Great Stupid Quotes
"I want to be your Senator because I was born in New York."
-- Rudy the Catholic,
who's screwing his girlfriend,
while whoring for votes
while using his cancer scare
to make people think he's a human being.
What a stupid thing to say...
And when they played that clip on Fox Whore News this morning,
all those Clinton haters bellowed and guffawed like gin-swilling hyenas
as if that was the most inventive goddamn punchline in the history of politics.
Did you see "President Clinton" on Saturday Night Live?
I think he was speaking for all of us when he said this.
I've never heard of Garry Wills before,
but he sounds like he's been reading bartcop.com
MIAMI'S RELIGIOUS FANATICS
by Garry Wills
Religious fanatics are the worst fanatics. This
was recognized in antiquity, when the
Roman poet Lucretius wrote his famous line, "How suasive is religion to our bane."
It is easy for us to recognize this sad truth when fundamentalists bomb and kill and
demonstrate in other countries. All those who were adults during the Carter
administration remember the wild-eyed Iranian fanatics who danced on our
television screen every night denouncing the American Satan.
Well, now the fanatics dancing and calling Clinton
the American Satan are in our
own country. The Elianistas have all the mark of the religious fanatic, for whom no
worldly considerations -- no arguments or prudent self-questionings -- can temper
conviction. Only God's will matters. And the fanatics believe God has spoken. Elian
is a miracle, a sign from heaven. Politics, law, compromise can no longer enter into
the matter. As a demonstrator in Miami told a Washington Post reporter:
"The human beings have lost control of this. Castro
has lost control of it. Clinton has
lost control of it. Reno, even the family, has lost control of it. Whatever happens
now is in the hands of God. Elian is a sign from God, saying to the exile community,
'I haven't forgotten you.'"
The Afro-Cuban religion Santeria has surfaced
around the house in Miami, with the
assertion that Elian is the embodiment of an angel conveniently called Ellegua. But
more respectable kinds of religion are also recruited for fanatical uses. The pastor
of a Catholic church, Jose Luis Menendez, says that "God has made a gift to us in
this community of a miracle." What God has given man cannot give back. Father
Menendez proves this miracle by saying that Elian was not sunburned after being
exposed at sea. God clearly gave him supernatural protection. This goes with the
widely believed story that dolphins shepherded the miracle child to safety.
Other demonstrators compare Elian to the holy
innocents slaughtered by Herod, or
to Jesus himself, killed by Pilate. Father Menendez has the theological effrontery to
say: "Herod is waiting in Cuba. Pontius Pilate is washing his hands in
Washington, and that is President Clinton. And the suffering of this child
is the suffering of the Cuban people."
The crowd is being whipped up to ecstatic frenzies,
with cries that Janet Reno is
"bruja," the witch, and that the American government is scheming with Satan to
bring communism to America. The ceremonies of Holy Week have melded with
messianic fantasies invested in Elian. One placard in the crowd read, on Holy
Thursday, "After the crucifixion Elian and Cuba will rise up, too." Elian will not only
not be returned. His retention will overthrow the whole Castro government. Wild
dreams could hardly go further than this.
Janet Reno is criticized for not enforcing the
law against this kidnapping by fanatics.
Perhaps she should have acted more swiftly at an earlier stage of this conflict.
But what can she do now with fanatics of a crazed belief?
They are not subject to the civilized restraints most citizens respond to.
The Ayatollah's troops are now among us.
As always - religion is the problem.
It clouds minds.
It makes the irrational seem sane.
That's why religion needs to be kept away from schools and the courthouse.
Remember what Archie Bunker said:
"Faith is when you believe in something
that nobody in their right mind would believe in."
Fox Whore News
God, I cannot wait for that extremely old fool/ass/traitor Patrick
to get the hell off of the national stage.
A well-known Clinton/Gore hater, Moynihan was on Fox Whore News
well-known Clinton/Gore haters Tony Snow, Mara Liason, Fred Barnes and
Juan Williams giving us his "fair and balanced" views on saving Social Security.
Moynihan and Bob Kerry, another well-known extreme Clinton/Gore
have sponsored some bill that I can't even get into because I can't stand
listening to either of them explain the damn thing.
If this is so all-fired great and important, why did these back-stabbing
Clinton/Gore haters wait until they were retiring to propose it?
They just announced Laura the Unloved was up next.
Laura the Unloved being "grilled" by a panel of Clinton haters?
This should be good.
Listen to this lying whore.
Tony Snow asked the whore if it's OK for
to cheat on his wife.
He asked her if it's OK for him to take a dump on his sacred marriage vows.
He asked her if swearing before Almighty God means anything anymore,
and the dirty, lying slut-whore has no opinion?
You know what she does?
When you ask Laura the Unloved if it's OK to piss on morality
she does the same goddamn thing that Bill (still smoking) Bennett does.
She looks at the suspect's name to see if it's followed by a "D"
or an "R."
If the offender is a Republican, it's none of her business and she has no
opinion on the breaking of sacred wedding vows taken before Almighty God.
....but Koresh help the poor bastard if he's a Democrat.
Then you can't shut the bitch up!
If he's a Democrat, he's dragging America further into the slime.
If he's a Democrat, he's creating the moral decay that's ruining our country.
If he's a Democrat, he's setting a bad example for the children.
If he's a Democrat, he should be fucking impeached!
But if it's Rudy, Newt, Barr, Livingston, Burton or Hyde,
then this bought-and-paid for whore has no opinion?
...which brings us to Eargasm Two
It's not the name everybody hates.
It's your lying whore ass.
Great Political Quotes
"He had some challenging moments, but when I needed him to move
I had a ton of horse. When I encouraged him to improve his stride,
he took off like a rocket and this race was over.
-- jockey Kent Desormeaux, partner with Fusaichi Pegasus
at Saturday's Kentucky Derby
What makes that a political quote?
The Chris the Catholic eargasm from yesterday. (Eargasm Two)
Matthews says he thinks Smirk will be ahead by ten points until the conventions.
Like a horse race, you don't win anything by being ahead early.
Did you realize that the horses that finished 1-2-3 were at the
of the pack for the first half of the race?
(In case you hadn't heard, a horse from Arkansas named "Impeachment"
came in third in the Derby. I thought it was symbolic that when they listed
the finishers, "impeachment" took up the bottom third of the screen,
because in politics, the bottom third wanted impeachment, too.)
Anyway, Gore has a ton of horse.
When Gore tells his horse to start grabbing dirt, he's going to take off like a rocket
and gallop past whoever the GOP decides to nominate when Smirk combusts.
One last thing: In Eargasm
Two, Dennis Miller jokes that Gore is sitting on
some cocaine-related proof that will sink the Smirk back to Austin.
When George W. Bush is forced to withdraw his name, everybody
how surprising and how unforseen by everybody that development is.
Subject: Affirmative Action
Why does the GOP say that quotas and affirmative
action are discriminatory
and wrong, but racial profiling is nothing but good police work?
Is it because the GOP will always get behind
any law that promises
to keep the darkies in their place?
By the way, you should visit RR's most excellent web site.
It has loads of good/fun stuff.
Plus, how'd he ever get that URL?
Regular readers know I don't publish positive letters.
I can't think of anything more tacky and whorish than
printing e-mail that tells you, the loyal reader, how great Ol' BartCop is.
I get a lot of positive mail, but I'd feel like such a whore publishing it,
it resides dormant in the BartCop vaults.
This one time, I just have to.
Subject: Love your site!
I am a little ol granny in Alabama-
I love your site and tell all my little ol granny friends about you---
I am sending you on to my priest!!!!
HE HATES Limber-Baugh~
You take care- and Rock on!!!
Cajun Jo, in the heart of dixie!
Isn't that sweet?
Cajun Jo - you made my day!
Go figure, BartCop making waves with Grannies in Massabama!
You know, I had one of the best nights of my life in Massabama.
I saw Zeppelin rewrite the book on intense rock in 1977 in Birmingham.
When they did "In My Time of Dying," I was verklempt!
Most people aren't aware of the intensity of "Time of Dying,"
but Zeppelin, when they were on, could move the Rocky Mountains.
I was ridin' a red pyramid of window pane that night, and it changed my life.
Today, Cajun Jo has given me another great night
Thank you, Jo,
Matter of fact, ...a shot of Chinaco to Granny Cajun Jo!
Next time Mrs. BartCop and me vacation southeast,
we should drop by and say "Hey!"
Cajun Jo, you've stolen a piece of my heart.
Thanks for that...
Could be a new campaign slogan!
Chris the Catholic was Dennis Miller's guest last night.
like Laura the Unloved,
like G. Gordon Liddy, these Clinton-hating flame-throwers adopt
an entirely different persona when they leave their little cocoon
and do a guest shot on somebody else's show.
Clinton-hating Matthews acted so different on Dennis Miller,
he made me think he's going to vote for President-elect Gore.
Plus, he showed a human side - something I've never seen before.
Check out Eargasm
then check Eargasm Two.
...trust me, when Ol' BartCop makes the talk shows,
I'm not going to confuse anybody with my rhetoric.
When you see me, you'll say, "Yep, that's BartCop!"
I have a very short sound file for you.
This is Smirk talking to that paradigm of intelligence,
last night on 20/20 or whatever they call that "reality" show.
There are two interesting things about this exchange:
1. Baba makes a declaration, and Smirk answers, "Correct."
However, there's a splice between her declaration and his "Correct."
It's easy to see on the sound editing software.
She makes the statement, then the line imput falls to zero,
meaning there's no hum, no room bustle, no air circulating - nothing.
Then, the hum/bustle/air comes back up and Smirk says, "Correct."
I wonder why that is?
What could've happened between the Baba's declaration
and Smirk's answer of "Correct?"
Considering the question asked, did Smirk say,
"That's off the record!"
Did Smirk tell a lie, or try to weasel out?
Then afterwards, talk Baba into letting him re-shoot his answer?
2. While she's on the subject, she pins Pickles down, too.
I hate to give Baba the whore credit for anything, but it was smart of her
to pin down Smirk's wife Pickles while she had them both on the topic.
So, Smirk has told us his sainted mother is a baby-killer!
Oh, Christ, can we elect a son of a baby-killer?
We already knew Smirk was the son of a Traitor, since his Daddy
pardon Reagan's cabinet to keep his own felonies buried, but not only that,
not only is Smirk the son of a traitor, he's the son of a baby-killer, too?
Have you ever had a friend send you something via
e-mail and the friend says,
"This is the best thing I've read in a long time?" and then it turns out to be
some wildly overblown crap?
This isn't one of those cases.
By SHARON UNDERWOOD
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT)
Many letters have been sent to the
Valley News concerning the
homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and
I've taken enough from you good people.
I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and
your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as
advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been
robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering
at the hands of the moral little
thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first
grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight
through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay,
but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys.
He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children
were doing what kids that age
should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting
it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing
17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just
couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay
and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children
from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and
drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know
that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you
someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's
about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided
beliefs is the belief that this
could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there
that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my
family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is
genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal
development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty
that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with
something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to
earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in
hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I
received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very
soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce
sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or
something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled.
Are you saying that your own sexual orientation
is nothing more than
something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not
the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated
by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations.
I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you
are speaking for "true Vermonters."
You invoke the memory of the brave
people who have fought on the
battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives
so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died
defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles
of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to
live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they
did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service
was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it
mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can't bear the thought
that as my son emerges
from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong
companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities
that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to
make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing
How dare he? you say. These outrageous
requests would threaten the
very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.
You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human
beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes
repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has
committed no sin.
The deep-thinking author of a letter
to the April 12 Valley News who
lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been
blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever
happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"
Indeed, sir, what ever happened to
A shot of Chinaco to Sharon Underwood.
Here's to you, Sharon.
Saludo de la tostada!
Half-ass VCR Alert
Laura the Unloved is on some Sunday show this weekend.
Maybe it's This Whore, with Sam and Cokie Jackskirt.
Maybe There IS a God
Judge Refuses to Dismiss Linda Tripp Wiretap Case
ELICOTT CITY, Md. (Reuters) - A Maryland judge
on Friday refused to
dismiss the criminal wiretap charges against Linda Tripp stemming from
her role in the White House sex scandal that led to President Clinton's
impeachment in 1998.
The judge decided that if Tripp is put on trial,
former White House intern
Monica Lewinsky should be allowed to testify in person about the pivotal
question of whether she gave Tripp permission to tape record a telephone
conversation in which Lewinsky told of her affair with Clinton.
I have a feeling Monica wants to torture that bitch.
Tripp, the most despised, back-stabbing, friend-raping
pig in America,
was indicted on two counts: Being a worthless human being, and violating
the Maryland wiretap law by secretly recording a conversation with Monica
and sharing her innermost intimate thoughts with the dirty press whores.
In late 1997 Tripp spent hours taping conversations
with Monica in an attempt
to reverse legal, federal elections and scam some quick cash with Luci the Bat.
The friend-raping pig turned the recordings over
to Hardon Kenneth, setting off
months of expensive and senseless investigations that ended with Clinton's
popularity soaring to unprecedented highs as the 105th ditto-spank congress
went forward with impeachment hearing nobody wanted.
The ruling may set the stage for Tripp to go to
trial in July as the
only major figure in the scandal to face criminal proceedings.
A shot of Chinaco for the wise Judge!
Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone!
Oh, Koresh I wish I still had that story of the time Mona went
a date with me - it was one of my most-inspired works, but nooooo.
That shit Bill Gates saw to it that it was destroyed.
While I'm at it, do you Mac people have trouble with your system
crashing a few times every day?
Nothing pisses me off more
than spending a half-hour knocking out some story
that seems really funny, just to see the whole mother-effer disappear when I hit
the goddamn "Save" button. At least five goddamn times per day, that grey
rectangle pops up saying, "You have committed an illegal function."
Hey, Bill Gates - fuck you, OK? I hope they break you into a hundred pieces.
Anyway, Mona wrote some lying whore-shit.
Here's an excerpt:
You will recall that the president's lawyers and
spinners whined and shrieked
about leaks from Ken Starr's office throughout the eight months of the Lewinsky
investigation. These accusations nearly derailed the investigation more than once.
Well, those who suspected that the leaks really came from the White House
or its allies will find confirmation in the book "Truth at Any Cost" by
Susan Schmidt and Turnyer Headinkoff.
Mona, if you believe that shit, explain how the Starr report was on
Drudge's page BEFORE Starr sent it to congress - please!
If Kenneth wasn't leaking to Drudge, how did Drudge get it?
...and Mona, trust me, you should send Bill Gates flowers.
From: Al Smudge smudgereport.com
Subject: Dr. Laura
From today's New York Post, Page Six
We hear ...
THAT one wag says the reason Laura the Unloved
book-signing at partyat Barnes & Noble is:
1) she was posing for more nude pictures
2) she was talking to her mother for the first time in a decade
3) she was afraid of the gay protesters who were waiting for her.
Al, always a kick to hear from you.
I'm sure it was either excuse number 1 or 3.
No way she'll speak to her mother again.
Do you know what her mother's "crime" was?
Laura the Unloved hired her mother to work for her, no doubt because
she was too goddamn cheap to support her without a labor kickback.
Her mother, at the age of 73, didn't want to take typing lessons
"more productive" for the She-thing, so she was firedand disowned.
What a slut-whore that Laura is!
All your mother did was give you life, you ungrateful slut!
Laura, you have the morals of a fuck-monkey.
BartCop-ism, Taking France by Storm
Subject: Kent State
I was out playing golf on Thursday with
a friend of mine when
he asked me what I thought of the raid to take back the Christ-child.
I told him that other than waiting too long,
the raid was carried out
pretty close to perfect. He then asked me if I thought the Kent State
shootings by the National Guard was wrong.
He said that in his eyes the raid on the
drunken uncles home was the same
as Kent State, the government using unlawful force on innocent citizens.
Any thoughts on such a nutty, insensitive claim?
He denies that its about Reno or Clinton,
but I know it's because he's a closet Clinton-hater.
He sounds like a typical ditto-spank to me.
Anyone who says "Four dead" is the same as "none
should offer to sacrifice 4 relatives, while you sacrifice none.
Then we'll see how sincere the bastard is.
Subject: You folks are out there!
Evidently, you folks are descendents of Lenin and Staling.
Your lack of maturity is very noticeable
and is perceived to be
full of hate towards anyone with different opinions than your own.
And you know that old saying: "Perception is reality!"
Instead of promoting hate,
why not promote compassion for other living beings.
I have tried to give up my hate, but it's just too strong.
Hate is the glue that holds us liberals together.
Didn't you know?
We learned that from Staling.
is bragging that he's created 350,000 new jobs in New York.
The Republicans in Washington claim there's a 15-year lag between
the time new policies are implemented and the first signs of change.
I guess Ed Koch created those jobs, Rudy.
THIS JUST IN:
As reported for April, the unemployment rate is at 3.7%.
This is the lowest peacetime unemployment rate since 1957.
The highest employment in 43 years?
Yes, what this country needs is a new direction.
Rosie, Break His Goddamn Thumb if You Have To!
Subject: Been following the White House e-mail stories?
Have you been following Dan Burton's e-mail
Here are one Cheryl Mill's statement, from Burden of Proof yesterday:
FORMER DEP. WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL CHERYL MILLS:
If I had not had a chance to attend a dinner
that night in honor of the
Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Foundation, I probably would still be angry
because I would not have had a chance to have my faith renewed by
the example of what other men with your power have chosen to do
throughout history to enhance the lives of others.
You could do so much to transform our country,
but you are instead
choosing to use your great authority and resources only to address e-mails.
Angie, thanks for that.
Bobby Kennedy was a multi-millionaire who could've sat
back and lived
an easy life of luxury with his family fortune like a Republican would.
Instead, he spent his life helping the little guy get a piece of the pie,
and they eventually murdered him for it.
Dan Burton, on the other hand, is an immoral cock-sucker who needs breaking.
Cheryl Mills and I said the same thing, but she said it with class.
"It was a terrible thing, but no one plans
a train wreck, either.
It just happened, and life goes on."
-- Former Ohio Governor James Rhodes, who ordered the
National Guard onto Kent State 30 years ago yesterday.
Hey, asshole, you've got that mixed up.
"Life goes on," for the crazy Catholics in Miami two weeks ago.
Those kids shot to death at Kent State aren't alive anymore.
The Friday USA Today says has a new campaign slogan.
Rudy - He's not the prick you think he is!
Great Death Wish Quotes
"If [Bush] wins, we'll have a president...where we work out of
[his] office, with unbelievably friendly relations. If we win,
we'll have a Supreme Court that will back us to the hilt."
-- NRA VP Kayne Robinson, describing the stakes of this election
Great Presumptive Quotes
"I don't want to disappoint the man, but I'll make
as to what goes on in the White House."
-- Smirk the about-to-be-disappointed
Great Presidential Quotes
"Bush wants to take gun lobbyists out of the lobby
and put them right in the Oval Office."
-- President-Elect Al Gore
Tonight - Smirk vs. Barbara Walters on ABC
Have you seen the promos for this?
Question One: They say you're dumber than six-day old spoiled meat - true?
Question Two: Isn't it a fact, that if your rich daddy
hadn't been president,
you'd be washing cars in Sugarland right now?
Can Smirk whip this flyweight in a fair fight?
Could be funny!
Also, Lennox Lewis is going to pummel Michael Grant sideways on
at the same time Barbara Walters is pummeling that idiot Smirk.
Who will go down first?
Grant or Smirk?
Experience tells us the white guy always goes down first.
Speaking of Tequila...
I see Dogma is out on video.
Go to your local spirits store, get some fine 100 percent blue agave tequila
(this will save your soul, and I'm not kidding) and invite a Catholic over.
To do it right, you'd need a Catholic over 45, because they started
changing the rules in 1965, and it's the rule changes that provide
many of the "God just can't be wrong" jokes in this movie.
Can I tell you one line in the movie?
Tell you what, I'll make you click to read it, because I don't
spoil it if you've got Catholics coming over this weekend.
Funny movie - and don't forget the tequila!
God uses tequila as a TEST in the movie.
When He gives the test, you don't want to be caught with just
some bullshit, half-vodka burro urine in your hand.
"A Tremendous Machine"
then minimize it and read ahead.
It takes about seven minutes to load, but trust me.
Click now and read real slow. It'll be up in a moment.
Do you know what today is?
Since I wasn't able to make it to the great Tequila Tasting Festival
at the Mexican Embassy in Washington DC, we're going to hold the
great Tequila Tasting Festival at BartCop Manor.
Of course, I'll just be tasting one kind of tequila, the only kind.
Yes, Chinaco Anejo on tap - all weekend!
Well, except for maybe Saturday.
Do you know what Saturday is?
Saturday is the Kentucky Derby, and, by law, you must have some
fine Kentucky bourbon in your hand to watch the race properly.
(Not really, whiskey is whiskey. Save your money - get the cheap stuff.)
Mrs. BartCop is such a hoot.
Every year, she goes to the store and buys fresh spearmint leaves.
I'm not sure what all she does with them, but come post-time,
she combines the spearmint leaves with some kind of sugar in a
colder-than-Walt-Disney little tin cup.
Then she adds a few shots
of whiskey to it
and we have Official Doctor Leonard McCoy Mint Juleps!
Then, they're off!
What is it about watching a horse run?
I'm not sure what makes it so exciting.
Your stomach knots up in your throat and it's hard to breathe.
When the announcer screams, "And down the stretch they come,"
some horses can make a grown man cry.
It's not a male thing, either.
Women love horse racing, too.
The excitement in the announcer's voice reminds me of listening to
Harry Carey when I was a kid growing up in .........Denver!
"There's a drive - way back - it might be - it could be......"
The emotion in the voice is so heart-grabbing.
I get all goosey just thinking about it.
One of the advantages of being really old is being able to witness
On June 9th 1973, I was the only kid on duty, the only person in the
Ken's Pizza restaurant on Dickson Street in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
(It's real possible I cooked a pizza to be delivered to our current and best-ever
president that day. Everybody was glued to their TVs. Nobody went out.)
The third leg of the Triple-Crown was about to be run at Belmont.
The Monster of all Monsters had won the first two legs impressively.
In a few seconds, The Monster was going to try to win it all.
Koresh, I'm goosey now, just thinking back.
Let's get in the mood for this Saturday.
Listen to the clip, and turn it up.
I can't wait!
All the mail I get, and no virus?
I was surprised,
...and I felt a little let down..
God's Cents of Humor
Subject: He said WHAT??
I had a good laugh when I read Boy George's
about his Daddy's screwup:
"I think the mistake was to say, `read my lips' ... and then raise the taxes."
This is the same George W. that claimed
during the New Hampster Primary:
"Tax Cuts, So Help Me God".
So W thinks his Dad was dumb to pledge no
new taxes, while being
on record pledging TAX CUTS or else face ETERNAL DAMNATION!
Does he have Nancy's crystal ball?
Does he know for SURE that he will be able to cut taxes?
Is he sure enough to swear an OATH TO GOD ALMIGHTY
that he will be able to cut taxes?
His current proposed budget (such as it
is) is a joke. There is no way he can
spend more on education, spend more on the military,. spend more on drugs
keep the deficit in check, and hand back over $700 billion that he doesn't have.
Either he's lying now, or he will have to
break faith later.
And he thinks his Dad was the one who may have made a "mistake"?
Guess what, George?
God doesn't like to be lied to.
He knows what to do with oathbreakers.
I heard Hell just ordered an extra shipment of coal.
The low grade, high sulfer kind, of course.
Bob, well put.
Begala Shoots the Bull
In Bush, NRA Sees White House Access.
The Washington Post reports this stunning statement from a NRA honcho:
If George W. Bush wins in November, "we'll have a president where
work out of their office." Setting aside the atrocious grammar from the gun
nut, he's right. The NRA describes Bush as "unbelievably friendly" to their
whacked-out right-wing agenda. For once I agree with the NRA.
A Bush presidency would be dangerous for a number of reasons,
complete willingness to whore-out to the Washington gun lobby is one of
the most frightening. Bush actually signed a bill making it easier for Texans
to carry guns in church and at football games.
Not even NRA top gun Wayne LaPierre was interested in defending
when he was on our show. Texas has had two tragic church shootings in the last
few months, and Bush's answer is to make it easier to bring guns into church.
I don't think Bush himself is nuts. Worse, he's weak.
He's too weak to stand up to the extremists when they try to hijack
our government, call heroic federal law enforcement agents "jack-booted
government thugs" and make it easier for criminals to get guns.
That's what the NRA is getting in exchange for a reported $12
to $15 million
political warchest -- a weak, inexperienced, reckless leader who will let
the lunatics and lobbyists work right out of his office.
Laura the Unloved on Larry King Last Night
CALLER: Hi, Dr. Laura. Well, you're
so in belief of family values and the
importance of a loving father, why do you believe little Elian
should not be with his father?
UNLOVED: I think he should
have his child.
I'm just sad as to where he's going to have his child.
Laura the Unloved, had to be dragged kicking and screaming into
what every sensible person in America knows: Elian belongs with his dad.
She ducked the question a couple of times, and Larry the Pussy let her
wiggle out without answering "Yes or No," on Elian, until a caller nailed her.
You can stomp and spit and shout, but when all the dust settles,
that kid belongs with his dad and everybody knows it.
A couple of nights ago, Bill (Still Smoking) Bennett was asked that.
SMOKING: That kid belongs in America!
8-WIVES: FIFTY-NINE percent of America
says, "No, Elian
belongs with his father, wherever his father is.
SMOKING: Then FIFTY-NINE percent of America is wrong!
What an arrogant bastard Bill Bennett is.
The majority is wrong because he's a partisan, Clinton-hating whore?
How can a whore have ethics, Mr. Bennett?
'splain that to us...
Koresh, I'd like to get locked in a room with this prick, on camera,
and stay locked in that room until one of us looked that camera
in the eye and said, "I'm a lying whore!"
We've got a night of classic TV in store this evening!
It's wall-to-wall VCR-ville tonight.
Nevermind Mr. Republican Bruce Cheater Willis on Friends,
and nevermind Mr NRA and Marlboro Man Tom Selleck trying to
break up the sacred religious engagement of Monica and Chandler,
and that this might be the second-last Friends ever seen.
Nevermind the always great Frasier.
(Remember Tim the Whore said Leno was the funniest man in America?
Leno's not even the funniest man on NBC.
If I was King, and I will be someday, I'd give that title to David Hyde Pierce)
Nevermind the Millionaire or the Chicago Hope with
Nevermind the A&E Chappaquiddick report on Uncle Teddy.
Nevermind Bill Mahar in prison for night four.
Nevermind Rudy's girlfriend on Hardballs, Horendo, Larry King and
every other talk show that's not on Fox Whore News.
The good stuff is on at 10PM, 9 Central.
First, on NBC, Mark Greene is going to spend a dreadful hour
crying over his father's lifeless body as he dies of lung cancer on ER..
I gotta tell you, there's nothing I like better after a hard day
at the office
than spending an hour with a dying grouch who's liable to break into
some Broadway show tune as his last breath leaves his body.
....just when you think it can't GIT any better, this woman
is going to talk to Frank and Kathie Lee about keeping your clothes on!
Plus - a special bonus - why Frank screwed the stewardess on camera!!
As regular readers know, I've had sex with Kathie Lee,
it's no picnic.
All she does is prattle on and on and on and on and on and on and on
about Cody and Bilbo until it makes you want to turn gay!
Who can blame Frank?
It really should be a TV highlight of the year.
Kathie Lee is going to explain how - get this - Frank's cheating
actually brought them closer together and made their marriage stronger!!
I'm going to watch it with Ms BartCop!
As soon as Ms. Prattle says that, I'll get a blood-drawing elbow
to the ribs,
and Mrs BartCop will say, "You knew she was going to say that!"
...and I'll say, "No, Honey, I didn't! Honest!"
I'll need all the Bart-corders rolling tonight.
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