The Oh-Jeez-Did-We-Forget-To-Mention Department
   by Stephen Sacco
 

Washington, D.C. – The announcement on Wednesday by the White House
that George W. Bush had advance warning that terrorists might try to highjack
airplanes has spurned a rash of other stories that people have just forgotten to
mention and are only now remembering.  This remembering is only coincidental
with the fact that CBS News was going to report these facts.

But don’t take all this too seriously.  I mean even George W. Bush, known for his
towering ability to make the pie higher with his quick and dexterous use of the English
language, forgot to mention for eight months that they knew about the evildoers in early August.

 "I mean, the poor man, he was on vacation and he was only taking a whole month
and  nobody really likes to think about work on vacation,"  said conservative
commentator Tucker Carlson.

 The Republicans are in a very forgiving mood.  Finally, we see that they really are
compassionate conservatives.  It’s very touching.  It’s a tribute to those who lost their
lives on 9/11.  It’s almost enough to make me a little teary-eyed.

Representative Tom DeLay was joining in the new forgiveness when he said yesterday,
"Do you think the President of the United States has time to go around connecting the
dots for every terrorist threat that comes by his desk?  He’s the Commander and Chief
not the Connect The Dotter and Chief.  This is so unfair, just give the guy a break."

 DeLay was quick to point out that these reports only had to do with a very small segment
of the American people: the airline industry CEO and their profit margins.  When asked
about the people who worked for the airlines and the civilians who were in harm’s way
DeLay was quick to respond, "Bill Clinton is a bad, bad man."

"I’m sure glad that everybody is in a forgiving mood," said former President Bush today.
"I kind of forgot to mention that we really did pay off the Iranians.  But it was a nonspecific
payment, just like those threats were nonspecific, so everything is okay.  We didn’t tell
them…well, not in so many words…to keep the hostages until after the election…
they just kind of got the message."

Former first lady Barbara Bush saw the peace that this sudden remembering had brought
to her husband and suddenly remembered a secret of her own.

 "Now, George loves Dubya like he was really his own, but I have to tell you, I think he
was actually the result of a sexual indiscretion I had with Satan at a party hosted by William
F. Buckley."  Barbara went on to say, "All of this was nonspecific as George and I was
heavily into cocaine at the time."

"Oh yes, " chuckles the ex-president, "I remember that night.  I have to say I was a little hurt,
and I was very suspicious when the winged monkeys arrived at our complex in Kennebunkport
the next day with a black egg.  But when George hatched six months later we were pleased as
pie to welcome the little devil into our family."

It was at this point that I heard a muffled laugh from the closet. Of course, being the curious sort,
I inquired as to its origins and was told, "You heard no such thing."  However, sombody was
definitely in the closet and, being the sort to never be able to leave well enough alone, I opened the door.

After the smoke and flames subsided (though the distinct smell of sulfur never did quite dissipate)
out of the closet stepped ‘Kenny Boy’ Lay, former Enron mugawump.  "Well," started Mr. Lay,
"I don’t want to be left out.  So, yeah I kind of forgot to mention to all my employees who were
depending on providing for themselves in their old age with Enron stock that they were suckers!"

When I asked former President Bush for a comment about Lay’s statement he said, "Bill Clinton is
a bad, bad man."  As I write this, the House is planning to hold hearings and to energetically investigate
charges that "Bill Clinton is a bad, bad man."

This reporter wouldn’t be surprised if more people remembered inconsequential, nonspecific facts
that really have no bearing on anything in the coming months.  However, they will not be important,
so please be a patriotic American and keep focused on Bill Clinton.   We’re still at war, you know,
and I don’t thing you want the current administration to open up a can of Shadow Government
on your ass, do you?
 
 
 

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