Volume 237 - 38 Minutes, With Applause..

 August 3, 2000

 Been trading shots of Chinaco with Bernie in Oregon.
 It's the only way to get thru a Smirk speech.

 Kato Burne

 "How can those of us in the baby-boomer generation...."

 Uh, ..excuse me, grandma, but the term "baby boomer"
 doesn't cover people born in the 1920's.

 Christ, Kato Burn has wooden teeth!


 If there's a new GOP, I want to hear it.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Jesse Helms.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Tom Delay.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Strom Thurmond.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Bob Barr.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Dan Burton.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Newt Gingrich.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  the vulgar Pigboy.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  chalky-thighs Hyde.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Trent Lott.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Dick Armey.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  allll the House Manager pricks.
 I want to hear it from the mouth of  Chris Shays in a pink fucking tutu.

 Stand UP!
 Stand UP!

 I want them all to get on a stage and say,

 We are sorry to the gays, we are sorry to the blacks.
 We are sorry to the poor, and sorry to the immigrants.

 On your knees, boy.

 If that happens, I'll give them the bene of the doubt.
 If it doesn't, Smirk doesn't have a bong big enough to blow that smoke up my ass.

 If you guys say you did wrong, and you want our forgiveness,
 you must apologize and be goddamn sincere about it.
 That's a fact!

 ...and the second you do, we'll say, "Apology not accepted,"

 ha ha

 From: carkali315@adelphia.net

 Subject: Sword of Democles

 Where is the sword of Democles when you need one?

 ha ha

 He has balls to talk about Viet Nam.
 My brother went to Viet Nam.
 I worried about him, while this ass was screwing around here.

 I am Latina ,Catholic woman, one of those little brown ones.
 And I can't stand this hypocrite.


Claire Shipman, from CNN...

 Do you think she looks like Angie Harmon?
 In the morning, without make-up?

 Post speech

 Chaka Kahn is on stage.
 She sings the Dr Laura theme, "New Attitude."

 Think she'll do it tonight?


Smirk, not looking to good, you feel OK?

 Prosperity can be a tool or a drug.

  ha ha

They have not led, so we will

 You gonna fix things, Smirk?

 He keeps saying the same thing.

They have not led, so we will

 You gonna fix things, Smirk?

  ha ha

 That's four of those in the last four minutes
 I can go as long as you, Smirk.

 Now he's doing Limba's Daddy's stolen Founding Father's speech.

 I think the mother-effer just called Clinton "Hitler!"
 Watch your ass, Smirk!

 We will leave this nation greater than we found it?

 Hey, the stock market was at 3500 when your Daddy was fired.

 Free drugs for the old people!

 There's an original idea...
 Social Security?

 No changes, No reductions, No way - read my lips!

  ha ha

 Smirk, when you going to start?
 He seems to be wowwing the crowd, but this crowd cheered Cheney, too.

 Let's see...
 Money for school vouchers,
 Money for defense,
 Money for Social Security,
 Money for Education,
 Money for tax cuts,
 Money for everything and everybody.

 Yo, Smirk!

 Whose money is that?

 Besides, if you can do that and NOT screw the deficit,
 why not tell us the secret BEFORE the election?

 ha ha

 We'd all love to see the plan...

 Smirk is explaining the lessons of Vietnam, to us...

 Money for Star Wars?
 Forget those first six IN-expensive promises you made.

 a risky truth scheme

 They loooooove the "risky" cliche.

 risky anti-candle scheme,  best line so far,

 The Democrats are the party of  "Fear itself."

 Tell us, Smirk, is running the world's only superpower
 easier or harder than drilling for oil inTexas?
 We fear your judgment, Smirk.

 Go Smirk!

 I was outside the loop on the Great Cock Hunt!

  ha ha

 ...first fucking true thing you've said tonight.

 Somebody is missing here, tonight

 I thought he was gonna say "President Ford," but noooooo.
 Some guy used to sell him gas in Midland, instead.

 Give me your daughter. I will not screw her!

  ha ha

 Look after your feet?

 C'mon Smirk, wind it up.
 Bring her home, Smirk!

 ...more guns, ...no abortions, ...he's getting close...

 At times, ...we lost our way, ...but we're coming home!

 Excuse me, Mr Smirk, but under which presidents
 did the Republican party lose the way?

 Yo Daddy?

 There he goes!
 He's taking the oath right now!

 No, George!
 The oath is for the WINNER!

 ha ha

 Love thy Neighbor?

 But George, what if your neighbor voted against
 breast cancer research and had a sister with the disease?
 Would you still love him?

 We are the party of  inclusion - we can begin again.
 we can begin again.
 we can begin again.
 we can begin again.
 we can begin again.

 Somebody kick him, he's stuck!

 It won't be long now!

 Don't worry, you'll have another chance in four years.

 The people who live on the west side of the mountain are BAD!

 ha ha

 There went the west coast.

 I can lead, honest!

 Then he closes with Ricky Martin.

 Ole, Ole, Ole!

  ...balloons, ....confetti, ....lasers, ....strippers

 Has anyone seen the niece, Laura Bush?
 The one who's only 15 and knows how to nasty?

 We saw Kneel, why can't we see the Bush with no pants?

 Geez, look at all the black people!
 Smirk has produced himself a goddamn Tarzan movie....


  ha ha

 Smirk has a video - Just like Clinton!

 It's boring, he needs Alicia Silverstone
 rolling over the hood of a car.

 "The sky's the limit?"

 Make him stop!

 The sky's the limit if your name is Butch!


 I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little misty-eyed...

 Smirk: I really love my kids

 Governor, how many is that, total?


 ...he's gotta be offstage in an hour.
 If he's gonna talk for 38 minutes, that makes this a 22-minute video?


 Smirk and Jimmy Dean?

 ha ha

 Smirk took in Jimmy Dean, a kid off the streets.
 Later he would become family consigliere!

 Whoops!   Now he's dead - shot on the Causeway!


 Governor, do we have a God-given right to clean air?

 ha ha


 The trumpets are building like Elvis is about to enter.


 "I'm more than a Republican, by God, I'm an American!

 Ma Richards!

 "You can put lipstick on a hog and call it "Monique,"
  but it's still a hog."


 Now's a good time to get uour drink visit the lil' room,
 roll 'em if you got 'em, get the Chinaco bottle from the kitchen
 and set it next to your chair so as not to miss a single smirk

  Did you see that one guy with the homemade sign?
  It said,

 "Oh, Please,
  Vengeful God, Not Again!
  Why hath you forsaken us?"

 ha ha


 "A tax CUT, so help me God!"
      -Smirk, all spring

 Smirk in the house!


 Baby-Killer alert!

 Someone keep an eye on this guy...
 Laura the Unloved says they never change...

 ha ha

 "Gore would've tried to talk Jefferson out of that RISKY independence scheme."

 ...not bad for a Republican,

 Smirk just called Larry King on the cell phone.
 He's on the highway, his limo ran out of gas!!

 ha ha

 KNEEL Butch on 8-Wives right now

 ha ha
 ha ha

 KNEEL, can I borrow $600,000?
 I want to launch a web site!

 ha ha

 I need a shot of Chinaco to calm down after that one...

 Mara Liasson, who gets worse everyday, just said on Fox Whore
 that Smirk will attack with, "Clinton, you had 8 years, and did nothing!"

 ha ha

 Is Liasson that crazy?

 ha ha

 Is Smirk that stupid?

 If Smirk says that, it's free ribs and Chinaco at BartCop Manor!
 (I'll get back to you on the exact date)

 ha ha

 Why would she say that if it's not true?


 The giant hand just slapped me for asking a stupid question.

 Dan Rather is teeing up a report on bribed fat cats
...at this convention.

 Bob Scheiffer drunk on CBS!

 He's working a camera, and he's drunker 'n shit..
 To the left, Bob. To the left!

 Mr. Controlled Rent!

 Does NY still have socialized housing and controlled rents?
 And this is the guy in charge?

 ABC just showed some dudes walking the convention floor
 and they were all wearing Smirk masks!!!

 ha ha

 Could be some goons goinna knock over the joint?

 ha ha

"GOP Robbed on Live TV by Locals with Smirk Masks"
  Headline in the Philly Freeze

 ha ha

"Made to remove pants1"

 ha ha

 Pee Butch!!

 I've never seen a man lie in two languages while he was asleep.

 "When I talk to Uncle Smirk via e-mail, we don't talk baseball or
 football, we talk about fucking education because I'm lying!"

 "You see, I'm a teacher, and I loooooooce my kids.
   Not like those lying Democrats, nooooooooooo.
   I love my children"

  Mui bullshito!
  Consumo me el snakado!

 Bill Kristol reports probable Gore/Bradley or Gore/Kerry.

 Wait, back the truck up!
 He said Kerry of Nebraska.


 If he does that, I could turn -, seriously.
 He'd better mean John Kerry, not Bob!
 That means Gore would be running on the
 "My former boss is an usually good liar" ticket
 and that would piss me off like you've never seen me

 Ms. Moneypenny, get the White House on the phone!

 Clinton won't campaign for that ticket!
 Bob kerry called him "an unusally good liar" EARLY in office,
 and helped feed Pigboy's horseshit all these years?
 In Clinton does agree to campaign with a man who called him
 a liar, why, why, ...in 30 days I might say what I think about that!!!

 This must be a sick joke by the sick bastards at Fox Whore News.
 But then again, the last news I didn't believe was Dennis Miller.

 Oh, Christ!
 Bradley or Bob Kerry!
 Which is the bigger TRAITOR to the current presidency?
 Bradley said Gore was "scum central," or something...


 Gotta run, "Pee Butch" is coming up!

 Only an hour until Smirk's biggest (only?) test ever.
 Maybe he'll pull a Bernie Shaw and wet his pants?

 Some lady just pooched it on Millionaire because
 she didn't know who "The Amazing Randi" is.

 He's a Democrat, I'll bet.
 He debunks bullshit.
 Randi has a reward out for proof of invisible ghosts.

 Look who it is!!

Candy Crowley, Smirk's "biggest" fan

  How many of you have already composed your e-mails to me saying
 "It's Friday, and Smirk hasn't been shamed out of the race?"

 It's Marvin Butch.

 He was in the car with Smirk when Drunkboy  ran into
 the neighbors trash cans, just before he tried to fist his daddy!

 Where's KNEEL BUTCH, the Butcher of Silverado S&L?

 Shame, shame, hanging his head in shame because he knows
 he made those hostages stay in Iran another 90 days.

 Shame on George Herbert Traitor Butch

 Pickles in the House!

 Who is this Carolina bastard?

 Is that Sentelle?

 If it is, fuck you, Sentelle.
 If it's not, fuck Sentelle, anyway

 Switch to ABC - quick!
 Dude going for $500,000 question on Millionaire

 Aw, he pooched it and ran...

 This Just In...
 Smirk to shorten speech

Cute but stoopid


Since she's a Naziette, I can do a SPECIAL on her!
Remind me - this weekend!

 This morning on the Today show.

 (That's not Katie Couric)

 Subject: School's out forever

 "The George W. Bush today is the same George W. Bush
  I knew when he was 15 years old."

 Clay Johnson, childhood friend of the Shrub, on MSNBC moments ago.

 Hey BC, does this explain Dubya's propensity to cork off with ninth grade
 statements like "there is madmen in the world and there is terror"?



 Begala Shoots the Bull

 Last night the GOP unveiled its ticket:

 The Smirk and the Snarl.

 Dick "the Snarl" Cheney went on the attack, launching no fewer than 22
 attacks on President Clinton and Vice President Gore. Cheney did not attack
 the Clinton-Gore economic policy -- it's brought us the strongest economy in
 American history. He didn't attack the Clinton-Gore crime plan -- it's cut
 crime to its lowest level in 30 years. He didn't attack the Clinton-Gore
 social policy -- it's helped lower teen pregnancy rates, unwed pregnancy
 rates, and drug use. He didn't attack the Clinton-Gore welfare reform record
 -- it's brought welfare dependency to record lows. So what did Cheney do?
 He attacked the President personally.

 So, on behalf of the Democratic Party, I want to thank the Republicans for
 dragging President Clinton back into this. He's gonna kick your butts again.

 ha ha
 Bet on it!

 Look,  for Bush to try to personalize the speech, trying to "tell his story".
 Here's his story:

 He was a poor student who somehow got into the finest schools.
 He was a National Guard pilot who somehow failed to show up for duty for a year.
 He was a failed businessman who somehow got rich.
 He was a 1.8 percent owner of a ball club who somehow was named managing partner.
 He was a failed politician who somehow became Governor.
 And now he wants to be our President??!!

 Give me a break.

 Celebrity Mail

From: Patrick Farley

 Subject: Bush's double

 > (Before you 'pooh pooh' the notion, remember, Bush is an old CIA man.
 > He is definitely skilled and experienced in the use of doubles.)

 Good gravy!
 I'm hemorrhaging over here!

 Can I tell you a little story about the one time in my life I saw President Bush?

 I saw double.

 It was in Santa Cruz, California, late October 1989, right after the
 Loma Prieta earthquake. George Bush and an entourage of Feds flew in
 to inspect the rubble and, presumably, cut a disaster relief check.
 Santa Cruz, of course, is a hardcore lefty town, but on this day we
 put politics aside and lined the main street to cheer and wave to our
 president. Yes, OUR president. On that day we were neither libs nor
 conservatives -- just AMERICANS. I never would have imagined such
 good will possible from these old hippies. It was hard not to be

 Finally I hear the crowd start cheering down the street. A limo is
 coming! A big black limo with two little American flags waving on the
 front, surrounded by motorcycle cops! It's him! It's President Bush!
 We all started cheering and waving as the vehicle slid by... Inside,
 behind the tinted windows, a guy was smiling and waving back at us...

 The closer it got, the more the cheering died. Confusion and anger
 rippled through the crowd. People started screaming, "Hey, that's not
 him!" I got a look at the face behind the tinted window and sure
 enough, he was NOT President Bush. This guy was a DECOY! And a
 shitty decoy at that. Good enough to fool a sniper at 100 yards,
 maybe, but not even Dana Carvey up close.

 The crowd was still snarling with anger when suddenly an army of cops
 -- at least 100 -- came roaring down the street at 80 mph, red and blue
 lights flashing and sirens at full blast, like something out of a Mad Max movie.

 Deep inside that army of cops we saw an unmarked
 limo, and as it tore by I glimpsed the real George Bush peering
 out... scowling, terrified, sweaty, his little eyes darting about
 feverishly, like a baby marmot shot full of LSD and placed under a
 strobe light. He looked scared, and well he should have been.
 The crowd, at this point, was howling and cursing and giving him
 the finger for being such a contemptous pussy.

 Then the Secret Service goons swept in and told us all to get off the streets.

 What I've always wondered is: Did Bush routinely send his decoy out
 in front of him for public appearances, or only when he was visiting
 us crazies out here in Kook Territory? Has Clinton ever pulled such
 a pussy maneuver? Inquiring minds want to know.

 na ga da,

 Bo Derek with Wolf the Whore

 From:  booradley@postmark.net

 Subject: Bo the Whore???

 Bo Derek is a whore?
 I had no idea!
 She also speaks worse spanish than Bush.

 At the Luncheon yesterday, I swear it sounded like he said
 "Gracias por todo sus pollos"
 which translates to... Thank you for all your chickens....


 From: RobnNet@aol.com

 Subject: Hand painted signs?

 Hi Bartcop,
 MSNBC tonight reporting that those thirty-thousand 'hand painted' signs
 waiting to be held aloft tonight by all those idiot republikens were painted
 by a commercial sign company.

 J. Warren


 Why would the GOP address the convention crowd in Spanish,
 and then prance around like a drunken peacock demanding
 English be designated the "official language?"

 I think the GOP has the brains of a chimp and
 the consistency of warm baby shit.

 Clinton Loves Playing Bad Cop

 Click  Here

 Cheney Shops Like a Woman

 Click  Here

 (don't write - it's a joke)

Subject: Thirty Minute Speech for Smirk?

From: lind2116@home.com

The American people are going to be stupid enough to award the most
important job in the world, the presidency of the United States of America
to Duyua Bush based on a 30 minute speech. Are we that stupid or is it
that the Bushes are arrogant enough to think that the American people
are more stupid than their boy?

Well, a thirty minute speech is what you can expect  from a student
who connived a minus C grade without opening a book.
Shame on teachers who support this Bush fraud.


Grandma, good point.
Nobody has a clue what he stands for, besides bullshit compassion
and no child left behind (if we can afford it AND tax cuts.)

Not to worry.
He's about to be Gored.

Subject:  Smirk and the Media

   From:   KIMGILLIAM@aol.com


 You said:

 "Isn't there a piece of you that would like to see Smirk win just to see
 the never-ending "what if" cable talk shows grab some innocent thing
 President Smirk did and stretch it a thousand miles in every direction
 using every possible negative connotation and injecting every possible
 sinister motive so as to pout it in the worst light possible so they can
 get their panel of "experts" to discuss the possible outcomes?"

 I believe that, since the media are overwhelminging controlled by conservative
 companies, if Smirk was elected (not gonna happen) he would get practically a
 free ride, just as we've seen so far in this campaign.  Of course, if the media
 received some leaks about his cock, they might make an exception.

 But, that's not likely to happen, since Repubs don't have sex
 (missionary position doesn't count).


 Dave, I disagree,
 They are whores FIRST, most and always!

 Even if Smirk got in, they still have 24 hours and seven days
 each week to rag about something.  Shirley, as the months
 and years go by, they'll stop clawing at Clinton's cock.

 Won't they?

 Subject:  GOP & Military Readiness

 From:  MShotzberger@chpk.com

 As a retired Army Reserve Officer, I have to tell you a few Stories on the GOP
 and Military readiness based on my experiences over the past 20 years on both
 active and reserve duty as both enlisted and, after OCS, commissioned officer....

 Lie #1) The Military was ready and capable of fighting the Gulf War:

 The Army had to strip the Units left Stateside and Reserve/national Guard
 units to gather enough vehicles to equip all the Mobilized Stateside units
 (both active and reserves). One Active Independent Brigade was called to
 load up for the Gulf but was found to be totally unready to move.

 The Army needed 5,000 Volunteer 11B's (infantrymen) from the National Guard
 to fill out the ranks of the Stateside Active Duty Divisions sent over.

 Lie #2) the long interlude between the Iraqi Invasion and the start of the
 offensive was to align the political coalition.

 Half-truth: The military did not have enough sea-lift capability to move the
 heavy tanks. etc over seas. Most of the Navy's ships were inoperable at the
 start and many of them broke down repeatedly enroute.

 Also while the Army had plenty of M-1 tanks, it did not have enough heavy
 railroad flatcars to move them to the sea ports! They only had enough to
 take care of the normal factory production and equipment rotations.
 About 80% of the Military's heavy flatcars were designed for the
 lighter M-60/M-48 models. They could only carry one M-1.
 This caused massive shipping delays to the ports.

 Also the Railroad tracks in the military sea-ports were in such bad shape,
 that they military had to hire every track repair crew in the State of GA to
 overhaul the tracks in two days to allow the trains to move in with out derailing!

 Lie #3) The weapons that the Reagan Admin. deployed won the war!

 Damn Lies!

 M-1: Deployed during Carter Admin (I was Stationed at ft. Hood, TX in 1980
 when the first Battalion on M-1's became activated

 M-2/3 Same as above, but was issued to troops later due to the many, many
 problems with this expensive piece of junk.

 Patriot: actually this one dates to Nixon/Ford.

 Stealth: the stealth was conceived towards the end of Vietnam, was on the
 back burner until the '72 Mid-East war when SAM missile cleaned The clocks
 of the Israeli Air Force. The Stealth was moved up to assume the role of
 "Wild Weasel" missions (missions to knock out SAM Missile Radar's and
 Launchers). the Stealth became operational in 1978 (Carter!)

 Cruise Missile: Again, Carter

 What systems did Reagan Buy?

 B-1: was conceived to replace the B-52 in 1982. This expensive wonder has
 spent over one-half of it's service GROUNDED due to safety/mechanical
 faults. The B-52 and F-111 did almost all the heavy Bombing.

 Varies Expansive "fire and Forget" missiles: Mixed bag. the dust and dirt in
 the field caused them to have greatly less accuracy then claimed.
 Also these weapons, when used with the "night vision" sights killed more
 American soldiers then the Iraqi's did!

 Also Reagan/ Bush pretty much help arm Saddam during the Iran-Iraq war.
 They provided covert aid to help Saddam fight Iran.

 But the main reason we won the gulf War was Saddam was a Moron!
 He was fighting a 21st century war with 19th century tactics!
 He was fighting a Trench war like W.W.I in the desert with No Cover,
 No concealment, No Mobile reserves close by, NO Anti-Aircraft umbrella,
 NO Logistical support, and NO aircover!

 No wonder we won!

 If Saddam had listened to his Generals and let them fight the war,
 he would have still lost, but the body count for US troops would have been huge!

 M Shotzberger
 CPT, USAR (ret)

Subject: Tamara and Chinaco Anejo

   From: mrte@home.com

 You've devastated me once again!!
 First you called for a Chinaco shot for the finest gentleman in contemporary
 baseball and I found myself incredulous that you were too damned cheap to
 send him a case.

 Now you've gone and done it again.
 How many times have we heard you sing the praises of Tamara Baker
 and her hard hitting journalistic stylings??

 And how many times have you tantalized us with that pugilistic (wishful) pose of her??



 Well there's no reason in hell that she should have to endure the indignity
 of sipping second best now......is there?

 Not when you're sippin Anejo and driving this......


 Subject:  38 Minutes, Applause Included

   From: Today's USA Today:

 Bush took the stage of the convention hall for a sound check on what aides
 say will be the shortest acceptance speech in recent history: 38 minutes,
 applause included.

 "Applause included?"

 They already know how long the applause is going to last!

 Who wrote that line, Joseph Heller?
 Mark Twain?
 The good people at "The Onion?"

 I think the next issue of BartCop should be entitled
 "38 Minutes, Applause Included."

Subject:  Military wages

From: rick_stump@yahoo.com

 I am a former soldier (eight years active duty with
Ft. Bragg my only permanent assignment. hu-ahh!), a
veteran of the Gulf War, a staunch Catholic, and a
dedicated Liberal. And very little cheeses me off as
much as Republicans bemoaning the wages of soldiers. I
remember very well that the big spending increases of
the '80s were primarily for equipment and *number* of

With the Gramm-Rudman act stragling us in
the mid-late '80s it was easy to get tanks (purchased
en masse day one of the fiscal year) but the Act cut
into 'excess' like, say, decent food in chow halls,
light bulbs and heat in barracks, fuel for the tanks,
training for soldiers, etc. But the Senator's district
got that tank req (good for the economy, you know) and
soldiers know its a hard life, right? And pay raises
were ludicrous; as a matter of fact, the Reagan
administration *cut* military retirement pay for 20
years of service from 50% of pay to 40% of pay to
'force' soldiers to stay in for 30 years without
paying them more. That backfired - soldiers got skill
and got out rather than get screwed. The result?
Republicans blame Clinton for soldiers leaving for real pay.

Clinton, however, raised pay and returned the
retirement levels to 50% for 20 years. The
Republicans? Well, they ordered over $1 billion in
aircraft the Joint Chiefs insisted they a) didn't want
b)couldn't staff and c) couldn't afford to maintain.
Well, they planes were built in important districts
(like Newt's) so they were purchased anyway. It may
have been good for morale (you know, 'let's buy
useless planes but keep pay raises to no more than 5%
a year, if any' really rallies the troops) but my
friends still in were furious.

 Another thing - the cuts in troop strength were
started by Big Bush while he was still deploying us to
the Gulf, and Africa, and everywhere else. After all,
his New World Order would be like Wilson's, but
effective, so we needed fewer soldiers. Of course,
since is is a pilot and Yale man, enlisted slots were
a greater percentage than officers (in comparison).


 Ron Reagan Disses Smirk

 Full Story

"The big elephant sitting in the corner is that George W. Bush is simply
 unqualified for the job," he said. "He's probably the least qualified person
 ever to be nominated by a major party. Yes, he was elected governor of
 Texas, and before that he ran a baseball team and lost a lot of other
 people's money in the oil business. But what has happened in the intervening
 five years to make people believe he'd be a good president? What is his
 accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?"

 ha ha

 Subject:  question

  From: bassm@ecn.purdue.edu

 Hey, bartcop,

 I heard after Lynne Cheney gave her speech introducing Dick as
 a swell guy  from Wyoming the band broke into "Don't Fence Me In."

 My question is, was the tune dedicated to Mathew Shepherd?


 Subject: Big Story II

  From:   JDWRods@aol.com

 Dear Bart,
 I'm not a conspircy theorist, but if all is correct it's one heck of a story.
 If POTUS does have intellegence reports that back up this story,
 will he use them before November 7?

 If it's not some form of breach of national security,
 I believe he's got the balls to do so.


"I consider party loyalty as a form of mental illness"
  St Louis Post Dispatch mini-profile of Marc Perkel, founder of  bartcop.com

  Marc Perkel, a 1998 Democratic candidate for Congress, is running
  against Ashcroft for the Republican nomination for Senate.

 "I consider party loyalty as a form of mental illness," said Perkel, 44, of Springfield.

  Democrats dismissed Perkel two years ago when he ran against U.S. Rep.
  Roy Blunt, a Republican. This year, the Republicans aren't too thrilled that
  Perkel's running under their banner.

 A self-described "political opportunist," Perkel hoped to secure the GOP
 nod for senator if Ashcroft became Bush's vice presidential running mate.
 ("It didn't pan out," he said.)

 Perkel says he's a fiscal conservative - he fought against Greene County
 sales tax increases in 1987 and 1992 - but that's about where he draws
 the line with Republicans. He supports Vice President Al Gore for
 president, liberalized drug laws and abortion rights.

Check out his Web site and read at length about his main issue: bad lawyers.
 He's not too happy about a messy divorce.

"That's one of my pet issues I have an ax to grind about," he said.

 Stop Working

 Yesterday, I got an e-mail with a theory I couldn't shoot down.
 (This is how the infamous "big" story got started.
  When an idea presents itself that can't be dismissed,
  it's fun to look into it and see if there's any substance to it.)

 This fellow (I'm going to call him "Braintree" since that's easier
 than calling him "that one guy who started this thread")
 had one single sentence in the story that did it for me.

 I asked who wanted to look into the story, since I'm unqualified
 to get into anything that requires serious attention being paid to it.

 To those who checked in and accepted the assignment,
 Read the story linked below.

 Braintree told me the "germ" of his idea.
 Since I couldn't run with the ball, I asked for help.
 Since yesterday, Braintree sat down and put his theory to paper.

 Do me a favor, look at the story, check for flaws.
 If you can - debunk it.
 If the story's false, let's find out right now.

 I know what you're going to say:
 "Ol' BartCop's gone off the deep end.
   He's turned "conspiracy crazy on us."

 Fine - answer the question, and I'll admit I'm crazy

 If you talked to me yesterday about running with this story,
 use his story as a basis to see if there's anything there.
 If nothing else, you have a blueprint, a treasure map, to follow.

 Maybe it's crap, who knows?
 But before YOU call it crap, you should be able to answer the question.
 The big question is in RED.

 If you have a problem with the theory - fine.
 Just answer the question in RED.

 Read the Theory

 After you read his story, if you want to get deeper into it,
 you can find a month's worth of material  right here

 Kevin Cunningham - More than Just Inkboy!

 Click  Here

 The Philadelphia Story #3
  Exclusive for  bartcop.com  Readers

  Click  Here

  You go, girl!


 From: STONEJO@dwd.state.wi.us

 Subject: You gettin paid off by McCain?

 Hey, why have you been giving a pass to McCain?
 He's a whore just like Bush Baby.

 I agree.
 McCain is a whore.
 For five years, he stood up to unspeakable tortures from the dirty SOBs of
 the North Vietnamese paiun specialists,  then he turns around (literally)
and let Smirk soap up his XXXX and stick it in his XXX.

 With his endorsement of Bush we have the evidence that
 he will say or do anything to get "THE POWER".

 I already called him a whore, what else do you want?

 Stop jacking him off every chance you get.

 Why, I never!
 ha ha

 Admit it, he is a whore just like W.


 Also, pay some attention to the real convention this week - The Shadow Convention.


 John, why would I want to pay attention to a woman
 who spent the 1996 convention in bed with Al Franken?

 Perhaps you need a nice cold beer and a fattie...

 From: jeffkoenig@yahoo.com

 Subject: Dick Armey does a hell of a Dean Martin impression, doesn't he?

 Jeff Koenig

 ha ha

 That was embarrassing.
 Where was his wife?
 Where were his friends, his staff?
 It's Delay's fault.
 He had the train car full of liquor out back, on specially laid track!

 Methinks the tax payer got specially-laid last night.

 From:  JHartke@cvm.uiuc.edu

 Subject: Double Standards

 Peggy Noonan said:

 >Bill Clinton, was the car salesman on the floor
 >when the billionaire came in and bought a fleet of Caddies.
 >He didn't make the car.
 >He didn't make the money that bought the car.
 >He wrote up the order and went out to dinner."

 Isn't that a perfect description of how Reagan "won" the Cold War?


  ha ha

 Letter from a Republican

  Click  Here

 From: copyman@together.net

 Serious (read: effective) political dialog doesn't rely on unfounded fart-bites from
 juvenile minds.  I found your site tedious for its lack of fact, long on invective style.

 You can't teach what you can't explain... and you're not very good at that at all.

 David H. Millson
 1426 Pearson Road
 New Haven, VT
 Phone/Fax (802) 545-2468

 Your first word was your first mistake.

 Stay by the phone, I'll call in a little while.

 They got a map?
 We got a map.

 Maps don't mean shit till November.

 Celebrity Mail


 From: Tamara Baker

 Subject: My first shot of Chinaco!

 Before Bartcop, I used to think that tequila = paint thinner.

 Yesterday, I was walking downtown during my lunch break when I saw
 a Mexican restaurant, "La Cucaracha." I decided to see if they had
 any of the Elixir of Life available.

 It turned out that they did, indeed, sell Chinaco Anejo - but had just run out.
 I had to settle for Chinaco Blanco, as they didn't have any Reposado.
 Before I could stop her, the barkeep served it to me desecrated with salt
 and lime. (I asked for some ice water and put the lime in that.)

 Chinaco Blanco is interesting: it still has that slight paint-thinner edge to it,
 yet there's also a very promising buttery feel that puts it heads and shoulders
 over Jose Pisswater. Furthermore, the buzz from Chinaco Blanco is a mellow,
 contemplative buzz; it made me think of sitting, relaxed, at peace with the world,
 talking politics with you, Joe Conason, and a few other select mortals in the shade
 of a large spreading oak tree on a sunny summer afternoon.

 I would have liked to spend a couple hours just razor-slicing that shot so I
 would keep just the right level of buzz without tipping over into tipsiness,
 but duty called (and besides, it would have pissed off the bartender) and so I
 finished the shot in twenty minutes. As it was, it was probably for the best,
 since it helped anesthetize my high-heel-shod feet so I could make it back to
 the office.

 I can't wait to see what Anejo is like! Could it possibly be the "Blue Food"
 of which George Carlin spoke, the stuff that makes you immortal?

 Tamara, Yes!

 I liked the desecrated part.
 ha ha
 I had my first shot of Chinaco Blanco about six weeks ago, and did not like it!
 Sure, it was nice and smooth and all, but it tasted like a doctor's office.
 It was just "too alky" and not pleasing to the tastebuds.
 Dittoes on the "pint-thinner" edge.

 Hoping for Chinaco Anejo and getting Chinaco Blanco is like you making
 a date with Alec Baldwin and having his brother Steven show up.

 Sounds like you had the razor-slicing down pat, tho.
 When you pay for the best, you should savor every drop.
 Someday, maybe soon, you'll try the Anejo.
 It's what God drinks.
 I'd love to read your review of the good stuff.

 From: gfsd2000@yahoo.com

 Subject: Quotes of Confusion

 Mr. Bartcop-

 Interesting site! I'm Not on your side of the political fence but what the hell,
 it is rather interesting to see anothers point of view....that is
 why this such a great country!

 Just thought I would point out that in your Quotes of Confusion that there
 have been a few brave men that have lost thier lives under Clinton's watch.

 Remember battle of Mogadishu? Some 18 Army Rangers & Navy
 SEALS were killed on October 3, 1993.


 JJ, thanks for the nice letter.
 Most of the mail I get from the other side has more consonants and hyphens
 than you used, and I appreciate that.

 It's possible in my haste, I failed to be clear.
 My usual claim is that Clinton never sent a man into battle who didn't return.

 I remember Mogadishu, but that was a Bush operation.
 Rush likes to whine about Clinton turning the military into a "Meals on Wheels"
 charity organization, but it was Bush who sent those men to Somalia.
 I wonder, with all his experience, why didn't Bush send APCs with those
 brave men to protect them if things went bad. Did Bush just assume everything
 was going to be fine? Isn't that a deadly mistake for a Commander-in-Chief?

 To be fair, there have been men die on Clinton's watch.
 Suicides, truck accidents, training accidents etc., but my usual claim seems
 to hold water and it's been holding water for years.

 Thanks again for the mail, and let me say something that might get lost in
 my garbled messages: My problems are with Rush Limbaugh. I disagree with
 the conservative view, but I understand there are differing, vaild views.

 Next time you read some  bartcop.com  have a beer in your hand and look
 for the humor in the stories. That's why I'm doing this.

 Isn't this Perfect?

  Clinton Raped Broaddrick Twice
Connecticut Rep. Chris Shays said on a talk radio show Wednesday that,
based on secret McCarthy-style evidence he reviewed during impeachment,
he believes Clinton raped Juanita Broaddrick, not once, but twice.

Broaddrick "disclosed that she had been raped, not once, but twice"
to Judiciary Committee investigators.
Shays says he found the evidence "compelling:"

And Shays voted against impeachment!

Complete Lie

And these are the guys who want to bring civility back to Washington?
Y'know, as long as you're making shit up, why not claim he raped you
every day he was Arkansas Attroney General? Wouldn't that make
an even more "compelling" story than just "raped twice."

And wouldn't it be even more "compelling" if Clinton had raped her
while wearing a Batman costume?  I feel more "compelled" already.

Gee, seems like it was just last night when we mentioned Lisa Myers,
the NBC whore-for-money who interviewed Juanita last year.

Funny, Juanita would get in front of the cameras with Lisa Myers and tell
JUST HALF of the story. Remember her 7th version? She said he told her
to "put some ice" on her wounds where he beat her?

Now, in her 8th version, it's a double rape?

ha ha
Make her stop!

Funny, she remembers that juicy detail about the ice, but forgot the second rape?
Did this "revelation" show up after being hypnotized?

And Shays, the stupid son-of-a-bitch voted AGAINST impeaching
the "compelling" double-rapist?

This is payback for Clinton mocking Smirk Monday.
This is how the Republican party operates.

If you say our guy in unqualified, we'll say you raped a woman not once,
but we'll say you raped her twice. I don't know how they missed the part
bout the Batman costume - maybe they were in a hurry.


 Quotes of Confusion

"What are we to make of the past eight years?
  I look at them and see opportunities squandered."
    -- Mr. Excitement, Dick Cheney

 Oh, really?
 Let's try to figure out what the hell Dick means by that.

 We have 22,000,000 new jobs, so I guess Dick thinks we
 should have had, what, 24,000,000 new jobs?
 From which country would we import these extra 2,000,000 people?
 I thought you guys were against immigration...

 Couldn't hardly get much better.

 Stock market?
 Well, it tripled, I guess Dick thinks it should've quadrupled.

 Drugs use, teen pregnancy and AIDS?
 Down, but not not enough for Dick, I guess.

 Real wages, savings and new housing starts are way up,
 but, I guess, not enough for Dick.

 Foreign affairs?
 We made peaceful advances in Korea, India/Pakistan, Ireland,
 and even the Midele East, but remember...

 Smirk's people warned Barak not to make a deal, signaling they
 could get a better deal if they wait for Smirk to get in, which
 sounds like the same way his daddy got in office, remember?

 The military?
 Well, we have zero combat deaths, so we run into the Barry Switzer theory
 that it's hard to beat zero combat dead. Maybe Dick doesn't like the technical
 people leaving the minimum-wage Army for a wife, a family, a new house
 and 75K to start in the private sector.

 Here, Clinton is vulnerable.

 ha ha

 Maybe if we elect Smirk n' Dick, they could screw up the economy to where
 there are no jobs to go to and these young, talented men would stay single,
 in the Army making shit-wages and therefore build up the military.

 By the way, we've heard a lot this week about our fighting boys having to
 eat dog food to make ends meet.  Why - I'll bet today Tom Delay sends
 a bill to Clinton to raise their wages and I'll bet Clinton will sign it.

 Opportunities squandered?

 The only one I can think of is this ditto-monkey congress spent two years
 fishing around in Bill Clinton's pants for his cock, instead of doing the people's
 business and getting some things done, so yes, Cheney is right!

 We need a president who's not so attractive that this congress feels
 they MUST spend their entire term grabbing for his cock, so I agree.

 Vote Smirk n' Dick 2000!

 Pretty much every pundit says Cheney took off the gloves and really
 tore into Bill Clinton and Al Gore. That's not the way I saw it.

 Maybe I've just been listening to too much Pigboy, Laura &
 that prick Hannity, because everything I heard was pretty tame.

 By the way, I have another prediction...

 In 1992, Gore told that long, sad story about his son getting hit
 by a car or something, I forget, but it was spellbinding TV.
 Not a dry eye in the house.

 In 1996, Gore told that long, sad story about his sister dying
 from those extra chemicals added to cigarettes by Big Cancer.
 Not a dry eye in the house.

 This year - it's going to be legal abortions.

 I predict Al gore will walk out on stage that Thursday night waving
 a coathanger over his head asking, "Do we want to go back?"

 ha ha

 ha ha

 Gore could make this his 2000 icon.

 Are American women really going to turn the governing of their
 collective uteruses over to Jesse Helms, Bob Barr and Tom Delay?

 ha ha

 Bob Dole's manager could get Gore elected this year.

 The Lady Dittohead on PI is Whining.

 "The GOP can't win.
  We have all white people on the stage,
  and we catch shit from the press and the left.

  So we put blacks and gays on the stage,
  and the press and the left says we don't mean it.
  The GOP can't win with you guys."

 Hey, Lady!
 The trick is to intermingle with blacks and gays more than 4 days a year.
 Of COURSE you look like a bunch of pandering whores.
 Rush, your leader, has spent the last 8 years mocking gays and telling
 blacks to pull the bone out of their nose, and now you want to know
 why nobody believes that your party is sincere?

 You can't be that stupid - you just can't be.

 Here's how it works:

 Five years after Rush makes a sincere apology, and not one of those,
 "I'm sorry you're so fucked" apologies, THEN we'll let you off the hook.

 You've already lost this election and the one in 2004.
 But if that disgusting, vulgar Pigboy comes out right now with a sincere
 apology that isn't done in baby-voice or with "Lollipop, Lollipop" playing
 in the background, THEN you can have a shot at 2008.

 ...and that's the way it is, so get used to it.

 Now get out of here...

 I have a Question

 Were the performers onstage the last three nights chosen for their ability?
 Or were they chosen because of the color of their skin?

 Were they hired because they were the best that could be found?
 Or was there a quota that needed to be filled?

 Were they picked because of the content of their character?
 Or were they picked because of how it would look on TV?

 I was lying, I don't really have a question about that.
 And if you have any brains, you don't have any question, either.

 These performers were picked for the same reason Clarence Thomas was.
 They were quota picks, the exact system the GOP is fighting to keep
 young black men and women from attending college and getting hired.

 Can you keep a secret?
 If I was the GOP, I could admit the truth and justify it and get out of trouble.
 But the GOP doesn't know how to justify the fact that they use quotas,
 so they LIE and say a guy like Clarence was qualified, they lie when they say
 Uncle OJ Watts has a clue about anything that goes on in Washington,
 and they lie when they hire 188 minority performers to pull off a charade
 so the stupid voter (read 80 percent) thinks they might've changed.

 ...and the whores in the press continue to push Smirk because they're certain
 Gore will crush his clumsy, incompetent ass and that makes a better story than,
 "Gore looks like a winner" six months before the election.

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