by Fred W. Crawford

Which American political party is the bravest and most patriotic?
Let's see...

The Democratic leadership in the House and Senate:

House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt - Served his country in uniform,  1965-71
House Minority Whip David Bonior - Served his country in uniform,  1968-72
Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle - Served his country in uniform,  1969-72
The Real President Albert Gore - Served his country in uniform, 1969-71

The Republican leadership in the House and Senate:

Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich - avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Leader Dick Armey- avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Whip Tom Delay - avoided the draft, did not serve.
Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott - avoided the draft, did not serve.


Conservatives make great fun of President Clinton for questioning the Vietnam War,
standing up to his beliefs and questioning his own participation in that war as well, i.e.,
being honest and walking the walk of his own belief system. On the other hand there
were literally millions of dishonest hypocritical, cowardly right-wing "patriots" who
supported the war while refusing to personally participate. Here are just a few:

Elliott Abrams - Sought deferment for bad back.
Richard Armey - Sought college deferment, too smart to die.
Bill Bennett - Sought graduate school deferment, too smart to die.
Pat Buchanan - Sought deferment for bad knee.

Resident George W. Bush - Turned down as too dumb for graduate school or law school
so daddy had to get him into the Reserves. He MAY have learned to fly jets, if he did,
the type of jet he says he trained in was no longer in service in Viet Nam at that time.
He then proves how brave a patriot he is by going AWOL from the Reserves for over a year
(which means he deserted). It is important to note that George Bush Sr. likes to tell how he is
a  WWII hero (you only find this version in publications funded by Bush backers). He says he
bailed out on a mission because his plane was hit, on fire and going down. Unfortunately for
Lieutenant Bush, the official day log entry of the Tail -gunner in the plane ahead of George Sr.
wrote that he saw only a puff of smoke, no flame, no loss of altitude or control and only one
parachute - that of the pilot ejecting immediately.

The other two airmen in the plane died when it crashed into the sea with no pilot at the controls.
So much for the rules of the Navy where the captain goes down with his ship. So we can't blame
Little George for cowardice, he can't help if it's genetic.

Vice Resident Dick Cheney - Sought school deferments five times, too smart to die,
wanted to live so he could make millions off of the taxpayers without ever working.

Tom DeLay - - Sought college deferment, too smart to die.
Newt Gingrich - Sought graduate school deferment, too smart to die.
Phil Gramm - Sought marriage deferment, too loved to die.
Jack Kemp - Sought medical deferment while still playing in the NFL.
Rush Limbaugh - Sought deferment for ingrown hair follicle on his butt (bizarre but true).
Trent Lott - Sought deferment, didn't want to muss his hair.
P.J. O'Rourke - Sought deferment, too stoned.
Dan Quayle - Family got him into the Reserves (too dumb for grad school but was not a deserter like the Bush boy).
Ron Reagan - Enlisted but never left U.S. (although he later claimed to have liberated the concentration camps).
   Stayed on Hollywood backlit to do war films while cheating on his wife and later impregnating girl friend Nancy)
Pat Robertson - Father pulled him out of Korea as soon as the shooting began
   (went home, heard the call of God and proceeded to knock-up his girl friend... alleluia).
Kenneth Starr - Sought deferment for psoriasis (can't pull a trigger if your trigger finger is scratching other itches).
John Wayne - Sought deferment to further acting career (never served, never left country).
George Will - Sought deferment, too much of a wussy, wanted to stay home
   watch baseball and use stolen Presidential documents to brief the actor, Ronald Reagan.

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