For a good time, click on the Smirk
Thanks to: joan howard
Fun, True Quotes
by Lars Eric Nelson, NYW Times
To most people, high gasoline prices are
To George W. and many of his Republican colleagues, they're a solution.
Cheap gas hurts the American domestic oil
(Correction - Cheap gas destroys domestic oil)
Higher gas prices fatten the wallets of
Texas contributors who have
already given the younger Bush $14.5 million to run for President.
In 1986, Bush's father, then-Vice President
George Bush, flew hastily
to Saudi Arabia to halt what he described as a "free fall" in oil prices.
In 1986, oil dropped to $9 a barrel, W Bush
owed $2 million to banks, with little oil coming in.
In this nerve-racking year, 1986, Bush stopped drinking and started taking Bible classes.
(When in trouble, the weak always run to the invisible ghosts for help.)
Last year, World Oil magazine complained
that oil prices had again collapsed and predicted that
Bush would be the "perfect individual to lead the charge in doing something about the price of oil,
" i.e., raise it.
Now, oil industry profits are up 500%.
Bush has already raised $1.5 million from the oil industry
and now, oil industry executives will have even more money to contribute to him.
Republicans will blame Democratic-backed
clean air regulations, ethanol and Clinton's 4.3-cent
increase in the gas tax. But as they do, you can hear them laughing all the way to the bank.
NRA Opens Branch in Florida
(Reuters) - A man is holding his 4-year-old son and a food service
worker hostage in a
room at a Disney World hotel on Thursday, demanding to see his estranged wife, police said.
Sgt. Bernie Presha said the man was believed to be armed but did
not say what the weapon was.
A police SWAT team at the Boardwalk hotel was trying to negotiate a surrender, he said.
Presha said. ``He indicated to a hotel clerk that he did have a weapon.''
"The World's Happiest Place isn't so happy right now." said Presha.
Subject: Good Tithings
Have you ever visited Hope Unitarian church on south Sheridan?
I'd be nterested to know your thoughts on that church's tithing recommendations.
Each week when the plate is passed, it goes directly to the day center for
the homeless (or it did a couple of years ago.)
My husband and I were members and the thing I miss most is the pastor, Gary Blaine.
There was never a sermon where he didn't tear my heart out.
Even more impressive is the fact that he actually used the word, "fuck" in the pulpit.
Keep on eating that frozen custard!
Joankitty (fellow k-dragger)
A church that helps the poor?
Is this a gag?
Is that you, Artie?
You almost had me for a minute, there.
A pastor using the language that most Americans use?
Why, if he did that, he might actually communicate with people.
Not-so Great Survivor Quotes
"A Bible? What the hell did he bring
I mean, I'm religious, but the only reason I'd bring
a bible to this island would be to wipe my ass."
-- The old coot on CBS's most popular show,
David Nyhan of the Boston
has become one of my favorite writers.
Check this out.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"The Democrats say free prescription drugs
for the elderly is "important,"
but why now? Why didn't they bring this up 20 years ago?"
-- Hitler's Dog, just now.
The elderly couldn't afford their medicine when Reagan
Twenty years ago, we didn't have Clinton's trillion dollar surplus!
It took the Clinton Miracle to make it possible.
This Just In...
From the Drudge Report
Drudge has done the Democrats a favor and listed Keating's negatives.
(If you're reading this from top to bottom, Drudge says Smirk has picked
OK Gov Frank Keating (R-State Joke) for his VP. See below)
(Just kidding, that was mine. All the rest are real)
*He urged Mr. Bush to completely answer questions
about past drug use.
(ha ha Honesty in politics? Get the fuck outta here!)
*Keating is known for his sharp public comments
that have angered teachers,
Democrats, fellow Catholics and even his own wife. His solution for dealing
with the state teachers union? "Homicide," he quipped.
His take on a school shooting at Fort Gibson, Okla.?
"A call to arms."
(These last two aren't a problem.
In Oklahoma, teachers are seen as lower than snakeshit and
guns are thought to be as important here as declining an education.)
One factor has apparently knocked Pennsylvania
Gov. Tom Ridge out of the running:
His physical presence! Ridge is too physically large.
(Too physically large? ha ha Who wrote that non-sentence?)
Standing next to Bush, he may appear "overbearing," says a source.
Kevin Cunningham had that scoop a week ago!
Way to go, Kevin!
Bush advisers now believe, based on internal
polling data, that McCain
is not needed to secure independent voters.
Bush may announce his running mate before the
Republican convention in
Philadelphia to thwart any possible McCain momentum.
Smirk is still worried about McCain?
Mr. Media Outlet Owner, you need me in Philly to cover this!
Hire BartCop - do it today!
When the "astounding and unexpected bombshell" hits that Smirk is dropping out,
you can claim you hired the lone pundit who predicted it a year ago.
This is the very first mention of of it, but I, BartCop, your Ediotr,
am sitting on a monsterous political bombshell of a story.
I've checked this story out with Joe Conason, with Tamara Baker, with
with Bushwatch, with Sabutai and local Knuckledrag Democratic higher-ups, and it's big!
It's bigger than Priceline.com
and I have the exclusive!
This is not a gag.
This story is a monster!
If the Smirk campaign had any goddamn brains, my life would be
but they don't so I'm not worried about it.
...if I have to "use the baby" between now and the election,
wanna bet the body has a Texas driver's license in his pants?
I've been sitting on this story since late last year.
I'm waiting for just the right time to drop this bomb.
Conason, Baker, Volt, Bushwatch, Sabutai etc have given me their word
they would not even hint at this story until it breaks here at bartcop.com
It's probably the biggest news story of the 1990's, and I have the exclusive.
It'll break first - right here on bartcop.com
I plan to drop this bomb GOP convention week,
but circumstances sometimes change even the best plans.
From: Leave my name out of it
>The minute the idiot GOP names Smirk as their White-Power nominee,
>audio tapes will surface.
>Photos will surface.
>A marriage license will surface.
>A birth certificate will surface.
>His cocaine mug shot will surface.
>Videotape will surface.
>A woman and her now-teenage son will appear on Larry King,
>and the GOP will ask, "Koresh! How did we get into this mess?"
Remember that Shrub biographer that broke Shrub's
coke bust story?
Remember how his book got buried when his own record came to light?
Poppy Bush used to run the CIA.
Do you doubt that he knows how to get people buried too?
Not every Republican is incompetent.
Poppy's buddies, the guys who've spent the last
30 years bailing Shrub
out of one screwup after another, have an awful lot riding on this election.
People with embarrassing info on Smirk have a nasty habit of turning up dead.
Documents turn up missing. Like Shrub's Alabama service records.
And his old Texas driver's license. There'll be more. But none of it incriminating.
Surprisingly, I disagree, and I can show my work.
If there was NO PROOF that Smirk did cocaine, for example,
he would simply deny it in no uncertain terms and that would be that.
But since he refuses to discuss his cocaine use, that proves, to me
that he CAN'T deny it because the proof is out there.
WHEN, (not if) Smirk gets caught on the coke charge, he'll say,
"Unlike Clinton, I never lied to you, that's the difference."
Gee, Smirk. There's a difference between the president having sex
and some bonehead playboy who's got a cocaine monkey on his back.
The GOP is betting the next four years that the PROOF will surface after
the election and that Smirk will somehow, be able to ride it out.
Gore is sitting on proof.
The Big Bully Wimps Out
After defiantly vowing to take the No 7 train to Shae Stadium,
John Rocker got a ride to work in a police car, according to ABC news.
In the photo above, you see the yellow bastard being guarded by two white cops,
so he doesn't get his ass kicked by purple-haired punks or unwed mothers.
It proves all redneck-bullies are yellow, girly-man cowards.
What a pussy.
Here, kitty kitty...
Subject: kids are perceptive
Don't ever let anyone tell you kids aren't perceptive.
I usually don't listen to the radio when Rush is on, I work.
But today I had to run out at lunch time and had my daughters with me.
I turned on Rush, cause I knew he'd be ranting about Elian and needed to
chuckle. After about 2 minutes, my youngest piped up,
"Hey dad, this guy's annoying."
Is he really gone?
It's hard to believe, isn't it?
Is he really gone?
I mean really, really gone?
These bullshit non-stories have a way of never ending.
To this day, if Tanya harding throws a hubcap at some mook,
it's Page One news in every paper in this whore country.
If OJ has a fight with his newest white girlfriend in a Miami hotel,
it's Page One news in every paper in this whore country.
If Monica runs a red light or has a run in her stocking,
it's Page One news in every paper in this whore country.
There's no way they're gonna let go of this poor bastard.
Diane Sawyer (Click Here for nude picture) will offer Fidel oral sex
for an exclusive "on-his-native-soil interview" with that poor kid.
Fidel doesn't get many blondes...
Whoops, didn't mean to start a stampede.
Koresh knows when a stable full of horses hears the sound of a zipper or
the name "Paul Harvey," a stampede is almost always the result.
Anyway, this unnamed "PH" fellow just reported another Nazi ambush.
He said Gore answered, "I don't know" or "I don't remember" 85 times
during four hours of FBI questions about fund-raising in 1996.
I guarantee, some of those questions were:
1. What did you have for breakfast June 29, 1996?
2. When you ate breakfast, did you touch the spoon or fork first?
3. What was the first word of the first sentence you used that day?
4. What was the exact temperature at 6 AM that morning?
5. How many calls did your staffers make to their wives during
your trip to that Buddhist temple in Los Angeles?
Endless questions about nothing, designed to generate non-responsive
so toothless horse molesters like Paul Harvey and the vulgar Pigboy can get
on their hate shows and say, "See? See how guilty he is? See?"
They always forget that Saint Reagan answered "I don't know" 57
when asked, "Why did you sell Stinger missles to Islamic Jihad?"
And that was before cheap-ass ambush questions became the norm in this whore society.
Cunningham keeps getting better all the time!
Y'know, the prayer-in-school debate is probably the easiest win a Democrat
could ever have. It's the most impossible-to-defend horseshit ever, and still
the GOP thinks it's a winning subject in a presidential campaign.
Take a slut like Dr. Laura.
She's a Jew.
She wants prayers in school, but they won't EVER say Jewish prayers in school
because the Jews say Christ isn't God, and this ditto-monkey Congress wants
the US military to force a different religion on us than Judaism.
So why does Laura the Unloved want her precious Derecheeckycehe taught
religion by an oppresive federal government who can't pave fucking roads?
Beats the hell outta me.
Smirk's plan to get us out of this "Oil Crisis"
Drudge has a good joke up right now.
Drudge says Smirk picked OK Gov. Keating for VP. The headline is:
in on Keating," which is an excellent choice of words.
Smirk couldn't pick a running mate with more comedy potential than the
very Catholic governor of Knuckledrag, Frank Keating.
Keating would be a dream come true, assuming Quayle, Barr and
etc. wouldn't accept a Smirk invitation.
Do I have an example?
Asked earlier this year what would be the best way to handle the teacher's
union in Oklahoma, Frank suggested one word: "Homicide."
I don't really think this idiot wants to murder teachers, it's
just an example
of what wild and crazy things this idiot is likely to say to a reporter.
There's a woman named Debbie Schlussel who loves Rush.
She thinks ABC made a big mistake in not hiring His Lardship.
To read this woman's rant, you'd think she was unaware that Rush
has already had a TV show, back when he was more popular than
he is now, and it went over like a Bob Dole presidential campaign.
I recommend you read this amusing rant.
By the way, it's brought to you by
an abortion clinic.
If you think I'm kidding, Click Here
Why is http://www.jewishworldreview.com/
home to George Will, Ann Coulter and Dr Laura
brought to you by an abortion clinic?
The O'Reilly Whore
So last night I caught a little bit of Bill O'Reilly on Fox Whore
He was SCREAMING at some low-level, never-heard-of congresswoman
from Connecticut about Clinton's "lack of energy" policy.
He was SCREAMING at her to name one thing "this president" has
to ween America off the OPEC teat and make us self-sufficient on energy.
"Name something he's done - go ahead," and she would start to
he'd cut her off screaming, "Name the program Clinton proposed."
This poor idiot congresswoman didn't have a clue what to say.
Sensing he had an easy kill, O'Reilly pressed in harder on the
"You can't name a program because he's never proposed one.
This president has done nothing to help America, just like with everything
he's ever done, if it didn't benefit Bill Clinton personally, he just didn't bother
with it because all he ever does is think of himself," and on and on.
She tried to answer again, but he kept screaming and cutting her off.
Now, let me ask you:
When you're watching this kind of crap on a news program,
do you always have a quick answer for the sons-of-bitches?
Are you like me? Do you throw your shoes at the TV and scream back?
Matter of fact, I'm thinking about a new, interactive process where I tape a
sack-of-shit like O'Reilly or Hannity and splice my verbal answers in between
their screaming questions and post the result here. This'll work a lot better as
more people get DSL installed, because at 56K those audio files can take some
time to download. Maybe I'll take a test drive soon and see how it works.
I'll do that the next time I get pissed off, which could be as early as tonight.
So, anyway, that mealy-mouthed freshman congresswoman was terribly
outmatched when the O'Reilly whore started screaming at her again.
I think what O'Reilly needs is someone who'll fight back on his show.
I guess it's just "coincidence" that we don't see people like James Carville or
my good friend Joe Conason on his show, because Koresh forbid, they might fire back,
and we can't have that if the ditto-spanks want to retain their false veneer of invincibility.
Maybe someday I'll get lucky enough to get invited on one of those
shows so I could unload on his bullying ass like he did that poor congresswoman.
It might go something like this:
"Hey, asshole, why don't you stop screaming and talk to me like
You just might learn something if you'd shut the fuck up for a second.
Clinton hasn't done a goddamn thing about this energy "crisis" because
it's not worth it. Saudi sweet crude is so goddamn cheap, we can't afford to
pull our own oil out of the ground. Don't you know that? How'd you get this job,
and why the fuck are you screaming at me if you don't know that it costs $20 a
barrel to pull our dirty oil out of the ground. And if oil is selling for $14 a barrel,
even Texans are smart enough to know they can't make money at that price.
What are you, ...stupid?"
As the O'Reilly whore started to take a breath to answer, I'd cut him off.
"Let me scream a question at you, Smirk-for-brains.
Why didn't Ronald Reagan
take meaures to combat the giant bumblebee crisis that was terrorizing our country?
You know why Reagan never took steps to solve the bumblebee crisis?
Because bumblebees were never a fucking problem, that's why, just like
gas prices haven't been a problem for Clinton. Gas has been so goddamn cheap
for so goddamn long, we'd be crazy to pump our own oil if it costs too much.
Don't you know that, Mr. O'Reilly? Are you that bad with numbers. Mr. O'Reilly?
Can't you put a fucking pencil to paper and add and subtract, Mr. O'Reilly?"
And when the O'Reilly whore started to speak, I'd cut him off again.
"Look at it this way: For decades, OPEC sold us oil for
about half price,
and you want to know why Clinton hasn't done anything about that?
What the fuck was he supposed to do? Demand that the price of oil be jacked up
high enough so that Oklahoma and Texas could afford to re-open their closed wells?
What kind of trickle-down horseshit is that? Sure, you could double the price of oil,
and keep prices level and consistent, is that what you're proposing for America?
Would you rather have gas at $2.50 sometimes or all the time, smartass?
Christ, O'Reilly, how stupid are you? Who did you blow to get this job?
And when O'Reilly started to speak, I'd cut his ass off again.
"I don't think you have enough brains to get in the conversation,
so why don't you just shut the fuck up and open your ears and learn something
from a man with an IQ of 64, so the next time you try to bully some lady on
your lil' hate show you don't make such a goddamn fool of yourself.
Your cheap-ass bullying tactics might score high-ratings with the ditto-monkeys
who worship Lord Limba, but you don't have the slightest goddamn clue about
the economics of energy so why don't you just go toss off in a hat?"
And when O'Reilly finally started to speak,
I'd pull off my microphone and walk off his show.
Fox Whore News isn't about a discussion of the issues.
It's about Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes flooding the air with horseshit
that can't be defended by anybody, especially the O'Reilly and Hannity whores.
The GOP has turned their hate-guns on Pat Buchanan.
Personally, as Nazi's go, I like pat Buchanan.
He doesn't hold anything back, he doesn't mix words.
He'll look you right in the eye and say,
"I'm a Nazi and I don't care who knows it," whereas Newt and Lott
and Barr and Pigboy and Laura all play their pretend little games.
So, here's what they're doing to their former colleague and friend,
and former spokesman for them every night on Crossfire:
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
The Elian case does highlight the core hypocrisy
of the Right.
Their mantra is "Less Government, More Freedom," as though somehow the
miracle of democracy was a curse. Still, I can respect the view that government
is inefficient, or wasteful, or incompetent. But if you believe that, why would you
want government running the most intimate parts of our lives?
If you don't trust the government to save
lives by writing a health insurance plan,
why do you trust it to save souls by writing prayers for our children?
If you don't trust the government bureaucracy
to regulate big business,
why do you trust it to execute people?
If you don't want the government telling
corporate America which companies can merge,
why do you want it to tell American citizens who they can fall in love with?
If the government mandating Family and Medical
Leave is too intrusive,
why isn't it too intrusive for the government to keep a child away from his father?
Ediotr's Note: These kinds of questions make ditto-monkeys
change the subject.
I've been in 500 debates where questions like this come up, and the DMs always
resort to, "Well, what about this here and that there?" because they can't answer
simple, simple, simple questions like Paul has just asked.
Great Deserved Quotes
"Rush was an ideal choice. His broadcast record
is phenomenal. What worried us
most was, there are 10,000 hours of Rush Limbaugh broadcasting archives out there.
When you're improvising an opinionated talk show three hours a day for over 12 years
like Rush has been, who knows how many flippant comments are out there somewhere
on tape that might come back to haunt him -- and us. We didn't know what was out there.
Choosing Rush was just too risky."
-- an ABC insider
This is an excellent defensive play by ABC.
The minute Rush was given the job, tapes would flood the Internet of Rush screaming,
"Take that bone out of your nose, negro, and call me back when you do."
The feminist updates, the animal rights updates, the Dumpster Diner updates,
the laughing at Clinton's "criminality" while we had men in battle.
"Chelsea the White House dog," - that's ABC's new
"Hillary murdered Vince Foster," - that's ABC's new spokesman?
ABC couldn't afford to invest a season in this race-baiting bastard,
so they bailed.
Does that remind you of anything?
The idiot GOP hasn't thought about defense for a single second.
ABC is a lot smarter than the Republican party.
The minute the idiot GOP names Smirk as their White-Power nominee,
audio tapes will surface.
Photos will surface.
A marriage license will surface.
A birth certificate will surface.
His cocaine mug shot will surface.
Videotape will surface.
A woman and her now-teenage son will appear on Larry King,
and the GOP will ask, "Koresh! How did we get into this mess?"
...if only the GOP had been reading bartcop.com
They could've saved themselves the embarrassment.
Subject: I HATE Bush FAN CLUB
Wednesday at 8 PM is the 2nd of our weekly chats.
(Ediotr's Note: I think it's 8 PM CST)
We hope you all can attend, and please tell your friends to join us!!!!!
I Hate Bush Fan Club just click on the url below:
Please pass this email on to as many of your friends as possible!
Documented and Verifiable Bush
No rumors, just verifiable, documented lies
1. "I got no help getting into the National
A State Senator says otherwise.
2. "I had no knowledge or meetings about Funeral
But I stuck my head in the door and said,
"Are they still hassling you, Jim?" (Proving I knew something)
Then ordered my Chief of Staff to "Take care of him.")
By the way, How did I get to the meeting? *
* When Republicans wanted to prove that Clinton knew the details
of a meeting between Jim McDougal and David Hale they claimed
that how he get to the meeting was "important evidence."
3. "I read a book about Dean Atchison."
But I don't know anything about it.
4. "I do not pay attention to polls and focus
But I spend $30,000 a month on them.
5. "I showed up for service in Alabama."
But the officer that I was supposed to report to, swears I did not.
6. "John McCain sold out his fellow POWs."
But I made someone else say the words.
7. "John McCain voted against breast cancer
But I made someone else say the words.
8. "John McCain is against clean air and water."
But I asked the Wily Brothers to pay for that ad.
Subject: Hey, Dr. Laura!
If God hates gay people, why'd he make so many?
Peter McWilliams is dead.
Author, poet, publisher.
Particular focus of interest?
The federal judge in California (George King) would decide in a few
weeks how long a sentence to hand down, and whether to send McWilliams
to prison or let him serve his sentence at home.
What was his offense?
He collaborated in growing marijuana plants.
What was his defense?
Well, the judge wouldn't allow him to plead his defense to the jury.
given a chance, the defense would have argued that under Proposition
215, passed into California constitutional law in 1996, infirm
Californians who got medical relief from marijuana were permitted to use
it. The judge also forbade any mention that McWilliams suffered from
AIDS and cancer, and got relief from the marijuana.
What was he doing when he died?
The vomiting hit him while in his bathtub, and he choked to death.
Was there nothing he might have done to still the impulse to vomit?
Yes, he could have taken marijuana; but the judge's bail terms forbade
him to do so, and he submitted to weekly urine tests to confirm that he
was living up to the terms of his bail.
Did anybody take note of the risk he was undergoing?
He took Marinol -- a proffered, legal substitute, but reported after
using it that it worked for him only about one-third of the time. When
it didn't work, he vomited.
Was there no public protest against the judge's ruling?
Yes. On June 9, the television program "20/20" devoted a segment to
McWilliams plight. Commentator John Stossel summarized:
"McWilliams is out of prison on the condition that he not smoke marijuana,
but it was the marijuana that kept him from vomiting up his medication.
I can understand that the federal drug police don't agree with what some
states have decided to do about medical marijuana, but does that give them
the right to just end-run those laws and lock people up?"
Shortly after the trial last year, Charles Levendosky, writing in the
Ventura County (Calif.) Star, summarized: "The cancer treatment resulted
in complete remission." But only the marijuana gave him sustained relief
from the vomiting that proved mortal.
Is it being said, in plain language, that the judge's obstinacy resulted
in killing McWilliams? Yes. The Libertarian Party press release has made
exactly that charge. "McWilliams was prohibited from using medical
marijuna -- and being denied access to the drug's anti-nausea properties
almost certainly caused his death."
Reflecting on the judge's refusal to let the jury know that there was
understandable reason for McWilliams to believe he was acting legally, I
ended a column in this space in November by writing, "So, the fate of
Peter McWilliams is in the hands of Judge King. Perhaps the cool thing
for him to do is delay a ruling for a few months, and just let Peter
McWilliams die." Well, that happened last week, on June 14.
The struggle against a fanatical imposition of federal laws on marijuana
will continue, as also on the question whether federal laws can stifle
state initiatives. Those who believe the marijuana laws are insanely
misdirected have a martyr.
Peter was a wry, mythogenic guy, humorous, affectionate, articulate,
He courted anarchy at the moral level. His most recent book (his final book) was called
"Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do." We were old friends, and I owe my early
conversion to word processing to his guidebook on how to do it. Over the years we
corresponded, and he would amiably twit my conservative opinions. When I judged him
to have gone rampant on his own individualistic views in his book, I wrote him to that effect.
I cherish his reply -- nice acerbic deference, the supreme put-down.
"Please remember the Law of Relativity as applied to politics: In order
for you to
be right, at least someone else must be wrong. Your rightness is only shown in relation
to the other's wrongness. Conversely, your rightness is necessary for people like me to
look truly wrong. Before Bach, people said of bad organ music, 'That's not quite right.'
After Bach, people said flatly, 'That's wrong.' This allowed dedicated composers to grow,
and cast the neophytes back to writing how-to-be-happy music. So, thank me for my
wrongness, as so many reviews of my book will doubtless say, 'People should read more
of a truly great political commentator: William F. Buckley Jr.'"
Imagine such a spirit ending its life at 50, just because they wouldn't
let him have a toke.
We have to console ourselves with the comment of the two prosecutors.
They said they were "saddened" by Peter McWilliams' death.
Many of us are -- by his death and the causes of it.
William F. Buckley,
Subject: Rush said Dennis Miller's a crybaby
Dennis Miller used to have a TV show of his own. It was on late
After his show was cancelled, Dennis was asked about it during an interview
and he complained about the shitty hour his show was on.
Rush read the interview and chastised Dennis mercilessly. Rush
his ditto-freaks how the free market works: You get a show at an unpopular
hour, and you do your best. People will watch. Then you get a better hour,
and more people watch. Then they move your show to a great hour.
But, Rush explained, whiny, crybaby Dennis didn't understand that.
Rush said Dennis blew his opportunity. Rush said Dennis is a sniveling crybaby.
Rush went on and on about Dennis' baseless complaint. Rush wanted to know
what kind of human scum would get a TV show and then complain when it got cancelled.
We all know what happened next, don't we? Rush got a TV show.
His show was cancelled.
And what did the stoic Rush Limbaugh do?
He cried 5,000 times as much as Dennis Miller did.
And now we know ....the rest of the story.
Ray Can’t Find Words to
by Joe Conason
On June 22, the fax machine spit out a press release of slightly
less than two pages from the Office of the Independent Counsel
regarding the long-delayed conclusion of the investigation "commonly
known as the Travel Office matter." It was a statement from independent
counsel Robert W. Ray, the successor to Kenneth W. Starr, informing
the public that he would seek no indictments and that the matter is now "closed."
Apart from its potential impact on the New York Senate race, there
much drama left in this denouement. Exactly like the F.B.I. files case, which the
O.I.C. officially closed three months ago, the decision against any prosecutions in
the so-called Travelgate probe has been "commonly known" for a long, long time.
Mr. Ray burdened his announcement with nine paragraphs of explanation.
complained about legal resistance by the White House, as if that might excuse the
incredible delay in reporting his office’s failure to uncover any crime. The truth is
that Mr. Starr gave up on both these phony cases well over two years ago and
should have dropped them promptly. Instead he left Mr. Ray the onerous tasks of
cleaning up this partisan mess and justifying the messiness.
At a cost of roughly $1 million per paragraph, give or take a
million, the O.I.C.’s
Travel Office press release is surely one of the most expensive exercises in the
history of bureaucratic prose. A more complete version will be made available, at a
somewhat lower cost per word, to the Special Division, the judicial panel that
oversees independent counsels; and several months from now, if the Special
Division sees fit to release it, the taxpayers may have a chance to peruse that
But why wait for such details and facts? Details tend to clutter
a good story, and
facts, as another President once said, are stupid things.
Besides, the O.I.C. press release seemed to invite the headline
that appeared the
following day in the New York Post, accompanied by a suitably unflattering picture
of Mrs. Clinton: "Good Liar."
The wording of Mr. Ray’s statement— "insufficient to prove to
a jury beyond a
reasonable doubt"—seemed to encourage the instant tabloid reversal of her
exoneration, and elsewhere raised questions about the apparent insinuation of guilt
that accompanied the formal acknowledgment of innocence.
On the evening of June 23, some of those questions were put directly
Ray—who had embarked on a television blitz of dubious propriety—by Margaret
Warner, the co-anchor of the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer. Scrupulously but bluntly,
she pressed the independent counsel for a fuller accounting, and his responses
seemed to simultaneously undermine and bolster the belligerent journalistic
interpretations of his official statement.
As he told Ms. Warner, "we did review Mrs. Clinton’s testimony,
reviewed it thoroughly after an extensive investigation. We determined that no jury,
based upon the evidence that we would be able to present, would convict her.
Once having made that judgment, it was appropriate … to remove the lingering
cloud that an investigation creates."
He then proceeded to re-create that cloud by insisting that Mrs.
Clinton had played
a substantial role in dismissing the Travel Office employees through conversations
with various members of the White House staff, although he found that she had
spoken only once on the subject with David Watkins, the presidential assistant who
actually carried out the firings. "We can have [a] discussion about whether that was
a direct or indirect role," he added.
"But remember," Mr. Ray continued, "that’s just the beginning
of the process. That
was what caused an investigation.…My job was a very limited one. And that was
simply to determine based upon the testimony and the statements that she made
with regard to that role, whether or not that testimony was knowingly false. And we
emphatically found that the answer to that question was no." [Emphasis added.]
Moments later, however, he returned again to the innuendo-laden
"beyond a reasonable doubt," leaving Ms. Warner slightly puzzled. "Are you trying
to imply something without actually saying it?" she asked.
"What I’m trying to say is that a prosecutor makes a judgment
about evidence …
whether or not that would be sufficient to persuade a jury to convict," he replied.
"Once I’ve made that judgment, there are no further judgments for a prosecutor to
make. I’m not in the business as a prosecutor of deciding whether or not someone is
exonerated in that sense."
No indeed, he isn’t in that business at all. In fact, Mr. Ray
seems to believe that he
is in the business of influencing an election by ensuring that exoneration, as normally
understood, is impossible. And he is perfectly willing to leave further judgments to
the national media, where complexity gets short shrift and the presumption of
innocence doesn’t even get lip service.
True Smirk Quotes
"I want to close the Gap of Hope."
-- wherever he was Monday
Shouldn't Smirk want to widen the Gap of Hope?
Subject: Battery Night
The Braves play Montreal tonight.
Mets series starts Thursday night.
A Braves Fan (but not a Rocker fan)
I have fired my Sports Ediotr.
Subject: Bye bye, Elian
I am overjoyed that your struggle is finally over.
I am sorry that your young life was made into an American soap opera,
for the benefit of our media culture. I am sorry about your Mom and I
wish that she had made it to the US and enjoyed life here with you at her side.
But her tragic fate is now history and the arms of your father now keep you safe.
I hope that you won't hold it against the people of this nation because, as I am sure
you are aware, most of us believed that returning with your father to your
homeland is the right thing to do.
Also, keep in mind the impact that you had on our conscience with regard
40 year embargo against Fidel Castro, which we now know has been been a
horrible mistake. We have recently opened up markets for food and medicine.
I hope and believe that this is only the first step in normalizing relations with your country.
Go home, Elain. Be young and carefree.
Don't worry about your relatives in Miami right now, as I want to believe that
all will be forgiven in due time. After all, what is more important than family?
Thank you and God bless you.
Subject: Dubya ahead on the score cards
DR. Dubya 135 kills (Poor, minorities, begging to live)
Dr. Kevorkian 130 Kills (crippled, sick, old, begging to die)
The judges scored it 135-130,
and the NEW Champion of Death is George Herbert Walker Smirk
Bad Language Alert
So last night I'm channel surfing and I
see that stupid whore Chris the Screamer.
Yes, it's Chris the Catholic, Chris the idiot, Chris the sellout hand-jobber.
To make things worse, he's interviewing Bill (still smoking) Bennett.
By the way, Mr. Bennett, you've never been CONVICTED of rape, right?
No matter what Ms. Sanchez claims, you were never CONVICTED, right?
I mean, you were never even formally charged, were you?
Sounds pretty innocent to me, if you weren't even formally charged..
Back to Chris the partisan, lying son-of-a-bitch...
So I catch a few minutes of Chris-the-shit
talking to Bill Bennett who has never
been formally charged with rape, and they were going down a CHECK LIST,
comparing our current vice president to that smirking little rich kid from Texas.
Here's how it went, and I heard this myself, so eat me if you disagree.
Matthews: Honesty, which one's more honest? Gore or Bush?
Bennett: Well, I certainly couldn't
give that title to Al Gore. He's a bad, bad man
who's helped the biggest criminal in history with his crime spree.
Matthews: I agree completely! Gore's
a bad, bad man, unworthy of the office..
OK, who's more sincere, Gore or Bush?
Bennett: Well, I personally think
Bush is more sincere. As you know, Al Gore's
only after an ego-trip and a power-grab, helping the biggest criminal ever
to hurt America with his no-morals governing style.
Matthews: I agree completely, so who's more wonderful?
Bennett: Oh, I think Gov Bush is
a wonderful guy, whereas Al Gore isn't wonderful.
Al Gore's not even a good landlord, he claimed to have invented the internet,
Love Story, blah, blah, Love Canal, blah, blah, no controlling legal authority,
only gave $300 to charity, blah, blah, and he enabled Clinton, blah, blah.
Matthews: So, what about Foreign policy? Who's got more experience with foreign policy?
Bennett: (too goddamned stunned to speak - can't think of anyfuckingthing to say)
Matthews: ....I guess, ....
I guess, ....
I guess you COULD say....
I guess ...
I guess you COULD argue that Gore has more
foreign policy experience than Bush....
I hardly ever get down to a plain old "Fuck You," but this is one of those times.
Journalism has sunk to such shit these days, that a once-respected hand-jobber
can get on TV with a no-morals "Morality expert" and lie like a fucking dog?
To suggest that a spoiled idiot-playboy four-year governor, who
proved he can't
remember the name of the prime minister of fucking Canada might possibly be
at the same level of foreign policy expertise as the man who has co-driven the
bus for the last 8 years makes me wonder what the fuck is going on.
How is this even possible?
Tell me, Chris the prick, if I was going to shoot some
baskets with Michael Jordan,
COULD you argue Jordan has more experience than Ol' BartCop at basketball?
You think you could handle a big, tough assignment like that?
Jesus Christ, we have reached a new low in America.
I saw it myself, and I still can't believe the SOB said that.
You COULD argue Gore knows more foreign
policy than a No-Brain governor
who's foreign policy experience-til-now has been flying to Mexico to drink, for some
ungodly goddamn reason, Jim fucking Beam until he fell off his fucking barstool?
You call that experience?
You call that shit being a journalist?
During Paula Jones, I said it couldn't get worse.
During Monica, I said it couldn't get worse.
During impeachment, I said it couldn't get worse.
During Juanita Brodderrick, I said it couldn't get worse.
...but it keeps getting worse, day after day,
which just goes to show how little I know about anything...
Kevin Cunningham cunninghamstrikes.com
has been going buck-ass crazy
spitting out great photo-toons faster than I can post 'em, so I'm doublin' up!
It's Giuliani time!!!
That Gang-Sting over at Time.Com
is still going on.
I'll spend some time there today...
Some people have been posting their views on Doc Harpy,
others are taking the next step.
From: Todd Hudson
Subject: A cool picture of Dr. Screech in time
BartCop, it's really cool what you can do when you know the
language that the Time people made for this little chat board...
Subject: (no subject)
Are you and all the other Clinton lovers
going to credit Clinton with the
high gasoline prices, since you seem to want to think he is responsible for
the strong economy?
Clinton is responsible for the stock market, the drop in crime,
the drop in
interest rates, the increase in real wages, the record housing starts, the
tremendous comeback of Detroit's sales worldwide, the drop in abortions,
the drop in AIDS deaths, the mapping of the Genomes, steps towards peace
in Ireland, the Middle-East, North & South Korea, Kosovo and Bosnia, and the
general peace and prosperity like no nation, even ours, has ever seen before.
But this gasoline crisis is all Reagan's fault.
Is today the last day of the Elian Circus?
Larry Klayman must be having chest pains.
Salon Magazine hired David Horowitz for the same reason
Fox Whore News hired Alan Colmes - they're both so goddamn pitiful
at putting an argument together that they make their enemies look good.
Horowitz wrote some horseshit that I thought would be fun to ridicule.
If you want to see the whole column, Click Here.
In the article, he even attacks my good friend Joe Conason,
who certainly doesn't need any help from me, but I thought it would
be fun to cherry-pick a few sentences from it:
As we enter the final six months of the
Clinton-Gore era, it has become obvious
to all but the willfully stupefied that this will go down as the most criminal,
most corrupt, most cynical administration in American history.
You notice which words he did NOT use in that sentence?
How about, "the administration with the most felony convictions."
That would describe the Nixon administration.
How about, "the administration that needed pardons to escape
That would describe the Reagan/Butch administrations.
Anybody, even a brain-dead Republican hack, can throw around adjectives
"criminal, corrupt and cynical" because adjectives can't be measured.
But "felonies" and "pardons" can be measured by simply COUNTING them,
so Horowitz wisely avoids getting tangled in bad behavior that can be measured.
My favorite is, "they all do it," was
the one used by half of my fellow speeders
'traffic school,' who claimed they should not have been singled out for punishment
because their actions were no different from anyone else's.
So, you admit to being a law-breaker?
Shame on you.
Your cavalier attitude towards the law disgusts me.
I'll bet you're voting for Smirk this year.
To measure what is being witnessed in
these historic days, consider that
Richard Nixon was removed from the presidency because of 18 minutes of
erased tape that allegedly recorded his obstructions of justice.
That's so false, you'd have to take a plane with a layover in
Phoenix to get to the truth.
Nixon RESIGNED after Howard Baker and Barry Goldwater told him even the
Republicans were going to vote against his crooked ass at his impeachment trail.
What a lying shit!
What the fuck is wrong with you, Mr Horowitz?
Do you think your audience is only young people?
I remember 1973, like most Americans do, Smirk-for-brains.
Why did you tell that crazy, clumsy lie?
What are you, like, ...stupid?
Like all the other good fortunes of the
White House mob (for example,
the disappearance of ...congressional witnesses) this one is hardly an accident.
Make him stop!
Hey, David, how much did you pay for that Falwell tape?
Did Hillary murder all the witnesses?
Or did they just flee to China?
Please list for me the witnesses that have fled and not returned, liar.
Salon columnist Joe Conason, well-known
for his unflagging loyalty to
every Clinton claim, argues that the failure to make the case against Clinton
in matters like Travelgate and the missing FBI files is sufficient to presume
that no charge against him credible.
Joe doesn't need my help, but maybe what he really said was everytime
scream, "The sky is REALLY falling this time," the odds of you ever getting
the truth from you decline with every false cry of "Wolf!"
Everyone who has watched the tape of
Clinton's Grand Jury testimony
knows that a determined liar can make hash out of the system and
successfully obstruct the pursuit of justice.
You mean all a suspect has to do is lie to avoid jail?
Is that why America's prisons are empty?
Everything on the public record so far
indicates that Clinton
and Gore are determined liars.
How about that sentence?
"Everything" indicates Clinton and Gore are liars?
The truth has never, ever been spoken by them?
Not even one time?
Pigboy speaks a true sentence at least once an hour,
and we all know what kind of lying pig that bastard is.
The American people deserve the truth.
One day perhaps they will get it.
Yeah, give us a Smirk administration and $60,000,000 with Harold
leading the "independent" investigation and we'll show you some truth.
Reader Alert: Anytime you see a column by this David Horowitz
be sure and let me know about it. He's fun!
Big night for TV.
What will the Survivors be forced to eat tonight?
A nation is transfixed by the drama!
Plus, tonight, or real soon, is Battery Night
Watch TBS and Fox Sports for the Mets-Braves game.
Also, tonight on a very special edition of the O'Reilly Factor.
Bill O'Reilly is doing another one of those fabulous theme shows
that only Bill can do with such ...panache...
Join Bill and his panel of experts Barbara Olson, Ann Coulter,
Kato Burn, Backdoor Bettina Gregory, Kellyanne Fitzpatrick, Candy Crowley,
Mary Bono, Susan Carpenter McWhore, Sally Quinn, John Kasich, Marcia Clark,
two of Paul Harvey's horse-husbands, and Harpy the Wonder Slut to discuss
Bill Clinton - Does he Dye his Pubic Hair?
So tune in for tonight's Special Fox Report.
Then, right after this very special and topical O'Reilly Report,
stay tuned for a follow-up special report on Hannity and Colmes,
Bill Clinton - How he Dishonored the Dignity of the Office!
Both shows to be repeated bi-hourly until the election.
We whore - You call us on it!
Seen on the "Dr." Laura board at Time.Com.
Remember that time you took off all your clothes
and posed naked for that old guy, Bill Ballance or something?
That was cool!
And remember how you posed in that doggie S&M collar so Ballance
record your sexual peccadillos for future generations to enjoy?
And remember how you posed in front of the mirror like, ...how did you put it
when Bill O'Reilly asked you about it..., "Like a Bottacelli?"
Remember that, Laura?
That was pretty cool, too!
And remember how you posed with your legs spread wide apart like
And he took your gaping picture and then later put the photos on the Internet
so teenage boys all around the world could masturbate to the Grand Canyon?
Remember that, Laura?
...that was awesome!
/chris_farley mode = OFF
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