Torture of Just Agressive Interrogation? You Decide!
   A proposal by Christian Dewar
After photos of US troops abusing Iraqi prisoners were released, Rush Limbaugh likened this behavior to frat hazing and
Skull and Bones inititation rituals. The soldiers were merely "blowing of steam." Perhaps he is right. It's subjective; a judgement call.
Jim Inhofe, not known for being a klieg light of intellectual wattage, said that he was "outraged at the outrage" over the reports
of torture. Other politicians and pundits have similarly weighed in that the abuse of detainees was not tantamount to torture.
Rumsfeld, avoiding the "T" word, called the MP's behavior "abuse".
Michael Savage said of the prisoners, seventy to ninety percent of whom the Red Cross says were innocent civilians caught up
in US dragnets, "I would like to see dynamite put in thir orifices and they should be dropped from airplanes...they should put
dynamite in their behinds and drop them from 35.000 feet, the whole pack of scum out of that jail!" He called Iraqis "subhuman"
and "racist, fascist bigots." This from a man who told a gay caller to get AIDs and die. Has he no sense of irony?
Perhaps he learned about dynamite and orifices from George W. Bush who, according to a child hood friend, used to put
firecrackers up the backsides of frogs and then blow them into a pink mist.
While it appears that beating a prisoner to death ( there are more than 35 homicides being investigated at our gulags overseas)
might be a violation of the Geneva Convention, reasonable people could perhaps come to different conclusions as to whether
our MPs actions constitute torture. In the interest of fairness to those who would endorse the behavior of our prison guards,
I propose an exercise to evaluate the opinions of Rush and the other apologists for these actions.
For example, Mr. Limbaugh, Inhofe and other proponets of the "72 point martrix of stress and duress" interrogation techniques
should volunteer for an experiment in which the conditions at our Iraqi, Afghanistan and Guantanamo detention facilities are replicated.
The test would begin by "softening up" the participants. Rush, Trent Lott, Inhofe, Steve Cambone, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolowitz,
Glen Beck, Mark Steyn and the rest of those supporting our MP's tactics would be committed to solitary confinement in cold
dark cells with sensory deprivation for several months. They would be forced to kneel or endure "stress" positions for hours on end.
To accurately duplicate prison conditions, they would be hooded. They would be stripped naked, duct taped to a board and then thrown
into a storage container as was done with John Walker Lindh, the "American Taliban". Snarling, biting dogs would ensure their compliance.
In keeping with standards promulgated by Rumsfeld, Cambone, John Yoo, General Myers, General Miller and Alberto Gonzales,
they would be shakled in new and innovating physical postures. Women from Appalacian trailer parks would be brought in to lead them
around on leashes and point at their genitals as they are forced to masterbate.
Zell Miller, who has compared the humiliation of these Iraqis as no more embarrassing then being nude in a high school locker room,
should be required to participate to ascertain whether this behavior indeed is no more discomforting than a shower after football practice.
Rush said that the pictures captured on soldier's CDs was just like "good old American pornography" just like the images he had seen
on the internet after typing in his password. Rush said that the woman cavorting on camera with naked Iraqis was just like "anything you'd
see Madanna or Britney do on stage".
In the interest of maintaining impecciblely accurate conditions at "The Pit", Limbaugh would be beaten and forced to sodomize himself
with a bannana. (This would probably constitute torture however, because it could aggravate his anal cysts, the reason for his deferment
to avoid serving in Vietnam.) Michael Savage would be forced to put his finger in his anus and lick it, as our interrogators reportedly
made Reuter journalists do.
Rush has said that the MP's "were just having an "emotional release!" They were "blowing off steam!" He said that people would beliieve
their behavior amounted to torture was a result of the "feminization" of the United States. Perhaps Lynndie England could be brought in
to sodomize Alberto Gonzlas and John Yoo, two lawyers who agreed that the US should not abide by the "quaint" and "obsolete"
Geneva Convention, with a glow stick.
Our select group of volunteers including generals Sanchez, Miller and Myers would then be subjected to "dietary manipulation" in which
they would by systematically starved. Limbaugh, Rove and the chubby Feith would have their caloric intake reduced. Low carbohydrate
diets are a huge craze. Aside from losing weight, they would probably realize improved health and self-esteem.
On the other hand, the Pentagon's program to compel detainees to talk includes "withholding pain medication." It is quite possibly that
Rush would undergo severe stress if denied Oxycontin. This could by constured as torture.
The 72 point martix also includes blasting rock and roll music at high decibles to keep prisoners awake. AC/DC are said to be favorites.
In so far as Rush and Savage might enjoy this music, especially if taking Oxycontin. they should be forced to listen to Kenny G.  Orrin Hatch
would be made to listen to Ashcroft's version of "When Eagles Soar" and Ashcroft should be made to listen to Hatch's recordings while
Lynndie England places a broom handle up their asses.
To more accurately duplicate living conditions at our nation's gulags abroad, those outraged by the criticism of those who allege torture
would be stripped and placed in a large pile where they will be forced to simulate anal and oral six. Andrew "Bare Back' Sullivan would
probably actually enjoy this, so he would be exempt. Karl Rove has been blowing George W. Bush for two decades, so there is no way
this would be considered torture.They should be forced to squeel like pigs as in the movie, "Deliverance".
Suggested participants would include Rush, Inhofe Zell, Wolfowitz, Jonah Goldberg, Richard Perle, Doug Feith, Michael Leeden,
Jerry Boykin, Hannity, Savage, Frank Gaffney, Kristol and other neocon architects of this spendid little war. Ann Coulter and
Laura Ingraham would be sexually assaulted and impregnated by "contracators" from Titan, Blackwater and CAIC andn then filmed
being forced to show their breasts, although this might constitute torture for the videographer recording the events.
George W. Bush has had plenty of experience with torture. Dubya was embroiled in a scandal at Yale when it was discovered that he
was branding pledges at his DKE fraternity with red-hot wires.
He also has considerable experience at killing people. Around 152 prisoners were executed in Texas when he was governor, including
the mentally ill, juveniles and even born-again Christians. (Please don't kill me, Mr. Bush!) He usually waited until the day of the execution
to formally deny clemency as the prisoners contemplated their fate.
Dubya wold be held incommunicado with no legal representation along with Ashcroft. A burly private contractor from the Titan corporation
would stand over them with a boot on their neck. Wires will be attached to their hands and their genitals as the generator crank is turned.
Similar treatment for Dick Cheney would be used to find out who advised his energy committe on government policy. Electric shock could
actually jump start his heart in the event of a heart attack suffered while being beaten.
After being sodomized with the aforementioned glow sticks, they would be shackled by their wrists from the cell door where they would
be forced to enact sexual acts with each other. They would then be "water boarded" and held underwater until they passed out. An avid
jogger, Bush should be able to hold us breath for at least three minutes.
If the Bush and his neocons, after undergoing this experiment, still do not believe these exercises are tantamount to torture, they will be
rendered to allies in Egypt, Syria or Jordon where old fashioned torture is administered. Guards will "Go medieval on their assess."
Archival footage of all of these tests will be made available for future humiliation and embarrassment. The proceedings will be monitored
by the Red Cross and representatives from the Hague to determine whether the Geneva Conventions have been violated. In fairness to
these participants, they will then be asked whether these actions constitue torture. Their comments and the CD digital pictures will then
be made available for a world wide referendum.
Torture or just aggresive interogation? You decide!

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