I know how uncool this sounds, but as bartcop.com
gets more hits,
we attract more attention and we run into people.
Tonight, I was on the phone with Julie
Hiatt Steel for less than three hours.
Not meaning to plagiarize U2, but "Elevate Me" is the title of this report.
This might surprise you, but she knows about 100 times more about
impeachment than I'll ever know.
It was so fun-flattering-whatever to hear her talk about all these historical figures in her life
like I might talk about Vic the Racist or some f-ing corn farmer in Bixby, Oklahoma.
It was the most fun I've had since the night I got to speak with Susan
It's such a rush listening to Julie, ( I guess that, since she's now my good friend, I can call her Julie,)
she talks real fast and she's got the makings of a stand-up comic.
Plus, she doesn't waste any words.
She doesn't go on and on and on for a while, and then ask if you can smell what she's cookin'.
She makes her point and then she makes another point, and you better keep up,
which is exactly the kind of conversation I like.
Understand, I live in Oklahoma.
If I hear a faster-than-usual "Howdy, Pardner" I feel like I'm back in New York.
Talking to Julie is breathtaking.
The times I'd seen her on TV she wasn't as bubbly, but Jesus, that partisan whore
Hardon Kenny was trying to take her freedom and her son. She held up, tho.
We talked about every subject under the sun, (except gerrymandering).
She expressed her admiration for Bill Clinton several times.
She knows what it's like to be hounded by a never-ending, no-limits gaggle of whores,
and she couldn't believe how well he held up under the pressure.
We talked about Iran-Contra, we talked about whether Bush threw the
and the embarrassingly short skirt Kathleen Willey wore to her first day of Grand Jury testimony.
(How old was Willey at the time? 55? 60? )
And who believes a grand jury witness wearing pumps with flowers?
I don't even know what that means, but she delivered that line like Chris Rock.
I asked her what advice she'd like to give to the readers of bartcop.com
She said, "Pay attention. Be diligent. This
can happen to you."
Hell, since it happened to her and the best president America's had since Lincoln,
that proves she's right.
She told me she was apolitical prior to Michael Issikoff's historical phone call.
That piece of shit, Judas Goat Michael Isikoff...
That cocky goof-sucker uses "on the record" and "off the record" like I use salt & pepper.
We don't do this often, but a simple "Fuck you" to Michael Isikoff of Newsweek Magazine.
He's a backstabbing whore, and if he'd sue me for saying that, I'd pay his filing fee and wash his car.
I mentioned the fact that Clinton, at least, knew he was getting into
the pit when he ran for president,
and Julie laughed and said, "Yeah, I got dragged into that pit."
Julie was the most innocent person in this whole circle jerk.
We talked and talked.
We talked OJ.
We talked Henry Hyde and Dan Burton.
We talked Jon Benet.
We talked Barbie Olsen and Ann Coulter!
I told her Barbie and Annie were favorites of mine, and she laughed.
Some of her best stuff was about the twin whores of disaster, Barbie Olson and Ann Coulter.
We talked about crooked religious charlatans and Susan Carpenter McWhore!
Make me stop!
This is all 100 percent swear to Koresh true.
It was almost embarrassing for me, because she kept rattling off names
of people I'd read about
in the newspapers or on the Internet who had lied to her or threatened her. To most of us,
these are TV people and Internet names, but she actually knew them. She recalled something that
Bob Franken of CNN told her, and I'm thinking, "I know that guy," but just from television.
She said the whole time, watching her story on TV, it was like watching
somebody else's story
but then they'd mention her name and it reminded her that it was really happening to her.
...and she has this bubbly sense of humor that's so disarming.
Marry me, Julie!
We talked Gary Condit.
(She'd like to see him stay and fight. I didn't engage her on that.)
We talked about the snooty Richmond Harper Valley PTA,
we talked about a certain Stepford wife and her Weak & Stupid husband who'd rather
play Parcheesi than act like an adult who was appointed to the presidency.
She was so impossibly gracious, she kept thanking me for my fun conversation.
I'm like, "Where's Allan Funt? Where's the camera hiding?"
I felt like some kinda time traveler on the Sci-Fi Channel, talking to a figure of history,
and she musta thanked me five times for the friendly phone call. She was very sweet.
As the pie continues to "make" higher, it figures I'll have the good fortune to meet more
of these important people, but it must mean something that Julie and Susan McDougal
are both such heart-melters. Susan McDougal can make time stand still when you talk to her
and Julie Hiatte Steele has all the sparkle of the ***damn Milky Way.
And I want you to know, you new readers, I put
myself thru college shooting 9-ball
at Roger's Pool Hall in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I can't be suckered.
If I ever get suckered, I'll be proud to write
about it right here on bartcop.com
because when you play pool for dinner, you learn who's bullshit and who's not.
If you don't learn, you don't eat, and I'm saying Julie is the real deal.
I asked her about writing a book.
If she writes anything like she talks, you'll read the whole book in one sitting.
Yeah, that's it, she has some Robin Williams in her.
You better know the subject, and you better pay attention, because the facts will come at you
faster than empty beer bottles at a 1968 Sadie Hawkins dance at Smirky's frat house.
When she talks, it's like a well-written speech. Each sentence is handcrafted.
She even says, "for whom it was meant," instead of "who it was meant for."
And she hits you with these comedic shots in the middle of a riot of
She's like Job, cracking wise the same week she's losing her home for no other goddamn reason
than she didn't want to go on record as a liar for Kathleen Willey and Hardon Kenny.
I asked her about her Freepers troubles.
She said her attempts at fundraising were a net loss, because of them.
She so broke, and can't work with a busted knee and a child with special education needs.
(You remember her son, whom Hardon Kenny tried to take away from her,
because she refused
to testify about the bogus horseshit that Hardon Kenny was fabricating.)
I asked her again about possible contributions from bartcop.com
readers, she said
"The hole is too deep, no need to bother," (my words).
And all this time, she's cracking jokes and making sure that I'm enjoying the conversation.
She also said to tell everyone that she still has all those letters
and that she'd try her best to answer every letter she got, but that it takes time.
I told her I understood :)
Think of the money Julie could've made if she'd turned whore.
Gennifer Flowers testified she was on her second million, and that was three years ago...
For twenty three years Julie lived in her (formerly) paid for home.
Now, because of Hardon Kenny and the $100 million Republican Cockhunt,
she has nine days left in her home - and she doesn't know where she'll be 10 days from tonight.
The moving vans are putting her furniture in a mini-storage deal, but
she doesn't know where she'll
get the money to get the stuff out, if/when she finds a place for her & her son Adam to live.
Julie Hiatt Steele got screwed because the phone rang and she picked
She told me she hardly even knew Kathleen the Evil Chupacabra.
She wasn't begging to get in a legal tangle, like I am here at bartcop.com
(I meant to bring up that funny parallel, about how I wanted
to get pulled into the pit,
how I want for some religio-crazed handjob like Laura or Bill Bennett to sue me,
so I could enjoy some fine Chinaco Anejo and go on Larry King and tear some dittomonkey ass,
and here she is, totally innocent, not wanting to be dragged into anything, ...and that's not fair.)
She talked about Hardon Kenny, screaming "I'll
give you 40 years in prison," and she had
a lot of hysterical comments about his demeanor and personal appearance.
Julie - get an agent - do the comedy circuit.
She told me she's gathered a pile of nutty Starr quotes, so I suggested
she add that one about
Hardon sitting at red lights, singing gospel songs to himself, confident that he was carrying out
the Lord's work by attacking Bill Clinton.
Yeah, that's right, Sparky!
God wants whorish tobacco lawyers carrying His banner.
Y'know, it'd be really nice to hear from anyone else who's talked to
her, because she's
so damn interesting and listen-worthy. If you ever meet someone who said they talked to
Julie Hiatt Steele and couldn't really recall the conversation, they are lying.
Plus, there's a bunch of stuff I can't tell you ...because I can't
All the good stuff is embargoed, but it'll be in her book.
Maybe I shouldn't say anything about her being CHARGED with illegally talking to Larry King!
...you believe that? Look it up!
I'm not betraying any trust here. I wrote a year
or two ago how Julie was
CHARGED with ILLEGALLY TALKING TO LARRY KING.
Look at Larry...
...does he look like a threat?
She reminded me of this, about her ILLEGALLY
TALKING TO LARRY KING
and I'm trying to get enough oxygen in my lungs to laugh. She's using sarcasm like
Dennis Miller, punching these points home like an experienced comedian.
I must've told her five times "Write a book! This stuff is killer!"
Of course, there's the not-so-fun stuff, too.
We must've hit 50 subjects, and just one of them was her financial crunch.
She's losing her home in nine days, July 30th, 2001 because she
refused to knuckle under to an
out-of-control federal government, (which ought to earn her the admiration of the right-wingers, but noooooooo)
and she refused to lie for that religious fraud Hardon Kenny (my nickname, not hers)
Thanks to Righteous Kenneth and a nutty fall off a ladder, her
health and finances have turned to shit.
But she's such a fighter! She thinks she's not, but she's got guts.
Do you remember the best Big Valley line ever?
Victoria (Barbara Stanwyck) grabbed Heath, who was about to whoop some traitor's ass, and she said,
"You say you're Tom Barkley's son? Then show me some of Tom Barkley's guts!"
Julie showed us some of Tom Barkley's guts!
Can a higher compliment be paid?
Looking back, Starr lost with her and Susan McDougal.
Poor Hardon Kenny, ...always unlucky with the babes.
No wonder he hated Clinton so much...
I told her I was glad she was on our team, and not theirs.
She mentioned some fighters in the House, (Wexler, Maxine Waters, Waxman etc) and I said,
"Sure, ...in the House. It's the damn Senate who's quaking at Karl Rove's feet,
voting to confirm every fascist that Weak & Stupid nominates."
Then we talked Ted Olsen, Ashcroft and Norton.
The whole 140 minutes, we only disagreed on two topics.
She said let's give Condit the benefit of the doubt, and she said she didn't believe in
getting down in the trenches and fighting fire with fire (again, my words.)
Julie, you're a trooper!
Maybe you didn't have to go to jail like Susan McDougal, but you were
looking at FORTY YEARS
without your son, losing your house, losing (my guess) hundreds of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees
and you lost years from your life fighting modern day fascism, not to mention the pain and suffering of
an out-of-control, religio-crazed monster of a human being with a hardon that wouldn't quit,
threatening everyone who'd ever met the best president we've ever had.... and you hung in there.
Julie, you're a trooper!
THINK how easy it would've been for Julie to say, "OK,
leave my son alone, pay my bills,
give me my life back, and I'll testify to whatever lie Willey and Starr want."
She took the honesty route and is getting screwed royally for it.
If I had some pull with the Big Dog, I'd ask him to do some fancy-ass $25,000 a plate dinner
to raise some cash so a true American hero could stay in her house that was PAID FOR
when the GOP decided to proceed with the unlawful Clinton Cockhunt.
In closing (applause...)
...if you get a chance to hear JHS speak - take it.
She's so funny and charming and spontaneous.
She told me so many things that I sorta know a little bit about.
Not that that's tough to do, but she had an inordinate amount of comments
that went over my head, and all I could do was hang on and say, "Gee..."
As I've said many times, I enjoy being the dumb guy in the conversation.
It means Smirk isn't there.
But she spoke of so many things that I could maybe go 90 seconds on,
but I could tell she could do hours on the topics that I just brush against.
It was the rarest air I'd inhaled since Susan McDougal.
She seemed to be going out of her way to be witty and charming, ...and who I am?
I'm Treehouseboy who called to say "Hi," and "Thanks,"
and she treated me like I was the important person.
Well, I guess that's about all I remem...
Wait, one more.
She said twice since the shit hit the fan, she's run into Kathleen Willey in the grocery store.
Both times, Willey came running up to her with those wild eyes screaming "that word,"
(which I didn't ask her to divulge - maybe it started with a "c") and causing a big scene and
spitting and flailing her arms and playing the fool. Julie said, "From the coverage, both times,
the press made out like we were fighting, but all I wanted was some groceries,"
so I gathered from that the altercations made the Richmond papers or local newscasts.
Indeed, if Julie had gone along with Willey's lies-for-profit charade,
she wouldn't be losing her
house and Clinton might've been removed from office if Julie had given Willey the credibility she
was so sorely lacking to attack Bill Clinton.
Julie, you're a trooper!
A shot of Chinaco Anejo for my good friend Julie Hiatt Steele.
She said I could call her again, sometime.
What a nice (and brave) lady.
"How can this be in America?
It's not the country I thought I lived in..."
-- Julie Hiatt Steele
Please visit her web site.
She (obviously) tells her story so much better than I can.
"No, Mr Starr, I refuse to lie for you."