could be heard two floors away.
A neighbor, who calls himself the Wizard Of Whimsy grabbed a camera.

Then, more screaming.

Barr came running out of the apartment, drunk and in flaming drag, screaming,
"Help me, this man is crazy! He's trying to rape me!!"

The Wizard Of Whimsy took this picture and e-mailed it to me.


Seconds later, another figure burst through the door.
The neighbors were speechless when they recognized the oddly-clad figure.


The Wizard snapped another picture and sent it.

There stood a man who appeared to be Justice Thomas,
nude from the waist down,
with a red question mark painted on his forehead.
He was wearing a blank stare and a white costume that most
bystanders said looked like the top layer of a wedding cake.

Twenty minutes later, police arrived and tried to sort out the situation.
The woman was quiet now, almost in a daze, just staring into space.
The wedding cake convinced police it was just sexual horseplay
so the police let the cake take the woman back in his apartment.

... I was shocked when I saw today's headlines.

Headless Body of Bob Barr Found

That picture of Barr was the last one taken of him alive.
The wedding cake was arrested by Vienna, Virginia police.,
but he insists he's not Judge Clarence Michael Thomas III.

More on this as details come in...

Bob Barr - as he'd rather be remembered.

Bob Barr  1938-2000

New Year's Eve

1:52 AM Central

Waiting for the Las Vegas New Year.
The Chinaco is tasting like fermented honey.
Just because it's today, just because they'll never be another millennium,
I made some Rock Island Teas to chase the shots of Chinaco.

You remember, it's only been a few months since I taste-tested live, on-line,
my first shot of expensive tequila, Sammy Hagar's Wabo Cabo.
That launched the Great Tequila Hunt of 1999.
You were there with me, and I appreciate that...
Well, the hunt paid off.

Regular readers know I'm real old, and it's pretty Koreshdamn exciting
to run into something as exciting as fine tequila this late in life.

It's strange about Chinaco, and other fine tequilas.
I can only compare it to good-tasting food.
I've never tasted food that was worth $10 a spoon,
but I've tasted tequila that's worth $10 a shot.

It's been a pretty big day.
I got up in time to see the New Year hit Fiji,
and now we're about to bring in the New Year with Las Vegas.
You know it's all for you - the reader.

If this is my last message of the night,
I hope your 2000 will be as much fun as mine.

PS. Did you see Slash playing guitar while Ted Kennedy danced?


Isn't it sad about Jeaneane Garofalo?

I used to like her a lot, but then she got into all this terrorist business
so I don't want to have anything to do with her from now on.

When did she have time to go to Algeria?
It's a shame...


If anybody is up for a chat tonite, I'll be checking the AMPOL Chat rooms

http://www.american-politics.com/chat.html on the hour  (7, 8, 9 etc)

and Yahoo chat rooms under "Washington Watch" on half-hours. (7:30 etc)

If something else gets going, e-mail me



From:  guyvf@usa.net

> When CNN showed the first millennium baby in South Korea,
> did you see the baby momentarily push the mike away?

> Kids are saying 'fuck the press' earlier and earlier these days.

> guy fellows

ha ha


6:00 PM - First shot of Chinaco.

New Year's Eve Morning

Spent a few days out of town.
Just got back to Home Sweet Knuckledrag


So far, the networks are doing an incredibly horrible job.
They promised to cover "New Year's Around the Globe," but all
we're seeing is a snippet of fireworks while the anchors wabber-jabber
non-stop horseshit, then go to commercials.

Since they always have multi-blocks of commercials at the top of the hour,
they couldn't see any need to change that for this one day. As soon as the
big hand hits twelve, we get a paper-thin glimpse of some time zone celebrating,
then it's on to another block of commercials.

Uber-moron Peter Jennings is relying heavily on the Barbara Walters whore,
because she was alive when Christ was born  That's her "expertise."

CNN has been the worst as of 1 PM Central.
Those nutty bastards show us an on-screen clock counting down.
Then, as the clock shows 5 seconds, they go to a goddamn commercial!

What's wrong with these idiots?
They spend thousands to locate a moron and a cameraman to a place you
can only reach by camel or yak, and then when the big moment comes,
they leave for another commercial promo for Larry Eight Wives King Live,
which tonight is the Dolly Llama and Billy Graham.

(Britney Spears must've cancelled.)


Sydney and London are both claiming they have the "biggest fireworks."
Call me old-fashioned, but I thought Baghdad 1991 beat them all.
I remember it was enough to make Bernie Shaw wet his pants and
crawl under the table in his fancy-pants hotel and weep like a woman.


Muhammad Ali Opens Stock Market

"The Greatest" opened the stock market today, to symbolize
"the greatest" year the stock market has ever had.

Did we see him open the stock market?

CNN had cameras there, but they missed it.
They were busy running another goddamn commercial.


Around the TV Dial

India celebrated their New Years on the half-hour.
Now, some of you might think that's strange, but not me.

Any society that allows knives, handguns and grenades on their
commercial flights is bound to have some trouble telling time.

On ABC, I tuned in and saw what I thought was a fund-raising plea
for Amnesty International in Finland showing a woman being tortured.
I got my credit card out and was about to phone in a pledge when I
realized it was only a Finn woman celebrating by singing some opera.

Also on ABC, Uber-moron Jennings is promising to stay awake.
It shouldn't be too hard - he's not watching himself.
Jennings says Cokie Roberts will be jacking up her skirt in Rome.
Couldn't they send her farther away than that?
I mean, what does Rome know about Clinton's cock?


Yeltzin Resigns, Moves to France

"Better vodka" was the only reason given.


VCR Alert

On the slim chance that the networks will actually show something besides
commercials, all VCRs will be humming tonight at BartCop Manor.

For decades, America has turned New Years over to Dick Clark.
That guarantees a pre-taped bore-fest,  so I'll tape it to make fun of later.

I don't understand Fox News.
White-hot Brit Hume and Eva Von Zahn
are hosting a concert by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
For real?
I'd like to see Flea jump in Eva's lap and ask her for Monica.

Chili's singer Anthony Kiedis, well-known condom spokesman, has a
sexual battery conviction, and bass-playing Flea played Woodstock nude.
I like the band, but why is Fox in bed with, "the dregs of show business?"
Why isn't Fox News showing Bush-backers, instead?
You know, the Oak Ridge Boys, Andy Williams and Cousin Goober...

The TV Guide says CNN will run commercials from 8PM-midnight.

Letterman has a chance to be good tonight.
He's doing prime-time stupid pet tricks, and they're saying Dr. Laura
might drop by and show us some new tricks she taught her pet kootie.

What's probably the best pre-midnight bet is Whoopie Goldberg
hosting the Three Stooges Marathon on the AMC channel.

For the big event, I'm going with CBS because it'll be live.
(Here in Knuckledrag, they do Dick Clark on a delay.)
John McCain is giving a speech on patriotism at 11:30 EST,
then Speilberg's History of America film just before midnight.
I predict it brings down the house
Let's hope Clinton has a sore throat and can't give a long speech.

Then, they light the Washington Monument.

(Maybe it'll catch fire, and that will make the first paragraph in
Clinton's obit, pushing Monica back to the second paragraph,
and the never-before decade of peace-and-prosperity thing to last.)


Clinton Cock Hunt Called Top Story of 1999

Remember how it started?

"As for the case at hand,
if properly managed by the District Court, it appears unlikely
to occupy any substantial amount of petitioner's time."
  --The dumber-than-Quayle Supreme Court, 1997, rejecting
    Clinton's request to postpone the Republican's attempt to get
    Clinton after he twice kicked their ass at the ballot box.

Remember how it ended?

"It's over.
 He won.
 He always wins."
 -- Senator Bob Smith (NH-Backstabber)

No, Senator, it's not over, not at all.
It's not over until we sacrifice a Republican president.
Once we do that, ...then we can talk about a truce.


Consumer Confidence Reaches 31-Year High

With jobs plentiful and stocks soaring, consumer confidence
rose in December to the highest level in three decades.

Three decades?
That can't be right, because that would mean people are more confident
now than they were under Butch or Ronald Reagan, god of all gods.

Thank you, Bill Clinton.
Thank you for the peace and the tremendous prosperity.


Salon.com is conducting "research" on vodka purity.


I could've saved them a lot of time...


I'm glad that son-of-a-bitch failed to murder George Harrison.

You see,
the NRA doesn't have a branch office in London.


Linda Tripp Gets Face Lift

Linda's friend Luci the Bat  told her she looked, "too sour."
Luci said Linda needed a whole new look.
Luci suggested Linda get a face lift.

Did she get her money's worth?
What do you think?


Y2K Emergency Check List

- Chinaco Tequila - check
- Grey Goose Vodka - check

Ready for Y2K


Monkey Mail


From:  trex@webzone.net

Subject: You Suck


You suck tell me how to find a real neonazi site
so i can be with my own kind

Donald A. Plank

Sure, Don, glad to help.
Point your browser to http://www.rnc.org


According to the 12/28/99 USA Today,
Governor Cocaine has lost 42 points to McCain since September.


Great GOP Quotes

"Remember President Carter's Misery Index?"
  -- Hannity, subbing for Pigboy 12/30

Yeah, Sean.
We sure do.

Carter was the most honest president we've had in 50 years,
but he was seen as an ineffective leader. He was scandal-free,
but that didn't matter, you bastards hated his fucking guts, anyway.

Clinton comes along and reverses the Reagan Error, triples the stock market,
drops unemployment and interest rates to nothing, gives us the longest
stretch of peace and prosperity in our history and you fucking hate him, too.

The Grand Old Party  =  the party of never-ending hate.

America disagrees with you, Sean.
Thank you, President Clinton


How Crooked is Uncle OJ Watts?



I'd like to say something nice about the press:

Joanne Jacobs wrote a piece for the San Jose Mercury News
about those Dittoheads who murdered all the kids at Columbine.

She referred to them as "Punk 1" and "Punk 2."
Good for you, Joanne.

One of the reasons these bastards commit horrific crimes is
because they know the media whores will put their faces on
the cover of Time, and Fox News will interview their friends
so we can all "get to know" the chicken-shit killers.

Any asshole in America can step into history. All he needs is a gun
and a grudge and help from the dirty, stinking whores of the press.

A toast to Joanne Jacobs for not helping the punks...


Have I mentioned what a scumbag Rush is?

That tree-sitter in California?
Rush talked about her again and again and again.
Each and every time he talked about her, he got very excited and his
breathing deepened as he recounted AGAIN that, in order for her to
stay in the tree every day for two years, she had no choice but to
urinate and defecate into a plastic bag, then lower it and her garbage
to her supporters who sent back fresh food and other stuff she needed.

You see, she's a human being, and human beings secrete waste.
Pigboy thought that was a great topic for his hate show.

Every goddamn time, you could tell that Rush-Hogg had an erection as
he breathlessly described over and over, again and again, over and over,
how the young lady used the plastic bag for her body waste.

Again and again,
over and over and over,
again and again...

It was worse than anything I've ever seen on Howard Stern.

Rush Limba, you are such a disgusting pig, wallowing in this
young woman's fecal matter just so you could make the claim
that environmentalists are "all a bunch of kooks."

Rush, if you were a decent human being, you could've said you
didn't agree with her politics, but you had to admire her courage
and her determination to make a statement about her strong beliefs,
but the red-meat McVeigh crowd doesn't want to hear that.

They want to hear you rail against Clinton, the weirdo's and the forced
homosexuality that's all-but-certain if the Democrats win in 2000.

That's why they're paying you, Rushwhore, so do your damn job!

It seems to me that anyone who couldn't keep his infected ass
clean enough to get into the Army to fight in Vietnam would
be slow to call attention to another's bad bathroom habits.

Rush Limba, go wipe yourself.


If you drink champagne tonight, remember to be careful
when you remove the cork from the bottle.

That cork is under more pressure than Governor Cocaine at
a Geography Bee.


I'd like to offer my sympathy to those poor people who decided the
best way to celebrate New Years is to drive or fly to Plainview, NY
and spend $500 per ticket to watch Buster Poindexter perform.


That new Andy Kaufman movie with Jim Carrey?

Looks like people are staying away in droves.
I can understand why, too.
If I read one more story about how Carrey "became" Kaufman for
the time it took to make this film, ...well, ...it'll drive me to drink.

Many people say Andy was a "genius."
But, these same people lump him in with other comedy giants
such as Nathan Lane, Chris Elliot and Martin Short.

I'm old enough to remember the real Andy Kaufman.
Sure, that Mighty Mouse thing was funny, but that was about it.
I never saw the TV show, "Taxi," so maybe he was good there,
but he was awful the times I saw him on talk shows.
(I never paid to watch him wrestle the women.)

Andy thought it was funny to get on stage and not perform.
Andy's "genius" was knowing the audience didn't want a show.

Let's hope Jim Carrey can get Andy out of his head.


I'd like to thank the Discovery Channel for re-playing the amazing
Hillary-produced Washington New Year's Eve party on Sunday.
I'll bet your local station butchered it just like Knuckledrag did.
Thanks to Discovery, I got to see the rest of the show.

I got to hear McCain's speech.
I got to see the fireworks uninterrupted.


I got to hear John Williams and the boys play "Fanfare" and "2001,"
while the big light ball went nuts like during a goddamn Pink Floyd encore.
Koresh - they even had Jimmy Page's green laser pyramid from 1977.

BartCop was impressed.
There's a killer pyramid story that I wish I could tell...
Ladies and Gentlemen, that is entertainment.


The First Family had a good time...

I got to see Muhammad Ali and the others onstage afterwards.
I even got to hear Bono close the big, big show with, "One."


It was the right song at the right time, ...made me proud.

Click Here then go back to the top of the page.

(11 minutes with a 56K modem)


Previous Issue

Privacy Policy
. .