The economic slowdown in the United States, which has resulted in a sharp reduction in world
economic growth over the past six months, seems certain to continue, according to testimony delivered
by US Federal Reserve Board chairman Alan Greenspan to the US Congress.

Presenting the central bank’s semi-annual report on Wednesday, Greenspan said that by “aggressively
easing” monetary policy—the interest rate cuts of 2.75 percentage points over the past six months—the Fed
had moved to “support demand, and, we trust, help lay the groundwork for the economy to achieve
maximum sustainable growth.”

“But the uncertainties surrounding the current economic situation are considerable, and, until we see
more concrete evidence that the adjustments of inventories and capital spending are well along, the
risks would seem to remain mostly tilted toward weakness in the economy.”

Greenspan noted that, “This clown Bush doesn’t have a clue. His negativity has driven consumer
confidence into the ground. What the hell was he thinking with this Energy Crisis scare? What a moron.”

Visibly shaking, he spilled most of his water trying to raise it to his lips, he went on, “ Essentially, we
can’t win for losing. I can’t keep cutting interest rates, the banking system will collapse. This idiot went
and pissed away the surplus on War Toys and a Payoff to the consumers via Rebates to look the other
way. It’s simple, we have to cut Social Programs to the bone and stop loaning money to under
developed countries. The whole world will suffer as a result of this incompetence. It’s utterly incredible
that it only took 6 months for this administration to completely undo 8 years of positive, economic
growth. What kind of idiot would vote for these guys?”

At that point, he tore apart the papers in front of him and rose from the table.

“Go find yourself another stooge. I may not live long enough to see an end to this horseshit. I quit. Tell
Bush and Rove to fix this mess themselves. Fancy pants gangsters!”

It took Greenspan a full 20 minutes to storm off in a rage, exiting the building on the arms of several beautiful women.

One observer remarked, “He must have seen this coming and lined his nest pretty well. He’ll be okay, but we’re screwed.”

The Bush Administration official comment was, “Who cares what Greenspan thinks?”