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Volume 1060 - Funny Cide

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 Monday   May 5, 2003         Cinco de Mayo, the closest thing to a Holy Day here at BartCop Manor


"For Bush -- the whole day was devoted to linking his presidency to the aura of the U.S. military.
  When the Viking S-3B carrying Bush made its tailhook landing on the aircraft carrier Thursday,
  Bush emerged from the cockpit in full olive flight suit and combat boots, his helmet tucked jauntily
  under his left arm. As he exchanged salutes with the sailors, his ejection harness, hugging him tightly
  between the legs, gave him the bowlegged swagger of a top gun. The carrier landing capped a recent
  period in which the president has tied himself to the military as never before. And that is no accident:
  Bush aides are planning to make his war leadership the focus of his 2004 reelection campaign, and
  yesterday's images are crucial in burning that impression into the national cornea."
       --Dana Milbank,For Bush, the Military Is the Message for '04

 Only in America would the press let an idiot who deserted his post during wartime claim he's a war hero.
 We don't have a free press that will tell the truth and we don't have an opposition party to the fascist dogs
 who have stolen our government - What's it going to take to wake up the Democrats?

"I am a brave war hero who risked my life for others."

"You sure are - and we love you!"

 That's strike one.

 The truth about Saving Pvt Lynch?
  Iraqi medicals say US troops busted in in with three cameramen
  Must be another Smirk 2004 commercial, more of his personal beavery?

  Click  Here

"The most important thing to know is that the Iraqi soldiers and commanders had left the hospital almost two
 days earlier," Houssona said. "The night they left, a few of the senior medical staff tried to give Jessica back.
 We carefully moved her out of intensive care and into an ambulance and began to drive to the Americans,
 who were just one kilometre away. But when the ambulance got within 300 metres, they began to shoot.
 There wasn't even a chance to tell them `We have Jessica. Take her.'"


"She was in pretty bad shape. There was blunt trauma, resulting in compound fractures of the left femur
 (upper leg) and the right humerus (upper arm). And also a deep laceration on her head," Houssona said.



"Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. It's well known.
  The search for these weapons will be difficult and lengthy, but ultimately successful.
  Iraq's the size of the state of California. It's got tunnels, caves, all kinds of complexes."
   -- The self-proclaimed "president" of the United States

"We believe you ...and we trust you. You're a great president, and we won't ask about
  bin Laden or Saddam or anthrax or the missing surplus or the stolen 2000 election or
  the no-longer-applicable Bill of Rights.  We know you'd never mislead us just to stay in power."
    -- the American press

 Subject: Anagrams


 You published an email in issue 1058 praising the anagram generator from issue 144, and it reminded me
 of a few classics discovered by author Robert Anton Wilson (from his book "Cosmic Trigger, volume II"):

"Ronald Wilson Reagan" can be rearranged to spell "Insane Anglo Warlord," and "George Herbert Walker Bush"
 becomes "Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog."  Thought you'd dig that.



"This is a-just another demonstration, I think, of President Bushís courage,
   that if these young men and women are out there defending our country can
   face this sort of risk, then President Bush should be able to face this similar risk.
    -- --Congressman Jim Gibbons of Nevada,  Countdown with Keith Olbermann

 Wait, you mean a little boy playing pretend pilot off the San Diego coast is "just like"
 flying combat missions over enemy territory with AAA going off all around you?

 Why, the Corrupt Commander is braver than I thought.

 The Road to Perdition

 We finally rented it, and it could have been a good movie.
 Holy Koresh!  Give me Tom Hanks and Paul Newman and $60 million
 and I'll bet I could deliver a movie that people would actually enjoy seeing.

 What were they thinking?
 Did they sign up before reading the script?
 You'd think giants like Hanks and Newman could have their pick of scripts, and this is
 the script they chose?  On purpose?  Or were they being blackmailed by someone?

 Odds are you haven't seen this movie - nobody has - so I won't give away the ending,
 but I would've rather seen a boring, saw-it-coming traditional Hollywood ending than
 the let's-strangle-Bambi ending we get from director Sam Mendes.

 I'll tell you, I'm no movie expert, but if they're going to invest $60 million in a movie,  it would
 be worth their money to send me a copy as they're doing post and get my don't-know-much,
 man-on-the-street opinion because they took what was already a pretty dark film and then
 they hit it over the head, dragged it into an alley and beat it up with that attrocious ending.

 Most issues of  bartcop.com  have a better ending than Perdition.
 Don't we expect more from a Tom Hanks movie?
 Has he lost his touch?

 Inverted Totalitarianism
   saw it on  thenation.com

  Click  Here

 While the Nazi totalitarianism strove to give the masses a sense of collective power and strength,
 Kraft durch Freude ("Strength through joy"), inverted totalitarianism promotes a sense of weakness,
 of collective futility. While the Nazis wanted a continuously mobilized society that would not only
 support the regime without complaint and enthusiastically vote "yes" at the periodic plebiscites,
 inverted totalitarianism wants a politically demobilized society that hardly votes at all.


"I have to say, in the current President Bushís defense, he was a pilot.
  I mean, it wasnít like the typical avoiding the military service by serving in the National Guard.
   --  Ann Coulter, pretending rich, connected boys went to Vietnam.
        Oh, wait, that's right.
        Al Gore went to Vietnam while Smirk protected Midland from the Viet Cong

"He was a pilot in the National Guard. He was training to be a pilot. Itís a dangerous National Guard duty.
  If the Vietnam war had continued, he would have gone to the Vietnam war as a pilot, so - I mean, he is a pilot,
  though he was not - he did not serve in wartime."
     --Ann Coulter on Hardballs with The Screamer

 Ann,  ...Ann, ...  ...Ann!!

 Could you stop doing that long enough to listen to the truth?
 (By the way, why don't you get married or something and stop with the clowns?)

 Your hero trained on a "P-type" airplane.
 Let's see, "F" is for fighters, "B" is for bombers, what's a "P" for, ...puta?

 Since he was rich, connected and stupid, they agreed to train him to fly a plane that was so old,

 ...everybody,  "...How ...old ...was it?"

 His plane was so old, they no longer made spare parts for it, ensuring he'd never see Vietnam, no matter what.

 I can't understand why the men missing an eye, an arm or a leg cheer the rich little snot who's daddy BOUGHT him
 a spot in an already-full Air National Guard Unit.

 ...just to be sure I have it right - Clinton is bad because he tried to stop the war, and Bush is a war hero because
 his rich daddy bought a safe and cushy assignment from which he deserted to get drunk and get laid in Mexico.

 Do I have it right?

 Fast Facts from Baghdad
   as of Saturday, May 3

In Baghdad, the city is without law or government, and is overrun by armed gangs,

Unexploded bombs and landmines, including cluster bombs, have killed or maimed
     more people in northern Iraq since the end of the war than during the fighting.

    Maybe I'm stupid, (good chance even,) but how does an unexploded bomb hurt people?

The humanitarian situation is now 'critical' in some parts of Iraq

  Click  Here  for more

pretend lifeguard

pretend tequila


"Nobody looks right in the role Bush has set for the presidency-commander-in-chief, medium height,
  medium build, looks good in a jet pilotís costume  (ha ha) -or uniform, rather-has a certain swagger,
  not too literary, certainly not too verbal, but a guy who speaks plainly and wins wars."
     --Chris Matthews,   Countdown with Keith Olbermann

 Chris, so much bullshit, so little time - where to start?

 First, we should NOT pick our leaders by height and weight and bullshit photo ops.
 We should pick them on brains, integrity and their non-willingness to take over the world.

 Second, yes, they gave the Bush boy a pilot's costume to wear to the party on the big boat.

 Third, yes, that silly snot has a swagger that most people call "an ugly smirk."
 That's why the Manchester Leader, a right-wing New Hampshire paper, dubbed him, "Governor Smirk."

 Fourth, you're right, it takes brains to form a coherent sentence - this chimp has none.

 Fifth, if we had trained Bush's dog Barney (You have to look real close)

 ...to bark once for "Let's roll," and twice for "Let's give the sanctions a chance,"
 we were still going to win that war, no matter what, probably with fewer casualties.
 The reason Clinton wasn't a "war hero," is because we were at peace,
 because unlike President Monthlong Vacations, Clinton defended the Homeland.

 Chris, in closing, three questions:

 1. Why are you such an unmitigated whore for this appointed fraud?

 2. How big is your monthly check from the B.F.E.E.?

 3. Why do you tell people you're still a liberal?

 Subject: "No WMD, Bush Finished" - Limbaugh said it

 Dear Bartcop:

 Thank you for maintaining a vanguard of truth against the barrage of tainted media sources.
 I don't know if you may have caught it, but some time around January or February of this year
 (a little before a little after?), Rush Limbaugh said the following words on his daily radio show
 about the impending war in Iraq:

"If they don't find weapons of mass destruction, Bush is finished."

 Please check your hog watching sources and transcripts.
 I think it is a very tasty morsel.

 Moe in Miami

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 Bush Hires Christian Extremists to Produce Arabic News
  Would we expect anything else?

  Click  Here

 The U.S. government this week launched its Arabic language satellite TV news station for mostly
 Muslim Iraq. It is being produced in a studio  Ė Grace Digital Media Ė controlled by fundamentalist
 Christians who are rabidly pro-Israel. That's grace as in "by the grace of God."

 Grace Digital Media is controlled by a fundamentalist Christian millionaire, Cheryl Reagan, who last year
 wrested control of Federal News Service, a transcription news service, from its former owner,
 Cortes Randell. Randell says he met Reagan at a prayer meeting, brought her in as an investor in Federal
 News Service, and then she forced him out of his own company.

 I wish writers would quit trying to "be fancy" and just tell us what the hell happened.
 This says she "wrested control" from the owner and forced him out - what the hell does that mean?

 She stole it?
 She wrote a check?
 She bought the stock?
 She had the real owner shot and stuffed in a trunk?
 What's wrong with writers that they can't write?

 Stand and Fight
    by Eric Alterman

  Click  Here

 L'affaire Daschle/Gingrich is just exhibit A of how our politics are now being driven by a toxic combination
 of jingoism, self-righteousness and nearly divine faith in the rectitude of a President who has cast off the
 traditional strictures of consensus politics in favor of a no-holds-barred assault on those who stand in
 the way of his extremist agenda. To question the path of the President is to invite immediate accusations
 of naïveté at best, disloyalty at worst--and most often both.

 What is to be done? Well, plenty, in the long run.
 But in the short run, how about at least fighting back?
 All the Democrats have going for them these days are the issues
 --if only they would stand up for a few of them.

 Eric, they are Democrats.
 They're too scared and awestruck by Bush's "greatness" to fight back.
 They'd rather lose in 2004 than fight this monster and his jack-booted goon squad.

"Goon squad?  Hmmm, it mught be time
  for some regime change at  bartcop.com "


"Bush joined the Air Guard back when he was out of college. This guy flew these kinds of planes."
     --Chris the Screamer

 No Chris, he didn't fly "these" kinds of planes.
 He didn't fly anything that's used in 2003, and I'm sure, because he didn't fly the planes
 that were used when he flew the out-of-date planes back in 1971.

 We don't know that he actually flew any damn plane at all - do we?

 You can't be a moron with zero communications skills and get a license to fly a plane.
 If you tell the tower you're coming in on the runway "that makes the pie higher,"
 you're probably going to die, and since that didn't happen - I doubt he ever actually flew.

"This guy is used to wearing this uniform because he did it for a living for a while."

 ha ha
 Yeah, nearly 3/4 of the time he was in the service, he wore the uniform

"And the fact is, he is who he is. He didnít make himself."

 Correct, that's why Mr. Rove is in charge.

"He didnít design himself as a softspoken, simple-vocabulary kind of guy. Thatís who he is."

 Hold it, hold it.
 The guy who screamed, "motherfucker" in a drunken rage at Al Hunt in a Dallas restaurant is "soft-spoken?
  is that what you meant to say, Chris?   Or did you mean that Bush screams less loudly than you?

 And how about that "Fuck Saddam, we're taking him out," comment?
 Is that what a soft-spoken man of God says in front of reporters?

"George W. Bush doesnít speak in a complicated fashion. Heís a very basic, clear-thinking guy..."

 Oh Christ, show me the evidence that he's a 'clear thinker.'
 Did he remember your nickname, Chris?  Is that what makes him a clear-thinker?"

 "...who goes to bed at 9:30 with his wife. Heís not complicated. Heís not a problem."

 Correct.   The problem is the dying economy, the loss of democracy, the destruction of the Bill of Rights,
 the suspension of  the Constitution, the secrecy, the appointment of CONVICTED FELONS to control
 Homeland Security, the loss of trees, clear air and clean water, the Treasury being down TEN TRILLION
 since the Commander in Thief stole his way to power, the Corrupt Supreme Court, crooked Diebold voting machines,
 Cheney and Rummy's plans to control the oil in the Middle East and the fresh water in southern California.

 So you're right, Chris - Bush isn't complicated, Bush isn't the problem.
 The crime cartel crooks he fronts for, the rich bastards who raped the Constitution, are the problem

"He is George W. Bush. And I think the beauty of the guyís presidency is itís so custom-made for him.
  Heís designed a presidency to be him, and I think thatís clear."
     --Chris the Screamer,  Countdown with Keith Olbermann

 Wrong again, Chris.
 Bush couldn't design a plan to get a condom over his penis when he raped that 15-year old Houston girl.

 Screamer, you're nothing but a GOP tool.  I think you should have "GOP Tool,"
 tattooed on your forehead,  so you can remember which side you're on.

 You're a paid-for whore, Chris - how do you sleep at night?

"Karl Rove bought me this gown!"

 Subject: West Wing

 Hey Bart,

 I'm sure you'll love the spin that CNN was rolling out today about Sorkin and the West Wing.
 He's leaving, ratings are down. Why are the ratings down?
 The show's just too liberal and the public doesn't want to see that kind of thing.
 The diarrhetic horseshit just keeps pouring out of the cable media.

 Dan Leahy

 There are lots of things to hate about this new fascism that's taken hold of our government.
 One of the worst is they'll take everything and then try to take even more.

 They're not happy controlling the White House, the Senate, the House, the military,
 the Treasury, the Supreme Court and the appointment of future judges - that's not enough.
 They want a lot more than that.

 They want your children's futures, too, they want all radio and TV programming to go thru Mr Rove
 and worst of all, they expect us to say, "Thank you.  May I have another?"  after each attack.

" But Bart, what's wrong with being polite?"

 That's strike two.

Marty's E! page
 Baron Dave Romm on Bing Crosby, Nazi's & tape recorders
Stephen King's old high school newspapers are now collector's items
Peggy Noonan is now on the nbc/ge/msnbc payroll
(In addition to the BFEE)
Oprah's dad is in a movie
The Metallica/mtvICON taping
Matt LeBlanc ('Joey' on "Friends") was married
'George W. Bush - 'God's Sad Cowboy' is a play in Paris
And, a tribute to George Wyle, who wrote the theme song to 'Gilligan's Island'


 Remember my saying that we have a connection to big time horse racing?
 Well, about an hour before the Kentucky Derby, I checked my e-mail and saw this:


 Who do you like in the Derby?
 Empire Maker is a good horse, but I can't help but hope that our friend,
 Barclay Tagg, wins with Funny CideFunny Cide doesn't really have
 the pedigree to get the distance,  [but my money's on him.]

 ha ha

 Right on the nose!
 Funny Cide paid $26 on a two dollar bet.

 It's good thing the winner wasn't Peace Rules, because the media would've buried the story.
 These days, saying "Peace Rules"  is proof that you're a member of an Al Qaeda terror cell.

     A Democrat with balls
     Fiction, by Mike Palecek

 Published by Badger Books of Madison, Wisconsin [May 2003]

 Joe Coffee, the unlikely Iowa Democratic Party nominee for the United States
 House of Representatives, against all odds, runs on an anti-military, anti-prison,
 pro-Hispanic platform in one of the most conservative congressional districts in the nation.

 "Look!  ...up in the sky!  "It's a donkey!" "It's a pig!"

 "It's ... Joe Coffee?"

Click  Here  to order your copy today.

 [Palecek is a former federal prisoner, seminarian, reporter, and candidate.]

 Also by Mike Palecek:   Click  Here

 A great story from Marty at 

 Drove to just over the AZ border to meet up with dear old Dad & the Babe.
 All went well, and a long told family tale was proved true, to boot.

 There's a privately run museum along the way, east of Palm Springs (which Sonny Bono
 accurately referred to as 'Death's waiting room'), that honors George Patton.

 Dad (his name is Sam Guaglianone) was one of 20 guys that were part of the 12th Corp - the frontline
 accountants, for lack of a better phrase, and he was the kid (& the hick) of the group.
 Initially the 12th Corp was Omar Bradley's, but ended up with Patton on the march to the Rhine.

 When pressed, Dad had a story about Patton wanting to piss in the Rhine.
 And how Dad was busted for taking a picture of the occasion.

 Back in the 80's, I came across a story in 'Spy' magazine about Bob Hope's house
 & how one of his most prized possessions was a picture of Patton pissing in the Rhine.

 Turns out there's also a copy of it at the Patton museum.

 So, the weekend turned out much cooler than ever anticipated.


 General George Patton urinates in the Rhine
 River before his 3rd Army crosses.

 Subject: the little plane ride

 Hey, Bart,

 Think Bush's little plane ride will qualify as his having completed his National Guard duties?
 Then we'd have to stop saying he was AWOL?

 Just wonderin'


 By the way, Ari the Forked Tongue lied his ass off for the 1,000th time on this stupid stunt.
 He said Bush HAD to take a plane instead of a chopper because of "the hours" it would take
 to reach the Lincoln by chopper which was waaaaay out to sea.

 Lying bastard!

 It was 39 miles out.
 It was so close to the shore, they had to position the ship to hide the San Diego coastline.

 They lie so blatantly, again and again, and nobody, not the Democrats, and certainly not
 the press ever calls them on their lies, no matter who dies, no matter who's arrested or invaded.
 If Clinton had half the media fawning Bush gets, we'd all have health insurance right now

 Bush rapes the truth bride constantly and the press gives him an eternal honeymoon.

 All the Marbles
   by the Daily Brew

  Click  Here

 ... a Democratic candidate who refuses to attack his rivals on the stage Saturday should be
 correctly viewed as an aspirant who is willing to put the good of his party (and his country)
 ahead of his personal ambition. Democratic partisans watching the debate should also conclude
 that any candidate who does the opposite is simply feeding the GOP attack machine, and
 should adjust their support accordingly.

 Great point!  In 2000, the Republicans didn't even have primaries - they had pre-coronations.
 Oh sure, McCain and Forbes were flies to be swatted, but everyone else in the GOP debates
 wanted to talk about nothing except the greatness and genius of the ridiculously stupid pinhead

 Bush, the Top Gun Cowboy
   by Maureen Dowd - she hates everybody

  Click  Here

 ICEMAN: You're really a cowboy.

 MAVERICK: What's your problem?

 ICEMAN: Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash. You didn't need to take all that water
 survival training in the White House swimming pool. The Abraham Lincoln was practically docked,
 only 30 miles off shore, after 10 months at sea. They had to steer it away from land for you. If you'd
 waited a few hours, you could've just walked aboard. You and Rove are making a gorgeous campaign
 video on the Pacific to cast you as the warrior president for 2004, but back on shore, things are ugly.
 The only guys sure about their jobs these days are defense contractors connected to Republicans and
 the Carlyle Group, which owns half of the defense plant you visited here. You're dangerous.

 MAVERICK: That's right, Iceman. I am dangerous.

 Subject: Neil Young

 Bart, you wrote,

>"Christ, they got Dennis Hopper, they got Neil Young, they got Dennis Miller,
> they got James Woods, they got f-ing Mrs Brady, Florence Herderson, for Koresh's sake.
> She wants to have Ken Starr's love child more than she wants another gulp of oxygen."

 Say it ain't so!  I'm a HUGE fan of Young.  I grew up on his music.
 Is it because of "Let's Roll" or what?  Precisely how did they "get" him?
 I don't dispute the claim, I just want to know the details.
 Jesus, Neil Young.   The "Ohio" guy!  Is nothing sacred?

 Love the site.

 Sammy, Neil's been a closet Reagan and Dubya fan for decades.
 In 2000, he was all, "Bush is my man."


"We can't forget what brought us together and what we're living for,
  what makes us who we are, even though to protect freedom it seems that we're
  going to have to relinquish some of our freedoms for a short period of time,"
    -- Neil Young,

 Hey Neil, that "short period of time," would be how long?
 The rest of our lives?
 Until we're allowed to vote again?
 Until the B.F.E.E. decides they have enough oil, power and money?

 Sad shit, when they get the guy who wrote Southern Man.

 Which reminds me, the guy who wrote Southern Man is now a Bush-loving Republican,
 and Lynyrd Skynyrd, the band who who wrote, "I hope Neil Young will remember,
 Southern Man don't need him around, anyhow," have always been Dixie flag-waving racists.

 Hey Neil, ...how about a good ol' nigger work song?

 My my, hey hey
 the fascist state I do obey
 It's better to suck up,
 than to save the day
 My my, hey hey.

 from    http://www.pigdog.org/auto/treachery/link/2362.html

 Web Spying Puts Twist on Jefferson Saga
  Racists sabotage blacks, preserve a "calm and civilized" gathering

  Click  Here

 The wife of a Thomas Jefferson family association official said Friday that she
 masqueraded as a 67-year-old black woman on an Internet chat room in a bid to
 keep descendants of a reputed Jefferson mistress out of last weekend's family reunion.

"It might have been somewhat unethical," said Paulie Abeles of Washington, D.C.,
 who participated for eight months in the Yahoo! message board created for
 relatives of Jefferson slave Sally Hemings.

"It might have been childish, but I really think I was working in the best interest of the
  majority of the family members to make the reunion a calm and civilized gathering," she said.

Comment:  Those blacks can get so excited and be so uncivilized, especially after being raped by their owners.
                    For the sake of calmness and civility for the majority, they should be excluded from their heritage.

  More Info:

  Click  Here

 In May 2002 the Monticello Association (descendants of Thomas Jefferson) voted to
 not admit descendants of Sally Hemings into their organization. The decision came after
 their careful review of all available information resulting in the conclusion that there was
 not sufficient evidence to prove Jefferson fathered Hemings' children.


 The holiday of Cinco De Mayo, The Fifth Of May, commemorates the victory of
 the Mexicans at The Battle Of Puebla in 1862. Who did they beat?

  The French army.

 It is primarily a regional holiday celebrated in the Mexican state capital city of Puebla and throughout
 the state of Puebla, but is also celebrated in other parts of the country and in U.S.cities where fine-palated
 tequila connis, ...connos, connas,  ...in US cities with a significant Mexican population.  It is not, as many
 people think, Mexico's Independence Day, which is actually September 16.

Paid for by a  bartcop.com  reader


 "But maybe the most anti-Dixe Chicks crowd was at the Marshall Tucker Band concert,
   the alternative concert held 30 miles away in Spartanburg."
     -- The Associated Press, trying to justify Clear Channel's failure to destroy the careers of
         three women who dared to have opinions that differed from the Unelected Moron.

 Bush says tax cuts will solve everything?


 He said "You might not believe this, little fella
  But it'll cure your asthma too"
      -- Frank Zappa

 Subject: Bush's Flight, Ari's Lies

 Ok, just so I'm straight, if Bush had to take a plane because it was sooooo far out to sea,
 did the rest of the entourage have to take a plane as well?  You know,  like the secret service agents,
 make-up girl, camera-man etc.  Or he went out there solo?

 Just wondering.
 Robin D


"We should know that too much of anything, even a good thing, may prove to be our undoing.
  We need ... to set definite boundaries on our appetites."
      -- Bill Bennett, (R-lying hypocrite) who lost 8 million dollars to the casinoes*

 Subject: Bart, please rerun your West Coast 2001 trip report


 It was five weeks after 9-11.
 We had a trip to San Fran scheduled - did we still want to go?
 Me?  I was luke, but she wanted to go - so we were going.

 From a comedy writer's point of view, this is so different.
 A daily page of  bartcop.com  by definition, contains a day's worth of thought.
 But when I'm unable to write/publish, the thoughts bounce around in my head for a week.
 Thus west coast story seems sharper, because there was time to reflect, time to edit.
 (Compare this to, say, the last SNL)

 This is what happened to us in October of 2001.

  Click  Here
  Excerpt Part One: The Chirping Bird
 And then there are the bridges. Oh, they looooove their bridges in Portland.
 They have dozens of bridges downtown and they're all about 800 feet off the ground
 and they twist like Laura the Unloved at a sock hop on too much Chianti.

  Excerpt Part Two: The Raccoons
 If you find out that loved ones might be taking this path down the west coast,
 tell them to pack like they were flying over the Andes with a soccer team.

  Excerpt Part Three: Death March
 $90 a shot for luxury tequila?
 Geez, for that much money I should get a great shot of tequila and oral sex
 from the wife of the executive editor of the San Francisco Chronicle.

 Sometimes I feel like a surgeon in a MASH unit,  just patching-together ideas to get them
 into the pipeline for that day's deadline .  Maybe someday I'll slow my pace and get back
 to a writing style that has room for re-writes, editing, coherence, spell-checking etc


"I mean this is bin Laden's platform. His precise platform is to
  get U.S. troops out of Saudi Arabia and in a sense he's won."
   --Ex-CIA operative Robert Baer on the U.S. decision to pull its troops out of Saudi Arabia,

 Poppy Bush ordered the troops into Saudi Arabia after personally inviting Saddam to invade Kuwaiit,
 IN WRITING,  and now bin Laden, a long-time Bush Family ally who made lots of money conspiring with
 the B.F.E.E., who Dim Son SWORE to bring to justice with that megaphone at Ground Zero in New York,
 orders Bush to remove our troops.   Bush complies with bin Laden's orders and he's a war hero?

 I think if George Patton was alive today, he wouldn't be a friend of Osama's,
 and he'd be peeing on a lot more than the Rhine.

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 Subject: IRS refunding Lying Corporations


 There seem to be a growing numbers of instances where corporate fraudsters are actually
 recieving  re-payments of taxes paid when they illegally inflated their earnings.

 Paying taxes on false income  was neccesary to convince shareholders, SEC, etc that the
 earnings reports were true and accurate.

 Worldcom (now spun as MCI) has already received $300 million back from the IRS,
 Qwest is expected to ask for money back as well, others are likely lining up...

 US Taxpayer  "So let me get this straight... You corporations LIED about earnings to inflate
 the value of your stock, many top execs reaped huge bonuses in conjunction with those inflated
 stock values, and in order to validate your earnings claims, you paid taxes to the IRS (must not have
 been Andersen clients).. then when the shit hit the fan and the ruse was discovered, you asked for
 the tax money back...and the IRS  said...OK...?!!"

 This is such a lovely precedent to set.  "Hey !!!...you gave Worldcom their money back, we want ours!"
 Basically anyone who has to "re-state earnings" will feel justified in asking for money back from the IRS.

 I wonder how much is "Kenny Boy" going to want...? (even though Enron hadn't paid taxes in years)

 I gotta go...I need to "re-state" my earnings....

 Link to article:



 We now have some good candidates and are close to a decision,
 but there's still a day or two left to get in.



"Coalition forces don't need to find (WMD) to justify the war against Saddam Hussein.
  Regime change was a legitimate goal, it was accomplished and I think that's laudable..."'
    --  Tom Daschle, (D-Pink Tutu) according to this report

"Dubya's my president and I love him."

 That's strike three.   You're out.

 Senator, please resign your senate seat and retire - immediately.
 You have no business representing Democrats while fawning over
 the "leader" of the Republican party.   Please do this now.

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  It depends on how much you want to hear the fascists getting what's coming to them
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 Subject: 50 Cent Lyrics


 If you are going to criticise someone's lyrics,
 you could at least that get the lyrics you quoted right.


 Rory, sorry to offend you - I wrote what I heard him say.
 One of these days I'll do an issue that pleases everybody.

 Bill Kristol on Bill Bennett's gambling problem

"This is a matter between Mr. Bennett, his wife and his accountant. I'm sure he
  doesn't regard gambling as a virtue but as a rather minor and pardonable vice
  and a legal one and one that has not damaged him or anyone else."

 So, Bennett's wife and children had no need for the eight million he threw away?

 Must be nice.

 We had to finish today's issue early so we could start the party.

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