(This will work better if you know who Dr. Laura
is.)
"I'm Dr. Laura and up next is....Bob. Hi, Bob!"
Bob: Hi, Dr. Laura
DL: So, what's up?
Bob: Well, I'm at a crossroads in my life
and I need help
with a big decision. I'm looking at a new job that
will mean more time away from my family than my current job.
You see, my first wife...
DL: Hold on. You voice is very familiar.
Have
you called this show before?
Bob: No.
DL: How old are you?
Bob: 73
DL: How old is your wife?
Bob: 55
DL: Any kids?
Bob: One daughter
DL: How old is she?
Bob: I'm not sure 38... maybe 40....
DL: You don't know how old your daughter
is?
You
sound like a great dad.
Bob: Thank You
DL: I was being sarcastic.
How did
your first marriage break up?
Bob: You know how it is.
DL: I don't read minds. I DON'T know how it is.
Bob: This little lady came along and caught
my eye
... it was those short skirts she used to wear,
you know the ones with the slit up the side...
DL: You found a younger woman, you mean.
You
sound like a real winner.
Bob: Thank you.
DL: I was being sarcastic, again.
So you dumped
your wife and kid?
Bob: Well, I feel that my view is that....
DL: Whoa, slow down. We speak English on
this show.
Jeez,
you sound like a politician.
Bob: She dumped me when she found out about
Liddy,
I, ...I, ...I mean the girl with the slit skirts
DL: You sound like a professional man.
What
do you do for a living, Bob?
Bob: Uh.. Uh.... I have a law degree.
DL: Oh, perfect! So you're going to law
school while your wife works to pay bills.
She
gives you a daughter and you dump her like yesterday's trash?
Bob: Stop lying about my record!
DL: I admire your first wife. At least
your daughter had ONE role model to look up to.
You have
a wife and daughter and you're out screwing every girl with her legs in
the air?
Perfect!
I see your problem.
It's called
being a "Me-monkey."
So then
what. You shacked up with her?
Bob: I MARRIED her.
DL: Do you cheat on her, too?
Bob: Am I under oath?
DL: Nevermind. So how did your daughter turn out?
Bob: Why? She was 20 or so when I got thrown out.
DL: So, adultery is OK if your kids are grown?
Bob: Her mother says she turned out OK.
DL: You mean you don't know?
Bob: Look, I have a tough, time-consuming job.
DL: Men ALWAYS think their job is so important.
I'll
bet President Clinton knows how old HIS daughter is.
Is
your job more important than the president's?
Bob: Grrrrrrrrr
DL: NOTHING is more important than your
family.
What's wrong
with you?
Bob: I... I...
DL: So what's your question for me?
Bob: Well, I just quit my job to get ready for the new job I want. You see I...
DL: You quit your job before the new job
was offered?
You're
not very bright, are you?
Bob: It's OK, my pension plan puts me on easy street.
DL: How generous is it?
Bob: ...nosy bitch...
DL: What was that?
Bob: ...I ...I said "I'm quite rich."
DL: So how can I help you?
Bob: It looks like I won't be getting that
new job.
I want my old job back.
DL: So, go ask your boss.
Bob: It's not that easy.
When
I left, I made a big deal about how it was the right thing to do,
and
I'll look really stupid if I go back and ask for it now.
DL: Stupid is right. You burned a bridge?
So
how can I help you?
Bob: I just don't know what to do....
DL: Have you always had trouble making decisions?
Bob: Some people think so..
DL: I didn't ask what some people
think.
I
asked YOU the question!
Bob: What's the question?
DL: Are you paying attention to me?
Put
the phone by your ear and LISTEN!
Have
you always had this much trouble making a decision?
Bob: I don't know how to answer that.
DL: Well, there's not much I can do for
you.
But
I will say if you continue to place your ego and self-gratification above
the welfare
of
your family, you can't be trusted to make decisions that affect other people.
Bob: But I...I...
DL: Now, go take on the day.