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Vol 181 - Kashmir

March 21, 2000

Breakfast of Champions

Subject: Bet on Chinaco

5th race today at Sportsman's Park, located in the exclusive Chicago suburb
of Cicero, Illinois features a horse named Chinaco.

Last night's line had Chinaco going off at 3-to-1.
Tom Krish of the Chicago Sun Times says
"Chinaco raced on to be 3rd in his first local start.
May be next best to Mighty Joe Young @ 2-to-1
given the off-form group he is with."

If Chinaco "may be next best...,"
where can I get me a bottle of that Mighty Joe Young tequila?

David

ha ha

Let me send you some money!
Bet on Chinaco!

Fun With Smirk's Head

ha ha

This is great!

GO HERE and mess with Smirk's head.
If you find something good, tell us about it so we can all do it.

Thanks to Michael at ervolina1@email.msn.com

Check the Vegas Story Below for an Important Update.

Monday Night Football

Pigboy sees the writing on the wall.
His ratings are already going down the drain.
His demographics are pitiful; his sponsors sell products
only an incontinent hillbilly grandmother could buy.
The biggest difference between Clinton and Gore
is that Gore knows how to keep it zipped. **

Not much grist for the radio hate mill there.
Pigboy is looking at 8 loooong years to radio oblivion.
I'll bet he can barely drag his cyst out of bed and into the studio anymore.
ha ha
I'd be looking for a career switch too.

And Monday Night Football is SUCH a sweet gig.
Work one night a week, and spend the other six trolling for groupies.
Put the hate behind him, and spend his declining years pretending he was once a player.
If ABC is dumb enough to hire him,
the radio play by play broadcast doubles its ratings.

** Remember the classic Star Trek where Kirk splits in two?
We had a sheep Kirk and a wolf Kirk.
The sheep Kirk was a nice guy, but he was afraid to lead.
The wolf Kirk demanded some Chinaco and some Yeoman Rand, in that order.

Spock then theorizes, "Perhaps it's man's dark side that gives him his power to lead."

Clinton is a real Democrat.
A doer.
A lusty, zesty man.
An insatiable man.
Wanting more, needing more.
A man willing to reach for life's brass ring.

Whereas Gore keeps his zipper up.

Priorities

Some things in life are important.
Some things are not.

THIS is important

GOP Strategy 2000

From: cadman_9999@yahoo.com

Subject: From Today's Boston Globe

GOP STRATEGY: TARGET GORE, MRS. CLINTON ON CHARACTER

"...the Republican strategy will be an ongoing attack on Gore's character.
Hillary Rodham Clinton is being targeted in a similar manner."

The article concluded with a quote from Dick Morris: "If the Republicans think
they can convince people that Gore should be in jail, they'll be disappointed."

These ill-mannered shits don't even think they can win the White House any more.
They've blown it time after time due to their anti-Clinton sniveling, and just can't learn.
Rather than examine why they keep losing and then formulate new, intelligent,
effective campaign strategies, they just want to commisserate with their
fellow right-wing scum by pitching tantrums and fits.

Cadman

Cadman,
Excellent letter!

I wish someone would explain it to you and me, both.
They'd rather attack Clinton/Gore than win the White House.

Please - somebody explain!
This is the proven Limbaugh method of losing elections.

Smirk's vision for America is this:

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Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple
Buddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist templeBuddhist temple

I guarantee that's EXACTLY the case.
That's all the Republicans have to offer in the 21st century.

...and when Gore wins?

They're going to ask...how did this happen? Where did we go wrong?

Just like with impeachment.
They KNOW the voters fucking hate what they're preparing to do,
but like an animal in mid-rape, they can't stop themselves until they orgasm.

Please, somebody, tell me why they want to lose.

Great GOP Quotes

"We lost the last two presidential elections.
   We lost the last two congressional elections,
   and STILL, ...we continue down this same path of exclusion."
        -- John McCain, war hero

Gore couldn't lose this election if he tried.

Please God, No

From: mkonieczki@rslusa.com

Subject: Rush on MNF

As I was driving into work today, I was listening to ESPN radio. The two hosts
were pissed and ranting and raving about Limbaugh. It seems his name has been
mentioned about being added to the Monday Night Football broadcast booth.

They were pissed because he was using his little hate show as a platform and
campaigning for the position. They thought is was disgusting. Any truth to these rumors?
Is Rush talking about working the MNF booth? I don't think I could ever watch it again.
Maybe I will just mute it.

Mike

Mike,

Yes, Pigboy has been begging for the job.
Endlessly, tirelessly begging, "Please let me be on, please, please, please."

Not to worry.
After seeing what Paramount TV is going thru, I don't think ABC/Disney
has any desire to give a 21st century Hitler a chance to ruin their program.

===

Let me say something else about Paramount TV.
I realize earlier today I suggested you watch The Beat on Paramount,
but let me tell you something that'll turn your stomach, or it should.

The other day I accidentally caught a few minutes of Smackdown.
Two actors posing as athletes pretended to knock the crap outta some guy.
Then, (and this is most disgusting) the two "victors" stood over their victim,
then they each blocked off a nostril and hosed the guy with snot.

Like everything they do, it was all very choreographed.
When they were done, they switched nostrils at the same time
and blew snot on the guy from the other nostril.

This is the "family-friendly atmosphere" Doc Nazi picked for her TV show?

The heroes of the GOP...

HMO Blues

This is a few days old, but last Friday I got tired of my GD toe hurting me
so I finally went to the doctor. He asked me what the problem was, and I said,
"I think my toe is broken."

He said, "Let's get some X-rays," but then he stopped and opened my file and said,
"Oh, good, you're not in an HMO. The HMOs don't pay for X-rays."

What?

If I'm in an HMO, and I go to the doctor with a broken bone, I don't get X-ray'd?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a hundred medical stories here,
but HMOs don't do X-rays? I feel sorry for those people...

Clinton tried to fix that, but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Great NRA Quotes

"Safety locks won't work because they can be removed."
-- Frenchie Lepew

DUH!

Hey, Frenchie!
I'd hate to spend $600 for a Glock with a permanent trigger lock!
Who did you blow to get that job, Moses?

Laura Harpy Party Update

I still haven't heard the Harp's comment on killing her party.
She hasn't run any commericials for it, so I assume it's not a time-lag deal,
so when is she going to tell everyone the party's off?

The press release I read said about 800 tickets had been sold.
That's only 400 couples, or maybe 300 families.

That's all?

Shit, if we had a bartcop.com party at the fabulous Rio Casino and Resort
in beautiful in Las Vegas, we'd have more than 800 people, right?

Whoa!!
Just as I typed that, there she goes!
Live at noon EST, she's cancelling the stupid party.

Good God!
She just requested that those 800 people EAT their tickets
instead of asking for their money back.

I'll bet she already spent that money.
Poor thing.

Remember - she doesn't even hate gay people!
She's simply a whore that can make more pretending to hate them.
The red-meat McVeigh crowd hates gays, and she's their new queen,
so she has to pretend to hate gays to keep that money niagra flowing.

Greedy bitch.

Hey!

Does anyone want to get in on the
First Annual BartCop Tequilafest 2000
at the fabulous Rio Casino and Resort??

(Click sign for their web page)

They have everything at the Rio.
They have a great spa.

They still have that great Titanic Exhibit.

They have real live gambling!

They have some wacky Carnival-in-the-Sky that we don't pay much attention to...

..and they have SEVENTEEN restaurants, including the Bamboleo Restaurant,
which is the best Mexican food you'll ever eat, and they serve the very best tequila in the world.

Koresh!
I'm getting Vegas Fever!

Of course, while we're there, we'll have to take a trip to Taqueria Cononita!
As far as I'm concerned, Taqueria Cononita is Tequila Fort Knox.
This is the tequila bar in the Venetian, of all places.

At this bar, you can try the Herradura Ultra-Preservo Supremo Tequilo Orgasma.
It's only $25 per shot, but whoooooaaa, what a feeling!

They also let you try a series of different tequilas without having to purchase
the entire shotglass. This way you can try 10-12 kinds before you pass out.

Now...

I know what you're thinking...
"It's too expensive to go to Las Vegas."

Before you say, "No," call your travel agent.
Here in K-Drag, Oklahoma, they have the MLT travel service.
If you do everything right, you can fly two people from K-Drag to Vegas
with hotel (not the Rio) for 2-3 nights for under $400.

Fuck it!

Put it on the Mastercard and figure out how to pay for it later.
We're Democrats, right?

Oh!
I have Vegas Fever real bad now...

If we do this far enough in advance, we can get killer discounts on airfare,
and killer discounts on hotel rooms because we'll do it on a dead week.
(I'll call and ask about a "dead week.")

The Rio Casino and Resort is all suites.
They have four pools with bikini babes everywhere.
(Wives, this is a lie. There are no bikini girls)

And the rooms are hueueueueueuege, maybe 1100 sq feet or so.
One entire wall is a window.
Last time we were there, Swear to Koresh, we got a $85 room with this view.

Wouldn't it be fun to have a few days of tequila, gamblin', and Mexican food in Las Vegas?
If it's a weekday, we could listen to Pigboy while we do shots of Chinaco!

Party with BartCop!

Of course, I still have to talk Mrs BartCop into it...
but if you've never been to Las Vegas, you're in for a real trip!

==========================================

Update

How could I forget?

If we do this near a new moon, we can go 100 miles north of Vegas
to Area 51 and watch the goddamn UFOs flying around.

Swear to Koresh.
I know we have a lot of new readers since my last Area 51 report.
I've been there three times.

The last time we went, we saw "oddness," and were chased off
by the goons in the White Cherokees

The second time we went, we got to within 40 miles of Area 51 and
the moon came over the hosizon and lit up the valley and we saw nothing.

But the first time was really something.
We were entirely sober, so don't even ask.

We saw dozens, if not hundreds of impossible things.

Click Here for the excerpt, from Volume 115

After we see the "things that can't possibly be,"
we'll head back to the Rio and kill some blue agave plants.

What could be more fun than Area 51 and Vegas with Ol' BartCop?

Oh, Goody!

The Hate radio screamers have something else to whine about.
Elian Gonzales might be going back to his father.

Oh, the right-wing is gonna have another cow.
Even though they'll fight like crazy to keep the Mexicans out,
they want this Cuban to stay no matter what.

The Smudge Report said it best.
"GOP finds 6-year old Mexican kid in Arizona Desert -
Can't throw him back over fence fast enough."

We Must Be Fair

Patrick Buchanan is demanding a podium at the presidential debates,
saying that Republicans and Democrats are conspiring to rob the third party
of any chance to win the White House.

"All we're asking is a chance to be heard in those debates, and make the case
for a new American foreign policy, a new trade policy, a new immigration policy,"
Buchanan said after filing a complaint with the Federal Election Commission.

ha ha

Go Pat Go!
Gore can take care of himself, but Pat will savage Smirk.

ha ha

Radio Alert

It's my best guess that in 30 minutes, at 11 AM EST, Laura Harpy
will explain why her little birthday party had to be cancelled.

Truth is, it was going to become a birthday bash, ha ha
Slut.

If she's live where you are, maybe she did this yesterday.
In New York and K-Drag, she runs on delay.

Webcast Alert

Thursday night at www.wlsam.com, Joe Conason and Gene Lyons
will be talking about "The Hunting of the President," a book you should own.
( I gave up a bottle of Chinaco to buy this book.)

I'll try to remind you again Thursday

VCR Alert

The creators of Homicide, Barry Levinson and Tom Fontana,
have a new police show that premiers tonight on, of all places, Paramount TV.
I'd like to hold that against them, but when they were the best show on
NBC, they got cancelled to make room for the fantastic "Cold Feet,"
so I can't blame them for trying another network.

Can lightning strike twice?
Usually I'd say, No," but this isn't a matter of luck.
Homicide didn't become "Must see TV" with a gimmick, or a "Fonzie."
They did it with great writing and great acting, and I doubt that Levinson
and Fontana have gotten worse at picking scripts and directing

It's called The Beat.
The reviewer for USA Today hated it, said it was "too jarring," but what the heck.
They said that about Homicide, too.

As good as their past work has been, it deserves a look.

Alzheimer's

I won't hit a man while he's down, but I will ask a question.
If Ronald Reagan is known for anything, it's promoting
"less government spending on worthless social programs."

Does Alzheimer's research qualify as a "worthless social program?"
Apparently so.

Me?
I'd like to see more taxpayer dollars spent on Alzheimer's research,
but I'm one of those lib-er-als President Reagan loved to ridicule.

As Reagan is pulled closer and closer to death by this terrible disease,
his family is calling for more funding for research.

Doesn't this go against everything Reagan ever preached?
Isn't this a problem for the private sector?

If Reagan was dying from lung cancer,
would his family not want more money spent there?

If he was dying from Parkinson's disease,
would his family not want more money spent there?

Why is it different now that he's sick?

What changed?

Mail Bag

Robert W. Ray, the independent counsel who succeeded Kenneth Starr,
announced March 19, that he is expanding his legal and investigative staff.
No, that is not a typo.
Not "disbanding" . . . he said "expanding"!

Strange as it may sound, Robert W. Ray has just decided this voter's
choice for the November election. President Gore, save us all!
Please put an end to this insanity and make your first official duty the
pardoning of Ex-President William Jefferson Clinton.

Teirra M. Vituscka
Riverside, NJ

Quotes That Kill

"I'm making an announcement: Not one penny will I give to AIDS -
nothing - as long as public sex is allowed in gay bathhouses. Not cent one.
It's a preventable disease. If you don't want to prevent it,
I don't want to pay for it."
-- Laura Schlessinger

Poor Laura Schlessinger.
She only makes $20,000,000 a year, and dammit, she works hard for that money.
She doesn't want to just throw it away saving some homosexuals!
Besides, if she can spew enough hate, and cause enough controversy with her
message of "just let the bastards die," why, she might make $20,000,005 next year.

March 20, 2000

David Horowitz

From: t_burns@deq.state.la.us

Subject: Whor-'o-wits

Hey Bartcop,

What do you think of Salon.com's frequent right wing contributor, the reformed bonger?
I'm all for striving for balance and objectivity, but this guy's starting to heat up pretty bad.

Did you happen to read his article today concerning the "Buddhist Temple Affair,"
what he calls . . . "the biggest, most frightening scandal ever to touch the White House?"

ha ha

No, I gotta see this!
"The biggest, most frightening scandal?"

ha ha

Let's GO THERE and see what crap Horowitz is up to...

Music vs. Fascism II

Click Here

G. Gordon Liddy

Remember the guy who was threatened by G. Gordon Liddy?

jam@unlimitedmedia.com said Liddy had his son the attorney threaten him
with a lawsuit if he didn't take some pictures of his old daddy off his website.

Here are the pictures that caused the threats.

Picture One
Yep, that's Gordon Liddy with the scantilly-clad young lady.
Why would Liddy want to sue over this picture?

Picture Two
My, my.
The young lady seems to be showing Gordon her butt.
He seems very interested in her butt, too.

Picture Three
Here, Liddy is clearly posing with the young lady.

I wonder why, after posing with her, did Gordon not want this picture to be
seen by anyone? It's not like she ran up to him and threw her arms around him,
against his will, and some opportunistic paparazzi snapped this picture to try to
create the illusion that Gordon was willingly hugging the young woman.

Picture Four
Finally, we have Gordon willingly posing with the cover of the
Nude Shakespeare video. Does it not appear he's doing this willingly?
It's not like it's merely in his hand, he's holding the box up high,
near his face, so everyone can see that he's holding it.

Did these people trick Gordon into holding up the box?
Is G. Gordon Liddy the type that's easily fooled?
Is Liddy everybody's puppet?
Do people regularly have their way with Liddy?

Perhaps Gordon's eyesight isn't what it once was.
Perhaps he thought he was holding a box of Depends Diapers?

Is that what Mr. Liddy would claim in his lawsuit?
That he was too stupid to realize what he was doing?

I think a jury would conclude he did this willingly.
If Liddy wants to trade his reputation as a thinking man
to force the removal of these pictures from a website
I think that'd be a decent trade - don't you?

If Mr. Liddy, or his son contacts bartcop.com and says, in writing,

"Mr Liddy was fooled, tricked and out-manuevered by the young lady,
and clearly did not understand the consequences of his actions,
and could not appreciate the meaning of what he was doing,"

then I would take these pictures down because it's not polite
to take advantage of elderly people who can no longer think clearly.

Lying Smirk Update

From: mrte@home.com

Subject: Bush's Blatant Hypocrisy.......

Bush ran TV ads claiming "he delivered a Patients' Bill of Rights that's a model for America."
But in 1995 he vetoed a bill that would have made Texas a leader in patient protections.

Then, in 1997, Bush refused to sign the law allowing patients to sue their HMOs,
allowing it to become law without his signature.

[Texas Monthly, 8/95; Medical Economics, 12/22/97; Houston Chronicle, 5/23/97]

Martin

More Proof

Patients Bill of Rights in Texas

From: Patrick_Harren@bmc.com

Check the 75th Legislature's SB 386 at the Texas Lege's web site

Harren, Patrick

Final Proof

Bart,

I took a College Level Texas Government class one semester ago...
and I minor in politics, so I can speak with some certainty about this...

> If Ms. Ivins is correct, and I suspect that she is, does this mean that
> George Dubya is so stupid he would actually claim a political
> accomplishment that can quite easily be dismissed as a boldfaced lie?

If I may answer this one, Bart?

Brian,

Yes.

Ranting Wacko.
ranting_wacko@hotmail.com

Staying Informed

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Next time you pick up a newspaper, you'll say,
"Why are they running that story? That happened yesterday."

Voltai News is the best.
It's what we use at bartcop.com

Tim the Whore Loses Control of His Show
Check the March 19 transcript for accuracy HERE

                       MR. RUSSERT: Wayne LaPierre, of the NRA, let me start with you.
               You created quite a firestorm last week with this comment.
               “I’ve come to believe President Clinton needs a certain level of violence
               in this country. He’s willing to accept a certain level of killing to
               further his political agenda. And the vice president, too.”

Do you, a week later, still believe the president and the vice president
use killing for political purposes?