"Why do they hate Clinton so much?" A friend asked me that at a dinner recently. He, too, was
           outraged by the sleazy last-minute pardons and the prospect that Bill Clinton had permitted people
           close to him peddle get-out-of-jail-for-a-fee cards. But as this friend observed, there's always been a
           mean edge to much of the rightwing opposition to the Clintons.

           I had witnessed that a few days earlier. At a gathering of 3000 conservative activists and leaders in
           Washington in mid-February, Senator James Inhofe, a Republican from Oklahoma, assailed
           Clinton for having compromised "virtually every secret of our nuclear arsenal."
           (Virtually every one? What was in his water?)

           Editor's Note: All of Oklahoma is that way. Pissquik is a typical Oklahoman.

           Leftist-turned-rightist commentator/agitator David Horowitz pleaded with the group to refer to Hillary
           Clinton and likeminded Democrats as not "liberals" but "totalitarians." (That should enhance
           bipartisanship.) One rightwing group handed out a report "revealing" that Hillary has a secret agenda
           to take over the UN and use it to impose socialism and world-government upon the United States.

           Days after this confab, The National Review's Web site posted an ugly rant against Chelsea Clinton
           that jokingly noted that in the past the children of "objectionable citizens" were executed. (Paging the
           Secret Service!)

           There is something that motivates the Clinton crazies beyond opposition to Clinton policies and
           beyond a self-proclaimed desire for probity in public office. As my friend, a Clinton-suspicious
           progressive, noted, Clinton enacted welfare reform, passed a crime bill that expanded capital
           punishment, embraced balanced budgets, increased military spending, nominated mostly centrist
           judges, and sided with corporate America against labor on the NAFTA accord and trade with China.
           From a Republican perspective, that's not bad for a Democrat.

           So what accounts for the profound detestation? It's not merely the Monica mess. This deep animus
           predated the point when the nation learned the President spilled his seed upon an intern's dress.

           My hunch: the right resents Clinton on two counts. He stole their issues and made them work for him
           (crime, welfare, budgets). And conservatives see him and Hillary as representatives of the big
           enemy: a libertine (literally and figuratively) elite that scoffs at old-fashioned Middle America cultural
           and political values, that believes it knows what's best for the rest, and that wishes to impose its
           oh-so-correct views upon others. In crass terms, it's the hip (or ex-hippies) against the squares.
           (Certainly, it's difficult to consider Hillary hip, but many conservaives have long suffered from an
           inferiority complex that causes them to identify liberalism with cool.)

           What's worse for conservatives is that even when the various lies of Bill and Hillary have been
           exposed, the pair have been able to fool the American people and retain public support. "Then," my
           friend said, "what you're saying is, they're really upset because we've won the culture war. And that
           I should be happy."

           In a way, yes. Clinton's survival -- as tenuous as it may seem at the moment -- was an indication that
           the cultural right is deep in the hole. These cons may grasp George W. Bush's win as a millennial sign
           of hope. But, of course, Bush didn't win a majority of votes.

           Moreover, his inner circle includes people who might fit uneasily among the more diehard
           conservative culture warriors. His wife, Laura, has acknowledged she leans toward favoring abortion
           rights. Since the anti-abortion movement -- which occupies a key flank of the culture war -- equates
           abortion with murder, what does this say about President Bush? He professes anti-abortion
           sentiments but shares a bed with a woman who would allow this sort of murder.

           By yanking federal funds from family planning groups that advocate or counsel abortion, Bush has
           shown he is amenable to enacting portions of the anti-abortion agenda. How far, though, is he willing
           to go? The anti-abortion movement is based on an absolutistic principle -- abortion is killing. By
           co-habitating with a person who disagrees with this premise, Bush, unwittingly, demonstrates he sees
           abortion as a relativistic matter upon which people of good faith can differ. Such a view does not help
           the conservative fundamentalists.

           Let's turn to the Cheneys now. It's well-known that their daughter Mary is gay. She attended the
           inauguration with her partner. Until last year, she worked at Coors, conducting outreach to the gay
           community. How might she and her partner feel had they strolled through that conference of
           conservatives and seen all the anti-gay propaganda being disseminated? A "special report" entitled,
           "Homosexuals Attack The Institution of Marriage." (It declares that homosexuals "are determined to
           overturn the natural order of things" and declares, "Don't Mess with God's Order.") A newsletter that
           reports, "The Radical Homosexual Lobby" is "encouraged by George Bush" and that the civil union
           law of Vermont is part of a "war" against America. A banner that exclaimed, "Never to Gay Rights."
           And how might Dick and Lynne Cheney have felt, had they escorted Mary and their partner-in-law
           through this gathering?

           Vice President Cheney did receive rousing applause when he addressed the attendees. But does he
           believe that people like his daughter deserve to be demonized? That they threaten "God's order"? I'm
           guessing, no.

           And in the midst of the fuss over Eminem's Grammy appearance, The Second Lady, a renown
           culture warrior, discussed the rapper with CNN's Wolf Blitzer. She whacked him for, among other
           things, penning lyrics that advocate "violence against gay people." Then she noted she was dismayed
           that Elton John had agreed to perform a duet with Eminem, remarking, "Elton John has been so good
           in the past at speaking out on issues of equality for gay people." Hmmm, so is Cheney now a
           champion of gay rights?

           Let's recap: the President lives with a woman who backs abortion rights; the Vice-President lives
           with a woman who praises the Liberace of pop for advocating gay rights. The culture war is not
           going as well as it could be for conservatives.

           For years, they have attempted to use the Clintons to rally the troops and recruit the masses -- with
           more success at the former than the latter. As the pardon-scandal worsens for Bill and Hillary,
           there's plenty of new reasons for the old chase to continue. Indeed, inquiry is warranted. (Too bad,
           Representative Dan Burton, the most bumbling conspiracy theorist of the House Republicans, is once
           more leading the charge; the Clintons have been blessed by their enemies.)

           Now, the conservative get-Clinton gang has been citing the pardon hijinks as proof they have been
           correct about the Clintons all along. See? We told you so. Well, they were right -- in a limited sense.
           Clinton was (is? will again be?) an untrustworthy politician, as are so many within both parties. The
           conservatives may end up persuading the public Clinton's a no-goodnik. That's becoming less and less
           a tough task. But, at this point, finally winning that battle will not contribute much to their overall war
           effort.