The 'How will  bartcop.com  end' contest.

From: jgerlach@tampabay.rr.com

Subject: How it will end

It will happen in the year 2004. You will be an ardent supporter of the Democratic running for President.
You will be of such value to that person that you will be offered a princely salary to become a member
of the President's inner circle. By the year 2005 you will have shaken the American populace to the core
with your amazing command of the English language and your far-seeing view of the future.

You will be rewarded with the highest unelected position in the Government.
Yes, you will become the (are you ready) THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT!

Unfortunately after that no one will ever hear/read your delightful assessment of current events.
God will get back at you at this point by seeing that the 8 other judges are idiots appointed by the big Dick.
(Bush will die of exhaustion in 2002 after having exercised for three hours on a runaway treadmill.)

 J. B. Gerlach


From: Brent_Craven@foremost.com

Subject: Death of BartCop
 

Mir falls on Knuckledrag.


From:  rb.ham@home.com

Subject: THE END OF BARTCOP.COM

THE TRAGIC END OF BARTCOP
You'll accept a duel with lunatic talk show host Michael Savage.
Glocks at twenty paces.

Unfortunately, unbeknownst tou you, Rush Limbaugh will plug you from the shadows,
just before the 20th step. A police investigation will stall, due to' lack of information'.
The death will go down in history as a great mystery.

"A shot rang out...silence followed, and you could FEEL the world's misery and sorrow."

R.B. Ham
Calgary, AB


From: deutsey@phillips.com

Subject: Bartcop.com will end...

...the second after President Bartcop takes the oath of office in January 2005.

Dwayne


From: editor@way2muchsense.com

Subject: Das Ende

Here's my prediction for the end of BartCop:

Most likely, one of Smirk's consigliere will reconvene the Committee on Un-American Activities
where people like you and I get skewered for making way Too Much Sense(c)!


 From:  genslab@genslab.com

 Click  Here


From:  fkoep@djam.com

I think the end of Bartcop.com will come when Hillary Clinton is president in 2004,
with a solid Democratic Majority led by some piss and thunder Democrat like David Bonior.
(At least my impression of Bonior is that of a piss and thunder Democrat, whatever that is.
Wait a minute, I remember now; it's when a Democrat knows he's right and ain't taking
no crap from the Dark side of the aisle...)

Plus, the Senate will be led by a pissed off Democratic Senator from Florida, who will kick
Georgie's ass all the way back to Texas (or Maine).  The Senate would also be 60-40 in the
Democrats favor, forstalling some stupid 2 year filibuster the Repugs will undoubtedly embark on.

Then the world will be right again, like the heady days of the first two Clinton years...
And the rich would be forced to actually pay some taxes for a change...

At that point, you will become irrelevant.
Until then, confusion to the enemy...

Frank in muddy Minnesota...


 From: Daennara@aol.com

 Subject: How Bartcop will end!

       Dae's top ten list of bartcop's demise!

10:  You choke to death on polluted air
  9:  You die of arsenic poisoning out of the tap
  8:  Energy shortages produced by greedy companies take thier toll.
  7:  The supreme court deems you "unfair"
  6:  Repukes outlaw liberals.......arrested for treason.
  5:  Angry Chinese, N.Koreans and Russians mistake you for Smirk
  4:  Smirk limits freedom by killing the internet deeming it "a dangerous world"
  3:  Smirk hands you over to right wing nut inquisitors where you are burned  at the stake.
  2:  Smirk asks Cheney," What's this big red button for?"

  And the number one reason for your demise Bart

  1: Smirk's missile defense backfires!

  Dae


From: tweatherred@earthlink.net

Subject: Bartcop will end via penicillin

Three quick points:

1:  Dr. Fleming did not invent penicillin, he discovered it; like so many other
     wonder drugs it had existed unknown to us for millions years in the same
     environment that the republicans and greens are now destroying.

2:  Bartcop will be destroyed by millions of readers using up your bandwith
     to carp about insignificant trivia because your big points are too difficult to refute.

3:  Another topic entirely, but two interesting Napster articles:
     http://www.pbs.org/cringely/pulpit/pulpit20010208.html
     http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml?i=20010312&s=moglen

--Ted


From:  ron_m_t@email.msn.com

Subject: End of BC!

BC
I know how it will end....but I've got to hurry because they are at my door as I type this...Somehow..someway..they
(the PigboySmirkLauraWhoreFuckupedDemsLiddyPolice) have discovered I've hacked into their site
and discovered the LET'S FUCK BC master plan.

You see the clock is already ticking and on July 4, 2001
...they will launch a virus that will identify all of tho.....
 
 


From:  krslentz@uclink4.berkeley.edu

Subject: How Bartcop.com will end

Bartcop will have many diverse experiences prior to his "end".  First, Bartcop will get asthma - he is suffering from all the excess of CO2 in the air; much of it is drifting from Texas.  Eventually he gets emphysema BUT THIS DOES KILL BARTCOP.  Then Bartcop will have many unexplained ailments; he will have headaches, blurred vision and digestive problems.  He thinks it might be from the increased levels of arsenic in the water; but in reality it is from the food he eats.  Great levels of arsenic have accumulated in his system because everything he consumes is tainted with high levels or arsenic - all fruit, vegetables and grain products (which require alot of water to grow), meat and dairy products (which are watered and processed with H2O from the infested water table under the great midwest).

All the Agave-related products that Bartcop consumes cannot countermand these effects.  BUT BARTCOP DOES NOT SUBSIDE.  Next, the power shortage that has been occurring in California (and for which the rest of the nation does NOT take a stand and demand reparation) spreads across the country and rolling black-outs finally hit K-Drag.  The end of Bartcop is eminent, and Bartcop sits and authors his final reply to MILLIONS of loyal listeners that "tune in" every day during the electrified hours of 2 - 3 am.  Suddenly, Bartcop gets a "You Have New Mail" Notice" and it says, "Due to the heightened threat of StarWars on Europe, the Middle East, Asia, and especially Russia, countries around the world have joined forces and conjointly launched every missile in their armories at the U.S."  Bartcop signs off immediately, jumps out of his ergonomically correct chair and before he can get the words "That FUCKING SHRUB" out of his mouth.........PFlllllllllaaaaash!!!

Karen


From:  ca_creekin@yahoo.com

Subject: how will BartCop end?

The economy keeps going downhill as confidence in our undemocracy plummets and inflation rises
to Carterlike levels owing to higher energy prices created to please Repug campaign contributors.
Honchos at major media conglomerates like ABC (Disney) and CNN (Turner) decide that
Resident Bush must go.  Congress turns Democratic in 2002-3.

Dubya is impeached and removed from office because he lies under oath about Funeralgate and his
multiple arrests, one of which was for a felony.  You, BartCop, become a jetsetting media pundit,
and no longer have time to maintain a PayPal-funded website.

Really one has to wonder about overall Repug political "strategy" if they couldn't even win an election with
Nader running for the greens, fraud in > 2 states, and a relatively charming if alcohol-stupefied candidate.
Codeword racism and Xtian fundamentalism do not make a majority now, and will do so less in the future.

Bill


From: bayoucity2@houston.rr.com

Subject: How will bartcop.com end ??

It just "popped" into my head....

We'll all go at the same time in the giant mushroom clouds of the nuclear weapons
that are unleashed because Smirk threw a tantrum at the wrong people, and well....boom.

You know the story...megatons....chain reaction...Earth is destroyed.

Is that cheating??


From: b_stollard@ucsd.com

Subject: How It All Will End- A Different View

Whatever Happened to Bartcop?

November, 2004-

The election is over and President Bush has won by a landslide. The economy is booming again,
crime has declined and people are proud to be Americans and proud of their President once more.
The news media don’t bother to travel to Danbury Federal Penitentiary to get Bill Clinton’s reaction.
No one cares what he thinks anymore. Besides, Tony “The Neck” Corsio, Clinton’s “husband”,
won’t let him speak to the press.  Jesse Jackson, from his home in Libya, issues a statement.
However, it goes unnoticed except by David Letterman. Al Gore, President and CEO of
“Iwon Tobacco Company” simply states that he no longer is interested in politics.

And in Tulsa, Oklahoma in a dark, airless room with shades drawn, sits a figure bent above a
computer keyboard. He types furiously, filling the monitor, the words flying from his fingers,.
In his youth, he was considered well groomed. He now looks more like something from a
Jethro Tull song. The words he types are mostly profane.

People know him as Bartcop.  The last four years have been hard on Bartcop
and his imaginary friend, Jimmy. No one knows about Jimmy.

Bartcop is a political junkie and a host of his own website. He once had dreamt of success and fame,
and his dreams began with the website. Then came the “Net Crash” of ’03. Because the Internet was
not to become the glorious marketing tool once so imagined, most companies shut down their sites.
Those that remain are forced to charge access prices that are prohibitive to most people. The few
remaining Internet Providers are now charging monthly fees more expensive than people are willing to pay.
Only the wealthy, it seems, have any inclination to continue web service.
And Bartcop hates the wealthy. His website is not doing well.

On a good week, Bartcop might get two or three e-mailed letters. The grammar and syntax of those
letters always remind him of his wife (known throughout Tulsa as, “That Poor Woman”) And he suspects
it is she that sends them to keep his spirits up. It doesn’t work though. He hates what his life has become.
He hates people for always telling him he’s wrong. He hates his job at the Roller Derby. Sometimes he
wishes the whole world was just one big neck and he had his hands around it.
Jimmy is the only one he can count on.

“Give it to him, BC!” screams Jimmy, “give it to him good. Let people know how Reagan was
responsible for the bombing of Pearl Harbor! People have to be told!”  “I am, I am”, replies Bartcop
as he types, “you’d think the media whores would tell people about this. There’s only one honest paper
left, my friend. Which reminds me, don’t let me forget to renew my subscription to the Weekly
World News, okay?”
“I will, BC.  You’re the greatest, “ answers Jimmy.

A soft knock is heard at the door.
“Tell her to go away”, squawks Jimmy.
“Go away,” Bartcop gasps in a voice left harsh and raspy from years of lack of use and tequila.
It’s his wife and today she won’t be so easily dismissed.

“Honey, there’s some people stopped by the trailer to see you. C’mon out,“ she says.
It sounds more like a demand than a request.
However, he ignores her or doesn’t hear her, she is never sure which it is.

“Bart? You need to come out now, the people really want to see you,” more stern this time.
“Tell her to shut up,” says Jimmy. “And have her bring you another bottle”

“Bart? If you don’t come out, we’ll have to come in.”
Jimmy is getting angrier, “Let her try BC, let her try.”
Bartcop stands up, “Alright”, he sighs, “I’m coming” And he opens the door.

Nothing in his life had prepared Bartcop for what greeted him beyond the threshold.
He hadn’t even dared to dream what he now faced.
Before him stood his wife, an almost puzzled grin on her face.
Behind her stood a robust and smiling Bill Clinton.
To Clinton’s right was his wife Hillary, the two were hand in hand.
On Clinton’s left stood James Carville.
The “Ragin’ Cajun” was much better looking in person than on television, thought Bart.

“Well Bartcop, we finally meet. It’s an honor,” Clinton says as the two shake hands warmly.
“What’s going on?” Bartcop asks, “I thought you were in jail and Hillary divorced you and
married some rabbi? And Mr. Carville? Didn’t I read your wife had you killed?”

“Ha,ha,” says Clinton, “you’ve been reading that whore press again, haven’t you?
All that stuff’s nothing more than rumor and exaggeration”

“It’s a vast right wing conspiracy,” says Hillary.

“Lookit boy,” Carville says, “we need your help. The President here has
had about enough and he’s running again in four years.”

“What?” An astonished Bartcop says, “I thought you could only serve …….”
“Now, now”, interrupts Clinton, “that’s being taken care of right now. I’m running in four years
and I want you to work with Carville and get me back in my office.”

“You know,”Bartcop remarks, “ I’ve always thought of the oval office that way too, sir”
“WOW!” says Jimmy, but only Bartcop hears him.

“And none of that “sir” crap. either. We’re an informal bunch here, it’s
Bill and Hillary and James. Now c’mon down to the limo and let’s go get some lunch.”

As they step outside the trailer, on the dirt road next to the old couch is the largest limousine
Bartcop has ever seen. Holding open the passenger’s door is the chauffer.
“Is that who I think it is?” Bartcop asks.

“That’s right Bart,” says Clinton, “Your chauffer is Robert Plant. Guess who your valet is.”
“Jimmy Page?”

“Bingo! I told you he was a bright one, James.”
Quickly now, the four new friends slide into the vehicle. The limo speeds off into the distance
and  Bartcop glances over his shoulder to see his grimy trailer fading in the distance.
He notices his neighbors peering from dusty windows as he makes his way out of the park.

Of course, the only thing those neighbors see is an ambulance with a straight jacketed Bartcop,
strapped to a gurney in the back, attended to by 3 burly aides from the State Hospital.
But then again, Bartcop always did see things differently than the rest.
 

Regards,
I'mRight


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