Bartcop.com F. A. Q.
A reference source for Bartcop lingo, terms, and inside
(last revised 5-9-01)
This FAQ is by no means exhaustive or complete. New
nicknames and references are always being created and delivered fresh,
free of charge. The best way to be "in the know" is to read your Bartcop
daily, like you know you should.
Feel free to send suggestions for additions to this
FAQ to Bartcop with "FAQ" in the subject line.
Chinaco Anejo = exquisite tasting luxury tequila made
from 100% Blue Agave (though controversy has recently broken out on this
point); often referred to as "nectar of the gods", "The Canaan Miracle",
and other rapturous titles. Thanks to BC, many are now lower in bank balance,
but higher in other ways.
Democrats = a political party tending towards rational
human beings. Far from perfect, but way ahead of what’s second best. Currently
suffering from a bad case of the vapors. (or something)
The rock-solid proof offered for this obvious fact is that no independent
right-wing site can manage to produce a page that’s readable, hence, this
one must be professionally supported and funded.
Democratic National Committee (DNC)
= recently revealed to be the primary funding source for the Bartcop.com.
We are indebted to a few alert right wing readers for this revelation.
As slick, professional, and lavishly produced as Bartcop’s site appears,
I think we’re all embarrassed that we never suspected it ourselves. Estimates
of the amount of DNC support to Bartcop range from $20,000 to millions.
Dr Laura * = Doc Meng, a comparative reference to Dr. Josef Mengele,
a truly wicked nazi doctor that performed horrendous experiments using
Jews and other prisoners during WW II.
* "Doctor" Laura is not a psychologist,
but did get a doctorate in physiology. This is blatantly misleading, but
doesn’t affect her self-righteousness in the least, as neither of her many
other glaring hypocrisies seem to. We are happy that she seems destined
to have a shorter run than Dr. Mengele.
THE HAMMER = The terrible swift
Bartcop hammer of truth. Metaphor for speaking truth to power. Turns ditto-spanks
to quivering puddles of Jello. (Bartcop is forced to solicit donations
to the Treehouse in an effort to "grow the hammer higher." This is in reference
to a quote by Smirk: "We ought to make the pie higher."—South Carolina
Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000 Bartcop appreciates the help, he knows
how hard it is to put food on your family.)
Rock Island = Bar/Nightclub
Bartcop once owned. We can only dream what the joint was like. Perhaps
a future virtual reality site on the web once further DNC financing is
Jimmy Page-Led Zeppelin = Bartcop’s
favorite guitarist/band; BC followed the band and has a prime collection
of concert tapes. Do not speak ill of Jimmy or Zepplin or risk incurring
Knuckledrag, K-drag = Tulsa,
or Oklahoma in general; locale presently occupied by Bartcop, hemmed
in on all sides by a disproportionate number of de-evolutionizing residents
and leaders. (We are Devo!) Individually referred to as Cro-Mags
; short for the Cro-Magnon. a primitive sub-species
(Swear to) Koresh = God, Jesus,
or your favorite deity. For David Koresh of Waco, TX, Branch Davidian infamy
(who thought he was the second coming). Also reflects BC’s belief in free
thought when it comes to religion and his intellectual disagreement with
organized religion and what has been, and still is being done, in it’s
Las Vegas = A favorite Bartcop
getaway destination. Site of some of his favorite watering holes.
Mrs. Bartcop = the power behind
the throne we presume. Drives the famous touring sedan. Even with an IQ
of 64, Bartcop is smart enough to know that Mrs. Bartcop MUST be pleased.
Also known as "El Chupacabra", (Spanish for goat sucker, see: http://www.kingkongvsgodzilla.com/chupa/whatis.html)
* Sidebar: Pigboy evaded military
service due to a pilonidal cyst, on his ass from poor hygiene (ass wiping).
It's 100% true, swear to Koresh. (See KORESH)
Nazis = Far-right Republicans;
Mostly composed of religiously intolerant, racially intolerant, conflicted
Government haters, confused and hateful ditto-heads, mega-rich greed addicts,
the corporate shills and their bought and paid for candidates, (not exclusively
Republican) defense industry jackals, and those who love them. Common trait
is irrational beliefs and a belief that anyone that disagrees with them
are (pick one) communists, socialists, radicals, extremists, anti-capitalists,
hippie dopers, tree-huggers, radical feminists, and various other irrational
Pigboy, vulgar Pigboy, his "oinkness",
El Puerco, (or similar swine references), stroke boy, lying nazi whore,
the methane factory, and other appropriate monikers. = Rush
Limbaugh, enemy of truth and leader of the easily led, who despite his
constant spouting about how he’s always right, will go to any lengths to
avoid a reasoned argument with anyone who differs with him.
Republicans = Currently
dominant political party, despite seizing the presidency by thuggery, lies,
and blatant fraud and having a razor thin majority in congress.
Rush devotees (aka
Ditto-heads); Ditto-monkeys, Ditto-spanks, Mega-dorks, or a variant, the
Freepers; Sad little men and women that have gotten sucked into the easy
way to think, namely, let Rush do it for you. Easily excited when fed a
steady diet of excuses to hate various groups within society. They are
encouraged to de-humanize and hate these various groups as being the reason
for their pitiful, dreary and unfulfilling lives. The fact that their lives
are pitiful is also reinforced by Rush’s constant glorification of wealth
and all that goes with it. These unfortunates mistakenly believe Rush when
he tells them that the rich aren’t the cause of their problems, it’s the
poor, the minorities, the liberals, the Democrats, etc. ad nauseum. This
is a valuable service to the corporations and uber-rich of the country
and Rush is compensated mightily for it. Not realizing this, the "ditto-heads"
think that if the liberals would just get out of the way, THEY TOO could
be rich like Rush. Almost worthy of pity, but not quite.
The Treehouse = Bartcop’s happy little place in cyberspace where millions
come daily to socialize, be informed, and recharge.
From time to time, Bartcop will refer to prominent conservatives
and, media figures, etc. by light-hearted and playful nicknames. (snort!)
Some of these are pretty obvious and need little or no explanation.
What follows is only a representative sample.
The Big Dog aka Bill Clinton, aka The Last Legally Elected President;
clearly by all objective measures the best president of our generation.
Guilty of personal transgressions that are laughably inconsequential in
comparison to the truly corrupt and harmful sleaze that is already apparent
in the current administration. Hounded in the most vicious and well funded
media aided coup attempt this country has ever seen, yet walked away standing
tall, having rescued the economy from the mud-hole it was left in by Reagan/Bush
and having brought our country peace and prosperity for 8 years. Gave hope
to the downtrodden and dispossessed and did what he could to improve the
lot of the common man. Hated and despised for embracing diversity in our
The Jesus Twins aka Jim Inhofe and Steve Largent; both rabid Christian
right Cro-Mags from, where else, Knuckledrag.
Uncle O.J. aka J.C. Watts (R-Knuckledrag) is the right-wing’s
favorite (and ONLY) black.
Senator Pissquick aka
Jim Inhofe (R-Knuckledrag) = Why? I have no idea, ask Bartcop.
The Half-Negroid Midget aka
Bob Barr = self explanatory. No offense to blacks or little people.
Why Bob hates himself, and thus, everyone else, except
fellow Nazis. So rabid, repulsive, and psychotic,
only hope is that he may try to impeach himself.
Bug Boy aka Tom Delay
aka "the exterminator" due the last job at which he was semi- competent.
Inhaled mega-doses of mind altering chemicals in pursuit of insects in
former career as exterminator.
Helmet-Hair aka Trent Lott;
he can be called anything regarding his glued-on hair:, dick-head, whatever.
This former college cheerleader actually unpacks his heavily starched
and already pressed shirts when they come back from the laundry and irons
them himself. Can you say "anal"?
Watermelon Dan, or Melon Boy aka
Dan Burton; because this certifiably paranoid and insane clod conducted
his own backyard ballistics tests in order
to prove that Hillary Clinton (best
First Lady since Eleanor Roosevelt) murdered Vince Foster.
In fact, Burton can be referred
to by any word or phrase having anything to do with melons or illegitimate
Smirk aka G.W. Bush;
President Weak and Stupid, Resident Bush, the Wonder Chimp, ROTUS (resident
of the U.S.), and other entirely appropriate terms.
The Whore Court; ‘nuff said.
Fat Tony aka Antonin Scalia; along with his trained monkey Slappy (see
SLAPPY) is arrogantly disregarding long held tenets of justice and making
a joke of the Supreme Court as the court of last resort. Thought it was
cute to intervene in a presidential election and take steps to hand it
to his preferred candidate, thus substituting his judgement for a vast
majority of Americans. A vicious traitor to justice and the country.
Slappy aka Clarence Thomas, aka Clarence the Clown, aka Uncle Tom; Bush
Daddy’s "most qualified" candidate for the Supreme Court. A total embarrassment
and vicious hypocrite that owes his career to affirmative action, then
attained his present position by consistently ruling against it. It clearly
incompetent as a lawyer, let alone a Supreme Court justice, and is incapable
of forming or justifying his own views, so he just votes with Scalia every
time. A pitiful disgrace to his race and to justice in America.
This list is by no means inclusive.
Fat Tim aka Tim the Catholic, aka Slim; Tim Russert, a consistently
whorish parrot of the conservative, Republican spin who developed a massive
obsession with Clinton’s cock. Was unable to go for more than 5 minutes
without referring to it. A complete whore for his corporate sponsors, GE
and ADM among others.
Tim the Screamer aka Chris Matthews; spittle flecked loudmouth who whorishly
changed his stripes to cash in on the anti-Clinton industry. The kind of
overly cocky guy that would get punched out in most bars.
8 Wives aka Larry King, the serial wife talk show host.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me = A snippet of the Billy Squier song which
EL SWINE SUPREMO's apparent stroke and followed by a verbal example.
Paul Harvey, horse molester = Click Here
Feel free to send suggestions for
additions to Bartcop with "FAQ" in the subject line.