Mrs. BartCop's Stolen Cadillac Makes the News

September 14th, two low-life scumbags stole Mrs. BartCop's Cadillac from
the parking lot of our local grocery store. State Farm said they'd give it thirty days,
then they'd write us a check for the value of the car if it wasn't recovered.

After 29 days and 23 hours, they found the damn car.
Sweat to Koresh, at 11 PM Monday, Knuckledrag police called and said her
car was recovered in Murfeesboro, Tennessee.

I was told to contact the detectives working the case in Tennessee. I called and spoke to
Detective Denardo. He said I needed to speak with the primary, Detective Sharp.


Detective Sharp relayed the following details:

Two Tennessee State Troopers saw "something suspicious" about the car and
decided to run tags on it. The tags didn't match the vehicle, so they pulled it over.
They asked for the driver's license, and he produced a phony one.

The troopers ordered them out of the car, and they fled, instead.
Police chased in hot pursuit at speeds over 100 MPH.
(Those 4.9 liter Caddy engines rule.)

The occupants of Mrs. BartCop's car then proceeded to open fire on the cops.
The cops returned fire, blowing out the windows and riddling Mrs. BartCop's
beautiful black Cadillac with 9mm holes.

The driver lost control and crashed the car into a tree.


The passenger, Scumbag #2, who was identified as Mr.Walter, jumped out and
temporarily eluded police, while dazed and confused Scumbag #1, a Mr. Casespears,
was taken into custody and held in the Murfeesboro lockup.

The Detective asked me three times if I had left guns in the car.
I was taught to always be honest with law enforcement personnel, so I told him,
"I always carry a gun, but not in the wife's car on trips to the grocery store."
Apparently, there was something about the guns that concerned the cops.

Det. Sharp said the car looked like it belonged to Bonnie and Clyde.

Meanwhile, Scumbag #2 steals another car and drives back to Knuckledrag
when he crashes stolen car number two into a retaining wall on I-244.
(Something tells me these guys are Republicans.)

So I contacted State Farm and said, "Write my check."
I tried to explain that if the car was riddled with bullets and crashed into a tree
after a high-speed chase it was certainly a total. Besides, I could never drive
a car which had been once driven by a law-breaking criminal. (cough)

The braintrusts at State Farm said they had to tow the car to Knuckledrag to assess it's value.
I asked why the nationwide company like State Farm couldn't just have a Murfeesboro
adjuster evaluate the car and fax a report to save time and money.

"You just don't understand the insurance business, Sir."

You remember my rant on people in insurance, right?
After you fail at McDonald's, you go to Wal-Mart.
If you fail there, you go into credit.
If you fail there, you go into insurance.

So, we'll just drive the Town Car rental until they pull their head out.
The Knuckledrag CBS affiliate had the story on this morning's news.
The Nazi AM station that broadcasts Rush's hatefest just mentioned it, too.

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