Volume 311 - Pink and Black

 October 28, 2000

  Oklahoma shucks Nebraska from behind, 31-14

 Sooner rather than Husker
   Nebraska made to eat it

 As far as the state of Oklahoma is concerned, they had a winning season
 the day they stomped the University of Texas into little longhorn meatballs.

 The next game, they stomped #2 Kansas State into little kitty cricker-crockers.
 Now the next game, they slap 31 unanswered points on the top-ranked Huskers.
 Heisman candidate Josh the Hoople had 300 yards in just three quarters.
 The whole state is going ape-shit.
 They're talking about running Hoople for Lt. Governor.

 The Oklahoma Highway Patrol  is expecting 200-300 car wrecks
 on the Oklahoma City-Tulsa stretch of I-44.

 The president of OU, former Senator David Boren, (D-Gay Conservative)
 said he was so happy with the team's victory, he awarded the team a rape,
 a drug-overdose and two shootings, drawing immediate condemnation
 from women's groups and Stop Handguns Inc...


From: WilliamL15@prodigy.net

Subject: Cleopatra 2525

Holy cow, BartCop, did you see Cleopatra 2525 tonight?

It started right off with Cleo (Jennifer Sky, AKA amazon princess on Xena)
saying "Holy shit!" on broadcast TV. Next she got high on laughing gas and
had hot lesbian sex with Sarge (AKA Lilly) .

Then Hal (Gina Torres, AKA Egyptian princess on Hercules)
got a parasitic venereal disease and they had to kill her to get rid of it.

Damn, that sounds hot!
You better not be teasin' me, cause I'm gonna watch now.

 From the New York Whore Times

 George W. Bush has hosted 533 overnight guests at
 the Texas governor's mansion, including major financial contributors.

 The list was obtained by the paper through the Texas public information law.
 It shows that the Bushes typically had five to 10 overnight guests a month.

 "Some invitations apparently had a political motivation," reports the NYWT,
  such as white governors, white congressmen and major financial contributors.

..............................................................................Warped  minds  think  alike?

 Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments

 Moderator: Hillary, name three things you like about The Lick.

 Clinton: It seems like he has a very nice family, he has worked very hard
               ...and he’s an attractive young man.

 Lazio: ...you’re an attractive woman...

 ha ha

 Maybe the two of you should get a room?

From: lind2116@home.com

Subject: You're DBEST!

Dear Bart,
Keep up the good work. I have opened my home for free babysitting so that
young parents supporting VP Gore can get to the voting booth on November 7th.
We can all do a little something to defeat that ego-maniac boy Bush/Nader.

God forbid if we get that Godzilla Chaney as second first lady.
She's totally against government support for the arts. Godzilla Chaney is against
black women writers, such as Toni Morrison, from receiving Literary Awards
because she calls them "mediocre writers." I call her a real KKK racist.

A Bush win will send our fellow-black citizens to the back of the bus.
Why Colin Powell supports Bush, must be for the millions the KKK
and the killer NRA are putting in Powell's Swiss bank account.
I really would love to kick him in the groin for what he's doing to his own people.
Powell is just shameless.

Thank you.

From: Palau998@aol.com

Subject: Chinaco, Bush, the end of the world as we know it


I have only recently found your wonderful site, an oasis of sanity and intelligence
in a world gone mad.  Whenever I feel sorry for myself for having to live among
the troglodytes of Southern New Jersey, I just think of you living out there in the
heart of conservative darkness, and it gives me hope.

But I am losing hope about this election, I am afraid the republican lackey
media has so misled the public that the average joe, the salt of the earth,
the good simple people, you know, morons (remember Blazing Saddles?)

ha ha
You can't go wrong with a Blazing Saddles reference here, my friend,

...actually think Smirk is competent to be president, and they are going to
elect the bastard.  But here's the most disheartening thing.  I just came
back from a week in Vegas, my wife had to go for a business convention and I
tagged along.  I don't gamble (the wife's in the gambling biz, know what they
call their customers?  "Losers.")

So I spent my time hiking every day in redrocks, go there bartcop, it is the best.
But every night my wife and I would go eat at one of the restaurants at one
of the casinos, and every night I looked for that tequila bar you talked about.
I never wrote it down, so I had no idea except it was the "taqueria" something.

It's Taqueria Cononita

Well, I never found it, until the last day, my wife and I walked into the Venetian
for a quick look, killing time on the way to the airport, 20 minutes before we had
to be at our flight home, and there I saw that little bar and recognized it from the
photo you had posted, but it was too late to do the tequila sampler.

You poor bas   ...uh, ...fellow.
I hate to hear you had such bad luck.

My wife dragged me out to the airport for the redeye back east.
Well, if Smirk wins this election, I figure we will be in a nuclear confrontation
pretty quick, with Smirk already signaling to the Arabs that he will not support Israel,
and saying he doesn't want to use the Army to keep the peace, instead he wants to
use it to fight wars.  I really am worried.  But anyway, if we wind up with some kind
of Cuban missle crisis redux, I'm going out there to spend my last minutes at that bar,
waiting for the bombs to hit Nellis in a tequila haze, and I expect to see you there, too.


I'm there, Dude.

But, screw those lil' samplers.
If missles are nigh, we'll just tank up and put it on the Visa card.

  Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments

 Moderator: Lick, are you reconciled to losing?

 Lazio: Absolutely not.

 ha ha

 I'll bet he wouldn't bet his ice cream cone on that.


 Can this be for real?

 Judges Reject Appeal in ’Sleeping Attorney’ Case
 Ruling: A defendant in a Texas murder trial has no
  absolute right to a lawyer who stays awake, panel says.

 After you regurgitate your f-ing breakfast...

 Click  Here  for the original LA Times's version

 Click  Here  for the forever version

 Read what Sam and I said to be funny!

 Click  Here

 Inside Nader's stock portfolio
 Financial statements show he invests in "evil" companies
  -- including Dick Cheney's former employers.

 Click  Here

 What are they saying in The London Times?

 I still believe US voters will be wise enough to see through the trivia
 of the campaign coverage. If they base their decision on serious issues,
 such as foreign policy, abortion, gun control and, above all, economic stability,
 the chances are they will opt for safety and vote for Mr Gore.

 But I am a lot less confident than I was two weeks ago.

 Subject:  Divided Government

 With Bush ahead in all the major polls it would seem that there may be
 only one alternative to stopping George W. Bush from squandering the surplus;
 elect Democrats to the House and Senate. With Bush having raised and spent
 a record amount of money to get elected, it will soon be time to pay back
 those who invested money in his campaign. And that pay back will be with
 our tax dollars and our retirement money.

 I therefore urge voters to vote for Democrats to at least create some gridlock
 in the hope that they can slow down the process and prevent Bush from giving
 this great country away to his rich friends.

 Marc Perkel, publisher  bartcop.com
 San Francisco Ca. 94112



 Great Clinton-Lazio Debate III Moments

 Moderator: You’ve been accused of being a co-president ...

 Clinton: That’s one of the nicest things I’ve been accused of.

 ha ha

 Make her stop!

From: dfalchek@uplink.net

Subject: Where's the story?


Why haven't we heard the REAL story behind W. Shrub?

How did he get into Yale with a cum average (he means cumulative average) ha ha
below 3.0 when Yale rejects applicants with 4.0?

What about the draft dodging? --signing up for the air national guard
and the AWOL stuff.

The fraternity circle-jerks, homo torture, and ewe-lovin'?
How about the resultant barely-passing grades in college?

Why have the press not pursued the cocaine and loose women in the days of disco.
(Imagine Shrub in his butterscotch suit with white stitching all coked up doing the Hustle.)

ha ha
Stop it.

Fast forward to the 1980's.
Where are the stories about the oil companies he bankrupted?
His daddy use his bully pulpit to strong arm richies to buy Shrub's
company stocks at 10  X market value. Where's that story?

Here's a guy who couldn't run a 7 - 11, poised to the be the next
president, and the American people know virtually nothing about him.

How will people know he is a sheep-plooking, coke-snorting,
mathmathically challenged, Title 1, self-loathing bisexual?
(Not that I have a problem with that, but it causes him gay-bash.)

Your thoughts?

D. F.

I've said many times that the press would write their stories long before now,
but for a reason I can only guess at, they're holding on to them.

My best guess is it's much more fun and profitable to fuck
with a sitting president than it is to ruin a presidential campaign.

If they blew the whistle on Smirk now, they'd get a few weeks of fun,
and then they'd have four/eight looong, boring years with Gore.

But if they can get Smirk elected, they can torture him for months or years
until Miss Cheer and Bug Boy explain to him that he's lost his base in congress
and he needs to step down and let "Big Time" run the show.

Bottom line?

They are lazy whores - they can make more money this way,
That's always the bottom line.

...but I still think Gore will be victorious.

 Today's Page Two Girl is a triple shot from the boss

 Click  Here

 From: rshayes@btc-bci.com

 Subject: Bush answering machine message

 Hi Bartcop,

 When my husband and I got home this afternoon there was
 a message from the Bush camp about his stand on abortion.

 It gave a toll free number to call and leave a message.
 I didn't take the time to answer it, but got a message from my
 mother she had the same message on her machine this afternoon.

 She said she wasn't going to support him because of his financing
 of an abortion in the 70's.  After that I had to call it myself.
 What better way to answer the asshole?

 Here is the number:


 Call me and tell me
 what you think of me!

 Sylvia Hayes
 Grand Junction, MI

 Cool Beans!

 A free 800 number to call Smirk with our opinions?

 ha ha

"Smirk, you're a mean-spirted, moronic gob of cotton-candy.
  Thanks for paying for this phone call of truth, and for
  paying for my next call, and the next one,  and the next...

 ha ha

 Smirk and the Supreme Court

 Click  Here

From: jstone@sofnet.com

Subject:: Tell Roger Wilson if Jean Carnahan is qualified

This shows what an utter piece of shit  vote.com  is:
Why not ask first:

How many of you voting know *anything* about Jean Carnahan.
The Asscroft hate and attack machine gears up again ...

Well, anybody is more qualified than the hateful Christian Asscroft.
BTW, isn't vote.com run by Dick Morris?
The guy Rush calls "the toe sucker?"

 Great Hillary Quotes

 "After watching the final game of the World Series,
   I was struck by the fact that the players not born
   in New York were able to deliver for New York."

  ha ha

 Ladies and Dentalmen (homage to Pigboy)
 the next senator from the great state of New York...

 Great West Wing Quotes

 This is an election between the most qualified person to run
  for president in my lifetime and the least qualified.
 This ain't no stinkin' TV show.
 The stakes are high, the consequences are real.
    -"Josh Lyman" to 30,000 people in Madison, WI, campaigning with Algore

 From: fiendish33@hardynet.com

 Subject: =( alan colmes is GOD!

  wtf man!?
 Why you gotta insult Alan Colmes!?
 Alan is the perfect guy!
 He's GOD-LIKE and you dis him!!
 I am just in shock now cuz I thought you were pretty decent
 but to insult Alan is just sooooo wrong
 that I'm not able to put how much that sucks into words! =(

 Alan Forever,


 Heather, don't feel bad.
 I suffer from writer's block a lot, myself.

 Alan is the perfect guy ...if you're arguing with Aunt Edna, but he's in
 the nasty hardball New York pit with Sean Hannity, AKA Pigboy-in-training.
 Hannity dominates the show and the conversation.
 Seems like Hannity controls Alan's volume button, too.

 I like Alan's politics, but his job is to play the fool so Hannity can demonstrate
 how stupid liberals are and how superior the Master Race Republicans are..
 Alan's got the same job as the team playing the Harlem Globetrotters.

 If Alan is a good, effective Democratic debater, could you name a bad one?

 Saw some hate mail over at  bettybowers.com

 From: Joan and Larry Everett  jomay@amigo.net
 To: betty@bettybowers.com
 Sent: Wednesday, October 25, 2000 4:01 PM
 Subject: Betty Bowers the Gore Whore

 > You are nothing more than a Gore Whore!

 From: Betty Bowers  betty@bettybowers.com
 To: Joan and Larry Everett  jomay@amigo.net
 Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 16:14:53 -0400
 Subject: Re: Betty Bowers the Gore Whore

 Dear Harlot and Her Common Law Husband:

 I don't appreciate your filthy, secular language.
 I would NEVER vote for a Demon-crat!
 Of course, I could never vote for a child molester either, which
 is why I simply can't cast a ballot for Poppy and Bar's son.

 I am infuriated with Bar for not telling me that George forced his
 15 year-old lover to have an abortion. I can hear her now!
 Trotting out that tired old, "Betty, he was out of his mind on cocaine" excuse!
 How many times are we loyal Republicans going to have to listen to that?
 I ask you!

 Yours in Christ,
 Betty Bowers

 ha ha

From: (withheld)

Subject: Need a Client?

OK, I work for the federal government.  (NASA.)
And posting facts that go against the right-wingnuts was stupid.

I added a tag-line to my e-mail about the signs at the political conventions (factual).
And a tag to my out-of-office reply about how we could conserve more oil
than by drilling out of the arctic (factual).

Now -- get this -- they want to suspend me for two weeks, without pay,
for "political activity on government property."

Never mind the dittohead that listens to Limbaugh 3 hours a day, every day,
on his government computer.

Never mind the religio-nits with their "I serve the lord" posters on their government cubicles,
or the "my president is Charleton Heston" bumper stickers on their government cabinets.
The Bushies are so panicked, they're monitoring EACH AND EVERY e-mail from
the outspoken Gore supporters at Kennedy Space Center.

Know any lawyers who'd like to take on the feds?

Lady X

Any lawyers out there can help a lady in distress?

 Atlanta Journal Constitution endorses Barr's Opponent

 Barr, on the other hand, was trying to drum up interest in impeaching
 Bill Clinton long before the world even heard of Monica Lewinsky,
 and he's made destruction of the Clintons his central passion.

 Today, he says that his only regret is that Kenneth Starr's $40 million
 (No, it was over $50,000,000)  investigation of the president didn't go far enough.
 Barr's appearance before the Council of Conservative Citizens,  a known
 white supremacist group, only added to the embarrassment he has caused this state.

 From: Walllleo@aol.com

 Subject: hate

 We've got to get hate like yours off the net,
 stop hate speech


 Walt, could be....
 But what should we do about the humor?

 Today's Page Two Girl isn't torn at all

 Click  Here

 Great Music Hero Quotes

 "Don't get me wrong, I like children, I have a few of them myself.
   But they shouldn't be running the music business."
    -- Bono last night live on  www.farmclub.com  after their live concert

 ha ha

 From: PiccoloGT15@aol.com

 Subject: Conspiracy Theory


 What would happen if there were several forces at work
 behind the RNC to put Shrub Jr. in power?  Let me explain..

 FORCE ONE: The complete chaotic breakdown of the Reform Party.
 Look at the turmoil that surrounded said body this year.
 First an internal struggle for power that was dominated by Buchanan.
 Odd to see a Republican luminary shift alliances so easily,
 and then contribute to the break up of what probably helped
 put the coffin in the grave of the Senior Shrub.
 Thus, one worry is taken out of the way, Buchanan damming up
 any candidates that might spring up to take Perot's mantle.

 FORCE TWO: Nader. Yup, Nader isn't as Left as he appears to be.
 In reality, he's quite conservtive, and is rumored to have busted a union once.
 Look at his global policies.
 If it wsn't for a few of his stances, he's almost be like Pat in some ways.
 I could see him being enlisted to draw some of the vote from Gore, enough to
 ensure a disasterous turnout for Gore, and then placing Bush in the Oval Office.
 (God help us in THAT Darkest Hour)

 Bush, then boasting since he's a "uniter, not a divider" he'll sit Nader in a
 Secretary of (Insert department here). Of course, Nader will be Bush's cabana boy,
 ala McCain, and when Democrats oppose Bush, hge'll say "But NADER agrees
 with me, and he's one of your guys. You must have the problem."

 Then he'll tell a quick Texas joke and the press will laugh
 at his merry wit and commend the fact he stayed up half the night,
 like in HARVARD to memorize that joke.

 FORCE THREE: The media. Why the media, who once boasted names
 like Upton Sinclair and Ida Tarbell, now cna only parrot the RNC's fax's
 as the One and Only Truth. Now, in the last days, it seems the truth is slowly getting out.
 But is it too little too late?

 Figuring how the media hs it's head rammed so far up W's ass that they've
 run into something from his frat boy hazing days, I'm pretty sure it is.
 When the NY Times can have an orgasm about Gore saying "there" instead
 of "they're" and all of a sudden become certified to make psychiatric judgements,
 then I don't know what we're going to do. And don't think the media is using this
 as a springboard to another story. Why we must pretend the media will be
 on our side after this fiasco, I don't know.

 FORCE FOUR: The average voter isn't a Conason, an Irvings, a Baker,
 or even a Bartcop.  It's  a blind stumbling mammoth that is fed whatever is
 presented before it's pit of a mouth, swallowing whatever it can with a react now,
 think later attitude. The RNC counted on this, and it seems it might have worked.

 In any case, it's drk days ahed, maybe....

 Didn't someone say that God is a Democrat?

 I'll buy everything but the "drk says ahed."
 I think Gore's going to win.

 Lucy Liu of Charlie's Angels says

 Get a Leg up...

 7:20 CDT
 I'm watching Gore live on Fox.

 I think I know what one of Gore's problems is:
 He doesn't know how to speak in nuts & bolts.

 He's going over that point AGAIN about Smirk promising the same
 trillion dollars to tax cuts AND Social Security. He does a great job
 of explaining it, but he doesn't give the viewer anything to hold onto.

 I think I have the talent that Gore needs right now, for instance:
 Gore should say, "Smirk is promising that same trillion dollars
 to two different groups of people. That would take a magic act.
 I can understand him pulling a trillion dollars out of the first magic hat,
 because we expect a trillion dollars to be in that first magic hat, but....

 "Where's the second magic hat?"

 That's the trick.
 It gives the lazy sons of bitches in the press something their small, puny minds
 can comprehend, something they can write down in a few words.

 "Where's the second magic hat?"

 If he would ask that question a couple of times,
 the lazy-ass mother-effers in the press just might say,
 "Gore want to know where the second magic hat is?"

 Suddenly, Smirk has a question he has to answer.
 How could he avoid answering that?
 It's a very damn simple question.

 If he refuses, and the press won't press him on it, the Democrats could
 send two magicians to follow Smirk around, with one without a hat!
 The mental imagery stays with you, long after Gore is done droning.

 Smirk can't deliver without that second hat!

 Gore camp - you need to hire Ol' BartCop!

   I can make the hard stuff seem really easy.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue we've ever done.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com

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