Reagan Quotes

"Our policy is simple: We are not going to betray our friends,

 Geez Ronnie, now it's our president that's simple.
 You'd crap your pants if you knew what Dubya's done to our allies like France and Germany.

 ...we're not going to reward the enemies of freedom,

 Whoa, aren't you the president who gave Stinger missles to Islamic Jihad?
 Or did Bush, the real president from 1981-1993, not tell you he did that?

 ...or permit fear and retreat to become American policies.

 Ronnie, you wouldn't believe what has happend to the America you loved.
 Fear and retreat is on the menu every day in Bush's Amerika.

 What does he mean?


 Subject: The Clash

 Hey Bart!

 Here's the scoop on the *real* reason The Clash didn't perform at that awards ceremony:
 the band's logic is, if the audience isn't open to the public (which this show wasn't), then they won't play.
 Simple as that.


 Cat, thanks for that.
 BTW, isn't The Clash  the best name ever for a "we won't take your shit" rock group?

Jon Stewart

 Y'know, people are telling me if I'm gonna be in radio, I should do impressions.
 So I'm going to try my first impression on you now, so tell me if it works.

 You ready?

 (Clears throat, adjusts tie...)

 "I'll tell you who  is hot, ...Jon Stewart, ...he is hot."

 Crowd:  How is he?

 ha ha

 It worked.
 That was my Johnny Carson impression.

 For you younger kids, Johnny once ruled the Earth.
 When TV only had three channels, you tuned to NBC after the news every night.

 Anyway, why did I bring that up?
 Jon Stewart is hot, hot is he?

 If you only have time to read  or watch Jon Stewart, watch Jon Stewart.
 Jon Stewart is challenging Chris Rock for funniest man in America.

 ha ha

 A white guy?  Funniest man?
 That's like a white guy being crowned heavyweight champ!

 When there's real news in the news, Jon Stewart is the best thing on TV.
 We'll be stealing lots of sound clips from Jon Stewart's show.

 Condensed version of Bush's war speech
   by Astro

 My fellow citizens... war against terror...captured the mastermind... September 11th...terror...attacks...threat...
 Saddam Hussein... regime change...terror... aggression... crimes... terror... rapists... terrorists... weapons of mass destruction...
 Saddam Hussein...threat... terrorists... dangerous dictator... murder... terror... lethal weapons... terrorist... terrorists...
 reckless agression... Qaeda terrorists...weapons of mass destruction...nuclear arsenal... Saddam Hussein...
 September the 11th...protect...terror... when evil men plot... threat... chemical, biological or nuclear weapons...
 Saddam Qaeda... Saddam Hussein...threat...good for... wealthy... war...protect... Bible... attacks...
 force... nations...France and Germany... we'll deal with them...I...a master of deception... with... weapons of mass destruction...
 a the Iraqi people... we love... totalitarianism... Liberty is not America's gift to the with it...Iraq's got money...
 So there's a lot more at stake than just American security...I hope we... go to war... Iraq...United Nations
 Security Council...I'm not worried about that... Turkey... Saddam Hussein must leave within 48 hours.... We have to deal
 with them all militarily... we have to use our troops...I pray... America...hates... freedom... And therefore...we're at war...
 we...want anybody in harm's way...the journalists... the inspectors... We hope we...go to war...pretty soon... liberation is near...
 We are a peaceful people....every measure has been taken to avoid war.... blackmail free nations... we're working the issue hard...
 regime change...for...the's more than America... I'm the Commander-in-Chief...bless America."

 CNN has added a cute little hottie to their anchor desk - her name is Carol.
 She's on in the morning, like from 9-noon, with Leon harris.

 Her name might be Carol Costello, but of course, they don't introduce her or anything.
 She sits there with hundred year veteran Leon Harris, who gets a giant graphic with his name on it
 every time he speaks, but the new girl doesn't deserve to have her name mentioned. It's like the damn
 radio stations. When they play Aqualung, Stairway or Brown Sugar, they painstakingly identify the
 songs you've heard 10,000 times over the last thirty years, but when a new song comes along they
 never even mention what group did it - you're always in the dark - the bastards.

 And of course, she's really old, like 40, so you kids will see her as somebody's cute mom,
 but when you're tempting 50, a 40 year old girl looks like a teenager. Besides, she's got
 really high cheekbones and that almost-smart sparkle in her eye that I find most attractive.

 Isn't it nice of CNN to put a pretty face on Bush's mass murder of all things Iraqi?

 Ask BartCop

 Hey Bart,

 Colin Powell says Osama has support in 100 countries.
 America can only drum up 30 countries' support for the Bush war.

 Should I worry?


 Davis, yes.

 I'm going to owe a lot of people an apology before this is over so I'll start now:

 Surrounding my computer was a massive pile of "Things to get to," which was things people
 have sent like books, CDs, video tapes, magazine articles, giant envelopes, political buttons,
 bumper stickers, newsletters, dozens of dozens of letters, pictures of their pets -  a lot of stuff.

 The pile was so big, when we got to the bottom I found my missing Nakamichi casette recorder.
 Hey, before they had CDRs, couldn't nothing duplicate sound like a Nak.

 To get the radio studio built this year, all we could do was push the stuff into giant boxes and
 pull them into the hall until new shelves were assembled and installed to hold the giant boxes.

 A big mistake I made early on was not asking people to attach their name and e-mail address to
 whatever it was they sent. In dozens of cases I have giant envelopes and boxes etc with a name
 on them, but to make space we had to put the CDs in a pile, the video tapes in a pile etc etc.

 I have a low-IQ system that no donations get deposited until the sender was thanked,
 either by e-mail or snail mail, so hopefully there weren't too many people disappointed.
 If you sent me something and I didn't thank you, send me a reminder. I may never get
 the time to hear/read/watch everything that's been sent, but like e-mail that never got read,
 I hate to think of the important stuff that was overlooked.

 Real celebrities can afford to hire a staff - I wonder what that's like?
 But the screw up is mine, so please don't take it personally if I didn't get back to you.
 I especially want to thank the people who sent West Wing tapes.
 Those were two of the best episodes this year.


"Hollywood celebs aren't anti-war. They just hate the President.
    --John Fund, woman-beater

 Hi, I'm John Fund.
 I  beat women - got any?



 Subject: garbage

 I stumbled over your garbage on the internet, and now I know why the left is losing.
 You have no morals.

 You are not fit to raise dogs, much less, to be taken seriously about human affairs.
 Please keep cursing and using your childish slurs...

 You will gain votes, and win back the 3 branches of gov.,
 that gore and the other brave democrats could not keep.


 Hey Monkey, want to go a few rounds with me in a debate?
 I could make you a surrender monkey in five minutes - if you can type fast, ten minutes of you can't,
 and I won't use any language that might offend your monkey ears.

 C'mon, big talker - can you back it up?
 Or were you just playing with yourself?


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