by Dan Savage
Why am I voting for Ralph Nader? It's the
issues, man! Nader stands for several things that
neither Bush nor Gore stand for:
· A real commitment to campaign finance reform
· Ending the drug war
· Ending the death penalty
· The right to choose
· Ending the rule of corporations in our culture
And for the shallow: Ani DiFranco, Eddie Vedder, Susan Sarandon,
Tim Robbins, Ben Harper, Phil Donahue, and Michael Moore all
support Nader. That covers the dykes, the loser dropouts, the
intellectual film fans, the hippies, the housewives, and the unemployed.
With Nader in this race, we don't have to choose between the lesser of two evils!
Nader fan in NYC
Ralph Nader is not "in this
race," and no celebrity endorsement or kick-ass
position on drug legalization is going to put him in. And while Al Gore may not
be perfect, he's better than Bush. If Nader voters manage to put Bush in
the White House next year, some of your fellow citizens (women, queers, the poor)
are going to pay a high price for your refusal to grow up and make the real choice
you're faced with--which, again, is a choice between Bush and Gore.
You may have to grit your
teeth when you vote for Gore, but that's a small price
to pay to keep the environment, the poor, and the English language from the harm
George W. Bush will surely do all three.
Yes, yes, I know: Ralph is
better on the issues.
So's my mom.
Actually, on some issues, my mom is better than Ralph.
But my mom isn't a serious candidate for president,
and neither is Ralph "Vanity Candidate" Nader.
Has anything changed in the last two years?
Today's Page Two Girl was almost famous
Subject: Bush on Letterman
I don't know if you can get a copy of it but last
night on Letterman,
Dave aired a piece from Thursday's show with Bush. This piece was
from a commercial break and there was GW talking to his advisors
and next to him was Letterman talking to a woman over his desk.
GW must have had a hard time with his glasses
so he wiped his glasses on the woman's sweater.
She was completely unaware and he just kept on
talking to his advisors.
The little people are there to serve I guess.
Maybe that explains all Smirk's snorting...
The women won't let him blow his nose on their shirts.
...except Condi, ...of course,
Subject: Meaningless Endorsments
Have you notice the scam the New York Times and
Washington Post are pulling.
They savage the democrats the entire campaign,
then give their worthless endorsment at the end.
Worse than that is the endorsement itself.
I'd be ashamed if those two whore rags endorsed me.
I'll tell them to shove their endorsement like I would the Klan.
But there's also a trend here.
All the people and entities who've been pounding Gore, week after week,
are opening their eyes saying, "My God, what have we done?"
Bill Bennett, (never prosecuted for rape-never
even saw the inside of a jail cell)
ran off a whole list of Democrat accusers saying what a lying shit Gore is.
Granted, I'd never heard of most of them, he quotes "real" Democrats that
you and I have never heard of, which is a vulgar Pigboy trick.
It only works when you control the volume button, like Laura and Pigboy,
or when the host is a partisan, cock-hunting whore like Tim Russert.
But that doesn't excuse the shit we've heard from back-stabbers such
Bob Kerrey, Bill Bradley and George Judas Maximus Stephanopolous.
Maybe we're seeing the inevitable conclusion of what happens when
and Fox scream, "everybody else is lying," and instead of proving theu're not,
they thought it would be cheaper to attack Gore and smile at Smirk?
The Aruba Vacation
At what point did the media turn anti-Gore?
Do you realize that if there were a debate between
Al Franken and Ben Stein,
it could be billed as the Franken-Stein debate?
Need some outrage?
MY CANDIDATE CAN BEAT UP YOUR
by Christian Mitchell
In Salon’s recent article "The POTUS With the
Mostest," about the fictional
President Bartlett on NBC’s The West Wing, Joyce Millman writes, "It offers a
glimpse of what sort of leader we might elect if our political process were about
substance, ideas and accomplishment, instead of ‘character,’ TV cameras and mudslinging.
‘The West Wing’ makes you wonder if we could ever send a Josiah Bartlett to the White House."
Josiah Bartlett, who told the Christian Coalition
to get their fat asses out of his White House?
Josiah Bartlett, who gives his blessing to his college-age daughter dating a black man?
Josiah Bartlett, who verbally filleted a knock-off Dr. Laura in front of the cameras and a roomful of people?
Could a flesh-and-blood Josiah Bartlett get elected President?
As my 13-year-old sister would say, Yeah, right.
Abraham Lincoln said, "…that we highly resolve
that these dead have not died in vain
that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of
the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
What happened to him?
They murdered him.
John F. Kennedy said, "To those people in the
huts and villages of half the globe struggling
to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves,
for whatever period is required—not because the communists may be doing it, not because
we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor,
it cannot save the few who are rich."
What happened to him?
They murdered him.
Bobby Kennedy, as his brother Teddy said of him,
"saw wrong and tried to right it,
saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it."
What happened to him?
They murdered him, too.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said "I refuse to
accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound
to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can
never become reality. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."
What happened to Dr. King?
When a New Hampshire dairy farmer complained that
Bartlett voted against a bill
and thereby hurt the farmer’s pocketbook by ten cents a gallon, the fictional Bartlett said,
"Yeah, I screwed you on that one. You got hosed ... I put the hammer to farmers in Concord,
Salem, Laconia, Pelham ... You guys got rogered but good. Today for the first time in history,
the largest group of Americans living in poverty are children. One in five children live in the most
abject, dangerous, hopeless, backbreaking, gut-wrenching poverty any of us could imagine.
One in five. And they're children. If fidelity to freedom and democracy is the code of our civic
religion, then, surely, the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment
that says, 'We should give our children better than we ourselves receive.’
… Let me put it this way. I voted against the
bill because I didn't want to make it harder for
people to buy milk. I stopped some money from flowing into your pocket. If that angers you,
if you resent me, I completely respect that. But if you expect anything different from the
president of the United States, you should vote for someone else."
Beautiful, right? Just the kind of honesty
and leadership we claim we want in a president, right?
But if a flesh-and-blood President Bartlett said that, what would happen to him?
Well, if he ever made it to the White House, which I highly doubt, they’d murder him.
John Adams knew the score back when he argued
for why Thomas Jefferson should write
the Declaration of Independence and not himself. "I am disliked and obnoxious…any draft
of mine would undergo a more severe scrutiny and criticism in Congress."
It seems that for many Americans, it’s the messenger, not the message, that counts.
Vice President Gore has tried with all his might
to make this process about substance,
ideas and accomplishments. How do the press respond? He’s too wonkish, he needs
to loosen up, he’s talking too many specifics.
Earlier this year, a New York Times article complained
that the Vice President wasn’t
talking enough about issues. The next day, Gore took a boat ride out into Boston Harbor
to highlight the environmental cleanup going on there and his environmental policies in general.
What did the next New York Times article have to say about that? Why’s he talking about issues?
It’s too early to talk about issues. And people don’t care about THESE issues anyway.
The Vice President was so exasperated, he said
a few days later, "How have we gotten to a
place in this country where it’s bad to talk about issues?"
We treat this man like a duck in a shooting gallery.
Bing! Too passionate.
Bing! Too subdued!
Bing! Alpha male!
Bing! Earth tones!
Bing! Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple!
Before we harass our candidates for what we feel
they’re doing wrong, maybe we
should decide what the hell it is we want, and whether what we want, whatever we
decide that is, is actually substantive or merely pretty theatrics.
We’re all kinds of serious about our rights as
Americans. Try to keep us from owning guns
or listening to music with the word ‘fuck’ in it and we’ll tell you where you can go - you and
the pony you rode in on, too. But we don’t take our responsibilities seriously. I’ve heard too
many "undecided voters" our bestest new demographic say that even after all three debates,
they STILL don’t know who they’re voting for.
Well, excuse me, but maybe if they’d pay attention
to what the candidates are saying instead of
the colors of their ties and who kisses his wife the hottest, they might have all the information they need.
Allow me to use my Aunt Barbara’s favorite phrase
when she wants to say something mildly
insulting, but wants to soften the blow: "I don’t mean to say anything, but…"
Well, I don’t mean to say anything, but seems
like people want to get all their information in
one 90-minute debate, packaged into neat , camera-ready sound bites. Well, here’s a news flash:
it’s impossible to cram all the issues and candidate positions into an hour-and-a-half.
One undecided focus group participant on CNN said
after the third debate that he liked what
Gore said about recruiting new teachers, but wondered how he planned to attract them.
If this man had read any article over the past few months concerning the Vice President’s
education proposals, he would know that Gore wants to offer these teachers $10,000 sign-up bonuses.
I don’t mean to say anything, but geez, pick up a newspaper, will ya’?
On the one hand, the pundits complain that the
political debate in this country needs to be elevated.
On the other hand, they’ve devoted hours and hours of broadcast time over the last few days to
discussing the Rolling Stones cover photo of the Vice President and the apparent size of his "package."
Sounds to me like it’s not the political debate they’d like to elevate.
On the one hand, Gore’s a know-it-all, people
complain in a schoolyard kind of way.
(Boy, if they resent Gore’s intelligence, they damn sure wouldn’t like President Bartlett.
He’s a real brain, and he’s got a Nobel Prize in Economics to prove it.) On the other hand,
they claim they don’t know what he stands for. Well, how do they know he’s a know-it-all
unless they know what he knows? Sounds to me like the dog ate somebody’s homework.
The presidential race in this country has been
reduced to a high-school popularity contest.
People seem to be basing their opinions on who they’d rather have at their kegger instead
of who they’d want negotiating nuclear arms treaties with the Russians.
Let’s just be honest about it we’re not
voting for President of the United States.
We’re voting for Most Popular Kid in Class.
So why not go the whole nine yards? Instead
of having debates, maybe we should have
had tailgate parties. Let’s suit these guys up and see who attracts the most cheerleaders.
Instead of the candidates giving speeches, let’s have them slip into a couple of swimsuits
and compare their packages side by side.
Instead of town hall meetings, let’s have a drinking
Let’s give each of them a beer bong and see who can chug the most Bud.
Let’s have a spelling bee. Spell "dude."
Okay, now use it in a sentence. "Whoa, your math is way fuzzy, dude."
The next time Bush calls Gore a serial exaggerator,
Gore should just say,
"I know you are, but what am I?" Maybe people would like that better.
In fact, I know how we can settle this whole thing.
Gore should just challenge Bush
to a fight after school. It won’t exactly be a fair fight - Gore has a few inches on Dubya
(I’m talking about his height, folks)- but that’s all right.
The debates weren’t exactly fair fights, either.
Gore had a couple of inches on Bush there, too, only in a debate they measure it in IQ points.
Yes, that’s it, let’s have a rumble. Then
we’ll find out once and for all who the best man
really is in a way befitting the honor and dignity of the office. If Governor Bush is a little nervous
about being overmatched, maybe we can even let him have Triple H or Stone Cold Steve Austin
as his partner. Winner takes the White House, loser promises to go back to Texas where he belongs.
Come on, Governor, what do you say?
I double dog dare you.
The mail crisis continues,
...but it's not quite the Cuban Missle Crisis.
BTW, have you heard Kevin Costner has a movie coming out on that?
Looking back, the Cuban Missle Crisis was a thousand times more serious than Vietnam.
Did you know that?
I'll bet less than five percent of America knows why.
I don't have any secret source, it's just that I'm old
and I was paying attention the day the news broke that
Cuba fucking HAD hot nuclear missles during the crisis.
My memory is imperfect, and the movie may shed more light, but
I remember it ( I was nine) our ships circled Cuba and we searched every
inbound ship on the mistaken belief we were keeping nukes out,
when in fact,
the nukes were there, set up, aimed at Miami and ready to launch.
Did you know that?
Statistically, there are some people reading that for the first time.
Anyway, at some some, the Ruskies grew tired of it and RAMMED
our warships and a "scuffle" ensued where (I'm guessing) nobody died.
Still guessing, but at this point JFK got the news, and it was HIS decision.
What to do?
Sink the Ruskie ship and show them who's boss?
Teach those commie mother-fuckers we mean business?
Draw a line in the water and have a pissing contest?
Isn't that what Ronald Reagan would've done?
JFK, ...if memory serves me, ...did nothing.
but I want to focus a little more on JFK's hesitation.
We both know Reagan's would've launched in a fucking heartbeat,
because a real man knows when to take action, right?
Everybody knows Jack Kennedy hesitated because he was a lily-livered,
pussy-whipped, panty-waist faggot who wasn't man enough to stand up for his country.
Meanwhile, the Reagan/Smirk/Pigboy/Helms/Republican-position-for-years
all had their zippers down, ready for a confrontation they had NO CLUE about.
I sometimes make the joke, "He brought a knife to a gunfight."
The CIA told JFK all the other side had was a knife.
We were in the biggest gunfight in Earth's history - and JFK was in the dark.
We were so arrogant - so certain - that Cuba was cold,
we could've been more cocky
than Ol' BartCop in a live chat room with that yellow skirt from rushonline.com
Thank Koresh Jack Kennedy was no Ronald Reagan.
(takes big breath...)
We can reasonably assume that if JFK had some shit-for-brains,
Red-Ink Reagan view of foreign policy there's a better than 50-50 chance Miami
would be nothing more than the best lighthouse in North America.
If I remember right, all this happened in a matter of days.
That was before shit was on TV every minute of every hour, over and over.
There's not another moment in history when mankind was that close.
(takes shot of fine, luxury Chinaco Anejo...)
But anyway, my mail crisis is so much more important right now....
Better use firstname.lastname@example.org during weekday working hours
and email@example.com nights and weekends until I figure things out.
This is all Bill Gates's fault.
No Update Saturday?
I was kidnapped yesterday at 4 AM and forced to drive to a northern
community called the "War Eagle" area.
Once there, I was forced to walk miles and miles around white
tents that held
little "knick-knacks" and "arts and crafts" and "collectibles."
Yeah, if your idea of "collectibles" are hand-made corncob pipes
and pieces of wood that say, "Home Sweet Home."
Mrs. BartCop asks for very little, so when a request is made, she must be made happy.
Subject: Why the media hates Clinton/Gore
While the "trying to seem neutral (not liberal)
by bashing the Democrat" and
"just plain whores" theories have merit, I think I may have hit on the real reason
the press hates Clinton and Gore: They make the media's jobs harder.
Back in the days of Red-Ink, wars were breaking
we were invading banana republics left and right, unemployment was up,
the stock market was crashing. There was plenty of hot news to report.
What has the media had for the last 7 and 3/4
Whitewater, (which no one understood or cared about)
the fact that the economy was booming, crime was down,
peace and prosperity (all of which any newsman worth
his salt will tell you doesn't sell) and Clinton's cock.
Gore would bring more of the same, whereas who
what catastrophes will occur if the Smirk is elected?
Also, who writes about the President? The White
Bush put in his 8 hour days and went home.
Red-ink couldn't even be counted on for that.
Clinton flies all over the world, puts in 20 hour days, etc.
Look at the man lately, he's working himself to death in the middle east.
On a side note, if Bill Clinton creates a lasting
peace in the middle east,
then I really don't care WHAT his motivation was for doing so.
By all credible accounts, Gore is as much a workaholic
as Clinton is,
whereas Crackhead George can rarely be bothered to put in 6 hours,
and can be counted on to do as little of the work as possible.
From the media's perspective, Clinton & Gore = more work for less results.
Subject: XENA! XENA!
Holy shit BartCop, did you see Xena tonight?
First she had sex with Gabrielle, and then the devil!
Then she killed a bunch of angels.
Man what a woman!
Damn, I missed that.
Lesbians and devil sex?
Sounds like the Demo-2000 platform.
I guess I'd better start watching.
While being held against my will in Dogpatch, Arkansas yesterday,
I was handed a "delicately flaked" chocolate truffle, and told,
"This Belgian chocolate is the finest chocolate in the world."
Stifling a laugh, I bit my tongue to prevent saying,
"Oh, please! Best-tasting chocolate in the world?"
You're saying this will taste better than the South's Finest Chocolate?"
That's like saying, "better president than Bill Clinton,"
or "better guitar player than Jimmy Page."
Those Arkies have a sense of humor, don't they?
So, I bit into, and I must admit I was surprised it tasted as
good as it did.
It had some of the same qualities as the South's Finest Chocolate,
but there was no substance to it. It was a melt-in-your-mouth kind of taste,
where you couldn't really get a handle on it because it was gone too soon.
Good after-taste, no problem there, and - truth be told - if there
South's Finest Chocolate, (the Chinaco Anejo of fine, luxury chocolates)
this fancy Belgian chocolate wouldn't be a bad substitute.
That reminds me, now that the cooler weather is here, I'm going
to whip out
my credit card and contact the friendly folks at South's Finest Chocolate
and have them send me ten pounds or so of the "break up" milk chocolate.
Oh... life is good.
Smirk just learned what this job pays.
Did you notice when the subject of Smirk causing an abortion to
happen came up,
instead of saying, "On his oath to God, that's false - George did NOT do that," they said
"What a terrible question to ask!!!!
Whoever suggested that question isn't a very nice person!!!"
...and then the media dropped it.
Every time Clinton clears his throat, the whore press parses it
for hidden meanings
and alleged "double-speak," and what was NOT said, yet Smirk gets a pass
from the media for not answering THIS question, too?
If only McCain was REALLY a plain-speaking patriot.
While passing thru Fayettenam, I stopped to see my old friend
(gambling victim of the greatest college football comeback of all times) and,
swear to Koresh, he owns a hueueueueueuge liquor store in Fayettenam now,
so I gave him a little business.
He has a nice selection of fine, luxury tequilas, but he has the
the ultra-premium agave that God drinks - Chinaco Anejo - priced at $56!!!
He showed me his cost - $46 - yet I can buy it in K-Drag for a mere $36.
I told him I revealed the details of our little 1974 bet and he
"You put my name in your nefarious Rush the Whore publication?"
I think that means he's a Republican.
This morning, Bill Bennett (R- Never convicted of rape) stabbed
his old religious
friend Joe Lieberman in the back on Meet the Whore with Tim the Catholic,
proving once again that politics and tax cuts for the rich trumps the Word of God.
Bennett recently said JoeL was such a great and decent man, he
asked if he could
co-nominate him for VP at Demo-Con 2000. But since JoeL isn't pushing the
HUGE tax cut for the super-rich, Bennett is pissing on him AND his own religious
faith because, apparently, God understands Bennett's need for a huge tax cut.
Bill Bennett, who was never even arrested
for rape back in college, stuck a shiv
in his old friend in a feeble attempt to get that tax cut, the greedy bastard.
Once again, (How many examples have we seen?) the religious frauds have thrown
God overboard in search of another nickle. I wouldn't do that to a dog.
Mr. Morals and Virtue Bennett is a money-grubbing scambag.
Is there anyone left who can deny that?
By the way, did you know that Bill Gates lost about half his net
Sure, he went from like $88 billion to $46 billion in 30 days.
Wall Street is worried about Smirk and his Voodoo Economics
Wall Street thinks Smirk can win...
On November 8th, the Dow will go up 600 points!
While typing this, a Steve Largent commercial came on...
"The reason I broke my word on serving
...there's more work to be done, ...there are still hills to climb. "
Koresh, I'm glad he cleared that up...
As you know, the Eighth Commandment says,
"Thou shalt not lie unless there are still hills to climb."
Steve Largent isn't a screw-my-religion scumbag like Bill Bennett
Steve Largent is a man of his word who knows what the Commandments say.,
It's good to know the GOP has at least one religious hero
who will put his God and his principles above party loyalty
and put his insatiable fucking greed on the back burner.
Cunningham uses the BIG hammer.
News from the Future
Dateline November 7, 2025
Former Vice President Al Gore, (remember him?) gave a rare interview,
his first since losing the presidency 25 years ago today. From his tobacco farm,
Gore waxed nostalgic about how he, as president, might've prevented WWIII,
might have prevented Israel from nuking Eqypt, Yemen, Syria Iran and Iraq,
might have prevented the stock market crashes of 2002, 2005, 2016 and 2020,
and might've prevented the dreaded coathanger crisis of 2003.
When asked what he would do differently if he could magically
turn back time,
the former Vice President mentioned two major mistakes:
Speaking with his trademark wheezing, the 78-year old Gore said:
"Looking back, I clearly made two huge
mistakes. I distanced myself from the
best campaigner and most popular president of the last 100 years, and I failed
to take the advice of a fellow who was unknown back in 2000, a then-obscure
Internet columnist named BartCop , yes ...that BartCop, who vehemently urged me
to remind women they would lose their reproductive rights under George Bush.
If I had another chance, I'd listen to my friends Bill and BartCop."
Subject: Maureen Dowd in praise of Clinton?
This Dowd piece came as a surprise to me since
she has spent a good many years
taking cheap smart-ass shots at Clinton. Yet, she seems to have gone 180 and is
in praise of Clinton's effectiveness despite herself. I agree with the basic premise
in her piece which is that this race should be no contest.
How did Smirk ever become electable?
He even said himself on Letterman that the expectations
have been set so low
that all he has to do is say,"Hi, my name's George W. Bush!"
Al better grow some cajones and play his aces
or we're in for massive red-ink,
poisonous air and worse. I can't believe Gore is fucking this up.
Say it ain't so, BC. Say it ain't so.
Dare Speak His Name
By MAUREEN DOWD
Set him free!
Sure, they hate
Bill Clinton in the swing states
and they can't abide him in the rural counties,
but nobody's perfect. In the Gore campaign,
the president is known as "the ice on our wings."
But just wait.
That supercilious Nashville crowd is going to have to let
Mr. Clinton do a little more than get-out-the-vote rallies and ads.
They're going to have to let the big dog run.
When Mr. Clinton
is asked about his role in the campaign of his vice
president, who refuses to campaign with him, he says,
"I just want to do whatever is best."
But you can see the pop-up bubble:
"Give me a shot at Bush. I can take him."
We all knew that
Bill Clinton was going to make this election about
himself sooner or later. This is a man with needs. Unquenchable needs.
On the whole,
the president has been patient about Al Gore casting him
as Lord Voldemort, the Harry Potter villain who inspires such fear no
one dares speak his name.
Mr. Clinton has
also been game, relegated to political vaudeville for a
year, forced to headline at small-bore fund-raisers in boring cities with
bad restaurants and candidates that no one has ever heard of. He fell off
the wagon only once, really, when he did that fabulously cheesy gladiator
walk at the L.A. convention — a cry for attention if there ever was one.
But think how
awful it has been for the poor president, pacing around his
Oval Cage as Al Gore frittered away this huge, amazing gift that had
been bestowed on him: the best economy in the history of mankind, a
burgeoning surplus, a declining crime rate, minuscule unemployment and
inflation, vertiginous approval ratings.
Mr. Gore is
willing to campaign with any big-name Democrat except the
man who may be the most popular and articulate leader in the world.
The vice president
does not even deign to ask Mr. Clinton's advice. Like
Hannibal Lecter in his locked body cast, the president was forced to peer through
a slit as his vice president fell behind the son of the man he had dispatched so
certainly eight years ago.
How on earth
do you lose an unlosable election to a rich little daddy's boy
who has been governor of a state for six years where governors don't
even have much power — a slacker who can't talk and won't think,
who is on the wrong side of the issues, whose only theme is to offer change
to a country that is thrilled with the way things are?
is, his pals say, furious. After all, he beat a Bush who knew a lot
and had already been president. Al may lose to a Bush who doesn't know a lot
and concedes that his serious life began only at 40. For a year, Mr. Gore didn't
even make the case that it would be insane to switch Ferraris in midstream.
In a compelling
piece in The Times on Friday, Melinda Henneberger and
Don Van Natta Jr. reported on the estrangement of the two men, noting that
Mr. Clinton feels that the Washington hired guns have taken the fight out of Al,
who has now picked up the wimp factor that once clung to the Bush family.
mind must have reeled when the Texas governor managed
to turn a liability into a selling point this week, joking about his shaky hold
on current affairs. As W. told David Letterman about the debate,
"Expectations were so low all I had to do was say, `Hi, I'm George W. Bush.' "
And at the Al Smith dinner at the Waldorf, he kidded: "I'm especially pleased that
Mr. Milosevic has stepped down. It's one less polysyllabic name for me to remember."
Hillary may not
have forgiven Bill, but she wants his advice. She knows how
good he is. He's campaigning across New York this weekend to raise money for her.
She wants the photo op, too. For Hillary, in New York State, the president is not
the ice on her wings. He's the wind beneath them.
After Al and
Bill, the awkward pair, appeared together at Mel Carnahan's funeral,
Gore finished the week by sending out his spokesman, Mark Fabiani, to say that the
president and vice president would not be appearing at any campaign rallies.
If Mr. Clinton
isn't sent into the game in some more meaningful role than
mobilize-the-base rallies, he will keep making the case from the sidelines
that Al should be making from center stage.
not disappeared from the Harry Potter novels simply
because no one will say his name.
Subject: My hopes are fading
Sorry to say this, BartCop...
But my hopes are fading. FAST.
The thought of 'President Smirk' makes me and everyone I know ill,
but I would have thought Gore would have been lifted by the third debate,
and from what I've seen, he hasn't been.
I'm fully aware the press has given Smirk a free
pass (and I could tell you were
irritated about the Flynt abortion shell, which seems to have been ignored),
but I also think that Gore has run a uniquely lousy campaign. You hit the nail
on the head months ago when you noticed with distress that Gore was running
away from Clinton. BIG mistake, though I see that Gore is only now scrambling
to pull Bill back into the mix. I kept wishing Gore would have followed your
guidelines of what to say in the debates (especially the statements on abortion),
but he seems lost. I'm sure gonna vote for him, but I'm not holding my breath.
And yes, it does seem to me that the press is
doing everything they can to
sway the election to Smirk. Why? Yo
Don't forget the coughing analogy.
If you have a cough, you can't assume you have advanced lung cancer
and give away your worldy possessions and recuse yourself to a
mountaintop monestary and wait for your brain to turn to dust.
We won't get the lab tests back until November 7th.
There will be plenty of time to panic in the future if the impossible
but right now the smart move is to and prepare
to celebrate our big victory live on bartcop.com that Tuesday night.
The press and America's comedians are all pulling for Smirk because,
as has been said many, many times here at bartcop.com, a Gore presidency
will bore everyone to death, whereas a Smirk presidency is a gold mine.
Recently, the ugly thought crossed my mind that the press is waiting until
Smirk takes the oath of office to bust these dozens of scandalous stories.
The press is not here to inform, educate or be a watchdog.
The press is here to sell advertising, and they need shit-hot stories to do that.
Causing a candidate to resign from a presidential race would make a great
story for a week or two, but once cocaine-AWOL-abortion-deathpenaltyboy
becomes president, they can torture him until after Congress impeaches him.
The number one reason to relax is this:
If Smirk wins, Pigboy will become an apologist for the federal government.
Fox News ditto.
That's not going to happen.
But the most important reason is this:
Since January, hits on bartcop.com have, swear to Koresh, increased tenfold.
If Smirk is elected, that will happen again - and maybe again.
God will not allow that to happen - that's a fact.
Does this look like my future?
No - that looks like Smirk's consolation prize for trying hard.
So trust me.
Get ready to party.
Pissed off again
Now that there's no more baseball, I was looking forward to some
What games are broadcast in K-Drag this week?
We're getting Oakland vs Seattle.
Who gives a rat's ass about Oakland and Seattle?
Every week, we get the Dallas Losers against somebody,
which is partially understandable since Oklahoma borders Texas,
but Oklahoma doesn't border Intelligencia or Washington state, does it?
On the other hand, Kansas and Missouri both border Oklahoma,
and John Madden
has called the Rams offense, "the best in the history of the NFL,"
but will we get to see that game?
Why would anoyone want to see two "local" teams, one of which
is the most exciting
to watch in all of football, college or pro, when we can watch Seattle play Oakland?
God will do anything to deny me happiness,
which is more proof that Smirk will lose this election!
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