Subject: Hey, Bart-guy!

 I used to slide my fingers on the keys, insert my plug into the computer cathode death-ray tube, and usually,
 before noon on weekdays, there would come into existence a fresh print & picture version of BartCop to scan through.
 Then, you apparently got bit by the dung-beetle bug of infamy.

 I'm getting too much mail like this.
 Is this because I accepted SW Airlines free airfare?
 Is it because I accepted The Rio's free-room apology for the screwing I took at Bartfest?

 You decided that people should prefer hearing your voice as the primary method of whorshipping the Bartgod.

"Worshipping the Bartgod?"
 Where are you people getting this nonsense?
 Is this seminar stalker mail, trying to derail BartCop Radio?

 You became self-convinced that you could just mow them down by the battalion with your voice alone!
 And, certainly, if Shirley heard that voice, she would fairly be panting in her creamed-out drawers
 (that busted bottle of cole cream, third drawer from the top).

 Uh, ...can I say one thing?

 I feel kinda guilty that I've been late delivering BCR, but it really should have been easy to deliver.
 I thought it was about plugging in a mic and boom!  ...but I found out it's waaaay more complicated than that.
 ...but to accuse me of being "voice alone," I'm lost for words.

 What's possible, it that you've encountered what dozens of other readers have run into, that by not refreshing your cache,
 or whatever that is because I don't know - maybe you've been seeing the same old issue of  for several days.
 I generally publish six issues a week.   If we're out of town or if I'm injured, that sometime that dips to five.
 Sorry if that doesn't meet your standards for free entertainment.

 Some people write and ask, "Bart, is everything OK?"
 You chose to launch an attack - one that's grounded in ignorance.

 In the meantime, us people who really don't give a flying rat's ass as to what you sound like are suffering a fate worse than death...

 Dude, this is your mistake.  I'm here almost every day.  I can't tell, maybe you drank that second beer,
 but you're screaming at someone for not showing up who is right here.

 I could care less about Bartcop radio.  I'm an old-style Republicrat, that being a registered Republican that has voted
 Democratic about as often as not.  The printed word is my primary mode of intellectually assimilating the world's
 environmental miasma around me.  Now, with your uncommon focus on audio self-whorship, you've increased the
 entropy I am forced to wade though.  You even skip days now!

 ha ha
 For what you're paying me, I have the gall to skip some days?
 The doctor suggested I stop typing for 2 months.

 Hey, take an ex-lax enema or something, but get your print-version regular on a morning debut as before!
 Otherwise, once again, I'm going to have to take up drinking, smoking, crack, heroin, Bush whoreship, and
 dirty-gay-bar butt-cheese taste-testing (you really wouldn't believe what us Republicans have hidden uptown).

 Please, don't make me resume whoreshipping Bush.

 Dan, towards the end, you seem to have developed a slight sense of humor.
 Hey, I'm doing what I can to make ends meet (My survival depends on people like you),
 while promising Mrs Bart that this all might pay off someday if I spend enough time ignoring her.

 There are lots of good things about  but the worst of the bad is it robs me of my time.
 Next time I blink, it's going to be 2005.    Time is moving waaay too fast.

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