|Best 4th of July
Conrad Farms was open on July 4th so we corn connie-sewers could get our corn super-fresh.
I got a dozen, some Temptation, some Silver King and some Bodacious.
To makes things better, I accidentally discovered a new and great way to grill burgers.
I've been having trouble regulating the heat on the propane grill, so I said "fuck it"
and let the burgers sit in the roaring flames for maybe 30 seconds at a time.
Then I'd move them to a cooler part of the grill and let the flames die down,
then it was back into the Devil's flames again like they were sinners on Judgment Day!
They turned out to be the best damn burgers ever.
Thanks, God, for holding that back until I was 56.
To make things better, Mrs. Bart brought home a bag of M&Ms and a bottle of Tito's Handmake Vodka!
This vodka is filtered six times to get out all the stuff that causes hangovers.
It was so good, I had to go buy a bottle of Grey Goose to research which was best.
The Goose miiiight still have a slight edge on smoothness, but Titos is 1/3 cheaper
and since Bush destroyed the economy with his oily greed, every dollar counts.
So we had the super-fresh mad-dog corn from Amsterdam, the best burgers ever,
some Tater Tots and we washed it down with Tito's fine vodka.
Then we did something really gay - remember how I've said that one of our hobbies
is checking out homes for sale and newly constructed homes? Well, she got me
hooked on House Hunters and House Hunters International.
We watched a half dozen episodes she had on the DVR and now I think I'm hooked.
Each 30-minute episode shows three properties and we critiqued them Queer Eye-style.
Apparently Tulsa has the biggest bang for your buck in the entire Western Hemisphere.
We saw people in Costa Rica and Guatemala paying $500K for homes that you can
buy in Tulsa for $110K and that made us feel proud and ashamed at the same time.
Then it started getting dark and you know what that means - gun fire!
Yeah, in Tulsa, even in the middle of the city, even tho it's 100% illegal,
those guns start going off about 8:30 so we just stay inside and drink vodka
and watch fireworks and the worst country music ever on the TV.
Did you know Reba McIntire was still alive?
So the good news is we're going to have fresh Bixby corn for another four weeks and
at the age of 56, I finally learned how to cook a hamburger on the damn outside grill.
...and how was your 4th of July weekend?