Savannah, GA -- The Palestinian-Israeli question has erupted in recent
months into the type of violence that hasn't been seen since the
Intafada in the 1980s. With all that is happening, you would think
that most people would want to leave that region of the world alone.
But not Stephen Sacco, who last week declared all of Palestine his
ancestral homeland and claimed that he was truly the rightful ruler of Israel.
Mr. Sacco has even offered his version of "land for peace," offering
the Palestinians the state of New Jersey for their homeland and
offering Israel the Gaza Strip. This brought immediate objections from
the people of New Jersey who wanted their own homeland.
Mr. Sacco has responded by offering the people of New Jersey the
country of Switzerland, and the Swiss have been offered Hawaii, while
he hopes that the Israelis who will not fit into the Gaza Strip will
agree to move to Florida. When some people in Florida objected, Mr.
Sacco reportedly told them, "Shut up, nobody likes you anyway."
So far, only New Jersey has responded positively. Speaking for
Bruce Springstien has reported, "People here are very excited about
this move to Switzerland, even though they keep calling it Sweden.
Everywhere you go people are learning how to yodel. The only condition
I've heard is that they want HBO so they can watch the Sopranos."
The Swiss are hopping mad, but take solace in the fact that the
Jersey-ites keep getting their country confused with Sweden.
"Maybe they'll end up in Sweden," a Swiss man on the street said hopefully.
Wednesday Mr. Sacco showed up at the door of the United Nations, but
was denied permission to address the general assembly. "I kept telling
them I was the King of Israel and the rightful ruler of all Palestine,"
Mr. Sacco told reporters, "But they weren't taking me seriously. I have
a national anthem for my new country and everything."
It is rumored that Mr. Sacco wishes to use as his national anthem "My
Sharona" by The Knack, but a spokesperson for The Knack could neither
confirm or deny this. "I want a national anthem that rocks," Mr. Sacco
told anybody who would listen to him at the 24-hour deli outside of the
United Nations on Wednesday.
The U.S. State Department today cautiously said that, "If Mr. Sacco
wants to use My Sharona he is going to have to secure the copyright for
the song. And he needs a flag. You can't have a country without a flag.
And an army wouldn't hurt either."
The State Department has been approaching the situation with new
caution since their characterization of Mr. Sacco as an "Axis of
Idiocy" brought sharp criticism from the French, whose ambassador was
quoted as saying, "You're one to talk!" The American response of, "Oh,
yeah! What about Jerry Lewis?" briefly chilled relations between the
two NATO allies, but it looks like things are on the mend.
It seems as if the Israelis and Palestinians intend to ignore Mr. Sacco
indefinitely, but some people in New Jersey have joined with Mr. Sacco.
"We really want to go to Switzerland where the Swedes live," one
Jersey-ite summed it up.
More on this important story as it develops.