Perhaps Brain Smasher could be taken more seriously if he wasn't wearing
  those yummy sushi pajamas, but here goes.

 Hello to all my insectia republican friends. It's a beautiful, sunny day here
 in Bill Clinton's America for about 70% of us happy, shinny people.
 Guess what insectia? I was reading the Dallas Morning Snooze because I used
 to live there, and here in Food-Phone, Oklahoma, they paper our area with it.

 Get it?
 They "paper our area with it."
 It's a news"paper."
 Soes I'm reading about Cokeboy complaining about algore's book on the
 enviagrarmint, a bestseller by the way. Cokeboy is whining how algore would
 have some 'splaining to do about his ideas in the book. It was REPORTED
 that Cokeboy told staffers that he didn't read the book,
 "cause it had some big words in it."

 Well, we know that the Snooze would never make anything up.
 They endorsed Cokeboy for e-lection.
 I just found out this is being reported elsewhere on the internet. I guess I'm
 going to have to start getting up earlier in the day. Here in Bill Clinton's
 America we are making money hand over fist and not even having to
 swindle savings and loans to do it. My always gracious and loquacious
 editor, the legend, Mr. Bartcop, does not require Brain Smasher to get up
 early and post half-assed drivel under the auspices of a hangover-induced
 thought process. No, my Ed. lets me sleep in and I turn in full-assed drivel!

 OK, so where were we?
 Ah, Brain Smasher hereby takes this pledge and asks everyone else in this
 room to do the same just in case Cokeboy reads this crap.

 You ready?
 "I, state your name, 'state your name,' 'no, your name,'  'no, your name,'
 Brain Smasher, pledge not to use big words in my posts just soes
 Cokeboy won't have trouble reading my/our stuff. So help me/us Koresh."
 My helpfulness in this matter kinda brings a tear to your eye, don't it?

 I'm not getting any mail and that's starting to piss me off.
 Oh sure send me some well reasoned, intelligent, even humorous response.
 Where is my monkey mail?
 How about spanking the monkey mail?
 I better start getting mail or I'm sending a SEAL team to your housing project!

 Brain Smasher has left the building but the hissing noise you hear is the
 repug insectia bug bomb I set off right before I left. It's in the big yellow
 Ryder van parked just outside!

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